Money and Contentment

[Colleen27]

I live in a 'burb with a lot of economic diversity - so I see kids whose parents can afford all this and college too, and parents who can't afford any of it. And parents who don't do it and parents who do.

The ones that drive me nuts are the ones that drive a Mercedes SUV, have their kids in expensive private lessons, go on expensive vacations - and then are shocked when the kids don't get a scholarship and they haven't saved anything for college - and their incomes mean very little aid. They've given their kids affluenza.

Yeah, we don't see that around here. There are a couple kids we know with very expensive activities - one of DD's friends is involved in show jumping and she travels all over the country with her horse, another is involved in gymnastics competition on a national level and has Olympic aspirations - but on whole our community is much more "Ford" than "Mercedes". And among other high school parents the talk is far more about which schools offered the best need-based aid packages than about merit or athletic scholarships. We have a couple of grads going on to truly elite schools this year, in part because of generous merit aid that makes those schools cheaper than the state flagship for lower-middle class kids who can get in.

 

[bdcp]

Anyone who signs their kids up for expensive sports/activities thinking they will get a scholarship needs to rethink that. Most people spend way more on the years in the activity than they would ever spend on college. My niece is a competitive gymnast, does well, but never gets past regionals. She's 16 and has grown taller than what most schools want in a gymnast and she has had multiple injuries and a few surgeries. My DSis and DBIL were hoping she can still get a scholarship, but she could have stayed at the club level and if they banked what they spent on competitions, uniforms, travel, etc. she could go to pretty much any school she wants. Now, they are sending their oldest (son) to college right now and will be able to pay for her college too, but anyone who does this for scholarships needs to rethink it.

There are plenty of activities at the park and rec and intramural level as well as in school. My boys played soccer and basketball on neighborhood and intramural teams and got the benefits of being on a team without breaking the bank.

 

[disykat]

I live in a 'burb with a lot of economic diversity - so I see kids whose parents can afford all this and college too, and parents who can't afford any of it. And parents who don't do it and parents who do.

The ones that drive me nuts are the ones that drive a Mercedes SUV, have their kids in expensive private lessons, go on expensive vacations - and then are shocked when the kids don't get a scholarship and they haven't saved anything for college - and their incomes mean very little aid. They've given their kids affluenza.

I think that's very common. I see it where I live, and I hear about it on this board. Whether it's cars, trips, activities, or whatever kept people with a high enough income that FAFSA expects them to be saving from doing so, there seem to be an awful lot of people surprised that their FAFSA EFC is based on more than just current income.

I think those of us who can't afford to have it all really do have to pick and choose our priorities. I think most of us feel some discontent about that at some point!

 

[crisi]

I think those of us who can't afford to have it all really do have to pick and choose our priorities. I think most of us feel some discontent about that at some point!

Everyone has to pick and choose. Even if you have unlimited money, you and your kids don't have unlimited time. And everyone needs to set priorities - do I work part time and spend more time with my family, or do I work a full time plus career job and see them less? Do we play baseball or run track - can't do them both, they are both Spring sports? Can I do all my homework, practice piano, and play a sport, and still get a healthy amount of sleep? If I'm driving this one to voice lessons and this one to art lessons and next month art moves to the night as voice, what do I do? If there is a martial arts tournament for your kid the same weekend you have your scrapbooking retreat, which do you go to?

 

[NewRVLady]

My point was that if a child is good at art, buy them supplies and let him join the art club in junior high or if she is a great singer encourage her to try out for chorus. Sometimes parents seem to jump right in as soon as they see a little bit of talent, sign the child up for private art or voice lessons or get them on some expensive travel team that costs thousands of dollars a year and keeps the child busy every day of the week.

.

Could NOT have said it better!!!!!
My sis wasted years of $$ for travel
softball team for DN who was super talented-but by end of HS was TIRED of softball-didn't want to continue in college
(She is now a chemical engineer-whoop!)

Art talent-get supplies-how to
books etc...this is what a creative kid needs-NOT LESSONS!!!!
I didn't appreciate teacher's input until HS in my art-and I have a Fine Arts degree.

 

[averysmom]

It doesn't always seem like it's for the children. I see a lot of unhappy whining kids being dragged from one activity to another whether they want to go or not. There are 3 and 4 year old toddlers getting a jump start on organized sports by parents hoping they will get a college scholarship when they are older. It's unrealistic and it doesn't lead to happiness or contentment for anyone in the family, not to mention the money it takes for private lessons, sports trainers etc.

I agree with you that children can be over scheduled, most people I know are not remotely thinking of college scholarships in preschool. I guess because college is so much cheaper in Canada (a 3 year undergrad with books is well under 20,000), that mindset just isn't there. I had my children in gymnastics, swimming lessons, kinder music, mini-soccer, dance, all before they started school (not all at the same time of course!). I wanted them to build some skills, make some friends and have some fun. Now that they are older (9 and 12), I am hoping that they find their "thing". I think my daughter has... She dances, but my son, who still swims and does scouts has not yet. As a long time middle school teacher, I can tell you that kids who have "a thing", are so much more likely to stay out of trouble during those turbulent teen years. When you're at the rink 25 hours a week, or at the studio, it really doesn't leave a lot of time for mischief. Also, they are building the all important "21st Century Skills"- skills that the workforce is claiming are more important that just knowledge- skills like collaboration, creativity, critical thinking and problem solving.

 

[havaneselover]

I agree with you that children can be over scheduled, most people I know are not remotely thinking of college scholarships in preschool. I guess because college is so much cheaper in Canada (a 3 year undergrad with books is well under 20,000), that mindset just isn't there. I had my children in gymnastics, swimming lessons, kinder music, mini-soccer, dance, all before they started school (not all at the same time of course!). I wanted them to build some skills, make some friends and have some fun. Now that they are older (9 and 12), I am hoping that they find their "thing". I think my daughter has... She dances, but my son, who still swims and does scouts has not yet. As a long time middle school teacher, I can tell you that kids who have "a thing", are so much more likely to stay out of trouble during those turbulent teen years. When you're at the rink 25 hours a week, or at the studio, it really doesn't leave a lot of time for mischief. Also, they are building the all important "21st Century Skills"- skills that the workforce is claiming are more important that just knowledge- skills like collaboration, creativity, critical thinking and problem solving.

I also have a friend who read applications for a top 10 U.S. university so she has helped me to understand what top-tier schools are looking for. They definitely look for kids who have a "thing" rather than who are involved in six different activities but with no significant commitment to any one activity.

I never had a thing but I was a very strong student with very high SAT scores so I had no issue getting into good colleges. But I would have been happier if I'd had something non academic which I enjoyed and excelled at.

 

[Marionnette]

I agree with you that children can be over scheduled, most people I know are not remotely thinking of college scholarships in preschool. I guess because college is so much cheaper in Canada (a 3 year undergrad with books is well under 20,000), that mindset just isn't there. I had my children in gymnastics, swimming lessons, kinder music, mini-soccer, dance, all before they started school (not all at the same time of course!). I wanted them to build some skills, make some friends and have some fun. Now that they are older (9 and 12), I am hoping that they find their "thing". I think my daughter has... She dances, but my son, who still swims and does scouts has not yet. As a long time middle school teacher, I can tell you that kids who have "a thing", are so much more likely to stay out of trouble during those turbulent teen years. When you're at the rink 25 hours a week, or at the studio, it really doesn't leave a lot of time for mischief. Also, they are building the all important "21st Century Skills"- skills that the workforce is claiming are more important that just knowledge- skills like collaboration, creativity, critical thinking and problem solving.

So true! My son swears that he was hired for his dream job, not just because of his academic credentials, but because of football. He played football from middle school through high school. By his junior year, he was running the defense from the field. When he interviewed, he says that it was his background as an student athlete that set him apart from other students who were also interviewing. The job offer came 2 days after the interview in February for a position that they held for him until June. The skills that football taught him? Teamwork, leadership, determination, thinking on his feet, the power of observation, the ability to work through setbacks and the rewards that come from hard work.

 

[crisi]

Also, they are building the all important "21st Century Skills"- skills that the workforce is claiming are more important that just knowledge- skills like collaboration, creativity, critical thinking and problem solving.

No one is saying kids shouldn't do activities - what we are saying is that you should do activities within your budget. Those skills can be developed doing park and rec rather than travel sports, for instance. Or by joining an organization like Scouts, which does expect fundraising, but can be very affordable.

Park and rec won't take 25 hours a week at a rink - but my kids spend eight hours from the time they take the bus until they get home five days a week. And have an hour or two of homework every day. They don't have 25 hours a week to give a sport without it cutting into homework or sleep.

 

[SEA333]

I agree with you that children can be over scheduled, most people I know are not remotely thinking of college scholarships in preschool. I guess because college is so much cheaper in Canada (a 3 year undergrad with books is well under 20,000), that mindset just isn't there. I had my children in gymnastics, swimming lessons, kinder music, mini-soccer, dance, all before they started school (not all at the same time of course!). I wanted them to build some skills, make some friends and have some fun. Now that they are older (9 and 12), I am hoping that they find their "thing". I think my daughter has... She dances, but my son, who still swims and does scouts has not yet. As a long time middle school teacher, I can tell you that kids who have "a thing", are so much more likely to stay out of trouble during those turbulent teen years. When you're at the rink 25 hours a week, or at the studio, it really doesn't leave a lot of time for mischief. Also, they are building the all important "21st Century Skills"- skills that the workforce is claiming are more important that just knowledge- skills like collaboration, creativity, critical thinking and problem solving.

I agree - DS14, as a new HS Freshman, leaves the house at 7:20am and doesn't get back home until 6:15 at night, and that is just for ONE sport - football - and then has at least 2 hours of homework to do. He pretty much only has time to go to school, go to football practice, come home, shower, eat, and do homework before going to bed. He complains that he has NO TIME for anything else, and my answer is always "GOOD!!!!" He has the off season to play video games and sleep till noon, but these days, at least in his school, the football team automatically qualifies for track, and they condition and weight train the rest of the year as a team, so he is pretty much going to be seeing the inside of the high school, athletic fields, and home for the next 4 years. And I am fine with that....no time at all for trouble.