Mixed Nuts Part 2

[Squidrific]

A man in Missouri had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young Canadian Women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of my pond." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Good one!


(You do realize that when LBelle gets back you are going to have to explain the punchline though, right? I'm just sayin... )

 

[blue_river]

A man in Missouri had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young Canadian Women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of my pond." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

That reminds me about a little piece I want to add to my TR!

 

[blue_river]

Good one!


(You do realize that when LBelle gets back you are going to have to explain the punchline though, right? I'm just sayin... )

Uh Oh!

Poor Lisa

Everyone is picking on her today

 

[blue_river]

I've got one too!


What Were You Thinking?


There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to
do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?"

She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you sh** on its head."






. . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

 

[Goofster57]

I've got one too!


What Were You Thinking?


There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, "Would you care to
do it again?"

He asks her "Shall we?"

She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you sh** on its head."






. . . WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Ah the Pigeon...The California State Bird

 

[blue_river]

Hmmm

I don't know if I'm supposed to pick the girls up after school or if they're taking the bus

 

[Goofster57]

Hmmm

I don't know if I'm supposed to pick the girls up after school or if they're taking the bus

Wait and see if they call then you'll know for sure, if they show up at the door then no worries

 

[blue_river]

Wait and see if they call then you'll know for sure, if they show up at the door then no worries

No messages so I guess they took the bus

 

[Goofster57]

No messages so I guess they took the bus

See, this way they will never know you couldn't remember.

 

[blue_river]

See, this way they will never know you couldn't remember.

Oh they already know what kind of memory I have

Speaking of the little munchkins, Goofy just walked in the door and told JoJo went to a friends

She was told to be home for dinner tonight.

Bye bye again...I have to log off and call her.

 

[GoofyDad869]

Hello!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Blue - you reminded me of a really bad story that I have. It's all true, too.

A few years back, when my mother and I were going to the gym after work, she dropped her car off at Firestone one morning. I met her and took her to work, and I was supposed to pick her up after work, go to the gym, and then we'd go to Firestone to get her car. Well...I got halfway to the gym after work, the whole time with this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. It finally dawned - MY MOTHER!!! And of course, her work was in the opposite direction. I turned around and hightailed it as quickly as I could, but it was too late. She was waiting outside. She opened my car door and said, "You forgot me, didn't you?"

Ah, they always know...

Hiya, GoDaddy!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

PSA: Be careful if you sing in the car like I do. I just had some elderly gentleman in a minivan cut me off in the left turn lane, no signal of course, and stop about 2 car lengths from the line. Okay, whatever, he's elderly. Then he turns his head and stares at me via his side mirror. He shook his head, stuck his arm out the window and made a "talking" gesture, then stared some more. Then he gave me the finger. I guess he thought I was yelling at him, but I was singing. Next time, I won't turn down the radio - I'll make sure I keep it nice and loud so that everyone in the vicinity knows that I'm singing.

And I know it was directed at me because I was the only car there, as well as him having to turn in another direction to look at the light.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

After all those sweetness & innocence lessons I paid 50 BCV pts for, are having their angelic effect!

See, I am a great teacher!!!!! I mean, if I could make Jean sweet and nice...
Just sayin

NOTE:
this was from early this AM!
And just nowwhen I hit the submit/reply button, it ended up on the UK Trip Report board!

For some reason this is making me laugh. A lot.

And just to make sure you all are tracking the standings properly, I am ABOVE P&J on the Sweet and Goodness list.

-- Rob

Not possible, I'm #1.

Hello!

Long time no chat! How ya been?

I didn't read any of the jokes, to be perfectly honest. Not in the mood, ya know? I think my aunt is coming over. I need food. I'll be back. Tomorrow's my half day. So I might be able to stay up a little later.

 

[LBelle]

Great news!!! For all the old-timers from Offenders.......Jave has returned!!!!! Yipppeeee!!!!! Let the offending begin!!!!

 

[Squidrific]

Great news!!! For all the old-timers from Offenders.......Jave has returned!!!!! Yipppeeee!!!!! Let the offending begin!!!!

Where is she and why are you here? I thought we didn't have to see you - oops I mean get to see you until tomorrow night!

How are you feeling Lisa? Did you rendezvous go ok?

 

[LBelle]

Where is she and why are you here? I thought we didn't have to see you - oops I mean get to see you until tomorrow night!

How are you feeling Lisa? Did you rendezvous go ok?

Oh....soooo thrilled to see you too, Hag!!!!

I don't know where she went??????

She sent me a PM asking me where I was....just like 5 minutes ago!!! Sent her a link where she could find you and I but....maybe you scared her off!!!!!

I will PM her again to get her butt over here so we can terrorize her!!

 

[jeanadave]

I'm here. I'me here

 

[jeanadave]

Where is she and why are you here? I thought we didn't have to see you - oops I mean get to see you until tomorrow night!

How are you feeling Lisa? Did you rendezvous go ok?

Ooh, ooh, do tell! By the way, I've got 2 million, 400 and 35 post to read!

 

[LBelle]

JAVE!!!!!

She's arrived!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!

What's going on, girlfriend?????