Moms of kids with Aspergers...

[lemondog]

My 6 yo daughter is a rising 1st grader. She is beginning to exhibit some very mild signs of Aspergers. Academically she is off the charts, socially she is very "awkward" -- don't really know how else to describe it. She plays with other kids but only for about 10 minutes then is off in her own world. Loves animals almost to the point of obsession, especially dogs and horses. Cries at home to me that she has no friends at school and no one wants to play with her, yet her kindy teacher assured me she had no problems socially.

If it were not for her twin sister on the playground at recess (she is in a different class but they share recess time) I seriously wonder if my child would have anyone to play with. Her twin is extremely sweet, social, outgoing, go-with-the-flow kind of child. She has LOTS of friends and by association that means her twin sister has lots of friends to play with. I wonder if the teachers see her with other kids on the playground and just assume she is fine socially, when in reality it is all of her sisters' friends!

Any input on signs to look for, age your child was diagnosed, etc. The pedi said yes she could be showing signs of mild Aspergers, but she is WAY too young to even think/worry about that. I have taught preschool for 5 years, though, and have seen kids diagnosed at ages 3 and 4, so I didn't think 6 was too young.

Oh and on a side note, she has social anxiety, in that she always gets a stomachache when she has to go anywhere other than home. I have GAD which is serious enough to be treated with medication, but my anxiety didn't kick in until puberty. It breaks my heart to see my 6yo already dealing with this. I don't know if this in any way can be on the spectrum or if it's something entirely different.

Thanks in advance for any input!

 

[kirstenb1]

You may want to post this on the DISabilities board too, you may get some good input there.

Our younger dd, who's nearly 5, was dx'd with high functioning autism 3 yrs ago. It is similar to Asperger's except children with Asperger's have normal speech development.

Does your dd have trouble transitioning from one activity to another?

Is she really "obsessed" with horses (or whatever)? To the point where when you or anyone else tries to shift her attention to another toy, she refuses?

Do you get the feeling she'd rather be around her toys, rather than other children?

With our dd, she has a lot of meltdowns over seemingly nothing. Obviously it's important to her, but it wouldn't even register with a normal child.

When dd is in a classroom, she finds the farthest corner away from others to sit in.

None of us can tell you if your daughter has Asperger's, obviously. However, our pediatrician could tell our dd was "off". She referred us to a team at UVA Children's Hospital. We first met with a developmental pediatrician, then an occupational therapist, then an education specialist. It took several hours.

If you have a Children's Hospital, you might want your dd to meet with a developmental pediatrician, and take it from there.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[JerseyJanice]

Not every socially awkward child has Asperger's. Some people just aren't intuitive when it comes to social situations.

As I'm sure you know, Asperger's is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. There's more to it than poor social skills, obsessiveness and anxiety. Other problems indicative of autism could be sensory integration problems, coordination issues, hand flapping, and counting.

Although you can ask your school district to evaluate her for the condition, I would take a wait and see approach if I were you. I wouldn't want her to be labelled by teachers as Asperger's if it turns out that she is not. If she does have it, it will show up eventually.

Good luck to you, Mom.

 

[lemondog]

Is she really "obsessed" with horses (or whatever)? To the point where when you or anyone else tries to shift her attention to another toy, she refuses?

Do you get the feeling she'd rather be around her toys, rather than other children?

With our dd, she has a lot of meltdowns over seemingly nothing. Obviously it's important to her, but it wouldn't even register with a normal child.

Hmm, I guess obsessed was too strong a word. I guess you could say she REALLY likes them and that is what she plays with 95% of the time. But if it's time to move to another toy she can do that fine.

I definitely feel like she would rather be playing alone with her toys than with other children.

Meltdowns are a way of life with her. Beginning at 15 months old, and still at age 6. Usually over nothing, but she does have a VERY hard time transitioning if it is something she doesn't want to do. I mean RAGING tantrums...when it happens in public I swear people must think I am abusing her. Although part of me feels she does this on purpose rather than something she truly cannot control.

 

[kirstenb1]

If you're concerned, I really would pursue it with a developmental pediatrician. It can take months to get in, be forewarned.

I wouldn't bring the school into it without an independent diagnosis.

I know you want answers, and I guess the closest I can give you, is that I would pursue it if it were my child.

 

[vgrandy]

She sounds a lot like my 8 year old daughter. We just went through 9 hours of neuropsych/ psych testing and are waiting for the results. My daughter is smart (131 iq), has social anxiety and is quite socially awkward. Medication for the anxiety has helped tremendously but she is still a bit odd. She also has some mild sensory issues and coordination/gross motor issues. I can just recommend seeing a developmental pediatrician and started the evaluation process. PM me if you want to talk.

Victoria

 

[missypie]

Girls are harder to diagnose than boys. They present differently.

I'd start the process. Don't wait for your school to initiate anything...kids who receive special services cost the school district extra money, so they have every incentive not to diagnose.

 

[Suzy Mouse]

I'm reading a great book titled, "Look Me in the Eye". I think you might enjoy a look at how an Aspergian had thought of himself as a youngster and see if there are some similarities. By no means is this a book to diagnose your dd..but it's interesting how he reflects back and sees how others treated him.

 

[TinkerBean]

Not every socially awkward child has Asperger's. Some people just aren't intuitive when it comes to social situations.

As I'm sure you know, Asperger's is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. There's more to it than poor social skills, obsessiveness and anxiety. Other problems indicative of autism could be sensory integration problems, coordination issues, hand flapping, and counting.Although you can ask your school district to evaluate her for the condition, I would take a wait and see approach if I were you. I wouldn't want her to be labelled by teachers as Asperger's if it turns out that she is not. If she does have it, it will show up eventually.

Good luck to you, Mom.

Why in the world would you "wait and see" if your child had a MAJOR social disability?! Would you wait and see if they had a broken leg? It's this kind of attitude that stigmatizes children (and "labels" with disabilities).

My DS13 was diagnosed when he was 8. He was evaluated by our school district who found nothing. It wasn't until I took him to be privately evaluated that he was diagnosed with Asperger's. He should have been identified in kindergarden. I should have followed my gut. I thought I was just being overprotective.

Take her to be evaluated *outside* of your school district. Truth be told, school districts are simply not equiped to be making appropriate evaluations anymore. If your gut is telling you something - go with it. I listened to my peds, when I really should have listened to my gut and my child suffered two horrible years in public school (grades 3 and 4) until we finally got him into private placement. DO NOT wait for it to "show up eventually" you will do a huge disservice to your child. The earlier a child gets a dx the better. For the record my son never had hand flapping or counting, so don't let that be an indicator.

These kids are incredibly bright and intelligent who have wonderful futures ahead of them. In fact the school that my son attends was founded and is run by a woman who has Asperger's herself - a great role model for her students. My son wants to go to Tuft's or MIT - I have no doubt he will.

 

[TLuvsD]

You might want to check the hoagiesgifted website for information on twice exceptional childern (both gifted and something else). If you decide to have your child evaluated, it can be helpful to work with someone familiar with childern who are both gifted and ____.
Really, why not have the evaluation done? If you have it done and nothing is discovered, fine. If you don't have it done and there is an area that your child needs help to overcome, the sooner the better.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Why in the world would you "wait and see" if your child had a MAJOR social disability?! Would you wait and see if they had a broken leg? It's this kind of attitude that stigmatizes children (and "labels" with disabilities).

My DS13 was diagnosed when he was 8. He was evaluated by our school district who found nothing. It wasn't until I took him to be privately evaluated that he was diagnosed with Asperger's. He should have been identified in kindergarden. I should have followed my gut. I thought I was just being overprotective.

Take her to be evaluated *outside* of your school district. Truth be told, school districts are simply not equiped to be making appropriate evaluations anymore. If your gut is telling you something - go with it. I listened to my peds, when I really should have listened to my gut and my child suffered two horrible years in public school (grades 3 and 4) until we finally got him into private placement. DO NOT wait for it to "show up eventually" you will do a huge disservice to your child. The earlier a child gets a dx the better. For the record my son never had hand flapping or counting, so don't let that be an indicator.

These kids are incredibly bright and intelligent who have wonderful futures ahead of them. In fact the school that my son attends was founded and is run by a woman who has Asperger's herself - a great role model for her students. My son wants to go to Tuft's or MIT - I have no doubt he will.

You are so spot on! And I am quite confident that your ds WILL make those accomplishments happen, its an awesome feeling to see such wonderful things from our children...knowing the full background.

OP: Please, go with your gut, teachers, doctors, specialists...none are perfect...you know your child...a neuro psych eval can be the "start" of understanding what is going on...Earlier diagnosis the Better...your daughter Deserves that and YOU being her advocate is a necessary and powerful medium! Best of Luck...consider researching Tony Atwood or Aspergers and you'll read lots of interesting info...
..by the way for anyone interested, if you have not read, Born On A Blue Day, by Daniel Tammet it is a most interesting read....He is An autistic Mathematical Savant, Simply Amazing Young Man!

 

[TinkerBean]

You are so spot on! And I am quite confident that your ds WILL make those accomplishments happen, its an awesome feeling to see such wonderful things from our children...knowing the full background.

OP: Please, go with your gut, teachers, doctors, specialists...none are perfect...you know your child...a neuro psych eval can be the "start" of understanding what is going on...Earlier diagnosis the Better...your daughter Deserves that and YOU being her advocate is a necessary and powerful medium! Best of Luck...consider researching Tony Atwood or Aspergers and you'll read lots of interesting info...
..by the way for anyone interested, if you have not read, Born On A Blue Day, by Daniel Tammet it is a most interesting read....He is An autistic Mathematical Savant, Simply Amazing Young Man!

Thanks and I have to second anything by Tony Atwood. He is amazing. I saw him speak at the AANE (Asperger's Association of New England) Conference a few year's ago and he was amazing.http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=62&Itemid=176. I think what we are all trying to convey is the earlier the diagnosis, the earlier you can interveen and get you daugther the services she may need. I can speak for myself that when my son went to an evironment that understood him he completely (and I know this sounds cliche - but it was oh sooooo true) blosomed in all facets of his life.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I have an 18 year old DS who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he entered middle school. Once he was diagnosed it made a world of difference FOR ME! I finally understood why he did the things he did or responded to things the way he did. We are fortunate in that his teachers were very helpful and I got help for him before his grades suffered too miserably. He graduated high school with As & Bs, works part-time bagging groceries at a local grocer, has been driving a car for 1 year now, and will be starting college (commuting) at the end of this month.

This all sounds good but just this summer I have discovered that Asperger's can = digestive problems. We are currently undergoing medical tests to determine if my DS has Crohn's disease. I got to wondering if there was a corralation (sp?) between Asperger's and Crohn's. Sure enough, there is. I have ordered a book thru amazon.com "Asperger Syndrome: Natural Steps Toward a Better Life for You or Your Chld." I plan on broaching the subject with his gastroenterologist.

Good luck to you. Knowledge is power!

TC

 

[Mermaid02]

My 6 yo daughter is a rising 1st grader. She is beginning to exhibit some very mild signs of Aspergers. Academically she is off the charts, socially she is very "awkward" -- don't really know how else to describe it. She plays with other kids but only for about 10 minutes then is off in her own world. Loves animals almost to the point of obsession, especially dogs and horses. Cries at home to me that she has no friends at school and no one wants to play with her, yet her kindy teacher assured me she had no problems socially.

If it were not for her twin sister on the playground at recess (she is in a different class but they share recess time) I seriously wonder if my child would have anyone to play with. Her twin is extremely sweet, social, outgoing, go-with-the-flow kind of child. She has LOTS of friends and by association that means her twin sister has lots of friends to play with. I wonder if the teachers see her with other kids on the playground and just assume she is fine socially, when in reality it is all of her sisters' friends!

Any input on signs to look for, age your child was diagnosed, etc. The pedi said yes she could be showing signs of mild Aspergers, but she is WAY too young to even think/worry about that. I have taught preschool for 5 years, though, and have seen kids diagnosed at ages 3 and 4, so I didn't think 6 was too young.

Oh and on a side note, she has social anxiety, in that she always gets a stomachache when she has to go anywhere other than home. I have GAD which is serious enough to be treated with medication, but my anxiety didn't kick in until puberty. It breaks my heart to see my 6yo already dealing with this. I don't know if this in any way can be on the spectrum or if it's something entirely different.

Thanks in advance for any input!

My son was FINALLY diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder when he was in 4th grade, it's also in the autism family and VERY similar to Aspergers.

As far as the friend/social aspect goes, I would listen to my child and not the teacher. If this is how your daughter "feels" there is a reason for it. My son has no friends. The school thinks socially he's fine because "he has no problems in the lunch room". Seriously? He talks with kids at the lunch table so he's fine? He hasn't been invited to a child's birthday party since Kindergarten and he is NEVER invited over to anyone's home to play and our invitations are never accepted.

I would not "wait" because there is help and there are things the school can do to help her succeed.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

We started noticing something was "off" with our son in 1st grade. We thought we were rasing a rude child. He would say things to kids that just were not said. He crowded them in line, and if they turned to talk to them, because he was so close, he could smell their breath. He would gag, almost throw up, and tell them their breath stinks. He was invited to a birthday party, and when the mom asked him if he was having a good time, he told her it was the worse party he has ever been too.

He threw up over strong smells. We just thought it was a sensitive gag reflex, but the the Ped. diagnosed him with sensory intergration disorder. That got us an IEP for his fine and gross motor skills, which were way behind his peers. (Academically, he was off the charts, so the school needed a medical dx).

Still, we had no idea what we were dealing with. It wasn't until he was 9yo, and we realized he had an abnorally high anxiety level.(Bedtime was 8pm, if he was anywhere but in his bed at 8pm, he got agitated. Think Raymond and Wapner) Playing baseball on the town little league was torture for him! He was deathly afraid of the ball, and would actually yell out in fear if the ball came towards him. We finally decided to bring him in to a psychologist for his anxiety. When I posted about it here, on the DIS, a noce Disser pm'ed me and suggested I have him check for Asperger's. She gave me a link to a website that had a diagnostic scale on it. When I checked it out, my God! It was my son on the page. He had ALL of the classic symptoms.

My ped was on board with getting him tested. The neuro-psych we went to did not think he had Asperger's upon her initial meeting with him. She spent the day testing him..all day. (7 hours) By the end of the day, she still wasn't sure, but the tests results would tell. We went back a month later to review the results with her, and she had to admit he was Asperger's.

I remember telling my friends, and their reactions were like I was telling them it was a terminal illness or something. They were all so sympathetic with the "I am so sorry" ect. They didn't understand, I was delighted!!! We finally KNEW what was wrong with him! We could now take the road that would help him cope with his issues.

It has not been an easy road, and my DH has a long way to go in understanding that DS just can't be expected to behave in a normal way in many situations. DH often asks me in frustration "What is wrong with that kid?" DUH! WE KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM.

In 5th grade, DS went through a terrible time with depression. He was suicidal. Or he wanted to die. The school called me on more than one occasion to tell me that DS told someone he wanted to die, or that he would slam his head on his desk, hoping to hit hard enough that he would die. Scary, SCARY days for us. We got him some help, and once he entered middle school, he flourished! He enjoyed school so much, he stopped wishing he were dead. He admitted he hated school in elementary school because it was so boring. I don't know, but middle school is supposed to be the worst time in a kid's life, saved my son.

Negativity is one of our main problems with him. He puts a negative spin on everything. His special Ed teacher used to joke with him. She would tell him that by the end of 8th grade he was going to start saying the glass is half full instead of half empty. I think she did a great job of almost getting him there.

Now, he is entering HS, so he has a whole new set of fears he is dealing with. I am sure he will be fine though.

 

[Lanshark]

Take her to a professional who specializes in the area of concern (not a pediatrician). If she does have Aspergers then you want to know it now so you can address it and get her the appropriate services. If she doesn't have Aspergers you also want to know it now so you can address her anxiety and social issues and get her the appropriate services. .

I don't have a child with Aspergers but I have taught many of them. If a child has a broken bone you would probably not have a pediatrician set it; you would go to a specialist. Your pediatrician is probably not an expert in this area. He/She should be able to give you a reference to someone who is.