morbid question

[binny]

I went to a funeral the other day. The man was buried (ETA next to) his first wife who died 40 some years ago, leaving him a widower. He was married to his second wife for more than 30 years.

It got me to thinking. How do you make that sort of decision? Where and near whom to be buried? In this case he had children with his first wife and not the second. So I can understand that. It makes it easier for the kids.

How do you make the decision though? Especially if you had a family with both.

Hey I told you it was a morbid question.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe the second wife already had a plot as well and that is why they did that?

Normally when you buy plots you buy them in two's if you are married. The husband could have sold the plot to be with his current wife.

Morbid, but interesting.

 

[lillygator]

heck no - would not let him be buried by the first wife....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[HelenePA]

heck no - would not let him be buried by the first wife....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its not like they got divorced and it ended on bad terms.. she DIED... I would think they talked about it before he died and he and the 2nd wife made the decision together

 

[binny]

Well like I said he had a family with the first wife. He was in his 90's when he passed last week.

I dont know if the second wife has a plot as well. She was a widow too so maybe the plan was to both be burried with the first spouses.

my mind tends to wander at funerals, otherwise I get way too emotional. Hense the morbid trail of thought...

 

[NMAmy]

This is one reason dh and I both want to be cremated. Just easier that way.

My MIL purchased plots for her husband and each of her sons in England. No spots for wives. My SIL was very upset. I told DH to tell her she could have his spot because there is no way I'm hauling myself over the ocean to visit his grave if he goes first. Not to mention the headache of trying to get his body over there. He waited to tell SIL until after MIL passed away.

 

[skuttle]

I can't be the only person to read this and initially think that you were saying the deceased first wife was burying the husband?!? I had to read it a few times before I figured out you meant that the husband was being buried "next to" the first wife when you said "by." Confusing!

I'm really not sure. It's a hard situation, I think. If I was the second wife, I wouldn't be happy about it.

 

[binny]

sorry I just saw that too when I reread it. Will ETA it.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

How long was he married to the first wife? At first I thought the guy was younger but then you said he was in his 90s. So maybe he was married to first wife over 40 years. Tough call because I happen to be the possessive type.

Of course in my family my great grandmother creamted our great grandfather and kept his ashes in the liquor cabinet. She toasted him every night. Well, except for the time she got angry at him and moved him in with the pots and pans. Apparently my grandmother had a huge hunt trying to find the ashes once great grandmother passed. Hmm, maybe I'm the wrong person to ask about appropriateness.

 

[binny]

I think he was married to his first wife for about 30 years. Not sure though she died before I was born or shortly thereafter. I dont remember her at all

 

[skuttle]

sorry I just saw that too when I reread it. Will ETA it.

Oh, I didn't mean that you had to change it. I was just sitting here trying to figure out how in the world the deceased wife was burying the husband!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I dont know if the second wife has a plot as well. She was a widow too so maybe the plan was to both be burried with the first spouses.

Since she was a widow, I am sure she already had a plot.

 

[Evil Genius]

It usually depends on who all ready has a place to be buried. My grandfather had a similiar situation, but his second wife did not have a plot. When she passed first, we laid her to rest in with our family and when grandpa died he was buried between his two wives.

 

[DizBelle]

Funny, I was just thinking of this the other day. My mom died 20+ years ago. When dad goes, will he be buried next to her or will he and my step mother have plans together? They've been married 15 years. I don't know what they're going to do.

 

[Imzadi]

my mind tends to wander at funerals, otherwise I get way too emotional. Hense the morbid trail of thought...

As long as you weren't laughing hysterically like the Mary Tyler Moore episode at Chuckles, The Clown's funeral, I think it would be okay.

This is one reason dh and I both want to be cremated. Just easier that way.

My MIL purchased plots for her husband and each of her sons in England. No spots for wives. My SIL was very upset. I told DH to tell her she could have his spot because there is no way I'm hauling myself over the ocean to visit his grave if he goes first. Not to mention the headache of trying to get his body over there. He waited to tell SIL until after MIL passed away.

If ever there was a legitimate reason for MIL to be haunting someone from the grave, this is it.

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't know how I'd feel about that, honestly!

This is one reason dh and I both want to be cremated. Just easier that way.

My MIL purchased plots for her husband and each of her sons in England. No spots for wives. My SIL was very upset. I told DH to tell her she could have his spot because there is no way I'm hauling myself over the ocean to visit his grave if he goes first. Not to mention the headache of trying to get his body over there. He waited to tell SIL until after MIL passed away.

Did she do that after they were adults and married already? Or when they were kids?

My parents have plots for my sister and me, but that was when we were teens, so we don't sweat it. DH and I want to get cremated anyway.

 

[freckles and boo]

My husband's cousin lost her first husband to an aneurysm shortly after they were married. They were both very young. She has been married over twenty years to her second husband and they have three children. Her husband is very understanding and they have two plots next to her first husband. I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

 

[pls5286]

Around here it is common for most widows/widowers to be burried with their first spouse. In fact usually the grave marker will be joint and already have both names on it, and just not have the surviving spouses' date of death on it obviously as it hasn't happened yet.

 

[SereneOne]

I think it depends on the people involved circumstances.

My husband will be buried with me, not his ex.

I will be buried with my husband, not my ex.

My ex will be buried next to his current wife and my husband's ex...well she is on her third and that is not going well...so no telling.

 

[antmaril]

I think it depends on the people involved circumstances.

My husband will be buried with me, not his ex.

I will be buried with my husband, not my ex.

My ex will be buried next to his current wife and my husband's ex...well she is on her third and that is not going well...so no telling.

I understand your reasoning. However, the OP is not talking about "ex" spouses, she is talking about deceased spouses. There is a big difference. I lost my husband of 34 years last year. I am 57, he was 55. He was cremated, but his remains are in a niche at the cemetery. My remains will be placed there as well. My name is already on the niche with my year of birth. Obviously, year of death is blank.

Even if I were to remarry someday, I still want to be "buried" with my first husband.