Moms. does it make you smile when a pregnant woman says this?

[GinnyEmma]

Like I said, if it's important to you, you will stick to "never." I made my mind up before I was ever pregnant to "never" use formula, and I never have, and never will.

Or you can be in that camp, find out you can't bf and wind up seriously depressed at your failure. If your baby had been hungry, would you have fed her formula?

 

[fairestoneofall]

all things aside, it makes me sad that mothers cannot support and rally behind each other, regardless of our personal beliefs. i just don't see how tearing down someone's goals is good. sure, she may end up not being able to follow through on everything. but we should build her up and support her and hope that she can. and if she can't, that she won't beat herself up too much.

it's like the whole nursing versus bottle issue. why can't we just support someone else's choice, even if it's not the same one that we personally made? when DS was five months old, he and i both were really sick. my milk went way down and i never could get my supply back up. i really beat myself up about it before i finally realized that i needed to relax. giving him formula was just fine. and a less-stressed, relaxed mom was more important than whether he was nursed or took formula.

as moms, we need to support each other. period.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

Or you can be in that camp, find out you can't bf and wind up seriously depressed at your failure. If your baby had been hungry, would you have fed her formula?

I had several serious breastfeeding-related issues, and did not give formula. If I absolutely could not breastfeed (and it is a very small percentage of women who are physically unable to breastfeed regardless of measures taken), I would have given donor milk.

 

[tlbwriter]

I had several serious breastfeeding-related issues, and did not give formula. If I absolutely could not breastfeed (and it is a very small percentage of women who are physically unable to breastfeed regardless of measures taken), I would have given donor milk.

How easy is it to get donor milk? I know someone who donated after her last child was weaned, but I never got a chance to talk to her about it. Is it for anybody who has the money to pay for it? I always assumed it was prioritized for high-risk babies.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

How easy is it to get donor milk? I know someone who donated after her last child was weaned, but I never got a chance to talk to her about it. Is it for anybody who has the money to pay for it? I always assumed it was prioritized for high-risk babies.

There are milk banks that provide free breastmilk to high-risk babies, but anyone can purchase breastmilk for their babies (though it is NOT cheap). You can go through a milk bank that screens donors, or you can get milk from an individual. There is a way to pasteurize breastmilk, but it is not recommended because it breaks down the milk proteins and nutrients.

ETA: I remember reading somewhere that Neil Patrick Harris and his partner get breastmilk for their twins.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I had several serious breastfeeding-related issues, and did not give formula. If I absolutely could not breastfeed (and it is a very small percentage of women who are physically unable to breastfeed regardless of measures taken), I would have given donor milk.

Fair enough. I had a devil of a time and stuck it out through several bouts of mastitis. In retrospect I'd say that the emotional energy that I put into it probably caused more stress than needed, and I've known enough babies to know that it really doesn't matter. Neither group is smarter or healthier. The bonds aren't stronger on either side. My concern would have been feeding the child rather than searching out donor milk. I would also wonder if that was taking from a preemie in true need. I also question the stats on the ability to bf exclusively.

So i still believe in never saying never. Not knocking goals. But realizing that the mommy wars don't need to be and come from the nevers.

 

[ccgirl]

Fair enough. I had a devil of a time and stuck it out through several bouts of mastitis. In retrospect I'd say that the emotional energy that I put into it probably caused more stress than needed, and I've known enough babies to know that it really doesn't matter. Neither group is smarter or healthier. The bonds aren't stronger on either side. My concern would have been feeding the child rather than searching out donor milk. I would also wonder if that was taking from a preemie in true need. I also question the stats on the ability to bf exclusively.

So i still believe in never saying never. Not knocking goals. But realizing that the mommy wars don't need to be and come from the nevers.

This.

As a curiosity, do they screen the breastmilk for diseases? If so, which ones? That would be a concern of mine.

 

[GinnyEmma]

This.

As a curiosity, do they screen the breastmilk for diseases? If so, which ones? That would be a concern of mine.

I don't know. Going to a party with a friend who donated though. I'll ask her.

 

[Conservative Hippie]

This.

As a curiosity, do they screen the breastmilk for diseases? If so, which ones? That would be a concern of mine.

When I applied to be a donor, I had to submit specific blood tests for HIV and HPV, and also have documents signed by my midwife or PCP and my son's pediatrician (who I was breastfeeding at the time I applied) that I was in good health, he was in good health, and neither one had any reason why my milk should not be used. I also had to submit any and all medications and supplements I was taking, and also agree to adhere to strict sterile collection and storage guidelines. Unfortunately some paperwork got lost on the milk bank's end, and I never ended up donating any to them. (Frozen breastmilk is good for up to 6 months, and it took too long.)

 

[MrsPete]

I'm going to be a 1st mom in about 9 months (yay!). Even though I don't have kids of my own, nor do I have a lot of child care experiance...I do know better than to say "never" . . . I want to cloth diaper. I want to breastfeed. I have no problems using pacifiers or bottles (bottles espeically because I"m sure DH will want to feed the baby too!). But if cloth diapers become too much or if BFing doesn't work out, I'm not going to sweat it too much (it's not like if we wind up using formula, we're giving the kid crack. BF is best but formula is ok too). Oh, and I do want to make my own baby food, but not out of my organic garden - just the organic produce section at the store!

Good for you. Your moderate, "we'll see how it goes" attitude will serve you well when your baby arrives.

One suggestion: As you read and consider what you want to do for your own baby, pick out what things matter most to you -- and when the time comes that something has to give, make sure it's NOT the things at the top of your list. For example, breastfeeding was #1 for me. First, it mattered to me because it has life-long benefits; second, it was a huge money saver; third, it was so much more convenient than formula. So I put lots of effort into learning to breastfeed -- even if something else slipped in the process. So . . . pick the couple things that matter most to you, and let the rest go. You can really do a couple things well. You cannot do EVERYTHING and do it well.

Or you can be in that camp, find out you can't bf and wind up seriously depressed at your failure. If your baby had been hungry, would you have fed her formula?

I think the "can't breastfeed" idea is really over-blown. Few women are genuinely unable to breastfeed, though not all will have an easy time establishing a breastfeeding relationship, and some may decide that it isn't important enough to them to work at it. So I wouldn't let "what if I fail?" stand in the way.

Exactly! I can just imagine how many people have said that their children will NEVER. . .get picked up for shoplifting. . .take drugs or drink too much. . .marry the wrong person. . .have a child out of wedlock. . .etc. . .but even with all the best intentions in the world, it happens. Never say never.

If you take the "my child will never" thing too far, it may easily make life difficult for the child later.

Here's why I say this: I recently chaperoned a teenaged-group on a weekend trip. One girl in the group just plain doesn't fit in, and it's quite clear that it goes back to her mother having taken good ideas and taken them to extremes. Her mother only cooks super-healthy foods (tofu, kale, organic eggs, stuff I can't identify), which is great . . . until the kid becomes a teen, goes out with friends, and can't find anything to eat. At that point, the kid is embarassed because her appetite is different, and her friends become irritated because she's holding up the group.

So instead of "nevers", it might be wise to take the kid to McDonald's on occasion -- if for no other reason, then to prepare them for social situations they'll encounter in their teenaged years. Moderation is a good idea.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I felt the same way about breastfeeding but I also know many people who changes their mind after some of the stuff I dealt with. I don't blame them one bit.

 

[Razib456]

My cousin is 9 months pregnant, and when we visited with her yesterday, she told me that she will NEVER use disposable diapers, bottles or a pacifier. She also said she will grow her own organic vegetables and make all her own baby food.

The part that cracked me up is that she said she will be putting the baby on a strict schedule the minute he/she is born to ensure that the baby sleeps through the night.

I love her to death, and she is a super smart woman who owns her own very successful business, but I didn't want to burst her bubble by telling her that babies have their own plans and make their own schedules for the most part. She is 31, so it isn't like she is immature. She has planned for this baby for several years, and has wonderful intentions.

It just made me smile to hear her say all that. I hope for her sake that everthing works out perfectly, but it's hard to picture her washing out all those cloth diapers (she said she won't use a diaper service) and still being able to devote most of her time to running her business. I think she is in for a rude awakening though, and hopefully won't crack if something doesn't go perfectly.

As for me, I could not have existed without the pacifier at the very least! I understand her wanting to breastfeed, but botlles would still come in handy if she wants her husband to help sometimes. I guess we will see what happens.

It makes you smile at first but it is impossible not to wonder if she knows what she's getting into. I don't see the point of not using the disposable diapers...

Mothers may have many plans about their babies but babies have completely separate plans...just let her dream for a while...and you'll see how she will be different after a couple of weeks of not sleeping and washing diapers and breast feeding...

 

[Robinrs]

Doesn't make me smile, makes me LAUGH!

I wish more people were more diligent on how to raise the WHOLE child than on the details of their first year. Make sure they're loved, secure and happy. All that other stuff is to make the moms feel good about themselves.

 

[MELSMICE]

Doesn't make me smile, makes me LAUGH!

I wish more people were more diligent on how to raise the WHOLE child than on the details of their first year. Make sure they're loved, secure and happy. All that other stuff is to make the moms feel good about themselves.

Best thing I've read on this entire thread!

 

[5lilfish]

Doesn't make me smile, makes me LAUGH!

I wish more people were more diligent on how to raise the WHOLE child than on the details of their first year. Make sure they're loved, secure and happy. All that other stuff is to make the moms feel good about themselves.

Definitely! Plus, some decisions have to be made for the benefit of the entire family and not just the baby. By doing what is best for the entire family (doing what works for your family), everyone is happy and that will trickle back to having a happier more secure baby/child.

Jess

 

[DMickey28]

I tried to BF my YDS but he had a milk and soy allergy. By the time we figured that out it was too late to go back and get on the diet to BF him. It was not practical to re-lactate even though I would have loved to.

I cloth diaper and I love it. I stink at keeping up with the laundry in general but CD's seem to fall into a different category for me as I have no problem with it. Those that say it is cheaper though ... LOL! Not for me, too many cute ones out there. The good part is that if we have a tougher month money wise I don't NEED to buy diapers or wipes!