Middleschoolers URGGGGG! A mom's vent.

[stacy6552]

So, today I booked an impromptu trip to WDW for a few weeks from now. Then I emailed my middleschooler's teachers about the days he will be missing.

Backstory: He's recently had 3 grades fall due to missed homework and lost priviledges during the week. We've had a week off due to snow days. The day before he went back to school, I asked him about homework. Reminded him that with the extra week to do it all, there are no excuses. "yes yes its all done," he says.

Back to today, I hear back from a teacher telling me how he didnt turn something in that he'd had more than 2 weeks to do, because of the homework. He didn't have it today either and he's failed a quiz on the subject matter!

And to add insult to injury, when I called to discuss it with DH, before he came home from school, my husband suggested "a more proactive approach." Like asking him each day if its done and asking to see it.......As if I wasn't already doing that, first!

 

[ampooh]

I feel your pain on not getting info out of middle schoolers. DS is in 8th grade and it is like pulling teeth to find out what is going on.

Found out about a science test last night while I was at the School Board mtg and his teacher just happen to be there this time.

How can I find out his reading grade? I gave it to him last week. DS at home ...no he didn't give me anything that I remember ...ugh

 

[Darcy03231]

We're going through the same thing. DS is in 7th grade (13) and I'm ready to pull my hair out. I feel like he's spent the year grounded. We got progress reports the other day and they'll still not great (although better than the last ones). I told him if this keeps up he won't be driving at 16. He's definitely capable of much better work than what he's doing.

 

[mlraabe]

oh my goodness -I'm not alone! We have been having an awful time with our DS. He is in the gifted program at school and is not doing his regular classroom work. He has been in so much trouble at home. I feel like I'm the homework police. It doesn't help that I teach in the same district! Anyway, I figure we are in for a long 6 years! I just get so upset with him because I know he can do it. When we went to WDW in November he completed a week's worth of work (or at least all of the work that they gave him) in 1 1/2 hours. So I definately know he is capable just not motivated.

The funny thing is that DD8 who is also in math and language enrichment brought home her math book last weekend. When I asked why she had homework (they don't have it on Fridays) she said that she could choose to bring it home and do an extra lesson. Do I have 2 totally different kids or what?

 

[MiniGirl]

Our older elementary and middle school students have to keep as assignment book. It is like a daily planner looking thing where they write down the assignments for each class and when they are due. They also write the assignment on the due date block in case they forget about it on the day it was given. I hope that makes sense, but basically each assignment is recorded twice -- the day it is given and the day it is due.

It is a great tool and an easy way for parents to see what assignments were handed out. It might be worth having your child start one of these. It would be even better if the teachers could assist by making sure he records the assignments he's given. I know teacher's have enough to do, but they may be willing to help. I think in the long run this may be easier for them than having to track down assignments, send notes home, arrange conferences, etc.

Anyway, it is just a thought.....

 

[cedmonds]

Oh boy does this sound familiar. DS is in 7th grade as well and I get the
"it's all taken care of mom" line all the time. We are very luck all our teachers (myself included) are mandated to post homework and assignments on this eBoard the school has. So I can be "big brother" and check up on the little man but whew....somedays. All I can say is this to will pass, my older two both in college now, survived and actually high school was better then MS. I really think these are the hardest years. Heres hoping!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You could always threaten to go to school with him and sit next to him in every class so you can make sure he has all his work done and he doesn't miss any homework assignments! I feel for you. I like to read these threads because we will have 4 teenagers at once! Somebody pass the wine!!!

 

[CampbellScot]

In my school district kids can be given a "daily progress report" that has to be signed by all teachers and brought home each day. As each teacher signs it they add in work that is missing and homework that is due the next day.

The daily progress report can be the "key to freedom". If he has all his work done and nothing missing he can do things like watch television or play video games. If he doesn't...he's grounded. It's pretty cut and dried.

It has worked for a number of kids I work with who have had trouble being responsible and organized.

Good luck. this is such a frustrating problem!

 

[stacy6552]

Check us out! We've got our own lil support group working here. Yippee!

The school actually has agendas for assignments, but getting them used is a challenge itself. We also have access to teachers' calendars of work, but that's incinsistant, too. While one teacher posts the exact work each night, down to the page and problem numbers, another hasn't posted anything since last week.

Urgg...I so need a vacation. Oh wait, I'm getting one....Thank goodness.

 

[mlraabe]

Our older elementary and middle school students have to keep as assignment book. It is like a daily planner looking thing where they write down the assignments for each class and when they are due. They also write the assignment on the due date block in case they forget about it on the day it was given. I hope that makes sense, but basically each assignment is recorded twice -- the day it is given and the day it is due.


This is a great idea and guess what - my DS has one! The problem is that he doesn't do a good job at writing in his assignments. We are now to the point where his teacher is checking it everynight along with us at home instead of the once a week that is required. Also, we have the online system. I usually check that daily. It is more of a way to see his grades than what is due however. The teacher's have 2 weeks to put assignments in. Speaking of grades. The bad thing is that his grades are great. I actually wish they would start docking him. I think that would get him moving. It is hard to say you're not doing your best when your grades are good. We know and he knows they could be better though!

 

[bgirl29]

Mouse House Mama I laughed so hard reading your message. I actually told my 6th grade daughter just last week that I was going to start showing up at school and sit in her classes with her if she didnt start studying a little harder. What made this an even better threat for her is that one of my friends does go and watch her 5th grade daughters class during math time. My daughter would be HORRIFIED if I ever showed up.

 

[MiniGirl]

Mouse House Mama I laughed so hard reading your message. I actually told my 6th grade daughter just last week that I was going to start showing up at school and sit in her classes with her if she didnt start studying a little harder. What made this an even better threat for her is that one of my friends does go and watch her 5th grade daughters class during math time. My daughter would be HORRIFIED if I ever showed up.

Years ago when we lived in Palm Beach County there was a news story detailing how truancy was becoming out of control. As a way to get a handle on it, someone on the school board proposed that after so many absences a parent had to attend school with the child for a certain # of days. I don't remember if anything ever came of it, and I know a lot of people were against (parents couldn't afford to take of work, etc). I, however, loved the idea in principle. I've always kept that in the back of my mind. I figured if that was ever a problem I'd use this to threaten my kids. I'd tell them I'd join them at school with rollers in my hair and wearing an old house robe and slippers. Of course, my girls are still young, so we don't have that problem, but.........

 

[MiniGirl]

This is a great idea and guess what - my DS has one! The problem is that he doesn't do a good job at writing in his assignments. We are now to the point where his teacher is checking it everynight along with us at home instead of the once a week that is required.

Oh well...... As helpful as it may be, it doesn't work if it doesn't get used. It's a shame though. I think one of the best things about this isn't that it gives the parent(s) a way to check their child's assignments but that it establishes a good habit for high school and beyond when mom and/or dad isn't there to check on them every day.

Well, good luck to ya'll. I know you'll work out something.

 

[dsnymomof4]

Can I please join the support group? I am sorry that all of you are having problems with your teenagers, but I am kind of relieved that I am not alone! DS13 has always been a B student, but is struggling this year to get C's! His first report card was just terrible and I have gotten a few calls from his teachers about how he needs to prepare more for class, including making sure his homework is done and participate more in class. He is just not interested in school. In fact, he has said to me that he doesn't really need to learn math and science because he is going to be a professional skateboarder when he gets older! I've tried taking away his computer time (he can't survive without IM), I'm constantly asking him if his homework is complete (to which he usually replies "I did it in school"). I'm actually meeting with his teachers after school today to figure out what we can do to help him improve his grades. So, thank you all for your stories. It actually makes me feel a little better knowing mine isn't the only child who is like this! Good luck to you all.

 

[MickeyMonstersMom]

I can do you all one better - my 7th grade DD has me as one of her teachers this year, and is still tanking! We can't have a team teachers' meeting without it turning into an impromptu conference on DD's lack of homework completion. At different points the past few months I've grounded her from everything I can think of, which has resulted in lots of strife at home and still no real improvement in her work ethic. It doesn't help that my ex-husband tells me I'm being too soft and need to really lay down the law (how, pray tell?), and the other teachers at school just smile and tell me she's being a typical middle-schooler. Arrgh! Well, this too shall pass...

BTW, my school uses an agenda book system, as well as a computerized grading system that gives parents online access to their children's grades in every subject (plus attendance and discipline reports). It's a great system, but this year has made me realize that there is no foolproof way to make your child want to succeed.

DS 9 is a sheer delight, too. He tells me he won't act like his sister and I just tell him to wait a few years...

 

[MEM]

DD10 is in 5th grade and tends to "remember" her homework at 9:00 each night.

I now print out her homework assignments from her school's website and she begins them right after dinner.

 

[Goofyluver]

Oh, my son is even better. Oh yes, he does the work. I make sure of that! Then, what does he do? He does not turn in the completed work?!? Can you explain this to me! It is DONE!

 

[bluesaturn]

my sister had the same kind of problems in middle school. grounding really doesn't work after awhile, the kids just don't care. what my mom did was mandate my sister spent a certain number of hours on homework every night. if she was all done w/ her homework then she could revise and fix it, study more, or read ahead in her text books. this helped alot because my sister knew she had to do homework everyday, so she figured she might as well do the homework she had and do it well. my mom also makes her study for tests days before during her normal homework time. this way there's less last minute cramming. this also gets my sister in the habit of doing work everyday, which is useful for high school and college.

 

[perdidochas]

I feel your pain on not getting info out of middle schoolers. DS is in 8th grade and it is like pulling teeth to find out what is going on.

Found out about a science test last night while I was at the School Board mtg and his teacher just happen to be there this time.

How can I find out his reading grade? I gave it to him last week. DS at home ...no he didn't give me anything that I remember ...ugh

In 8th grade, you don't need to be managing him. It should be his responsibility.

 

[perdidochas]

Can I please join the support group? I am sorry that all of you are having problems with your teenagers, but I am kind of relieved that I am not alone! DS13 has always been a B student, but is struggling this year to get C's! His first report card was just terrible and I have gotten a few calls from his teachers about how he needs to prepare more for class, including making sure his homework is done and participate more in class. He is just not interested in school. In fact, he has said to me that he doesn't really need to learn math and science because he is going to be a professional skateboarder when he gets older! I've tried taking away his computer time (he can't survive without IM), I'm constantly asking him if his homework is complete (to which he usually replies "I did it in school"). I'm actually meeting with his teachers after school today to figure out what we can do to help him improve his grades. So, thank you all for your stories. It actually makes me feel a little better knowing mine isn't the only child who is like this! Good luck to you all.

Professional skateboarders need math so that they know when their managers steal from them

Some of it is age. However, that said, if my boys (now in the 1st and 2nd grade) end up failing due to lack of homework, they will not be seeing anything but school books for weeks.