mom problems??

[Parkers_girl]

Have anyone ever had a problem with a significant other's mother? My g/f, of almost 5 months,mother does not accept her or us. She is constantly putting my gf down and telling her how wrong she is and how she is not allowed to be with me and all this other nonsense. I think she is bi-polar, b/c one minute she is talking to me and inviting places then 2 days later she's telling my gf she is no longer around me. It's stressing me out so much to know that my love is in tears over her mother and the way she is treated. So I was just wondering if any one has gone through something similiar to this, or anything with disapproving parents and how have you handled it? Some advice would be so helpful right now!! Thanks so much!!!!

 

[dkostel]

Unfortunately all you can be is supportive. It is a hard thing, for most people, to realize that their parents are people, as capable of being wrong as anyone else. My last 2 gf's have had very manipulative moms, not necessairly disapproving of us or being gay, but critical of every other atom in their bodies. When I came out to my folks, they asked if I was gay, and I said yes, & if there was a problem with it, it was their problem. Yes, a risky response, but I was not having a second of the "it's wrong" crap (although I had to assure them that it wasn't the product of their parenting). It was actually a major turning point in my and my mother's relationship, we get along much better on all levels now.
Not all parents would respond in kind, and not all people are willing to risk the relationship. Their relationship is only ever going to be as good/destructive as your gf insists on it being (and this may mean that it is non existant). It's all up to her, you can NEVER count on someone else changing, only yourself.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

How old is your gf? If she hasn't reach her legal majority that may remove some options from her.

If she has, and can support herself to live independently, she should have a frank discussion with her mother. Mother needs to understand that this is her daughter. She can refuse to accept the daughter, but the daughter will always be a lesbian.

I don't pretend that it's easy (on either side, the telling or the accepting) but to do less is to court serious problems for your gf for the future.

She needs to be as self assured as possible and understanding that not all Mothers are the supportive loving sort is a step in that direction.

All the best to you both. Be strong.