Moms of Freshmen Girls.....

[westjones]

Would anyone else be interested in discussing issues of parenting girls through their first year of high school?

I have twin girls who are Freshmen this year, and I must say, high school is so very different than middle school (at least for us).

My first issue is the whole "boys" issue. All of a sudden Junior and Senior boys (who have cars) are interested in my daughters. I won't let them get in a car with older teenagers (and kids their age can't drive yet), but when do other parents allow this? I am thinking maybe at age 25 or 30?

Anyway, would there be any interested in a thread like this?

DJ

 

[Michelle67]

I don't have a freshman girl any longer, but I've survived it. I'd be glad to chat about it with others, both those who are still there and those who have survived.

I found freshman year absolutely brutal. According to my daughter (and probably to yours, sooner or later) EVERYONE else is allowed to do these things, and you and I are overbearing control freaks.

Then, sadly, I found out that there ARE a lot of parents who let their kids do all kinds of ridiculous things.

 

[Desiree]

I'm a mom of a high school freshmen. I don't thing it is going to get any easier either!!! LOL So far we're keeping busy with flag corps but I know the boy issue is coming. Although we managed to survive homecoming with a large group of girlfriends. Not sure how many more of them will be that easy!

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Count me in! DD14 is a Freshman this year.

We haven't had the car issue yet but I wouldn't let DD ride with an older teenager that I didn't know and trust. She has ridden with her friend's sister (who I believe is a Senior in HS or a college Freshman this year) back and forth to the movies before but that is it.

 

[KAMLEM]

My oldest DD is a freshman. Just last week she asked if she could go to the movies with a girl on her soccer team who is a senior. I wouldn't let her go, I don't think she's old enough to be running around town with kids who drive. She wasn't very happy at first and it was difficult to say no, but she got over it. I don't want her hanging around with older kids, I just don't think it's necessary. She has many friends her own age.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I don't have a freshman girl any longer, but I've survived it. I'd be glad to chat about it with others, both those who are still there and those who have survived.

I found freshman year absolutely brutal. According to my daughter (and probably to yours, sooner or later) EVERYONE else is allowed to do these things, and you and I are overbearing control freaks.

Then, sadly, I found out that there ARE a lot of parents who let their kids do all kinds of ridiculous things.

There is a girl a couple of houses down from us who is a Freshman at DD's school that is ALWAYS in trouble with the cops for drinking, smoking and drugs. The mother doesn't seem to be too concerned with her child's behavior at all. I would be surprised if this child doesn't end up dropping out, pregnant, in jail or all of the above!

 

[Michelle67]

There is a girl a couple of houses down from us who is a Freshman at DD's school that is ALWAYS in trouble with the cops for drinking, smoking and drugs. The mother doesn't seem to be too concerned with her child's behavior at all. I would be surprised if this child doesn't end up dropping out, pregnant, in jail or all of the above!

Isn't that sad? My daughter hooked up with a few friends like that and (in the process of telling her why she wouldn't hang out with them any longer) I predicted all of those things, while my daughter told me how stupid I was, that I didn't know her friends, had no right to "dis" them, etc. Guess what? Every one of them. Dropped out. Pregnant. Unmarried. On welfare. Oh and of course their parents, who allowed the partying in their homes, immediately kicked them out because they weren't going to have a baby under their roof.

 

[MelanieC]

I'd be willing to talk about my perspective as a mom of a Junior daughter.

It only get's worse, lol. I think it's all about trust and how mature they are too. We've already had to make a decision if she went on vacation this past summer to the Shore with her boyfriends family, that we happen to know personally prior to them going out (we let her go) and about letting her spend the night with her group of best friends (both boys and girls) at one of the boy's houses with the parents at home (which we let her do after careful consideration).

My daughter has a great head on her shoulder and she doesn't let anyone influance her decisions. For us, it came down our trust in our daughter and knowing her friends.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Would anyone else be interested in discussing issues of parenting girls through their first year of high school?

I have twin girls who are Freshmen this year, and I must say, high school is so very different than middle school (at least for us).

My first issue is the whole "boys" issue. All of a sudden Junior and Senior boys (who have cars) are interested in my daughters. I won't let them get in a car with older teenagers (and kids their age can't drive yet), but when do other parents allow this? I am thinking maybe at age 25 or 30?

Anyway, would there be any interested in a thread like this?

DJ

I'm in! She's 14, almost 15 in a few days, and she is NAIVE. She has a mouth on her sometimes (sassy, etc.) but she is so clueless. I worry that peer pressure and especially older boys may influence her a lot, because she is just that type who never thinks other people are doing the wrong thing until it's too late. Ugh! She is enjoying high school and she, too, had fun at homecoming. She went with a group of friends so no dating older boys problems yet. All of her "boyfriends" (if you could call them that, she is not allowed to date until next year) have been her age or a year younger, luckily. I am glad that she is adjusting reasonably well to HS, though. All summer long I heard her whine about how she wanted to stay in middle school because some of her friends were not moving to HS this year. It was really getting on my nerves and worrying me that she would not do well! But she has.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Another freshman mom here! DD is 14 1/2 and so far has been cruising along really well. In middle school she really felt she didn't "fit in" with the other kids because she was the new kid but now she has lots of friends at the high school. She did go to Homecoming with her boyfriend and another couple. And by boyfriend, I mean the boy she sits with at lunch and they text all the time and they call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. There is this new boy though who is really making a play for my DD. He came over on Saturday to work on a History paper and I didn't like him AT ALL. He kept talking about the girls he'd dated, naming names. What a jerk! After they finished the paper and we were getting ready to go he followed her into her room and I walked in and gave him a hella lecture about losing important body parts if he ever entered my DD's room again. I think my actual words were, "young man, I grew up on a farm and I have no problem with neutering male animals on my property that may need it!". I also told him that most boys are afraid of girls' fathers but in this case he should be terrified of me. Yeah, I think he got the message.... My DD laughed and told him that yes, he should be very afraid of me.

 

[westjones]

I'd be willing to talk about my perspective as a mom of a Junior daughter.

It only get's worse, lol.

LOL! Oh Great!

I would LOVE to hear from moms who have survived Freshmen year and on! It is great to hear some of the progression we may see.

So far, we have avoided the boy issue also because my girls are happy being with their friends (their own age), but I (and they) have been SHOCKED that these older boys are even interested in girls their age.

They are immature, but no more so than other kids their age. But up until now, they did not know kids who drank alcohol, had sex, or were aware of drugs around them (they go to a small school--I realize it is different in other areas--my neice had a girl go into labor in her 8th grade math class in another state).

At least my girls are talking to me and telling me what is going on. But I can tell we are going to have to make a lot of tough decisions in the next four years.

DJ

 

[westjones]

I think my actual words were, "young man, I grew up on a farm and I have no problem with neutering male animals on my property that may need it!". I also told him that most boys are afraid of girls' fathers but in this case he should be terrified of me. Yeah, I think he got the message.... My DD laughed and told him that yes, he should be very afraid of me.

Wow! That is cool that your DD thought it was funny!
DJ

 

[SadieDog]

I'd be willing to talk about my perspective as a mom of a Junior daughter.

It only get's worse, lol. I think it's all about trust and how mature they are too. We've already had to make a decision if she went on vacation this past summer to the Shore with her boyfriends family, that we happen to know personally prior to them going out (we let her go) and about letting her spend the night with her group of best friends (both boys and girls) at one of the boy's houses with the parents at home (which we let her do after careful consideration).

My daughter has a great head on her shoulder and she doesn't let anyone influance her decisions. For us, it came down our trust in our daughter and knowing her friends.

I am willing to talk about my perspective as I Mom of a Senior daughter.

My daughter has also spent the night at her good friends house where both girls and boys have stayed. It has actually become a lot more common than people think.

 

[dzneelvr]

DD is now a college freshman and DS a college junior, so I could write a book on either gender's adjustment throughout their school phases! As far as DD, I am always honest and forthright with her. First topic was those upperclass boys....since she had an older brother who she respects very much, we weren't villanizing them. But even DS said that the older boys don't take you out to talk. Dating until 16 was not acceptable unless "group event dates". We kept the lines of communication open. There was one incident where we caught her lying and she paid the price for awhile. We always made home a safe place and kept doing family activities together. I remember how I felt as a freshman and it helped keep things in perspective--there is fear, a need to grow, but mostly a need to feel safe. DH and I would use TV episodes, movies, books, anything to generate dialogues. You can't save them from everything; pick your battles and celebrate her successes. They seem to push us away, but they really want us close. and that summer trip to WDW always helped

 

[Cindyluwho]

DD is now a college freshman and DS a college junior, so I could write a book on either gender's adjustment throughout their school phases! As far as DD, I am always honest and forthright with her. First topic was those upperclass boys....since she had an older brother who she respects very much, we weren't villanizing them. But even DS said that the older boys don't take you out to talk. Dating until 16 was not acceptable unless "group event dates". We kept the lines of communication open. There was one incident where we caught her lying and she paid the price for awhile. We always made home a safe place and kept doing family activities together. I remember how I felt as a freshman and it helped keep things in perspective--there is fear, a need to grow, but mostly a need to feel safe. DH and I would use TV episodes, movies, books, anything to generate dialogues. You can't save them from everything; pick your battles and celebrate her successes. They seem to push us away, but they really want us close. and that summer trip to WDW always helped

What an awesome post!! Thank you

 

[westjones]

DD is now a college freshman and DS a college junior, so I could write a book on either gender's adjustment throughout their school phases! As far as DD, I am always honest and forthright with her. First topic was those upperclass boys....since she had an older brother who she respects very much, we weren't villanizing them. But even DS said that the older boys don't take you out to talk. Dating until 16 was not acceptable unless "group event dates". We kept the lines of communication open. There was one incident where we caught her lying and she paid the price for awhile. We always made home a safe place and kept doing family activities together. I remember how I felt as a freshman and it helped keep things in perspective--there is fear, a need to grow, but mostly a need to feel safe. DH and I would use TV episodes, movies, books, anything to generate dialogues. You can't save them from everything; pick your battles and celebrate her successes. They seem to push us away, but they really want us close. and that summer trip to WDW always helped

Thanks for this!

So did you do WDW trips all through High School? Do you think they helped your family stay close?

We have been to Disney every year since they were 4 and there are things I no longer enjoy about vacations with them (the rolling eyes, them wanting what they want and getting mad if we don't do it, and the arguing between the two of them). So we were thinking of skipping a year (not this year, we are already booked for spring break), thinking it would give them time to grow up and maybe they would be more fun to be with by then.

DJ

 

[westjones]

Wow, threads move down the pages fast on this board!

I have a question. Have your daughters had a school dance yet (first high school dance)?

Next week is the first dance for my girls (Sadies Hawkins) and they had planned to go, but now they aren't sure.

In middle school you just went to the dance with friends and hung out. But with high school dances, do kids still do that? Or do you pretty much have to have a date?

For those of you with older kids, what have your kids seen with dances?

Thanks!
DJ

 

[c4a]

Have a senior.
School dances (chaparoned quite a few-serve refreshments) tend to be the girls dancing, the boys standing around until a slow song comes on & then they ask the girls. For a hundred guys-there may be 10 dancing the fast ones.
With Kendall... the rolling eyes, smart mouth, the "I hate you" "You are SO unfair!" (I always holler back "Yeah? Well, I love you." Works pretty good-stops her in her tracks and all she can do is answer with a glare.)...usual teen age drama queen melodrama. It is getting better since we had a long talk about if she wanted to be treated as an adult, then I expected her to behave like an adult. Now, when she starts acting like a toddler...I'll talk to her in an exagerrated toddler speak ("Does duh widdle Kendall need her a banky? A binky? Or a nap?"). She laughs and gets the pt.
The best thing I have found was our "pitch ins" on Sundays. We have a giant brunch, where everyone brings something...all of Kendall's friends and their family are invited. In this way, I get to not only know who she is hanging out with but also see how the kids parents interact with them. It started when Kendall was in JR high & we got into an argument because I didn't approve of some of the girls she was friends with. Kendall called me on it & said I didn't even know them. She was right.
As for WDW, yes-we still go. We have a deal with Kendall. We allow her to bring one friend (female) & we match her dollar for dollar on the amount towards that friend going. (We tell her how much it will cost for the friend to go & she has to come up with her 1/2 before inviting them. The invited guest is in charge of supplying their own souvanier $$-we supply the room, ticket, ddp, transportation). Both girls have a watch, we meet up with them hourly & make sure we are all in the same area of the park, where they are headed (plans are)-they are not allowed to leave that area without us & we eat meals together. If they are late for check-in-then they have to spend the next two hours with us (doing what we want). In the past four years-she has only been late 1 time (and that was because of a ride line). Every night, we insist that there is a call home to the parent & we discuss the next days plan with the parent to make sure it is all okay. Works great.

 

[Cindyluwho]

Wow, threads move down the pages fast on this board!

I have a question. Have your daughters had a school dance yet (first high school dance)?

Next week is the first dance for my girls (Sadies Hawkins) and they had planned to go, but now they aren't sure.

In middle school you just went to the dance with friends and hung out. But with high school dances, do kids still do that? Or do you pretty much have to have a date?

For those of you with older kids, what have your kids seen with dances?

Thanks!
DJ

DD's high school had their first dance of the year a few weeks back. It was Homecoming. Kids went in groups; some with dates, some without. They pretty much hung out, girls dancing, guys talking. The above poster was right about the slow dances, that was when the guys took the floor with their gals. Not surprisingly, some girls told their parents they were going to the dance, were dropped off and then left to go party. These were freshman girls

 

[Justanopinion]

I would get in on this thread but I didn't survive my middle DD's freshman year. I am in some ways still paying a high price for some of her choices. I won't go into details but it will get worse but it also depends on the child.

Best of luck to every one of you.