Millennials and travel

[cabanafrau]

Offspring = children

The terms are synonymous.

I think if you've raised them properly once they hit 18 they go off on their own, make their own fortunes and you only interact if their credit report checks out and then they book an appointment. At that point formalities are probably in order.

Pretty sure that's how it was done back in the day amongst the top tiers echelons of society.

 

[MinnierellaMama]

I’m an older millennial (late 30’s) married with two kids. I do think it’s a little strange that you know some twenty somethings that are taking all of their PTO with their parents. When I was that age I loved traveling with friends and significant others. It was always an adventure and I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t have wanted me tagging along on all their vacations when I was that age. Growing up in the 80’s/90’s, my family regularly vacationed with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, whoever could make it in tow. When I was in my twenties, I would join my parents and extended fam on one week-long vacation per year. But my other PTO days were spent on friends trips and trips with boyfriends and eventually my husband. Now having kids, life has come full circle and we include either my husbands parents or my parents and our grown siblings on most of our vacations. Everyone’s lives are busy and we enjoy the time together. We do go away occasionally just the four of us and just the two of us sometimes — but the majority of our vacations are spent with extended fam. But, hey, to each their own!!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I know exactly what you are saying. And I think that travelling with your extended family was not as prevalent then as it is now. Once I became an adult, I did not travel with my parents. My sister and I took 1 trip to Europe with our Dad several years ago, but that was back to see where he grew up. But we did not spend the whole time with him, basically just flew there, spent a few days together(had separate hotel rooms), and then he stayed with his brother and my sister and I did our own thing. My parents had a completely different mind set on what a vacation should be like and it would not have been enjoyable for anyone to go on a trip together. It seems like the way of life back then was that once you grew up, got married and made a life for yourself that that was your family. The older generation did not want to "butt in" to your adult life. Of course there were families that would do these things together, but not as much as today.

As my mom puts it "we leave you alone".

In terms of butting it it's my mother-in-law who is 64 who butts in (for reference my mom is a few years younger than my mother-in-law). She's the one who has trouble accepting the reality that her kids, and byproduct significant others, have zero issues being on their own, traveling on their own, doing their own thing. She doesn't want to let go--it's not the other way around.

We would have never heard the end of it if we hadn't invited her on this upcoming ski trip despite the fact that truthfully she cannot ski not in terms of skill but in stamina and shape. And my father-in-law, while not like my mother-in-law, def. has more butting in than my family does. In many ways my side of the family and my husband's side of the family couldn't be more different in their approaches to family life. Holidays are always a prime example of the differences.

I don't know that it has much to do with generational (or if it does it doesn't IMO lie squarely in the Millennials are doing it again as in ruining whatever it is they are ruining this time type of thinking). I think a good amount of it just has to do with how different family dynamics are. Some families love to travel together some families don't. I don't mind traveling with my in-laws as we do have shared interests but neither my husband nor I want to spend all our time with them.

 

[tink89]

I do not know anyone who travels solely with their parents. I also don't see an issue with it. We travel with my family often. When i say family i mean my parents, my siblings who are married( no kids yet) and my younger siblings. We also take trips just DH and I and with our daughter. I usually will post a picture of our family trips but will rarely post anything when DH and I go on vacation by ourselves. Maybe you are just seeing a part of their life. We are very close family and it is a bit weird when we do travel with out them. Do they drive me insane while on vacations, YES!, but its all in good family time. We have amazing memories of us traveling.

It might just be those people are closer to their family than you are. I know people who think its crazy that i am always planning vacations that include at least 8 people. But that is just my life and i love my daughter being able to enjoy her vacation with her grandparents and aunts and uncles. And we also don't spend every minute of the vacation together. and I don't take the vacations with them because i don't see them often but just because we like spending time with each other. I see my parents and siblings about twice a week at least.

Yes I am a millennial so it could be that or it could that family dynamics are different for everyone.. DH is a millennial and you could't pay him to travel with his family, but invites mine everywhere.

 

[VandVsmama]

Consider, for example, some of the following:

• You live quite a distance away from your parents, extended family, etc. Requires 1 day or more drive or a part or whole day plane trip to get there. Due to distance, you hardly get to see them. So maybe you DO spend a lot of your vacation days on trips with them...you know, to spend time with them. Whether it's at their house or yours or to a vacation-y destination.
• You live in the same metro area as your parents. It's easy to get together briefly for part of a day on the weekend. So maybe you see them a few times a year or once a month or even once a week. Hence, you don't spend vacation days/PTO days on trips with them because...you see them all the time.
• You & your parents don't get along at all. Or traveling with them is full of drama, stress, is complicated, etc. So....you don't go on trips with them.
• You & your parents ENJOY vacationing together. You get along. You all respect each other's differences yet appreciate each other's company. So...you WANT to go on trips together.

And everything in between.

 

[AliceTF]

Interesting thread.
I live in a different country to my family so will often vacation with parents.
Mostly because with what little time I get off work I don’t want to always spend it going home, so instead we invite them to join us on our plans.
My SO and I will vacation alone, but if it works logistically and financially there’s usually an invite for a parent to join us on all or part of our travels.

 

[Colleen27]

So phrase it "why are people in their 50-70s paying to take their adult children on vacation when those children are capable of taking their own vacations?"

And really, that could be just as interesting a discussion, if not moreso. Why are parents of adult children choosing to continue in a more "parental" role and continue dedicating their vacation time and dollars to their kids, rather than seeking out same-aged peers in their empty nest years the way past generations did? My grandparents would have been horrified by the way my mom is spending her retirement - taking my kids to animated movies and silly shows like Disney on Ice, traveling to Disney World, babysitting younger DD poolside in cities all over the map while I took older DD on campus tours, etc. They spent their retirement with friends from the Moose Lodge and the union hall, cruised and travelled with other couples, played pinochle together and golfed/went to the theatre separately with friends. Their vision for retirement wasn't nearly as kid-centric as that of the Boomer grandparents/retirees I know. I'm not sure if that is a generational difference or a familial one (the maternal side of my family is far more extended family-oriented than my father's side, but my maternal grandparents never really got a retirement because of health issues), but it does seem like there's been a shift along those lines since I was a kid in the 80s.

You're totally not the only one to think like that but I so wouldn't want it held over my head "I paid for this I paid for that now it's time for you to return that by paying for me (be it time, or actual money)" The concept of tit for tat based on obligations of past deeds such that you're talking about.

I don't think it gets framed as a burden, never mind a quid pro quo, when it is woven into the fabric of the family. Our family is very interconnected that way and there's nothing held over anyone's head. We want to help our parents and kids, and they want to help us. But when it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out - my mom has hired someone for some of the work on her house that my husband would normally have done because his boss recently quit and he's putting in too many hours doing double duty to have weekends free to do her floors. Because part of helping each other out and having the kind of enmeshed relationships we do is understanding that things come up and there's a natural sort of ebb and flow to these things. No one is keeping score.

They aren’t children. They are adults once they reach 18. I have no idea? My guess is their adult children cannot afford the trip, the parents feel bad and pay.

So then how would you refer to offspring that have attained the age of majority? As "my adults"? Of course not, because "children" denotes the familial relationship the same way "brother" or "mother" does.

 

[dish rag]

Offspring = children

The terms are synonymous.

I agree. Not sure why you bring this up but thanks for the input!

 

[dish rag]

And really, that could be just as interesting a discussion, if not moreso. Why are parents of adult children choosing to continue in a more "parental" role and continue dedicating their vacation time and dollars to their kids, rather than seeking out same-aged peers in their empty nest years the way past generations did? My grandparents would have been horrified by the way my mom is spending her retirement - taking my kids to animated movies and silly shows like Disney on Ice, traveling to Disney World, babysitting younger DD poolside in cities all over the map while I took older DD on campus tours, etc. They spent their retirement with friends from the Moose Lodge and the union hall, cruised and travelled with other couples, played pinochle together and golfed/went to the theatre separately with friends. Their vision for retirement wasn't nearly as kid-centric as that of the Boomer grandparents/retirees I know. I'm not sure if that is a generational difference or a familial one (the maternal side of my family is far more extended family-oriented than my father's side, but my maternal grandparents never really got a retirement because of health issues), but it does seem like there's been a shift along those lines since I was a kid in the 80s.



I don't think it gets framed as a burden, never mind a quid pro quo, when it is woven into the fabric of the family. Our family is very interconnected that way and there's nothing held over anyone's head. We want to help our parents and kids, and they want to help us. But when it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out - my mom has hired someone for some of the work on her house that my husband would normally have done because his boss recently quit and he's putting in too many hours doing double duty to have weekends free to do her floors. Because part of helping each other out and having the kind of enmeshed relationships we do is understanding that things come up and there's a natural sort of ebb and flow to these things. No one is keeping score.



So then how would you refer to offspring that have attained the age of majority? As "my adults"? Of course not, because "children" denotes the familial relationship the same way "brother" or "mother" does.

We say Son or Daughter.