Mom on Trial - Leaves child in Car for minutes

[yearbook50]

I'm reading some terrible and shameful responses here.

Unacceptable and unneccessary. I think everybody should take a step back and stop the needless bickering and attacks. I'm reading some very mean spirited and hurtful things here. I noticed this story because I had a similar incident. Parents or not I think we, as adults, can have a mature discussion without resorting to hurtful remarks.

Everybody is intitled to their opinion and nobody deserves to be berated because of theirs.

If you wife can't handle a message board, maybe she shouldn't be posting on threads like this.

 

[ReallyGoofy]

That is a little rude, and not something I'd personally laugh at.

Teachers, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters.... they can give a valuable perspective when maybe parents are too close to see things objectively.

Not everyone without kids is completely clueless.

But glad to know my opinions mean so little. Thanks.

I guess maybe I'll come up with a list of things I don't listen to "soccer moms" about.

All these people have some perspective into what is going on, and in some cases good advise. But to go on about "I would never" and "that will never happen with my kids" when you can't know without raising children yourself is another story. The difference is when you raise a child (children) from birth to graduation and relate stories, those people without children will never fully understand. Just a fact. Learning about it raising a family and living it are two very different things.

 

[Quest4fun]

I agree 100% and I hope my posts are not coming across as mean spirited. Maybe some smilies in my posts would help show that I am not intending to come across in a mean way.

It would be nice if everybody approached these threads with that attitude. It probably doesn't help that a lot of people don't use smilies to convey that they're friendly. You'd think it was implied that we're all friendly here.

I know people are assuming that I'm taking my wife's side. She was dishing it out just as good as she got it so she's in no way exempt from my perception of a thread gone bad. I think we all need to take a good look at ourselves and remember that this is a friendly message board and it's here to share stories, opinions, and more importantly laughs.

Here is a smily to represent my joy.


Obviously I'm cracking up DisneyDrew who is clearly being sarcastic which last time I checked was not allowed on these boards.

 

[poohandwendy]

And the last point is that this woman was completely unaware of the laws. It amazes me how many people have no idea what the law actually says. So then when they break it, they try to plead ignorance. Well, that doesn't work. Step up and take responsibility. If she had done that, I'm sure she would have simply received a warning.

I have to say, I didn't go to law school and I am not a law enforcement officer. I can say without a doubt that I do not know all of the laws. I couldn't tell you how many feet you are allowed to be away from a small child, or how long you can leave them unattended (does that apply to your home-yard?)

I can't blame this mother for reacting unfavorably to being arrested for child endangerment. I can tell you that I would definitely react if the same thing happened to me, I would not be submissive and compliant if I was accused of that and they were trying to arrest me in front of my children right after I was showing the kids to drop money in the dang Salvation Army coin drop!!! There is no way in hell. This woman didn't come stumbling out of a bar, she was showing her kids to donate to a charity for petes sake.

It would take a completely numb person not to react with anger to that. Good Lord, that is just absurd!

 

[ReallyGoofy]

I have to say, I didn't go to law school and I am not a law enforcement officer. I can say without a doubt that I do not know all of the laws. I couldn't tell you how many feet you are allowed to be away from a small child, or how long you can leave them unattended (does that apply to your home-yard?)

I can't blame this mother for reacting unfavorably to being arrested for child endangerment. I can tell you that I would definitely react if the same thing happened to me, I would not be submissive and compliant if I was accused of that and they were trying to arrest me in front of my children right after I was showing the kids to drop money in the dang Salvation Army coin drop!!! There is no way in hell.

It would take a completely numb person not to react with anger to that. Good Lord, that is just absurd!

AMEN!!!!

 

[smkiss02]

It would be nice if everybody approached these threads with that attitude. It probably doesn't help that a lot of people don't use smilies to convey that they're friendly. You'd think it was implied that we're all friendly here.

I know people are assuming that I'm taking my wife's side. She was dishing it out just as good as she got it so she's in no way exempt from my perception of a thread gone bad. I think we all need to take a good look at ourselves and remember that this is a friendly message board and it's here to share stories, opinions, and more importantly laughs.

Here is a smily to represent my joy.


Obviously I'm cracking up DisneyDrew who is clearly being sarcastic which last time I checked was not allowed on these boards.

Seriously, if you can't take it, get off the message board.

 

[Quest4fun]

Seriously, if you can't take it, get off the message board.

I want everybody to have a great day. May it be filled with happiness.

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

I'm reading some terrible and shameful responses here.

Unacceptable and unneccessary. I think everybody should take a step back and stop the needless bickering and attacks. I'm reading some very mean spirited and hurtful things here. I noticed this story because I had a similar incident. Parents or not I think we, as adults, can have a mature discussion without resorting to hurtful remarks.

Everybody is intitled to their opinion and nobody deserves to be berated because of theirs.

So since you've decided to post, I have a question. I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, I honestly wonder.

Your wife stated that she would not leave your child(ren) unattended, even at home, for bathroom breaks or whatever. Is this something you agree with? Is it something you would follow yourself if she asked it of you?

As a mother of three I have found it nearly impossible to get anything done without having moments where they are out of my sight and I found her remarks to be highly inflammatory.

 

[Quest4fun]

So since you've decided to post, I have a question. I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful, I honestly wonder.

Your wife stated that she would not leave your child(ren) unattended, even at home, for bathroom breaks or whatever. Is this something you agree with? Is it something you would follow yourself if she asked it of you?

As a mother of three I have found it nearly impossible to get anything done without having moments where they are out of my sight and I found her remarks to be highly inflammatory.

It doesn't matter what I think because I don't have children.

Somebody else made the response about not taking bathroom breaks. She never said that. She's been disciplined by the mods so the point is moot.

I can't continue with this discussion. The nature of it is contradictory to the code of conduct for the DISboards.

 

[delmar411]

I normally avoid these types of threads since I'm in the camp of it's ok to leave your kids alone in the car but I'm glad I did read a bit through it and that the charges are being dropped.

I'll skip the middle section though since it appears to have gone 'holier than thou' with those who don't even have children let alone multiple small kids.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

My hubby and myself are in the small minority my kids aren't ever out of our sight not even for a second, unless they are in bed asleep, I can only speak for our kids but I know what kind of trouble they can get into even in a few seconds I'm not saying this is what works for everyone but it works for us

Wow. I just can't imagine that. What if they run into different rooms for a second? I have one child and it's very hard to keep up with him, most days. I don't know how I'd keep TWO in my sight 24/7 for years on end without going batty! Or do you have everything gated off still? Strangely enough, my son still sleeps with us so although he is not in our SIGHT overnight, we are right there with him. We don't co-sleep because of this, but I would worry more about someone snatching him in the night than I would about him playing trains in the next room during the day. But that is just my personal opinion. Also, he doesn't really "get into trouble" when he plays by himself. He's a pretty independent, smart kid and he tends to avoid danger out of pure instinct, for the most part! He will usually come to me if he needs any type of assistance. If he gets really quiet in the other room, I will go check. ALL PARENTS know the "too quiet means something is up" rule. But if he's in there singing and playing, I feel no need to be staring right at him the whole time. I think independent play is extremely important for young children. I don't really enjoy hovering; it makes me feel uncomfortable and isn't good for his development, IMO. I think that can lead to anxiety in kids, when they feel like they aren't capable of doing ANYTHING without strict supervision and assistance. YMM(AOD)V.

As to all the bickering about whether the woman in the OP was adequately supervising her child, if the news article quoted seriously misstated some of the facts, then I would certainly reconsider my opinion. The way I read it, the woman was just a few feet away, dropping coins in a SA bucket, snapping a few quick pictures, and it didn't take more than a few minutes. Maybe that's not the case. BUT IF SHE WAS RIGHT THERE WITHIN SIGHT/QUICK REACH OF THE CAR, my opinion stands. It may not be the absolute safest/best thing to have done, but in no way should it be criminal. I was also unaware of her State laws regarding this type of situation, so perhaps it really is a criminal offense even if she WAS right there. In that case, I would simply say that I don't think it should be. And I still don't believe EVERY cop is honorable/infallible and never inflates a situation beyond what it really is, for personal reasons or due to bias.

ETA: Went back and read the whole thread...
As for the "social worker with no kids" debate, let me share my insight:

1. I worked as a therapist/social worker for years before coming a SAHM, so I feel I can speak with some authority on this issue.
2. Social workers usually DO know better than the parents they interact with, because generally those parents are involved in the system for some type of abuse or neglect. This often leads to a perception by social workers (at least the ones I worked with) that they necessarily know more than ALL parents, which is totally untrue, IMO. Social workers who are parents know not all parents are clueless/abusive/neglectful/inappropriate. Social workers who are not parents don't have the grounding experience of coming home to a relatively normal nuclear family at the end of each day and knowing that most people do okay, and their kids turn out more or less okay. And I'm not knocking that at all, because I was in that boat for many years. I'm just sayin'...you really DO get so used to judging parents in that job, that it becomes a knee-jerk reaction. I mean, you're PAID to evaluate their parenting skills! The gossip about them as human beings, however, is done free of charge and usually in the office with no clients around. :X
3. Whether I consider the advice/perspective of a childless or childfree person depends on a few factors. If the person is explaining their reaction or philosophy about something in a calm, rational, and reasonable manner, then I might give it a second thought. If the person is spouting something ridiculous that any parent in his/her right mind would know is impossible IN REAL LIFE WITH A REAL CHILD, and further states that anyone who doesn't is LESS OF A PARENT, then I roll my eyes and move on. And I did that back when I didn't have kids, because I am one of four and know some things just plain don't happen the way you want them to!
4. There is a lot of emotional stress involved in social work. Tough, endless, underpaid work, and sometimes you feel like you're not getting anywhere or really helping anyone. It's a very demanding job and MORE THAN A FEW of my former co-workers either burnt out and quit or had outright breakdowns during the course of my employment in several agencies. Seriously! My former boss even committed suicide!!!!!! So I try not to judge people with a job like that when they flip out. I know how draining it can be.

 

[disneymom3]

Fine then, for the sake of arguing, how about that she never really left the car unattended?

Obviously the prosecutors in this case felt there was not enough evidence against her.

I'm reading some terrible and shameful responses here.

Unacceptable and unneccessary. I think everybody should take a step back and stop the needless bickering and attacks. I'm reading some very mean spirited and hurtful things here. I noticed this story because I had a similar incident. Parents or not I think we, as adults, can have a mature discussion without resorting to hurtful remarks.

Everybody is intitled to their opinion and nobody deserves to be berated because of theirs.

Dude. Come on. You noticed this story because your wife told you about it. We are not stupid. I agree with the not berating, but at least be honest.

 

[piglet too]

Just out of curiosity, why was I quoted in the above post???

 

[DumboPrincess]

It was sleeting, very cold out and the car was parking illegally in a loading zone behind someone loading a christmas tree. What if the car got hit by another vehicle skiding out of control on the sleet? I don't have children, but I babysit a lot. Maybe I'm more protective and crazy because they are not my children and I do worry about something happening to them, but I think if you walk away from your car you should take your kids out of the car. I know its inconvenient, but I think its horrible to leave your kids alone in the car regardless of what you're doing or how long it takes. I'm also amazed about a PP who says they leave their kids in the car to take their other child INSIDE daycare. Maybe it is more of a small town vs. big city thing, but I would never do that here.

Exactly! Her car was behind someone else loading a Christmas tree. And she was snapping pics of the kids giving money. She was not paying attention to the car.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Since I'm not allowed to have an opinion on this situation, I will simply state: The older girls collected eight dollars and twenty-nine cents, from their father's office? THAT'S a travesty!

 

[meandtheguys2]

I have to say, I didn't go to law school and I am not a law enforcement officer. I can say without a doubt that I do not know all of the laws. I couldn't tell you how many feet you are allowed to be away from a small child, or how long you can leave them unattended (does that apply to your home-yard?)

I can't blame this mother for reacting unfavorably to being arrested for child endangerment. I can tell you that I would definitely react if the same thing happened to me, I would not be submissive and compliant if I was accused of that and they were trying to arrest me in front of my children right after I was showing the kids to drop money in the dang Salvation Army coin drop!!! There is no way in hell. This woman didn't come stumbling out of a bar, she was showing her kids to donate to a charity for petes sake.

It would take a completely numb person not to react with anger to that. Good Lord, that is just absurd!

No kidding! If someone is going to arrest me for something so idiotic, I will argue.

I always wonder about the people who are ONLY charged with resisting arrest. That means that the initial crime wasn't. So, of course, the person is going to resist!

 

[mjkacmom]

That is a little rude, and not something I'd personally laugh at.

Teachers, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters.... they can give a valuable perspective when maybe parents are too close to see things objectively.

Not everyone without kids is completely clueless.

But glad to know my opinions mean so little. Thanks.

I guess maybe I'll come up with a list of things I don't listen to "soccer moms" about.

Maybe I did come across rude, but it is so annoying when childless people preach about how they would never do this, never do that, and put down the actions of actual parents. Having children changes everything - being a parent is the hardest job in the world, and a job that is learned "on the job." You could study child psychology, and still have no idea what it is like to raise children. If a non-parent gave their opinion in these matters like "I THINK that if I had children, this is what I would do in this situation," it would be easier to swallow than "well, if I had children, I would never..."

I have learned more, having children, about children, in the last 11 years, than anything else I've ever learned on another subject, in my lifetime. And BTW, before I had children, I was a teacher!

 

[jenm2878]

Nevermind.

 

[jodifla]

Exactly! Her car was behind someone else loading a Christmas tree. And she was snapping pics of the kids giving money. She was not paying attention to the car.

I think most moms are consummate multi-taskers. You CAN be doing other things and still be paying attention to something like a car.

Honestly, how do you think mothers watch MORE THAN ONE CHILD AT A TIME???

The case was so friggin' lousy that even the prosectuor threw it out.

 

[jodifla]

How many times has a child been driven away in a car that was not running and locked, while a parent was standing nearby?

Every single instance I have heard about where a car and child were taken, the person had left the car running and unlocked.

Exactly!

People have a lot of weird theories about why leaving a kid in a car is so unsafe with the mom standing near the car. They are all just nonsense!!!

---No one is stealing a locked car in a loading zone with a bunch of people standing around it. (Cars are MUCH harder to steal these days with the coded keys. That's why thieves take cars with the keys in them.)
---No one is stealing a child in a locked car with a bunch of people standing around it. (It takes a while to get into a locked car!)
---A car can get hit no matter where it's at, so saying it's somehow dangerous in a loading zone is nonsensical.
---It would be just as "dangerous" to take the 2 year old out of the car in the SLEETING weather and try to watch her from running into the road while mom is taking pictures of the other kids.