MOH dropped out, what do I do?

[allisonswonderland]

Ok my MOH does not want to come for whatever reason....now I need a replacement. I am not sure what to do? My choices are a college friend, I was in her wedding 5 yrs ago, but she now has 3 little kids and I really hate to ask her to have to buy a dress. My issue is that a lot of my friends have little kids and I hate to ask them for that reason, they have enough expenses to worry about. Then I could ask my brother's girlfriend - they live together, but we maybe would need to pay for the dress. OR I could ask my brother, would that be weird? I don't know, he may feel weird, but I am really leaning that way.
HELP!

 

[littleladykaty]

I'm SO SORRY that your MOH dropped out...that sucks...a lot. We had a similar problem when one of the groomsmen dropped out without actually telling us..we emailed him tux info and we get back, "Oh, I'm not going to be able to make it..." WHAT?! We replaced him with my 13 year old nephew...he's tall, he'll do in a tux...

It would NOT be weird to ask your brother. I think it's very modern! Also, if you did want to ask a friend, can you get your ex-MOH to allow whomever is to replace her to either let the person borrow the dress or "sell" it for a lower price? That is the least she can do after all!

but don't feel badly about asking your brother. I bet that would make him feel really special!

good luck!!! Try not to let it get to you...this is your special wonderful day and it would be great to be surrounded by family and friends who love and support you, even if they wear a tux on the "girls" side!

 

[princessblueeyzes]

Is there any one else that you can think of that you might enjoy planning and working things out for the wedding with? My MOH has a little kid but she is going to leave her kid at grandma's for a couple of days to go to the wedding. I am also going to buy all of my bridesmaids their dresses- to help with the cost as I am already asking them to pay for a room and their way to get there. Luckily, I am having an intimate so all I have is my MOH, 1 bridesmaid and 2 flowergirls.

If you can't think of any one else and you get along great with your brother's girlfriend why not ask her- I'm sure your brother is going to your wedding and it would be cool for him to be able to bring his girlfriend and kind of have a vacation together.

 

[allisonswonderland]

My bro and his girlfriend are both coming. My college friend w/kids is coming and her parents are too. I will probably ask my cousin who has been doing everything anyway to be my MOH and then either ask my brother or his girlfriend....AAAHHH. Oh luckily the dresses have not been ordered yet - thank goodness!

 

[Janet2k]

I do believe I have seen photos of a FTW in which the so-called Maid of Honor was male. The photos were darling.

 

[melmel]

If you are leaning toward having your brother then have your brother. Just don't make him wear the dress. Or do if you want fun photos. I think your MOH should be the person your closest to, not the person who moved up in line because someone dropped out. Or you could skip the MOH thing all together and just have attendents.

Melissa

 

[Cinderella Fan]

I asked my closest friend, but unfortunately, she isn't able to come due to budget restraints. So, instead of "replacing her", I will just have one bridesmaid. DF will have his best man, and my youngest brother will be the ring bearer. It is a small wedding party, but that is what we want.

Forget about tradition, if you are closest with your brother, and want him standing there beside of you on your big day, I say go for it. You, hopefully, are only going to do this once, you don't want to look back and think that you "should've done something different". Do what you want, what makes you feel the best. After all, this is your wedding.

 

[KT27]

I declined to have a MOH, My sister Kim & best friend Jenn are the two closest to me. I didn't want any drama if one got to be MOH. So I am having 2 bridesmaids and Dwayne's daughter Blessing as Jr bridesmaid.

 

[Brad&Kryssi]

Sorry to hear about your MOH dropping out.

The whole reason that I'm having my family at my Intimate is because my brothers would be upset if they didn't see me get married. We're that close and it sounds like you two are as well.

Go with the bro!!!

 

[allisonswonderland]

I asked my brother, but he said that his girlfriend would love it if I asked her to be a bridesmaid, so I did. My cousin- we are the only girls in the family and she has been the one who has been here through planning mu wedding. I had asked MOH to meet us in St. Louis to look for dresses (it is a little further for her but it is 2 hr for me and she declined- I have asked her 3 or more times and she either declines or never responds) my cousin has been the one who has been there, and is throwing the shower and the bachelorette party b/c my MOH has been MIA.
My MOH said that she cannot afford to come but has not really tried to find anything else (she is a lawyer by the way). I was upset with her because she was going on about how I told her that the rates would be 10% off but when she got the brochure (save the date) it said nothing about 10% off and the rates were exactly the same as what she saw on the Disney site, which is absolutely incorrect, if you stay at the Beach club it is almost 100 off. The others are 10% off. My feelings are terribly hurt because she has had little or no interest in my wedding each time we talk /email it is me who initiates it and she thinks that just b/c she responds that it is enough. She never checks to see how things are going for me on her own. We are both 31 so I do not know if she is just upset because she is not married yet or what, but we have been best friends for over 20 years, so this is an extremely sad thing for me. She acted like I was only mad because I was not getting my way. I am just hurt that she has not really tried to find less expensive rates some where....like the Ramada for 49 bucks. I would do that for her...Oh well - thanks for the help.

 

[DisneyDiva74]

Yuck, that really stinks that she is being so unsupportive! Its been so suprising to me who is willing to make the trip and who isn't. There are people that I thought for sure would be there who are saying that its too expensive, bad timing, just can't make it, etc.
Just think about it this way, though. You don't really want someone there who isn't 100% supportive and happy for you. If she doesn't think she can do that, its better that you find out now when you can still find someone who will be!
Good luck!

 

[JandJ]

That's awful! Especially from someone you've been friends with for so long. Some people get weird around weddings, but that's no excuse.

I think everyone who has said that you should do what makes you happy has given the best advice. My niece was my MOH, I always knew she would be, and DH chose his best friend as his best man. We only wanted 1 attendant each for our Intimate wedding. Unfortunately, a couple of weeks before the wedding his bm injured his hand and had to have surgery, so he could not travel. I was ready for DH to choose another friend or ask my brother to be bm but he felt he wasn't close enough to anyone else to ask them. So, my niece became "the attendant" and although I still call her MOH she was MOH, best man, flower girl, ring bearer, BM, and groomsman all wrapped into one it was great and I didn't care that we weren't being traditional - heck we had a Disney wedding, we were already not traditional It's your wedding, do what makes you happy!

Best Wishes!

 

[Chrissie-riel]

Glad it all seems to be working for you! A man of honor or a maid of honor - both work well! If the previous MOH still wants to be involved, have you checked into a Travelocity rate? If you package a flight with the hotel (and Disney resorts with Magical Express are available), you can sometimes get really good rates! I ended up booking a St. Louis to Orlando non-stop flight both ways with a great hotel for me and the two kids in May for only $625! It was cheaper than buying just the flights alone! Might be something to check for her to make her feel like you are concerned about her costs. (Although as the bride, isn't she supposed to be making you feel good?)

 

[allisonswonderland]

Thanks- I did check out some other rates for her, but she has not really been interested.

 

[Codie]

Allison--I'm sorry that is so strange and you must be really mad about it. I know you mentioned she was a lawyer (mostly in defense of her claiming to be broke)...I might be able to offer a little insight. Unfortunatley, we lawyers really don't make as much as everyone likes to think...it's a very select group that makes a lot...and worse--we are constantly hounded by our superiors to bill hours. It is so stressful and constantly hanging over your head. That said--I think it is inexcusable for your best friend of 20 years to not offer any explanation other than "i can't afford it." I know a number of people who attended my wedding and truly sacrificed their budgets to do so...I give her a giant thumbs down

 

[faeriegrl]

She doesn't sound like too much of a friend. Sadly, I had a long time friend act the same way about my wedding.

It's better that you've found someone who is excited about it and can be there for you during this time. It's SO stressful and the last thing you need is someone taking more energy from you!

Doesn't mean you can't be friends later but it's the last thing you need right now!

Brittany

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

aww i'm sorry she dropped out. i keep having a sinking feeling that mine will do that to me too. don't you have any cousins to ask? your brother's girlfriend would be a good choice, but why would you have to pay for the dress? the bride isn't supposed to pay for the bridesmaid's dresses

 

[Stacerita]

That stinks that your MOH backed out. Better now than later though. Ask your brother. I think that would be the best. If you thought about it, then you must want to. My brother currently is out of the country on business and I just finished emailing him, and after I read that you were thinking of having your bro to be your MOH I thought, I would do the same thing if I was you.

 

[allisonswonderland]

Yes well things have been sad around here. She will not even email me back at this point. I have tried to talk to her about how I am feeling, because she just has not been interested in anything. I have had MIL issues and many other things happening and I was trying to select bridesmaid dresses and she thought that b/c she sent me an email back about her opinion on the dresses that she was doing so much. I told her that I just wished every once in a while that she would email me and say how is it going. She now lives 8 hours away - has a 9-5 job, I am a grad student and my classes are all for 6:30-9:30 pm plus a 20 min drive home and I am worn out, since I am often at school from 9-9 somedays, so email is our best communitcation tool.

When I said that she was a lawyer I mentioned that not b/c I think all are loaded, but just that she has a steady job with a decent pay check, not a poor grad student like me who does not know if I will have a job!

My brother wanted me to ask his girlfriend - they have lived together for 2 years and she was really excited about it, which makes me so happy b/c at least it is someone who wants to be there. My cousin will be my MOH and she is tickled as well....
It just really stinks to have been friends for 22 years and suddenly she will not talk to me. Part of me thinks that she is upset b/c she is not engaged, but she is dating a guy who is 6 yrs younger - she is ready to settle down and he is still young. She is hung up on the factthat he is so much younger and it also bothers her that he never went to college, which if it bothers her now then it will bother her later too....I am just upset with her because she is acting like I am just throwing a tantrum like I am a spoiled brat. I was just trying to tell her how I felt, that basicly she had not "really" tried to find a way there and that I felt that she was not really interested in any of this...........thanks for your supportive words at such a sad time

 

[PrincessNED]

First - sorry for the difficult times you are going through. Glad your cousin and bro's gf are excited to share in your joy.

Don't worry about your relationship with your longtime friend. true friendship wins out in the long run.

weirdly this was proven to me tonight - DW lost touch with one of her longtime gfs for about the last three years to the point where she had no idea where she lived, pho # etc ...

well DW was feeling bad about losing touch the other day and sent a letter to gfs parents to get contact info. Well DW and gf spoke tonight again for first time in three years and it was one of those stubborn women things that caused the split - both of them somehow got the attitude three years ago of " well she hasn't called me in x weeks so I'm not calling her".

Long story short - the girls are getting together for coffee next week and I'm sure in the near future I'll get to meet gfs husband( yes stubornness led to us missing / not knowing about a wedding)

And you wonder why us guys can't understand women