Most awkward moments you have had at funerals?

[Boopuff]

We were at my SIL funeral (died way too young) The pastor had finished and we were standing and a song starts to play "Jesus Take the Wheel" now I'm not a country music fan at all, and for some reason, this song just triggered my funny bone. I was doing everything in my power not to laugh out loud. To this day I can't hear that song and not laugh.

 

[tazdev3225]

My grandfather died when I was 8. It was the first funeral I had ever been to, and I was devastated seeing him in the casket. I adored my grandfather. Now I knew enough about dead people that they don't move. My grandfather's hands were folded on his chest holding his rosary. His hands moved apart. It freaked me out and I had a lot of trouble going near caskets to pay my respects for a long time.

When my husband and I had just gotten engaged his aunt died. Trying to be supportive I went to the funeral but he forced me to go with him to the casket. I had never met his aunt and I was having a hard time with this. I kept telling him that I "Didn't want to go near the stiff because it gives me nightmares." I didn't know that my future MIL was standing behind me and was not happy, the aunt was one of her sisters. It took a LOT of explaining and apologies to get her to understand I wasn't trying to be disrespectful, just really nervous. Years later my grandmother told me that my grandad's hands had indeed moved apart and the funeral director fixed them before they thought anyone noticed.

The worst funeral was the year after I graduated from high school. Two friends were hit head on by a drunk driver. One of them dies and the turn out for the funeral was filled with a lot of classmates as he had been very popular. One of my former classmates, in earshot of the family, said somebody should die like this every year. It's a great way to have a small reunion. All of us that heard that were shocked, several of the guys dealt with him. Ironically, he has never shown up to one reunion in almost 50 years.

I still don't like seeing dead bodies laid out, because honestly, they NEVER look like the person, but I have gotten better in my old age. There have been a couple of funerals where everybody was whispering to each other that the undertaker did a great job hiding the injury, one was a car accident and two were suicides. They were really awkward because some of the whispers were a little loud and a little graphic.

 

[tvguy]

Went to services for the Principal of my children's school.
Her name was Joanne. The Minister of her church kept referring to her as "Joe-anne". But if you met her, she pronounced it "Joan".
Someone spoke up during the service, and the Minister without missing a beat said "yes, I am aware that many knew her as Joan, but she was known as Joanne without our church.

 

[tvguy]

And why in writing I am telling my people - I DON'T WANT ONE. Don't waste one cent on something like this. Take the family to Disney World.

That is what my mom felt. Unfortunately, the minimum fee for a Mortuary is well over $1,000. And I know my mom would have been furious that the transport from the Funeral Home to the Cemetery cost $750. It was 100 miles one way, and they charge you both ways. My mom likely would have told me to just load the casket in the back of my Suburban and drive her there myself. Which, I later found out, some people actually do their own transport to save money.

 

[easyas123]

My husbands grandmothers funeral was delayed twice due to infighting between my MIL & her brothers over who was going to foot the bill for a service none of them could afford (2 day ordeal, visitation, service at graveside, you name it). When they finally had the service it turns out my MIL had ordered every crappy sentimental thing you could get from the funeral director. There were glass paperweights with the grandmothers photo in it, wooden "carved" roses, a giant blanket with the grandmothers face on it hung on the wall behind the casket, balloons that had to be let go at the burial (I know, I know)...you name it she went for it. She paid for none of the funeral, now I know why her brothers were fighting w/ her over it!
None of them talked to each other at the services. It was a real weird vibe.

 

[HopperFan]

That is what my mom felt. Unfortunately, the minimum fee for a Mortuary is well over $1,000. And I know my mom would have been furious that the transport from the Funeral Home to the Cemetery cost $750. It was 100 miles one way, and they charge you both ways. My mom likely would have told me to just load the casket in the back of my Suburban and drive her there myself. Which, I later found out, some people actually do their own transport to save money.

My Mom passed Dec 2020. No funeral due to COVID. Just immediate family graveside for 15 minutes. Her plot was already purchased years ago. Cost for casket, prep, headstone and graveside moments .... $18,000. And I even picked the least expensive casket (which was pretty and complimented my Dads). I won't let them spend that kind of money or I'll haunt them.

 

[JLTraveling]

That is what my mom felt. Unfortunately, the minimum fee for a Mortuary is well over $1,000. And I know my mom would have been furious that the transport from the Funeral Home to the Cemetery cost $750. It was 100 miles one way, and they charge you both ways. My mom likely would have told me to just load the casket in the back of my Suburban and drive her there myself. Which, I later found out, some people actually do their own transport to save money.

Yeah, my dad keeps telling me when he goes, I should put him on the side of the road in a Hefty bag lol. He thinks the costs are insane, at least in regards to himself, though he had no problem spending what it cost for my mom's funeral (the NOLA one, we let the family pay for their thing in FL). What was kind of awesome though, was when we had Mom cremated, we had them divide up the ashes a few different ways--a small sealed box for Dad, a necklace for me, the burial box for the FL family, and a scatter box. When we went to pick them up, everything was neatly packed in a pretty white shopping bag with the funeral home name on it. We busted out laughing. Mom loved to shop, so I think she was happy to come back to us in a shopping bag.

 

[ronandannette]

My Mom passed Dec 2020. No funeral due to COVID. Just immediate family graveside for 15 minutes. Her plot was already purchased years ago. Cost for casket, prep, headstone and graveside moments .... $18,000. And I even picked the least expensive casket (which was pretty and complimented my Dads). I won't let them spend that kind of money or I'll haunt them.

I've worked in funeral service and have had the recent experience of helping organize 3 funerals. Those prices are INSANE; it's hard to even believe (but I do completely believe you). Here, there's a lot of competition for the business and without the expense of a burial space, a formal service, modest casket and interment would cost about 1/3 of that. The headstone would be purchased separately and not from the funeral home.

 

[Kennywood]

My dad had a wonderful sense of humor. He was always cracking jokes or acting silly. That was totally opposite of his siblings.

When my dad died, the immediate family was sitting around in the funeral home and trading funny stories about him. It seemed like everyone was trying to "one up" each other. As the stories were told, the more we laughed.

My dad's sister strutted over to us and was livid! How DARE we laugh at a time like that! We just let her vent. She walked away and we continued telling funny stories about my dad. He would have enjoyed that.

My dad used to tell me that, if I died before he did, he was going to have me cremated. Then he would scatter my ashes on the driveway once it snowed. He said he'd at least get one more use out of me!

By the way, Costco members can reduce the cost of a funeral. Costco sells quality caskets which are a lot less expensive than those purchased through funeral homes. If you're interested, here's the link: https://www.costco.com/funeral.html

 

[HopperFan]

I've worked in funeral service and have had the recent experience of helping organize 3 funerals. Those prices are INSANE; it's hard to even believe (but I do completely believe you). Here, there's a lot of competition for the business and without the expense of a burial space, a formal service, modest casket and interment would cost about 1/3 of that. The headstone would be purchased separately and not from the funeral home.

Honestly for a metro area there really are not a lot of funeral homes. The funeral home was the same cemetery we used for Dad (1976) but now a funeral home is attached to the cemetery.

I've got brochure here ~
Minimum for director and staff $2500
Embalming $850
Other Prep of Body (menu list) $1300
Facility Fee varies by usage $625-825
Transport Remains $500
Extra fees for hearse, flower vehicle etc
Menu of cremation offerings $2330-2600
Extra if a bigger person
Celebration of Life Service $3200-6400
Immediate Burial without anything $3000-4000
Misc Fees run from $35 for Pallbearer Gloves to $11,500 for Cremation Casket
Caskets $995 (haha a cardboard box) to $20,000 (hers was metal about $6000)
Note most the ones of display to see started at $5,000.
Vault $1500-$20,000. I picked the $1500.
Headstone was $3000 (single, Dad has one already)

Even my inlaws who are at the National Cemetery - so no plot or headstone AND used a rural funeral home were about $8000 each all in. Funerals were at their church and the cemetery so no cost there.

AND while much of the planning day was a blur I believe they said plots there start at $4000 along the street.

 

[bushdianee]

I've worked in funeral service and have had the recent experience of helping organize 3 funerals. Those prices are INSANE; it's hard to even believe (but I do completely believe you). Here, there's a lot of competition for the business and without the expense of a burial space, a formal service, modest casket and interment would cost about 1/3 of that. The headstone would be purchased separately and not from the funeral home.

My youngest sister recently passed and that got me to pre-make my own arrangements. I am going to be cremated with no viewing.
The funeral home I went with has 2 options, a chapel with a traditional service or a room with sofas and chairs and they serve coffee, tea and water. Family members are welcome to bring in finger foods. I chose the 2nd option. Cost was just about $2100. Hopefully I'll have it paid off before I need it! I figure it is one less thing for the family to have to worry about and plan. If they want to change it I'm good with that. I don't care what they do with my ashes either. There is some drama going on regarding my sister's. She had told one of my brothers that she would like but wasn't demanding someone take them to a place where she had vacationed several years ago and put them in the ocean. She had gone on that trip with another sister and a cousin and there is a rumor going around the family that they are saying that only they can take her ashes not the brother who is willing to. To me since he is the one she talked to about it he should have the chance if he wants to do it. My only request is that they not take mine to Disney which they know is my favorite vacation place because I wouldn't want them to get into trouble and I don't want to end up in a vacuum cleaner!

 

[RUDisney]

@Kennywood, you reminded me of the funeral of my DH's great uncle. My BIL got so mad at my SIL and me for telling stories about him and laughing. "How dare you disrespect him by laughing at his viewing?" To this day, he reminds his wife and I about the "scene" we caused. His wife and I are used to Polish funerals, where you do laugh and tell stories about the deceased. It's a chance to catch up with one another while also mourning the deceased. DH's family is old-world Italian, where the old women throw themselves on the casket and wail... different strokes for different folks.

 

[easyas123]

hat got me to pre-make my own arrangements

Something similar happened with us a few years ago. We made arrangements for the most basic cremation. No service, no nothing. We are anti-funeral for a few reasons, anyway, surviving spouse will take the cremains & the kids & their families on a trip & dump the ashes in the water. Kids will do the same with whichever one of us is the second to go.
Only change will be if I survive my husband I am changing my wishes to donate my body to science, he recognizes the good it will do but it also bothers him a bit in a way he can't explain, so for his comfort if I go first he can cremate me.
Both of us are adamant about not wanting a grave or a specific area where we are 'buried'.

 

[tvguy]

My Mom passed Dec 2020. No funeral due to COVID. Just immediate family graveside for 15 minutes. Her plot was already purchased years ago. Cost for casket, prep, headstone and graveside moments .... $18,000. And I even picked the least expensive casket (which was pretty and complimented my Dads). I won't let them spend that kind of money or I'll haunt them.

My mom's totaled just under $3,400.
Funeral home minimum service charge was $1,500 which included transporting her body to the funeral home. Casket was $1,000, Transportation to cemetery was $750. Grave opening fee at the cemetery was $100. The rest was for death certificates etc.
Mom insisted there be no embalming, autopsy, or prep of the body and no services. Her notes said she didn't want us to spend more than $250 for the casket, but there was nothing less than $1,000. She is interred with my dad in a National Cemetery, so plot was free, as was the headstone. She left it up to us if we wanted graveside services, but the National Cemetery she is interred in no longer allows those at interment even if we wanted one. They don't even allow the family to be in the cemetery until after 4 pm on internment day.

 

[unrequited23]

At my step-brother's funeral most of his family ignored his fiance--she had to sit in the fourth row for the service, since the other family saved no room. I offered her our third row space but she declined. At the cemetery, my step-brother's ex-wife's best friend (who my step-brother always complained about) refused to leave the casket, talking and laughing quietly as if she were in an active conversation.

 

[ronandannette]

Honestly for a metro area there really are not a lot of funeral homes. The funeral home was the same cemetery we used for Dad (1976) but now a funeral home is attached to the cemetery.

I've got brochure here ~
Minimum for director and staff $2500
Embalming $850
Other Prep of Body (menu list) $1300
Facility Fee varies by usage $625-825
Transport Remains $500
Extra fees for hearse, flower vehicle etc
Menu of cremation offerings $2330-2600
Extra if a bigger person
Celebration of Life Service $3200-6400
Immediate Burial without anything $3000-4000
Misc Fees run from $35 for Pallbearer Gloves to $11,500 for Cremation Casket
Caskets $995 (haha a cardboard box) to $20,000 (hers was metal about $6000)
Note most the ones of display to see started at $5,000.
Vault $1500-$20,000. I picked the $1500.
Headstone was $3000 (single, Dad has one already)

Even my inlaws who are at the National Cemetery - so no plot or headstone AND used a rural funeral home were about $8000 each all in. Funerals were at their church and the cemetery so no cost there.

AND while much of the planning day was a blur I believe they said plots there start at $4000 along the street.

Yeah, still pretty shocking. There are about 20 funeral homes in our metro area (a lot of them corporately owned by just a few international conglomerates) and this is from an independent but well-respected company:
https://www.choicememorial.com/calgary-affordable-funeral-services
$5,795 including casket. That would be $4,240 in USD.

 

[HopperFan]

Yeah, still pretty shocking. There are about 20 funeral homes in our metro area (a lot of them corporately owned by just a few international conglomerates) and this is from an independent but well-respected company:
https://www.choicememorial.com/calgary-affordable-funeral-services
$5,795 including casket. That would be $4,240 in USD.

WOW, guess welcome to America! Even in death you get ripped off.

 

[JLTraveling]

My mom's totaled just under $3,400.
Funeral home minimum service charge was $1,500 which included transporting her body to the funeral home. Casket was $1,000, Transportation to cemetery was $750. Grave opening fee at the cemetery was $100. The rest was for death certificates etc.
Mom insisted there be no embalming, autopsy, or prep of the body and no services. Her notes said she didn't want us to spend more than $250 for the casket, but there was nothing less than $1,000. She is interred with my dad in a National Cemetery, so plot was free, as was the headstone. She left it up to us if we wanted graveside services, but the National Cemetery she is interred in no longer allows those at interment even if we wanted one. They don't even allow the family to be in the cemetery until after 4 pm on internment day.

Autopsy isn't always optional. My mom died unexpectedly at home. She was chronically ill but not terminally, and she was only 50. So we weren't given a choice: autopsy/toxicology/the works to determine the cause of death. It turned out to be a prescription rheumatoid arthritis medication that was since taken off the market

 

[ronandannette]

Autopsy isn't always optional. My mom died unexpectedly at home. She was chronically ill but not terminally, and she was only 50. So we weren't given a choice: autopsy/toxicology/the works to determine the cause of death. It turned out to be a prescription rheumatoid arthritis medication that was since taken off the market

Sorry if this question is in bad taste, but does a family have to pay for an autopsy? Here it's a decision of the health authorities, (or sometimes justice) and the coroner's office is publicly funded. Accordingly, a family who wants an autopsy for their own information/peace-of-mind, also can't access one unless it has been ordered by the authorities.

 

[JLTraveling]

Sorry if this question is in bad taste, but does a family have to pay for an autopsy? Here it's a decision of the health authorities, (or sometimes justice) and the coroner's office is publicly funded. Accordingly, a family who wants an autopsy for their own information/peace-of-mind, also can't access one unless it has been ordered by the authorities.

We weren't charged (New Orleans, 2004). No idea how it works in other cities or states.