Moderator please close this thread.

[Arm Flaps]

I would not ask for money at all but if you feel you must, only food. You'd be paying electricity/gas anyway.

 

[SaraJayne]

OP, I don't want you to think I'm bashing you. I'm not. What you are doing is admirable.

Picking up some other parents slack isn't something you're responsible for. It is her job to teach her son about the "real world", not yours.

Since you elaborated on the situation, I think I'd increase the amount you "need" to properly teach him.

 

[crashbb]

OP, I don't want you to think I'm bashing you. I'm not. What you are doing is admirable.

Picking up some other parents slack isn't something you're responsible for. It is her job to teach her son about the "real world", not yours.

Since you elaborated on the situation, I think I'd increase the amount you "need" to properly teach him.

I realise that my posts may also come across as bashing the OP. I don't mean them to. My "it makes no sense" is directed at the mom, not the OP!

 

[eliza61]

why is your cousin coming to visit? I invite my sons cousins to my house for the summer to get to know their cousins (we live in different states). Not for some type of teenage "real life" boot camp. so what will he be doing? Is your aunt sending him to be the hired help? Wouldn't it be easier to simply make him get a job. Is he visiting family? Sorry but it sounds like your Aunt is sending him to be farm labor.

How in the world is groceries supposed to teach him about "real" life? so he comes to your house, kicks in a few bucks for food and then goes back home and viola, he now supposedly is Johnny responsible?

What are they telling your cousin? I know my kids would feel unwanted (even at 17) if they were supposedly invited some where and then made to feel if they were freddy freeloader simply for doing the things normal teenage boys do, one of them being eating.

Sorry, op I would define the trip to your aunt. If this is truly a trip where he is a wanted guest in your house for a month, then skip the fake "real" life lessons and let him be a guest.
Was this kid taught manners? if so, send him with some money. he may surprise you and offer to kick in.

Tell Auntie, that teaching kids about responsibilities and money management is not a 1 month boot camp course. Next if kid is spoiled he wasn't born like that. Tell Auntie time to take a good look in the mirror.

Personally I feel bad for the kid, I'm thinking he knows exactly how what his mom thinks of him. kids know when they are not wanted and thats probably the only message he'll get out of this whole escapade.

 

[eliza61]

He has the money. She is not sending her the money. He has to look after himself and do chores, which it is not what he does at home.

You know maybe the problem is not your cousin. He may have a grasp on real life. He may know that not everyone has a maid and money to spare. so when he gets with you he may very well be willling to help with chores.

has your aunt ever thought that the reason why he does not do any thing at home is because she never made him doing any thing at home. Heck, get me a maid now and see how much stuff I stop doing.

 

[Mickey1Fan]

What if he has to pay for 'extra' groceries, things he likes but you would not normally buy. Have your Aunt send money with him and he has to budget the amount while with you.

I just thought of a very funny story. We travelled across Canada about 20 years ago and my son bought a game system on the way. He had not played it and we were staying for a few days with my very best friend I grew up with. I called ahead and said my son had the game system and wanted to try it out at their house. She said that was fine but he had to do chores first. I thought she was kidding until we arrived and he had to vaccum the 3500 sq ft house before he could take the game system out of the box. It was one weird visit! She even dictated what we were allowed to eat and drink and when.

 

[bethy]

That is a tough situation! They've spoiled him his whole life, and they want you to make him pay and show him the real work? How is he goign to pay if he doesn't have a job? Are you supposed to be tough with him those four weeks to show him how the other half live? That doesn't feel right to me! I hope you are okay with that!

I guess if she is going to be angry with you, I'd just say "I don't feel comfortable asking you for a figure. You just decide what you think is fair and send that along with him". Then let him use that as his spending money or something. Of course, I'd have him pick up after himself like any other guest, or your child would just be expected to behave.

Ditto to this! I think she is asking a lot of you to expect you to take on the burden of teaching him what they've failed to teach him for the first 17 years!

 

[semo233]

I agree but she is insisting today she send me the fifth email about it. I told her $20 just so I take something so she stop but then again this morning she send an email telling me she knows that is not enough blah blah and how she did not send him for me to pay for his stuff, and how is he going to learn the value of money if I take care of him.

I have not read all of the posts, but if his mother wants him to learn how hard you have to work for money, then why is she paying his way? He should have to find a job, pay rent to you (amount to be worked out with you when he finds a job, use a %), do chores, etc.

If she wants to give you a thank you gift after his visit, then fine. Otherwise, he will not be motivated to live in the "real world"....thinking "why do I have to work, Mom is paying you".

 

[rockundergirl]

When did the OP as IF she should take money?
Cause thats all everyone talked about...

Thats like me asking the board how much it costs for a tummy tuck and everyone asking me how much a weigh..

OP I think around 350.00 would cover food if all meals were eaten at home, and its really hard to measure electric and such so iDK.

 

[fireflymedic]

figure out how much it would cost all of you to eat at your favoirte most expensive resteraunt and charge that. (and of course all of you go and eat out on his money maybe as a selebration near the end of your month)

 

[crashbb]

When did the OP as IF she should take money?
Cause thats all everyone talked about...

Thats like me asking the board how much it costs for a tummy tuck and everyone asking me how much a weigh..

OP I think around 350.00 would cover food if all meals were eaten at home, and its really hard to measure electric and such so iDK.

No, it isn't like your analogy at all.

$0 is a perfectly valid answer to the question the OP asked; it is not a valid answer to a question about how much a tummy tuck would cost.

Some of us are asking for clarification about the situation, but it would affect how much we might ask for.

 

[wvjules]

When did the OP as IF she should take money?
Cause thats all everyone talked about...

Thats like me asking the board how much it costs for a tummy tuck and everyone asking me how much a weigh..

OP I think around 350.00 would cover food if all meals were eaten at home, and its really hard to measure electric and such so iDK.

Ok then...my answer is $0.00.

 

[QVCshopper]

I'm not clear on whose money it is that you'd be getting, but if it's from the parents, I'd ask somewhere around $400; his money maybe $200 to cover food. Strange situation... But I'd take the money either way, because you will be working kind of like a tutor. You could always give some of it back when he graduates high school. Anyway good luck!

 

[kirstenb1]

I'd suggest $100 per week. A month is a very long time to have a "guest". It sounds like you're trying to do this family a favor. I'd take him grocery shopping and use a calculator. When "his" $100 is spent for the week, it's gone until the next week.

Maybe she's trying to get him to understand what college will be like when he's living off campus? At our school, freshmen commuted from home or lived on campus. After freshman year, most of us moved off campus. He'll need to budget electriicity, water, food etc at that point.

 

[MissUndastood]

Ok then...my answer is $0.00.

Same here.


Why on earth is the aunt asking for a specific figure. She must know how much he "costs" to maintain.

 

[marie1203]

To clarify every one assumptions and questions. My cousin is 17 and he already graduated high school. He has been with us for over a week now. He is amazing compare to most teenagers. He is respectful and he is helpful around the house. My aunt is not trying to pass on anything other than she can not achieve what she wants my cousin to know at home. She is divorce because they could not agree on the way to raise the children and while she likes discipline and chores that is not what her ex thinks. Her ex was very spoil growing up and that is the way he feels it should be. They spend half the time with mom and half the time with dad so it will not work for a long period. If my aunt says you have to do all your laundry dad will make sure his laundry is done by the maid before he is dropped off. My cousin does not work and have never work and probably will not work until he graduates college. My family feels that if they do well in school and they can afford it then there is no need to put more on their plate. He has volunteer to do things around the house and I leave him chores to get done while we are gone to class. Nothing crazy just his stuff and some help around the house. While he is here he will do his own laundry, clean his own bathroom, etc. He helps with the dogs and cats too. I also took him grocery shopping and when we go out to eat he always asks what is his part. At first we said nothing, but to make my aunt happy we started to ask him to leave the tip. My aunt has been clear to me that she wants to pay for his part. The money was given to him to budget for this month by his parents. So overall yes the money will be coming from the parents just not directly given or handle by it. We went grocery shopping last weekend and he asked how much he should give me. I said nothing and he said "my mom is going to get mad at me if you say nothing so I am going to tell her so she gets mad at you." As I always been taught I should never been a burden and I should always ask even when I was invited. My aunt has been very clear about it her not waiting to pass any of the costs of him being here on us to us. Other than that we are helping him with his English which it really has not even any work because it is already so good. I do not feel like is a burden I love spending time with my family, but I will also not like it to be any tension between my aunt and me. So I figure I could come ask for an amount that sounded "right" since we do not have kids and I do not know how to get a number that sounded "right" to her.

As for the comments of what kind of a mother she is. The thread was not about that and I think she has done a wonderful job as her kids are really great, much better than most kids I meet their age. Just because they live different than what is "normal" does not mean she is a bad mother or that she ever slacked of on her children.

Thanks for all of you that answer my question.

 

[marie1203]

Same here.


Why on earth is the aunt asking for a specific figure. She must know how much he "costs" to maintain.

We live in different countries so no she doesn't know.

 

[brockash]

I agree but she is insisting today she send me the fifth email about it. I told her $20 just so I take something so she stop but then again this morning she send an email telling me she knows that is not enough blah blah and how she did not send him for me to pay for his stuff, and how is he going to learn the value of money if I take care of him.

Honestly, your Aunt seems really odd and kind of rude. She's insisting he comes to visit, but is also insisting that he pay for groceries? Also, if she's so insistent about it, then why can't she come up with a number?

ETA: Okay, I was just thinking...is the Aunt, your cousins mom? So the cousin is coming to stay with you, not the Aunt? If that's the case, then nevermind. If she's his mom, it makes much more sense...although if he doesn't work; really why does it matter? Or is he supposed to go out and pay for the groceries from the money she gives him- more like learning how to budget?

 

[Tinkmom]

I would say somewhere between $300 and $400.

 

[chris31997]

To clarify every one assumptions and questions. My cousin is 17 and he already graduated high school. He has been with us for over a week now. He is amazing compare to most teenagers. He is respectful and he is helpful around the house. My aunt is not trying to pass on anything other than she can not achieve what she wants my cousin to know at home. She is divorce because they could not agree on the way to raise the children and while she likes discipline and chores that is not what her ex thinks. Her ex was very spoil growing up and that is the way he feels it should be. They spend half the time with mom and half the time with dad so it will not work for a long period. If my aunt says you have to do all your laundry dad will make sure his laundry is done by the maid before he is dropped off. My cousin does not work and have never work and probably will not work until he graduates college. My family feels that if they do well in school and they can afford it then there is no need to put more on their plate. He has volunteer to do things around the house and I leave him chores to get done while we are gone to class. Nothing crazy just his stuff and some help around the house. While he is here he will do his own laundry, clean his own bathroom, etc. He helps with the dogs and cats too. I also took him grocery shopping and when we go out to eat he always asks what is his part. At first we said nothing, but to make my aunt happy we started to ask him to leave the tip. My aunt has been clear to me that she wants to pay for his part. The money was given to him to budget for this month by his parents. So overall yes the money will be coming from the parents just not directly given or handle by it. We went grocery shopping last weekend and he asked how much he should give me. I said nothing and he said "my mom is going to get mad at me if you say nothing so I am going to tell her so she gets mad at you." As I always been taught I should never been a burden and I should always ask even when I was invited. My aunt has been very clear about it her not waiting to pass any of the costs of him being here on us to us. Other than that we are helping him with his English which it really has not even any work because it is already so good. I do not feel like is a burden I love spending time with my family, but I will also not like it to be any tension between my aunt and me. So I figure I could come ask for an amount that sounded "right" since we do not have kids and I do not know how to get a number that sounded "right" to her.

As for the comments of what kind of a mother she is. The thread was not about that and I think she has done a wonderful job as her kids are really great, much better than most kids I meet their age. Just because they live different than what is "normal" does not mean she is a bad mother or that she ever slacked of on her children.

Thanks for all of you that answer my question.

Have you talked to him about budgeting? He sounds like a good kid with a good hea don his shoulders. I would sit him down and talk with him. Just put a bug in his ear, and it might take off. You just never know with kids.

I think it is great that you are able to do this for your Aunt. Not everyone is able or willing to do this.