Mother forces son to drink hot sauce as punishment

[MELSMICE]

Do you really think kids have act the same way that they act at home? You really can't compare the two situations.

You don't have kids do you?

I completely agreed with her statement. I work with kids. I have kids.......3 DD's that are actually grown now.

I had some really rough days when they were younger. Some days that I would never want to relive, but I just never found the need to hit or spank.

I don't think I am a more superior parent than anyone out there. I did what I felt was right and it did not include spanking.

I guess if someone feels it's the right thing to do, then so be it. It's not right for me and my family. I'll admit that when I see someone or even hear of someone spanking their child it really bothers me. I'm sorry, but it honestly makes me wonder why a parent would do that to their own child.

 

[luvsJack]

I was in child care for 12 years. Didn't use spanking in the center, of course. I did spank (as in 2-3 swats on the bottom with my hand) when my sons were young and it did work. It is different in child care than raising your own kids. There are just some things you are not going to go through with the kids in your care that you will with your own children. And some of the techniques you use in a classroom are not going to work at home.

Spanking has nothing to do with anger, actually no punishment should have anything to do with anger. If you are angry than YOU need the time out, not your child.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Spanking has nothing to do with anger, actually no punishment should have anything to do with anger. If you are angry than YOU need the time out, not your child.

This is one of the problems with spanking. If you give yourself permission to spank, most will eventually spank out of anger at some point. Unless, you are supermom/dad, you are human and will smack a little hand or butt out of quick frustration.

 

[MELSMICE]

Spanking has nothing to do with anger, actually no punishment should have anything to do with anger. If you are angry than YOU need the time out, not your child.

JMO, but I disagree with that.

 

[Tikitoi]

Yes, this mom with the hot sauce and cold showers went too far, IMO. But think of all the other parents who don't even discipline their kids at all. No wonder so many kids out of control.

 

[tasha99]

This is one of the problems with spanking. If you give yourself permission to spank, most will eventually spank out of anger at some point. Unless, you are supermom/dad, you are human and will smack a little hand or butt out of quick frustration.

I find that hard to believe. Most? Do people have such little control over their tempers? I spanked (very rarely) when my children were very young. It was never in anger and I can't imagine someone actually getting angry at a toddler. Frustrated, annoyed, yes, but angry?

Now if people spanked teenagers, which they generally don't, I think you'd have a point.

 

[ccgirl]

Do her teachers spank her? How do they get her to listen at school?

Amazingly, they have never had to reprimand her. They said whatever I am doing at home I must be doing right, keep doing it, that she is one of the most kindest, gentlest, caring, intelligent children they have seen. But, alas, you are an expert so they (and I) must be wrong.

I agree that no one single tool makes us the person that we become. It's a combination of how we are raised. We just chose to raise our children without hitting or spanking.

It would seem to me that it being hit has taught you it's OK to hit your children. Again, correct me if I'm wrong.

Combined with other tools, what does it teach?

Taking all the tools into consideration, individually, what else has hitting taught you and/or your children?

One word....respect.

Spanking was used by me in the same way that it was used by my parents - to grab my attention when nothing else worked. I used the same tool with my children when they were toddlers. I never used it in anger, and I stopped when other tools became as effective.

I do not remember ever being spanked, nor do my children. I was never beaten or abused, nor were my children. Spanking does not equate to hitting except in the minds of non-spankers. It is an attention grab - nothing more.

In the end, if you choose to leave this tool on the bench, that is your choice. But there are many other tools used by parents that are far more detrimental to their development - and that leave much deeper scars.

Exactly.

I prefer to think of it more as people trying to vie for the "I'm a MUCH better parent then you will EVER be !!" award..The prize is a golden statue of a woman with two children standing beside them wearing 50s style clothing and their noses up in the air.

Yup..apparently I am an awful parent. Someone should tell my DD8. Even she thanks me for being such a good mom (not always of course) and says how much I must love her to take the time to teach her right from wrong.

Do you really think kids have act the same way that they act at home? You really can't compare the two situations.

You don't have kids do you?

Exactly. In school and out of school are two very different evironments. I think any good child care provider/teacher will tell you children often behave differently in those two environments.

I was in child care for 12 years. Didn't use spanking in the center, of course. I did spank (as in 2-3 swats on the bottom with my hand) when my sons were young and it did work. It is different in child care than raising your own kids. There are just some things you are not going to go through with the kids in your care that you will with your own children. And some of the techniques you use in a classroom are not going to work at home.

Spanking has nothing to do with anger, actually no punishment should have anything to do with anger. If you are angry than YOU need the time out, not your child.

Great post. I do not spank out of anger either.

Yes, this mom with the hot sauce and cold showers went too far, IMO. But think of all the other parents who don't even discipline their kids at all. No wonder so many kids out of control.

Another great post. But, if you discipline your children you might damage their psyche.

I really don't get why parents (and sometimes non parents) judge others. I believe in spanking. I don't judge others who don't. I said time out worked for one of my children. The other one loves being alone and would sit there for hours. Each child is different. I wish people would stop believing they know what's best for every child.

 

[Trixieplus2]

I don't want to sound judgmental but honestly I think for a lot of us non spankers it is just hard to "get" it would be like trying to convince you it is ok to hit your wife/husband as long as you don't leave bruises. (I personally don't see why it is ok to hit in any form a swat,pat,pop whatever) So to me it just feels wrong. I would not be against a children being included in domestic violence laws more thoroughly. You can not smack,pop or swat your spouse/elderly relative etc without the risk of jail time or at the least a visit from the local authorities.

In some places it used to be ok for a man to spank his wife "domestic discipline" that is now considered Domestic violence.


I know this is not the popular opinion and I will likely get flamed but it is my opinion and I guess I have as much right to have one as anyone else.

 

[U2_rocks!]

I don't want to sound judgmental but honestly I think for a lot of us non spankers it is just hard to "get" it would be like trying to convince you it is ok to hit your wife/husband as long as you don't leave bruises. (I personally don't see why it is ok to hit in any form a swat,pat,pop whatever) So to me it just feels wrong. I would not be against a children being included in domestic violence laws more thoroughly. You can not smack,pop or swat your spouse/elderly relative etc without the risk of jail time or at the least a visit from the local authorities.

In some places it used to be ok for a man to spank his wife "domestic discipline" that is now considered Domestic violence.


I know this is not the popular opinion and I will likely get flamed but it is my opinion and I guess I have as much right to have one as anyone else.

I'm not pro-spanking, I never wanted to have to use it, but I did find myself falling back on it a few times over the years with my 3 kids when I was at a complete loss as to what would send the message I was looking for.

However, I did want to point out a subtle difference between adults and children. Adults are capable of getting a verbal message - young children may not. Adults are in control of and are responsible for their own behaviour. It's no-one else's job to "teach" them how to behave. A child does need to be taught - he/she is not born knowing the right things to do. It could be argued that spanking is unnecessary to teach any lessons, but a young child without reasoning capability and who has resisted other forms of teaching may benefit from an attention-getting slap on rare occasions.

A husband who can't get through to his wife is free to leave her or to seek counseling for them - we are not free to leave our kids, and counseling of that kind isn't realistic for parents and young kids struggling with everyday issues (though if the issues are huge it could be of benefit, even if it is just to teach the parent how to cope). We have to get through to the kids somehow - it is our responsibility as parents to teach them right from wrong (whereas it is not the husband's responsibility to teach his wife right from wrong). I'm not saying spanking is the only way to do so, not at all. But a desperate parent who has tried other methods first that didn't work, or a parent who has not learned other ways that could be effective, must get through to their kid somehow. If they don't, and they allow the undesirable (or in some cases dangerous) behaviour to continue, the result could be worse.

 

[jodifla]

As much as people are attached to it, spanking isn't great discipline, it's just punishment.

Most people just fall back on the argument, "Well, my parents did it!" For most kids it just teaches them to be afraid of the smack and not learn WHY they shouldn't do -- should do -- a certain thing.

Our parents didn't know any better. We have SO many more tools and strategies to use; it's a shame more people don't try them.

 

[mhsjax]

As much as people are attached to it, spanking isn't great discipline, it's just punishment.

Most people just fall back on the argument, "Well, my parents did it!" For most kids it just teaches them to be afraid of the smack and not learn WHY they shouldn't do -- should do -- a certain thing.

Our parents didn't know any better. We have SO many more tools and strategies to use; it's a shame more people don't try them.

And what is wrong with punishment. Sorry but if my toddler disobeys me and lets go of my hand and runs out into the street, I am not waiting to get home and have a heart to heart, I will pop his rear end. Sorry but waiting until you get home or having a little talk just doesn't cut it. At 3 a child doesn't know that the 2 ton car will kill him and he won't learn that until he is older. So that doesn't work.

Other strategies didn't work with my DD, she did not care what you took away from her and didn't car about time out. Same for oldest son. For my youngest, you are right spanking did work, but I did use it when I had to get his attention quickly, otherwise, time outs worked for him.

So for me, it isn't a shame because I knew what worked for my kids. Sorry, but spanking sometimes is a very good thing.

 

[U2_rocks!]

As much as people are attached to it, spanking isn't great discipline, it's just punishment.

Most people just fall back on the argument, "Well, my parents did it!" For most kids it just teaches them to be afraid of the smack and not learn WHY they shouldn't do -- should do -- a certain thing.

Our parents didn't know any better. We have SO many more tools and strategies to use; it's a shame more people don't try them.

People do use other strategies, otherwise they'd be spanking all the time - kids need constant guidance. Maybe you mean that they don't use them enough, or they give up too quickly?

 

[jodifla]

People do use other strategies, otherwise they'd be spanking all the time - kids need constant guidance. Maybe you mean that they don't use them enough, or they give up too quickly?

Well, first, the people in the studies ARE spanking all the time.

Again, what most people consider "spanking" on the DIS does rise to the level of spanking at all...

 

[jodifla]

And what is wrong with punishment. Sorry but if my toddler disobeys me and lets go of my hand and runs out into the street, I am not waiting to get home and have a heart to heart, I will pop his rear end. Sorry but waiting until you get home or having a little talk just doesn't cut it. At 3 a child doesn't know that the 2 ton car will kill him and he won't learn that until he is older. So that doesn't work.

Other strategies didn't work with my DD, she did not care what you took away from her and didn't car about time out. Same for oldest son. For my youngest, you are right spanking did work, but I did use it when I had to get his attention quickly, otherwise, time outs worked for him.

So for me, it isn't a shame because I knew what worked for my kids. Sorry, but spanking sometimes is a very good thing.

Again, I don't consider this true "spanking."

But I didn't do it with my child, because A) I was holding his hand near busy streets, so didn't need to; B) My child always responded to a stern, "No" and 3) I recognized that my child would respond extremely negatively to physical punishment.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Well, first, the people in the studies ARE spanking all the time.

Again, what most people consider "spanking" on the DIS does rise to the level of spanking at all...

Then I guess we are all in agreement then, since I haven't really seen people saying that spanking is their preferred method of discipline in most circumstances, just that it can be effective for certain things (which don't happen all the time).

Maybe my parents were different, but they didn't spank me at all - they spanked my brother a few times (he pushed lots of limits), but they were more believers in consequences that really meant something in terms of teaching a lesson. They believed in "mean what I say, and say what I mean", and they followed through consistently. Even back then in the 70s when I was a child there were parents who did not consistently use corporal punishment. But still, I have spanked on a few occasions, mostly when it was important that my authority wasn't questioned at all. Most of the time I try to raise my kids the way my parents raised me - with boundaries that have reasonable, understandable consequences for crossing, and a consistent message. But I am not perfect by any means.

 

[mhsjax]

Again, I don't consider this true "spanking."

But I didn't do it with my child, because A) I was holding his hand near busy streets, so didn't need to; B) My child always responded to a stern, "No" and 3) I recognized that my child would respond extremely negatively to physical punishment.

Yes, but sometimes those little hand get away from you. I heal their hands but sometimes it happen. So to imply that just because you held their hand so it doesn't happen is silly. Maybe your child wasn't as strong willed as some are. One of mine hated to hold hands and trust me, if I held his hand tight enough to keep him from getting away, it would because way more pain than spanking.

YOu don't consider this true spanking, I think this is where the problem between spankers and non spankers lies. For me, this is spanking, this is all I ever did. A pop to inflict slight discomfort. no more, no less. It si what got my attention growing up. If I did something wrong (which really was rare) and my parents grounded me, I thought wow, I got away easy. But if I though a few pops to the butt were coming, I would straighten up really quickly. Again, Dr Phil and finding the child's currency. What works fro some, won't work for others.

 

[U2_rocks!]

Again, I don't consider this true "spanking."

But I didn't do it with my child, because A) I was holding his hand near busy streets, so didn't need to; B) My child always responded to a stern, "No" and 3) I recognized that my child would respond extremely negatively to physical punishment.

I agree with you on the street thing - I wasn't willing to take any risks, so I focused on prevention rather than punishment after the fact. That was how I treated all safety issues.

Some kids are sensitive, and respond to just knowing that their parent is unhappy with them, or they pick up their cues from the parent's reaction i.e. if the parent looks scared when the kid goes near a hot stove, then the kid will pick up on that fear. Those kids are relatively easy to parent in a gentle way. However, you then have your "bull in a china shop" kid who is just so full of energy they are in constant motion and oblivious to subtle signals or verbal cues. They often just don't hear you unless you get right down in front of them and force them to look right in your face. Mostly you redirect, but I can see why parents often feel the need to do something that will stop them in their tracks more effectively than words ever could.

I mostly felt the need to spank when my kids did something truly malicious to each other or blatantly disobeyed something important. I tried not to do it for genuine mistakes (we all need a chance to make those - we focused on reparations) or misunderstandings. As I said before, they didn't really get a chance to do unsafe things like run into the street when they were toddlers, and when they were old enough to understand consequences I was more likely to restrict them severely for a safety transgression, which they hated!

 

[Trixieplus2]

I'm not pro-spanking, I never wanted to have to use it, but I did find myself falling back on it a few times over the years with my 3 kids when I was at a complete loss as to what would send the message I was looking for.

However, I did want to point out a subtle difference between adults and children. Adults are capable of getting a verbal message - young children may not. Adults are in control of and are responsible for their own behaviour. It's no-one else's job to "teach" them how to behave. A child does need to be taught - he/she is not born knowing the right things to do. It could be argued that spanking is unnecessary to teach any lessons, but a young child without reasoning capability and who has resisted other forms of teaching may benefit from an attention-getting slap on rare occasions.

A husband who can't get through to his wife is free to leave her or to seek counseling for them - we are not free to leave our kids, and counseling of that kind isn't realistic for parents and young kids struggling with everyday issues (though if the issues are huge it could be of benefit, even if it is just to teach the parent how to cope). We have to get through to the kids somehow - it is our responsibility as parents to teach them right from wrong (whereas it is not the husband's responsibility to teach his wife right from wrong). I'm not saying spanking is the only way to do so, not at all. But a desperate parent who has tried other methods first that didn't work, or a parent who has not learned other ways that could be effective, must get through to their kid somehow. If they don't, and they allow the undesirable (or in some cases dangerous) behaviour to continue, the result could be worse.

"There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy."

"SLAPPING HANDS
How tempting it is to slap those daring little hands! Many parents do it without thinking, but consider the consequences. Maria Montessori, one of the earliest opponents of slapping children's hands, believed that children's hands are tools for exploring, an extension of the child's natural curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Sensitive parents we have interviewed all agree that the hands should be off-limits for physical punishment. Research supports this idea. Psychologists studied a group of sixteen fourteen-month-olds playing with their mothers. When one group of toddlers tried to grab a forbidden object, they received a slap on the hand; the other group of toddlers did not receive physical punishment. In follow-up studies of these children seven months later, the punished babies were found to be less skilled at exploring their environment. Better to separate the child from the object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt."

Lots more here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100.asp

The not understanding enough to talk about it applies to spanking See CNN article:http://articles.cnn.com/2009-09-16/...dy-author-and-research-scientist?_s=PM:HEALTH

"We're talking about infants and toddlers, and I think that just, cognitively, they just don't understand enough about right or wrong or punishment to benefit from being spanked," said Lisa Berlin, the study's lead author and research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University."

24 Countries have bans or laws against Spanking with Sweden leading the way.

 

[mhsjax]

"There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy."

"SLAPPING HANDS
How tempting it is to slap those daring little hands! Many parents do it without thinking, but consider the consequences. Maria Montessori, one of the earliest opponents of slapping children's hands, believed that children's hands are tools for exploring, an extension of the child's natural curiosity. Slapping them sends a powerful negative message. Sensitive parents we have interviewed all agree that the hands should be off-limits for physical punishment. Research supports this idea. Psychologists studied a group of sixteen fourteen-month-olds playing with their mothers. When one group of toddlers tried to grab a forbidden object, they received a slap on the hand; the other group of toddlers did not receive physical punishment. In follow-up studies of these children seven months later, the punished babies were found to be less skilled at exploring their environment. Better to separate the child from the object or supervise his exploration and leave little hands unhurt."

Lots more here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t062100.asp

The not understanding enough to talk about it applies to spanking See CNN article:http://articles.cnn.com/2009-09-16/...dy-author-and-research-scientist?_s=PM:HEALTH

"We're talking about infants and toddlers, and I think that just, cognitively, they just don't understand enough about right or wrong or punishment to benefit from being spanked," said Lisa Berlin, the study's lead author and research scientist at the Center for Child and Family Policy at Duke University."

24 Countries have bans or laws against Spanking with Sweden leading the way.

Sorry, but I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That article made me want to gag. I smacked my kids hands, so what. The are fine, well adjusted, above average intelligence(according to tests and in ap classes) They are the most non violent kids I know. Me occasionally smacking their hands if they repeatedly touched something they weren't supposed to, didn't hurt them one bit.
If you don't believe in it fine, but please enough with those silly articles.

And by the way, I thought about it when I did it. It was only after repeated no and don't touch and moving them away. Sorry but I can't and won't move my bid screen TV so those darling little hand aren't temped. They learned not to touch, I can and did take my kids anywhere and they never bothered anything they weren't supposed to. I am sorry but there are way to many little brats running around these days. If parents would just grow a back bone and quit trying to analyze everything we would be better off. Parents don't parent anymore. You don't have to spank all the time, for some it doesn't work, for mine well 2 of mine it did. YOu can't lump a certain discipline into one pass or fail. Montessorie is its own way of thinking and not everyone agrees with it. I am undecided. Sensitive parents as the article calls them are the one with rotten kids. I have seen enough to know that. YOu can be loving and caring and sensitive and still spank. Just sensitive , and you have a hellion in the making.

 

[ccgirl]

Sorry, but I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That article made me want to gag. I smacked my kids hands, so what. The are fine, well adjusted, above average intelligence(according to tests and in ap classes) They are the most non violent kids I know. Me occasionally smacking their hands if they repeatedly touched something they weren't supposed to, didn't hurt them one bit.
If you don't believe in it fine, but please enough with those silly articles.

And by the way, I thought about it when I did it. It was only after repeated no and don't touch and moving them away. Sorry but I can't and won't move my bid screen TV so those darling little hand aren't temped. They learned not to touch, I can and did take my kids anywhere and they never bothered anything they weren't supposed to. I am sorry but there are way to many little brats running around these days. If parents would just grow a back bone and quit trying to analyze everything we would be better off. Parents don't parent anymore. You don't have to spank all the time, for some it doesn't work, for mine well 2 of mine it did. YOu can't lump a certain discipline into one pass or fail. Montessorie is its own way of thinking and not everyone agrees with it. I am undecided. Sensitive parents as the article calls them are the one with rotten kids. I have seen enough to know that. YOu can be loving and caring and sensitive and still spank. Just sensitive , and you have a hellion in the making.

But, again, you are WRONG. Why?? Because some articles say so. The things of it is; I can find articles supporting spanking. I am not going to because I don't care to change the minds of other people. I don't think "my" way is the only way. I have said the same thing. My children are well adjusted, intelligent, sensitive etc all the while being spanked. Opponents just don't want to hear that, they think their way is the only way. I am not a big fan at all of Montessori. Checked out a couple of schools around me that used the Montessori method. What I witnessed was very little control or structure and children just doing what they "felt" like doing. Again, there is a lot of love around my house. I don't spank for every punishment/consequence. Having been complimented by teachers and principal alike, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.

Back to the subject at hand. What I saw of the video, it did not seem like a loving house at all. You can have a house with discipline (yes, even spanking) and still have a lot of love.