Mother-in-law trying to tag along..HELP

[bkrusen]

My family of 5 is going to DW for the second time in just 7 weeks. We have planned our days, made our PS arraingments and gotten really excited...now here is the problem...my mother-in-law who live 1 1/2 hours north of DW has been told about our trip and wants to tag along. We are not happy about this at all. We've put off this trip several times for money reasons and now we're finally going and we've mad OUR plans and she wants to come along. We only have 3 full days in DW and have planned them and booked them. My question to all of you is ... how do we nicely tell her we don't want her tagging along. We just don't have time to see her. ANy suggestions...she's the type that gets her nose out of joint about the littlest things so tack is of the utmost importance. Thanks for any help!! :

 

[MomE@Home]

If your MIL is paying for her own ticket, lodging, food, ect.. then I would'nt see any problem with her wanting to go. If she expects you to pay for it and you can't afford to - just tell her so.
Also, tell her that you have already made reservations(for the room and places to eat) and can't change them.

 

[Disney Princess 6]

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[toystoryduo]

Wow! That's a tough one. Maybe you can compromise and have her visit with you for just one day while you are there. Maybe something along the lines of..."Well, we have all three of our days planned for our family, but Tuesday might be a good day for you to come along....." I'm not sure if that helps any or not, but I hope that everything works out and that you have a wonderful time at WDW!

 

[deb305]

We almost had the same problem. We just said we are staying at x resort, which costs $, and will be going to the parks x days for $, and will eat here etc. On this trip we were staying at GF, a long time dream of mine, and it was not in the family members budget. They opted out, and we softened the blow by committing to stay at lesser expensive hotel whenever they wanted to go. Give MIL your schedule and explain how much walking, rushing etc. Our position was we'd love to have you with us but you'll have to pays lots of money and be rushed to keep up. It was the truth, and more diplomatic than no. Sometimes diplomacy works, sometime not. In the end it is your vacation and you have to do what is best for your immediate family. A polite "we really need some time alone as a family" can work.
Good Luck in what sounds like a no-win situation.

 

[newholiday]

I just upgraded this wk from a studio at VWL to a 1B
MIL is coming w/us. We're having a leisurely vaca tho. 1day at AK/EPcot, 2days Universal, 1 night MNSSHP, 1 day Seaworld, 1 day Kennedy
MIL already said she has no interest in MNSSHP so we'll leave her behind. DH doesnt think she's that interested in Universal either.
The Wilderness Lodge is a beautiful resort. If she does stay behind a few days at least I'll feel like someone is getting some use of the resort.

 

[mom2cookies]

I soooo understand your situation! Only in my case, it is MY parents! They live right out back so we couldn't really tel them to just stop by. I agree with another reply, suggest she come for a single day (of your choosing), or make arrangements to stop by and spend a day or two at her house with her. Then she can make special plans that would suit her style. Good Luck!

 

[Jordan's MOM]

You are getting some great advice. I agree that you need to let her know that all your plans are made and that you will not be changing them, BUT, try to find some time in there that you could include her. Perhaps saying some things like, "we have planned the whole trip around the children, so I'm not sure it would be too much fun for adults" If she chooses to come, I would just give them a copy of your plans and them let them plan around that. I would try to adjust at least one dinner PS's to include them. She might even be willing to babysit one night and give you and DH a night out alone. Be firm but don't let it upset your trip if she ends up coming. It might even be nice having grandma along to help.



Jordans' mom

 

[BrerMama]

I think part of the problem may be that she just doesn't understand how much planning you have done. Most people think, "Oh, I'll pop down and spend a day with them" not realizing that you made PS for dining 2 months ago, already have an idea of what attractions you'll see, etc. What about inviting her down for a character meal or something on either your arrival or departure day? At one point my parents were considering joining us. I also just said, "We're staying here, I need to know if you're going or not by x/x/04 because I'm making PS for dining and you'll need to decide if you want to join us or eat on your own." I think once my parents realized how much planning I had already done, they decided that it wasn't really their idea of a vacation. I can totally understand where you're coming from, but would hate for her not to see her grandchildren in the middle of Disney magic.

 

[Eeyore1928]

For me that would be my worst nightmare!!!AAAAAHHH
So I would simply tell her that you are so excited to be going the WDW with just you..hubbya nd kids. You really need the family time and are so thankful to be getting away from the stresses of where you live and be ALONE as a family.

Hopefully she would get the picture and not be a total bloodsucker.

I would also push hubby to tell her NO WAY NO HOW!!!

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN . I finally had to with my MIL...ugh

Good luck

 

[dsnycrzy]

So I have almost the same problem and I need your guys opinion too. I go to WDW every year and everyone knows this at the daycare my kids go to, that I have now become a sub teacher for to make some extra money for our trip. Well here is the problem... My bosses daughter keeps saying she want to go with us this year. She recently told me she already told her boss she is going on vacation and that I just need to tell her the dates. Well I like her, but not all that much and I dislike her kids even more. This lady is stern and bossy by nature and I don't want to take someone who is going to get on my every nerve. Not to mention my sister that I am taking really doesn't like her and they WILL, I MEAN WILL get into it no doubt about it.
I keep not saying a word when she mentions something to me about having picked the dateds yet. But she will know when I tell my boss-her mom, and for sure I will be in for an earful then. I just don't want to be bothered and don't feel like ruining my and my families trip by inviting her and have us all miserable.

PLEASE now what should I do?
I can avoid her until it's to late for her to go but I have to give her mom my travel dates so she can have other coverage while I'm away.

 

[sandyneck]

I have been in this situation several times. I kept my mouth shut, told my inlaws where and when to meet us and smiled thru the whole thing. Inside I was fuming, but once they arrived they just tagged along wherever we went and the kids loved having them there. We did have some PS that I told them could not be changed. They just went back to the hotel. It worked out because they were only there a few days. I know Disney vacations are a huge thing, but I don't believe it is worth a life time of aggravation from a hurt in-law. If you can limit them to a few days as other posters have said and just try and relax, it will turn out better than you expect.

 

[HappyLawyer]

I say lie and make an excuse, i am not sure if your relationship with her is good, bad or indifferent but it really does not matter, i understand how precious family time is and wanting time with your family alone.

 

[bhillier]

Sorry that your being put in this position. To me this seems a bit rude on your MIL behalf to even put you in this position. I would not bring her along if it's going to effect your trip. Im not sure what kind of relationship you have. I can't stand my MIL...in fact we don't speak so thats where I'm coming from. I'm sure thats not your deal.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Originally posted by dsnycrzy
So I have almost the same problem and I need your guys opinion too. I go to WDW every year and everyone knows this at the daycare my kids go to, that I have now become a sub teacher for to make some extra money for our trip. Well here is the problem... My bosses daughter keeps saying she want to go with us this year. She recently told me she already told her boss she is going on vacation and that I just need to tell her the dates. Well I like her, but not all that much and I dislike her kids even more. This lady is stern and bossy by nature and I don't want to take someone who is going to get on my every nerve. Not to mention my sister that I am taking really doesn't like her and they WILL, I MEAN WILL get into it no doubt about it.
I keep not saying a word when she mentions something to me about having picked the dateds yet. But she will know when I tell my boss-her mom, and for sure I will be in for an earful then. I just don't want to be bothered and don't feel like ruining my and my families trip by inviting her and have us all miserable.

PLEASE now what should I do?
I can avoid her until it's to late for her to go but I have to give her mom my travel dates so she can have other coverage while I'm away.

Before I give any type of advice I need to know a couple of things.
Why has your bosses' daughter "invited" herself on YOUR trip to Disney? What does her mother, your boss have to say about this?
I'm very confused. Is this daughter a friend or something, I don't understand.

 

[dsnycrzy]

See my mother used to work at the daycare for years before she passed away so everyonr there are all close. I've known them for about 10 years now. So no we are not friends (we only see each other when she comes to the daycare to see or pick up her mom). Everyone always say "dag I want to go with you'll one year" or "how much does it cost to go?" but her excuse is she doesn't want to go alone. I told her I went my first year alone and that she will be fine. That didn't work, she still keeps saying "let me know the dates" . Her mom pretty much doesn't say anything, I guess she figure it's between me and her daughter. So that's were I am with it for right now. I'm not evenplaying with the idea of her going because I WILL QUIT BEFORE I GO WITH HER. But that won't solve it because I have to give her mom notice also of my kids being out for 2 weeks and kids talk, so it will be known that I went. I just want a nice way of telling her I don't want her to go without offending her or her mom.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Okay, makes a little more sense now. I'm not sure if you can be polite without hurting the girl's feelings, but you just simply need to tell her, this trip has been in the planning for awhile now and you've already scheduled things for you and your children and no others can be added. It's YOUR trip and I don't understand why she's trying to tag along. She needs to go alone or find someone else to travel with her.
Do your kids have to know the travel dates? Can't you let them know just a few days before it's time to travel? At that point, I can't see her wanting to come along because it's too late for her to save and to get the time off. I guess her mother is right for staying out of it, it is between the two of you and YOU need to handle it.
I hope all works out okay, keep me posted.

Denise

 

[disneymom3]

To the original poster;

I have a similar, but not as bad problem when we go to WDW. One of my best friends from high school lives in the Orlando area. She's a fun person, don't get me wrong, but I really don't want to spend my vacation time with anyone but my DH and kids. She would want to and has tried to tag along every day of our trip when she has known we were there. And that is the trick....She has no idea that we have been there 5 times in the last two years. She knows of two trips and I have always managed to not be able to get back to her in a very timely manner during those trips. It's too late for this trip, but in the future, you might want to consider not being so open about your travel plans. For this one, my approach would be to give her some limited choices for availability and then tell her that the rest of your time is already planned and full. Sounds like you may not have a great relationship anyway, so hopefully this isn't a relationship breaker. However, I think it would be hard to be that close to where she lives and not see her at all.

 

[SydneyT]

There is absolutely no reason why you should feel bad about telling her that you don't want her to come along on your family vacation. It is a vacation for your immediate family.

Let DH tell her. If she gets upset at you about it, then that's her problem.

If you wanted to make time to see her then of course it would be ok. But if you and your husband want some time on your own with your children then that's ok too.

It doesn't matter how close distance-wise you will be to her.

Why don't you pick up the book "Boundaries - When to say yes, when to say no" by Drs Cloud and Townsend. It will make it all clear to you that letting her come along when at least one of you don't want her to is not the right thing to do.

DH can let her down gently and matter-of-factly. Whether she chooses to get upset is up to her.

By the way, it's best for DH to tell her asap rather than let her hope and expect to go. The same policy goes with saying no to anyone.

I really like one quote from the book - If you don't know how to say no, then your yes is worthless.

Have an absolutely wonderful trip.

 

[bcarson]

I have had several people from my dh's family ask to go. They live in NC and we live in IL they have even asked us to drive through NC and let them follow us down. I simply told them NO! For one thing that is way out of our way. Secondly, I let them know that we have been married 8 years this year and have never went on a family trip ourselves. We have either went to NC to see them or we have went with my family. So this is our trip this year and we want to go by ourselves. They took it pretty well. I think you just have to be honest.