Miscarriage....

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

SAME. Well said. I lost my first baby at 14 weeks in February, no warning - missed miscarriage. I needed a D&E in the middle of the night, and then a repeat D&C three weeks later. The experience just ripped my heart out, plus physically I was a mess. I have 3D pictures of that baby from a few days earlier, her heart was beating, she had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes, she danced, she waved ... genetic testing showed no abnormalities. There is no reason. That was the hardest part for me - no reason ...

I'm now 28 weeks with twin girls and incredibly cautious. I haven't bought anything ... I respectfully turned down offers from family and friends to host baby showers. I just do whatever I can to protect myself emotionally from the possibility of heartbreak.

I hate to see any other woman being part of this "club".

Sending you hugs over the GWB.....

 

[low-key]

SAME. Well said. I lost my first baby at 14 weeks in February, no warning - missed miscarriage. I needed a D&E in the middle of the night, and then a repeat D&C three weeks later. The experience just ripped my heart out, plus physically I was a mess. I have 3D pictures of that baby from a few days earlier, her heart was beating, she had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes, she danced, she waved ... genetic testing showed no abnormalities. There is no reason. That was the hardest part for me - no reason ...

I'm now 28 weeks with twin girls and incredibly cautious. I haven't bought anything ... I respectfully turned down offers from family and friends to host baby showers. I just do whatever I can to protect myself emotionally from the possibility of heartbreak.

im sorry Danacara, that must of been so hard, twin girls, how exciting Im gonna pray there both healthy (pop daddy here)

 

[leebee]

I have had 4, all around 11 weeks. Perhaps it was my scientific background, but I was not traumatized nor do I feel like I have lost 4 babies. I also just chalk it up to nature making a mistake, thus there was a defect in that particular set of cells. I too rarely think of them and could not tell you when they happened...

So. I was in the "don't talk about it camp." I didn't want all the sympathy and especially all the remarks of "you can take comfort that the baby is in Heaven." Those remarks drove me crazy, not because I don't believe in Heaven, but because I had a strong belief that this was not a baby, just a defective embryo that due to the defects, was unable to become the baby we wanted.

The worst part was that I was doing fine and people seemed to be upset because I was doing so well. Told me I was in denial, and they just had the need to pity me. No thanks. Didn't need the pity nor the guilt that I was not grieving properly.

Everybody does react differently. A simple "I'm sorry" is the best response.

Everybody reacts differently. Just because I don't feel that a "baby died" doesn't mean I am in denial or wrong. It also doesn't mean that I'd say something insensitive, either. When my SIL lost her 4th pregnancy (i.e., she had 3 living sons at the time) at 8 weeks, she and her sons grieved, they had a private memorial service, etc. People sent sympathy cards! I thought she was taking this rather difficultly, but it's her life and her opinions. Please don't chastise or criticize those who DON"T feel the same way about this as you do. Even if I didn't feel like I'd lost a baby, it was still a scary, stressful time physically, and I didn't need the negative attitudes and comments. (yes, FYI I miscarried at 9 weeks)

 

[sweetdana]

SAME. Well said. I lost my first baby at 14 weeks in February, no warning - missed miscarriage. I needed a D&E in the middle of the night, and then a repeat D&C three weeks later. The experience just ripped my heart out, plus physically I was a mess. I have 3D pictures of that baby from a few days earlier, her heart was beating, she had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes, she danced, she waved ... genetic testing showed no abnormalities. There is no reason. That was the hardest part for me - no reason ...

I'm now 28 weeks with twin girls and incredibly cautious. I haven't bought anything ... I respectfully turned down offers from family and friends to host baby showers. I just do whatever I can to protect myself emotionally from the possibility of heartbreak.

I pray all works out perfect!

 

[Kitty 34]

SAME. Well said. I lost my first baby at 14 weeks in February, no warning - missed miscarriage. I needed a D&E in the middle of the night, and then a repeat D&C three weeks later. The experience just ripped my heart out, plus physically I was a mess. I have 3D pictures of that baby from a few days earlier, her heart was beating, she had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes, she danced, she waved ... genetic testing showed no abnormalities. There is no reason. That was the hardest part for me - no reason ...

I'm now 28 weeks with twin girls and incredibly cautious. I haven't bought anything ... I respectfully turned down offers from family and friends to host baby showers. I just do whatever I can to protect myself emotionally from the possibility of heartbreak.

Dana, saying lots of prayers and sending you lots of good wishes!!!

 

[englishteacha]

I'm nearing the end of my first trimester, and still am scared every day that something will happen with our baby. Several dear friends have suffered miscarriage, and one lost her baby less than 24 hours after he was born. One friend delivered her 2 lb. son at 27 weeks, and he's still in the NICU, though doing pretty well. We "accidentally" told people sooner than we planned because we were given the wrong due date (twice). If we were to lose this baby we'd be devastated. It has toes, and eyes, and a name. When my friends have miscarried, I never knew what to say except, "I'm sorry, we love you," and offer a hug (and chocolate).

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I'm nearing the end of my first trimester, and still am scared every day that something will happen with our baby. Several dear friends have suffered miscarriage, and one lost her baby less than 24 hours after he was born. One friend delivered her 2 lb. son at 27 weeks, and he's still in the NICU, though doing pretty well. We "accidentally" told people sooner than we planned because we were given the wrong due date (twice). If we were to lose this baby we'd be devastated. It has toes, and eyes, and a name. When my friends have miscarried, I never knew what to say except, "I'm sorry, we love you," and offer a hug (and chocolate).[/QUOT

I can't blame your fear at all. Now I'm sending you many prayers and hugs.
Over the past several years we have lost 5 babies some well after the end of the first trimester.
This time we are using a surrogate and had strong twin heartbeats. We were over the moon. In the 2nd trimester we lost one of our babies.
The terror for the surviving baby is overwhelming.

 

[Caradana]

I can't blame your fear at all. Now I'm sending you many prayers and hugs.
Over the past several years we have lost 5 babies some well after the end of the first trimester.
This time we are using a surrogate and had strong twin heartbeats. We were over the moon. In the 2nd trimester we lost one of our babies.
The terror for the surviving baby is overwhelming.

Wow, I feel for you so much - I cannot even imagine - I will be thinking about you and hoping for the best! When is your baby due?

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

Wow, I feel for you so much - I cannot even imagine - I will be thinking about you and hoping for the best! When is your baby due?

We are due May 7th......Thank you for the kind thoughts. I can't express to you how much they mean to us.