MIL has requested her Christmas present

[jeepgirl30]

I'm trying not to be irritated. MIL never makes requests but also never says thank you to me for her gifts. She knows I do all the shopping but she will wait until I am out of the room to open her gift. Over the years I have made it a little game where i try to get her to open it but she'll always make an excuse and open it later. A lot of the gifts are never taken out of their packaging. Very strange!

Now she does like me but she is very cold and distant to everyone. I've been with DH for 20 years. Married for 15, dated for 5. BIL has been married for 10 and they dated for 7.

At our wedding as we were getting pictures of us with DH's family, MIL walked up to the photographer and said she wanted a family picture. Photographer said we just took several, what did you have in mind? She said "MY family, my boys, daughter, husband and I". He said "yes, and the bride which we just took, that is your family" and walked away. She dropped it but never put those pictures up! She has made a few comments over the years about family pics and always leaves out the DILs.

DH's sister passed away in the spring. MIL put in the request to have a "Family" picture for her dining room with the 2 boys and the grandkids. Specifically told DH ONLY the boys and grandkids.

Of course DH will not make any arrangements neither will SIL. I want to do this for her but i'm a little offended how she makes a point to say i am not her family. Does she not realize the grandkids would not be here with out me and SIL???

I am going to call today and book the photographer of course but would anyone else be offended??

 

[jrmasm]

I'm trying not to be irritated. MIL never makes requests but also never says thank you to me for her gifts. She knows I do all the shopping but she will wait until I am out of the room to open her gift. Over the years I have made it a little game where i try to get her to open it but she'll always make an excuse and open it later. A lot of the gifts are never taken out of their packaging. Very strange!

Now she does like me but she is very cold and distant to everyone. I've been with DH for 20 years. Married for 15, dated for 5. BIL has been married for 10 and they dated for 7.

At our wedding as we were getting pictures of us with DH's family, MIL walked up to the photographer and said she wanted a family picture. Photographer said we just took several, what did you have in mind? She said "MY family, my boys, daughter, husband and I". He said "yes, and the bride which we just took, that is your family" and walked away. She dropped it but never put those pictures up! She has made a few comments over the years about family pics and always leaves out the DILs.

DH's sister passed away in the spring. MIL put in the request to have a "Family" picture for her dining room with the 2 boys and the grandkids. Specifically told DH ONLY the boys and grandkids.

Of course DH will not make any arrangements neither will SIL. I want to do this for her but i'm a little offended how she makes a point to say i am not her family. Does she not realize the grandkids would not be here with out me and SIL???

I am going to call today and book the photographer of course but would anyone else be offended??

Then why would you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not do it for starters. Plus I don't shop for DH's mom. That is his job.

DH is already shopping for his mom. I have trained him well.

 

[ENSOCK]

Strange cookie!! I would book the pictures and take the one she requests but also take one with everyone including both Dsil. I would hang the one I wanted at home and give her the one she wants. After 20 years, you can't change her so just be happy with out her. Good Luck!

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm trying not to be irritated. MIL never makes requests but also never says thank you to me for her gifts. She knows I do all the shopping but she will wait until I am out of the room to open her gift. Over the years I have made it a little game where i try to get her to open it but she'll always make an excuse and open it later. A lot of the gifts are never taken out of their packaging. Very strange!

Now she does like me but she is very cold and distant to everyone. I've been with DH for 20 years. Married for 15, dated for 5. BIL has been married for 10 and they dated for 7.

At our wedding as we were getting pictures of us with DH's family, MIL walked up to the photographer and said she wanted a family picture. Photographer said we just took several, what did you have in mind? She said "MY family, my boys, daughter, husband and I". He said "yes, and the bride which we just took, that is your family" and walked away. She dropped it but never put those pictures up! She has made a few comments over the years about family pics and always leaves out the DILs.

DH's sister passed away in the spring. MIL put in the request to have a "Family" picture for her dining room with the 2 boys and the grandkids. Specifically told DH ONLY the boys and grandkids.

Of course DH will not make any arrangements neither will SIL. I want to do this for her but i'm a little offended how she makes a point to say i am not her family. Does she not realize the grandkids would not be here with out me and SIL???

I am going to call today and book the photographer of course but would anyone else be offended??

I love your photographer!!!

Yes. I would be offended. I think it's only human nature. I'd get the same photographer as your wedding. I'm sure he would insist you and the SIL be in the picture and make her feel very small for anything less. That would be cosmic justice!

 

[pilotwife_02]

Nope, wouldn't do it...sorry!

IF she wants just one of her, FIL and HER sons, I can maybe see doing that, but no way in h#!! would I let her have MY children in the picture with her without me.

WITHOUT me, she wouldn't have those grand kids.

That makes me furious just thinking about it.

 

[NMAmy]

No, I wouldn't be offended but then my MIL was always one to want a photo of her 4 boys. The rest of the family lives in England so when DH was there, she would always want some photos of her 4 sons and she would display photos of them from the time they were little until they were well into adulthood. I can understand wanting a photo of just your own children or just the grandchildren.

 

[merrily]

I would do it. For whatever the reason, that is what she wants. Did the sister have any children? If so I would also include them in the photo.

 

[powellrj]

Strange cookie!! I would book the pictures and take the one she requests but also take one with everyone including both Dsil. I would hang the one I wanted at home and give her the one she wants. After 20 years, you can't change her so just be happy with out her. Good Luck!

This is what I would do also.

 

[RitaE]

That's funny because my DH said something the other day about going to visit "his" family and I told him. Okay, married for 23 years now. Exactly when do I get the privilege of being called a family member to you guys?

Honestly if that's what she wants I'd do it. Pictures aren't that big of a deal to me but I understand what you are protesting is the head games. Just rise above it. I know it sounds harsh but statistically, someday you won't have to put up with her anymore. KWIM?

 

[ols386]

It would probably bug me a little if she didn't want the DIL's in the photo, but I would not worry about it. I'd just move on.

 

[poohfriend77]

Yes, I would be offended. And I'd like to say I'd tell DH to deal with his crazy momma himself, but I tend to be a "keep the peace" person. Assuming she is just a "cold" person, and not outright hostile/over-critical to you throughout the year, I'd roll my eyes and move on. I probably would get one photo made for her, but also have pics made of the WHOLE family for the rest of you.

Or you can give her a huge print with you front and center and tell her that if she's worried you won't stick around, she can always have you photoshopped out later. That's what we did to my former SIL who walked out on my brother less than a month after I paid for family photos.

 

[krcit]

Eh. I wouldn't be offended. You have known her for 20 years and know her quirks so don't let it get to you. My MIL wanted a family pic of just her kids when I was newly married. MY BIL had been married over 15 years at that point and his wife was fine with it. Don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[jeepgirl30]

I would do it. For whatever the reason, that is what she wants. Did the sister have any children? If so I would also include them in the photo.

I wish I could include her DD but they live on the other side of the country. I was planning to ask if they can photoshop her in.

 

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't do it. If she wants a family picture of just her kids and grankids, without any spouses then she is free to book the photographer herself, and call her children and ask them to come and be a part of it.
For Christmas this year, I'd get a portrait of me, dh and the kids and give her that for her dining room, or I'd call my IL's and arrange a picture of just the grandkids but no way would I do something for her that specifically excluded some members of our family.

 

[klam_chowder]

Why do something you will begrude doing? Doesn't sound like you want to do it so why do it? BTW, I can completely relate to how you're feeling and I would feel the same way. You can't change her but you are under no obligation to grovel to her either. I've long since given up after years and years of 'trying so hard' to please people. I just do what I want and am always careful to continue to be friendly, polite and respectful. However, I have abandoned doing all those "extras" for people who treat me less. I feel much happier for it as I've removed the resentment. If she wants to do it, let her or her sons arrange for the photographer. If my DH wanted to do this, I'd let him but I would refrain from any involvement.

Good luck to you

cheers,

 

[scrapquitler]

DH's sister passed away in the spring. MIL put in the request to have a "Family" picture for her dining room with the 2 boys and the grandkids. Specifically told DH ONLY the boys and grandkids.

Ugh. I feel for you, because I've been there. One year, my BIL gave my in-laws a gift certificate to have a family portrait done. So off we went to have the pictures done: MIL, FIL, DH, myself, our DD, BIL and his girlfriend.
We did pictures of DH, me and DD, MIL and FIL, BIL and his girlfriend, then we were about to do the 'family picture' and my BIL girlfriend said, "well I shouldn't be in it" (which made sense, they weren't married), and MIL said "Oh yes, I want a picture of JUST MY FAMILY - DH, "MY BOYS" and "My GRANDDAUGHTER" and was going to leave me out of the picture. We had been married for TEN years and had a child together, and I'm not part of the family? DH told her that she WOULD have a picture taken that included me, or he and our DD wouldn't be in it. MIL was not happy, but did have us in the picture.

I'm still pissed about that, and it was 10 years ago. At least I know where I stand.

 

[luvsJack]

I wouldn't be offended at all. Dh has 5 brothers and a sister. Every year at Christmas they take some "family" pictures and one of those pictures is his parents and just their kids (no inlaws, no grands) and then they take one with his parents and the grandkids. They have also had a formal portrait done with just his parents and their kids.

We do the same thing at my mom's at Christmas. After losing my Dad and my brother, those pictures have become very precious. (and losing her daughter may be why this portrait is so important to her)

 

[Tinkermommy]

My MIL wanted a family portrait for Christmas. We went to the studio and they took different groupings.

They included:

- All of us (including me!)
- The grandparents and the grandkids
- Just the grandparents
- Just the grandkids
- Just our family
- My MIL, FIL, my husband and his brother (one brother was missing, but we won't talk about that!)

While your all there and dressed up, I would take various groupings and then she could choose. It's a good time to just get your family photo done as well.

 

[StacyMarie]

I'm trying not to be irritated. MIL never makes requests but also never says thank you to me for her gifts. She knows I do all the shopping but she will wait until I am out of the room to open her gift. Over the years I have made it a little game where i try to get her to open it but she'll always make an excuse and open it later. A lot of the gifts are never taken out of their packaging. Very strange!

Now she does like me but she is very cold and distant to everyone. I've been with DH for 20 years. Married for 15, dated for 5. BIL has been married for 10 and they dated for 7.

At our wedding as we were getting pictures of us with DH's family, MIL walked up to the photographer and said she wanted a family picture. Photographer said we just took several, what did you have in mind? She said "MY family, my boys, daughter, husband and I". He said "yes, and the bride which we just took, that is your family" and walked away. She dropped it but never put those pictures up! She has made a few comments over the years about family pics and always leaves out the DILs. DH's sister passed away in the spring. MIL put in the request to have a "Family" picture for her dining room with the 2 boys and the grandkids. Specifically told DH ONLY the boys and grandkids.

Of course DH will not make any arrangements neither will SIL. I want to do this for her but i'm a little offended how she makes a point to say i am not her family. Does she not realize the grandkids would not be here with out me and SIL???

I am going to call today and book the photographer of course but would anyone else be offended??

This reminds me of something that happened at my wedding 11 years ago. My DH's entire family showed up to our wedding in coordinating outfits of black and white, his brother, sisters, their spouses, and their kids, all in black in white. My colors were eggplant and lavender with fall flowers, not black and white. I wasn't sure why they were all dressed that way UNTIL it was time for photos. My MIL requested a family picture of her kids and their kids, completely left the spouses out. After that, then another picture was taken with her kids, their kids, and the spouses BUT the fact that she requested a family picture with coordinating the outfits without my knowledge, and had the balls to request that picture be taken on my dime, I was LIVID! Needless to say, I never ordered any pictures for her of just "her family".

I would call and book the photographer and make sure you "request" that you and your SIL are in a picture when they are taken or that a picture be taken of just your family, lol!