Middle school friend drama

[mefordis]

My 12 yo daughter has had a best friend since 2nd grade. She has entered middle school and now and her friend has decided she wants to be popular so she has gone out for cheerleading and is now inviting a few of the cheerleaders over to sleepovers and things she used to invite my daughter. It is obvious that she is being iced out big time. She has told my daughter she is now sitting with the "popular girls" (her words) during lunch, and there is no room at that table. My daughter tells me that she did see an empty chair over there but she just sat with some other girls and didn't push it. My daughter is not the confrontational type and does not question her friend at all, she just lets it slide. I knew when my daughter refused to go out for cheerleading it might create distance between them but it happened so suddenly. My daughter does gymnastics (competition) and volleyball, and has no interest in cheerleading and couldn't be talked into it.

One thing I am happy about is she deleted her friend from snapchat and instagram and when I asked her about it she said she just didn't want to see all of the things her (ex)friend is doing with those girls. She seems to be holding up well under the circumstances. But I do feel so badly for her. I know there is nothing to do but for her to try to make new friends and eventually time will make it less painful

Can anyone who has gone through something similar give me some thoughts of encouragement?

Thanks

 

[Govols1997]

I have a 13 year old girl. Girls (and women) can be so cruel to each other. I'm sorry it's happening to your daughter. But it sounds like your daughter is handling it well and moving on rather than being crushed. I've found its best to stay out of it when I can.

 

[Princesspolly0110]

This was the story of my life at that age. Encourage her to talk with the friend. If she refuses or brushes her off, give her a couple of days to process and then ask her to join a club, do a study group or go to youth group at church if that's your thing. Chances are, she will make new friends and maybe her old friend will wise up.

 

[ashley0139]

My 12 yo daughter has had a best friend since 2nd grade. She has entered middle school and now and her friend has decided she wants to be popular so she has gone out for cheerleading and is now inviting a few of the cheerleaders over to sleepovers and things she used to invite my daughter. It is obvious that she is being iced out big time. She has told my daughter she is now sitting with the "popular girls" (her words) during lunch, and there is no room at that table. My daughter tells me that she did see an empty chair over there but she just sat with some other girls and didn't push it. My daughter is not the confrontational type and does not question her friend at all, she just lets it slide. I knew when my daughter refused to go out for cheerleading it might create distance between them but it happened so suddenly. My daughter does gymnastics (competition) and volleyball, and has no interest in cheerleading and couldn't be talked into it.

One thing I am happy about is she deleted her friend from snapchat and instagram and when I asked her about it she said she just didn't want to see all of the things her (ex)friend is doing with those girls. She seems to be holding up well under the circumstances. But I do feel so badly for her. I know there is nothing to do but for her to try to make new friends and eventually time will make it less painful

Can anyone who has gone through something similar give me some thoughts of encouragement?

Thanks

Pretty sure your daughter is me. 15 years ago. I was a gymnast, and my best friend decided she wanted to be a cheerleader so she dropped me like a hot potato. It hurt, and all the way through senior year everyone thought she was the "nicest girl in school," but I was the only one who had known her "before." It sounds like your daughter is handling it well. Forcing herself into the group will not end well. You're correct, there's nothing you can do but be there for her. She'll make new great friends.

 

[mefordis]

Thanks for the responses! I told my daughter to just be nice and open to making new friends. Also, her friend has wanted to be popular for a very long time, my dd tells me. I think she found a way "in" now and it looks like she is finally meeting her goal. I wish her the best of luck. The popular route is never easy. It looks great on the outside looking in, but in reality there is way more drama there than just having a few nice, close friends.

 

[mefordis]

I have a 13 year old girl. Girls (and women) can be so cruel to each other. I'm sorry it's happening to your daughter. But it sounds like your daughter is handling it well and moving on rather than being crushed. I've found its best to stay out of it when I can.

I agree! I would never interfere. Also, it could be a MUCH worse situation, like being bullied or something like that.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

This happens around this time, it could be a phase that she goes through (your DD's friend) and eventually realizes it's not all that it's cracked up to be or she may not. I think for right now it is good for her to make new friends, i also think it would be good for her to talk to her former friend and at least let her know how she feels and if she doesn't react or care then she knows where they stand. For all we know in a few years she could feel bad about how she acted and apologize to your DD.

 

[mnrose]

Thanks for the responses! I told my daughter to just be nice and open to making new friends. Also, her friend has wanted to be popular for a very long time, my dd tells me. I think she found a way "in" now and it looks like she is finally meeting her goal. I wish her the best of luck. The popular route is never easy. It looks great on the outside looking in, but in reality there is way more drama there than just having a few nice, close friends.

Good advice.

Middle school years are pretty terrible for everyone, including the so-called "popular" kids. It's hard to stay on the top of anything. LOL.

Your daughter will come out of those years just fine if she stays true to herself, and is kind to everyone, even old friends who drop her like a hot potato.

 

[scrapquitler]

My 12 yo daughter has had a best friend since 2nd grade. She has entered middle school and now and her friend has decided she wants to be popular so she has gone out for cheerleading and is now inviting a few of the cheerleaders over to sleepovers and things she used to invite my daughter. It is obvious that she is being iced out big time. She has told my daughter she is now sitting with the "popular girls" (her words) during lunch, and there is no room at that table. My daughter tells me that she did see an empty chair over there but she just sat with some other girls and didn't push it. My daughter is not the confrontational type and does not question her friend at all, she just lets it slide. I knew when my daughter refused to go out for cheerleading it might create distance between them but it happened so suddenly. My daughter does gymnastics (competition) and volleyball, and has no interest in cheerleading and couldn't be talked into it.

One thing I am happy about is she deleted her friend from snapchat and instagram and when I asked her about it she said she just didn't want to see all of the things her (ex)friend is doing with those girls. She seems to be holding up well under the circumstances. But I do feel so badly for her. I know there is nothing to do but for her to try to make new friends and eventually time will make it less painful

Can anyone who has gone through something similar give me some thoughts of encouragement?

Thanks

It sounds like your daughter is handling it just fine. Encourage her to find some new friends that currently have the same interests as she does.

It's totally normal for friendships to fade away as kids get older and develop different interests.

As the Mom, I'd just be supportive of my child, but I wouldn't badmouth the other girl, even if I was tempted.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

Your DD seems to be very grounded, and honestly, 6th grade is a very natural time for friendships to fade away and new ones to take their place. I wouldn't push her to rekindle the friendship with this girl, she will meet others who are more suited. I would only intervene if I felt the other girl was being openly mean/bullying, but it seems like she is just pushing your DD away.

 

[kimblebee]

This is so normal for this age group. Just step back and let it work itself out..

 

[QueenIsabella]

I agree with the others. Your DD is handling this okay. I know it's pretty miserable as a parent--it's probably miserable for your DD, too, but she's managing--good for her. Look at this as an opportunity for her to find a new group of friends that she meshes better with.

We moved last year, when DD13 was about to start 7th grade. She was really nervous about starting at a new middle school, but came home having new friends, the very first day. She'll never be Queen Popular, but she has a small group that she's close to. And a much wider group of acquaintances. About once a week, she thanks me for moving her 1000 miles away from her old middle school. I had no idea how miserable she was there until we moved--apparently, it was super cliquey, and a sweet, smart girl had a tough time fitting in. She is so much happier here! There are still cliques, of course, but nowhere near as obnoxious. Mine is a dancer and a cellist---neither group gets a high amount of respect.

 

[lennyd]

Just support her ,tell her how awsome she is and keep her busy ,the other girl will find out the other girls are not that cool