MIL / Alzheimer's vent- you can ignore

[tribus121]

And it is getting to be a royal pain in the backside. Jenfur, I know exactly what you mean. One difference in my case is that my FIL is still living, but he doesn't know his backside to a hole in the ground sometimes. I feel that my FIL isn't coping very well with the fact that his wife of almost 47 years has a disease that is robbing her of her brain.

Yesterday at church, my MIL thought that she would be cute and pull my hair. I try to get it through my hubby's brain that isn't a good idea for her to be able to do that. Someday, she is going to pull a stranger's hair and she isn't going to get away with that. Know what I mean?

As for your MIL's jenfur, I think that it is time that you and your honey should discss the fact that it is time that his mom should be placed into a nursing home. Especially one that can deal with Alzhiemer's.

Tribus121's wife

 

[Ranatra]

I am a fulltime caretaker for my Mom who has heart problems and dementia. (Not sure if it's Alzheimers) I quit working 18 months ago to do this full time, my Mom lives with DH and I. The kids are grown and on their own and I have 2 grandbabies now. Everything is going fine and I am doing well. I have help from my twin sister, who takes my Mom home with her every so often to give me a break and I have a woman that comes in 2-3 times a week.

Now if I still had children at home, I know I couldn't do this. You sound burned out and overstressed. It's time to make some changes. You have to for the sake of yourself and your family. It sounds ideal that your BIL is opening a day care of seniors. His mother can be his first applicant.

After reading your entire thread, what stood out for me the most was this:

"I Don't want to do this anymore, I want to quit."

That is a call for help if I ever heard one. Please talk to your DH and get some help with this situation.

 

[DisneyHumbug]

Today is my Mom's 87th birthday. She is the full time caregiver for my 86 yo father. He has Alzheimers, dementia, parkinsons, heart condition, borderline diabetes. She doesn't want any help, thinks she has to do this "for better or for worse". He fell 3 times this weekend and she had to get a neighbor in to help lift him, with the parkinson's he is dead weight. I'm going there today to try and talk some sense into her. I sympathize with those of you who are the caretakers, and for those of you who work with alz. patients, thank you.

 

[ForTheLoveofDisney]

I just wanted to give you ! I know how difficult this is for you as we also tried to care for my grandmother with dementia/ first stages of AZ. She was always a sweet granny. Feisty but sweet. But, when she got the dementia she was just plain feisty and mean as long as she was in her own home.

We tried for months to care for her the best we could but alas it was best for all involved to have her put in a facility that knew how to deal with AZ/dementia and who also had the numbers with the staff. She lived in the facility for a few years and she became much better.

I don't know if this is an option in your state (or if it is a National Medicare option) but I do know before we had my grandmom go live at the facility she was able to go in for say a week or so if the family had to go out of town or just needed a break. I think it was medicare that allowed this. I don't have all the details but perhaps this is something that you could look into for you upcoming trip. This way you will have the break/rest that YOU NEED!!!! And this could also be like a trial run.

Either way, as the others have posted, you have reached burn out. And like
Virgo10 has said

One person or even one family cannot and should not attempt to care for a person in the condition your MIL is in.

Please look in to finding a GOOD facility where there are programs for those affected with this terrible disease. Do it for yourself, your family and for your MIL.

You are one person/one family. These facilities have many people dedicated to the care of your MIL. And if she is close you can go and see her every day if you like.

We washed all of my grandmother's clothes (our choice). We could sit with her in the dining room to make sure she ate. We were able to take her out on day trips and my mom used to take her out for weekend getaways. The thing with my grandmother was she lived in the past (with her mom and in the future with us). She would say to my DH, "Mom always said you were a good boy." And my Great-Grandmother had died when I was 5 so she never knew DH. But, we were still able to take her shopping or out to lunch or out for the weekend.

I think what happens in some people's minds is that we stick our loved ones in a nursing home and we NEVER see them again and then we think that they are mistreated and neglected by the staff and this is just not true!!!

We saw my grandmom all the time, the nursing staff knew us and always were good to us and they were excellent with my grandmother! She had a great Social Worker and she did lots of activities. She seemed better and I know we were better. Just think of it as she used to live with us and now she lives there.



Feel free to vent away.

 

[Mskanga]

My sister took my mom to visit me for two weeks a couple of years ago for two reasons , because my dad needed a break and because she wanted to bring her before she got any worse.
The worst thing we could do was to take her out of her environment , she was completely disoriented and also thought that my girls were me and my sister. She is terrified of being alone but now she has gotten very aggressive too , she's on medication for that too because she started hitting my dad.
She does not recognize him and often she cries that her dad is calling her and she wants to go. THAT creeps the heck out of me.....my grandfather has been dead for like 10 years.
I say alzheimers patients die twice , once when they are not themselves anymore and the second when their body leaves this earth , it's nothing short of pure agony. There are some wonderful nursing homes though , I know the one my grandma was in was one of them with wonderful staff. I have mentioned that to my sister but she wants something close to her house since she's the one that would go visit more often.