Middle school basketball help - vent - frustration

[hambirg]

My comment you have issue with was in reference to someone who felt their kid should have gotten a chance to play more because they tried hard. Trying hard and producing aren't related. You go with the one who produces results. Unless you are in a for fun league, which this wasn't the case.

The OP made it clear their daughter was being a good team player ON the court. Being best pals with your team mates OFF the court seems to be what everyone is advocating. Who cares if a few girls on the team dislike you, everyone seems to think that means everyone in the whole school dislikes her. That was never the topic but seems to be what everyone assumes.

Kobe Bryant and Shaq HATE each other. They can't stand the sight of each other, yet won championships together. Why? They played good team ball ON the court. You don't have to have slumber parties with your team mates to be considered a good team mate. The OP daughter should focus on doing the right thing ON the court, and who cares about the other stuff. Great athletes rise above the other distractions.

 

[golfgal]

I have coached girls basketball for over 25 years. I would never let the girls vote on captains-that is a decision for the coach to make-and it should be made based on who is the best LEADER for the team, not who scores the most points.

As for parents complaining about your DD being a ball hog-again, that is up to the coach to determine if someone is being a ball hog and for the coach to deal with the issues.

I would tell your DD to listen to the coach and do what the coach tells her. If the coach is ok with her play, she should continue to play as she can. They will be in high school next year and by 8th grade, the better kids should be playing. Back in 5th grade, ok, playing time should be more equal, but not in 8th grade. It is especially difficult when one player is that much better then the others.

She also has to keep working on her game because more often then not you see kids stop working and developing because they are the "star" already and by 10th grade, they are riding the pine. Nothing bothered me more as a coach then to watch a child with obvious talent waste that talent.

Being captain in 8th grade really means nothing, tell her to just keep playing because she will get her rewards from hard work (down the road).

Our high school girls varsity had their first game last night. They lost their best player to a broken arm last week. After that they have a freshman point guard and a sophomore forward that are AMAZING players. The seniors on the team are having issues (one of them quit because she wasn't voted captain). This drama continues through out her career and she is just better off learning to ignore it now.

 

[dsanner106]

Lots of good advice on here, as the father of 2 girls and a boy, I have seen all sides of this, The coach is the coach and she just needs to play her game and let the coach blend that with everyone elses game. I agree with the last poster that the captains should be chosen by the coach and not elected, it is just an opportunity for drama and girls this age live on food, water and drama, not necesarily in that order. Definately she needs to be playing up an age group or in more competetive leagues to the point where she is not the best on the team, then she will learn more of the other skills necessary for being a team player, and not feel the pressure of carrying a team.

Drew

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

After that they have a freshman point guard and a sophomore forward that are AMAZING players. The seniors on the team are having issues (one of them quit because she wasn't voted captain). This drama continues through out her career and she is just better off learning to ignore it now.

Wonder why she didn't make captain???

 

[Trish Bessette]

Practice is the time for honing skills, not games. At practice you also want to go up against the best, it is the only way you can get better.



The OP made it clear her daughter goes to great lengths to involve other players, but they always turn to her to score. I've been on teams where the best player wasn't a likeable person. Who cares. They were a great athlete and helped us reached our full potential. If you want to enjoy friendship and humor, seek out recreational leagues. A good player should never make excuses for their talent. Being well liked doesn't make the ball go in the hoop.

Thank you! This is what I'm trying hard to instill in my daughter.

My comment you have issue with was in reference to someone who felt their kid should have gotten a chance to play more because they tried hard. Trying hard and producing aren't related. You go with the one who produces results. Unless you are in a for fun league, which this wasn't the case.

The OP made it clear their daughter was being a good team player ON the court. Being best pals with your team mates OFF the court seems to be what everyone is advocating. Who cares if a few girls on the team dislike you, everyone seems to think that means everyone in the whole school dislikes her. That was never the topic but seems to be what everyone assumes.

Kobe Bryant and Shaq HATE each other. They can't stand the sight of each other, yet won championships together. Why? They played good team ball ON the court. You don't have to have slumber parties with your team mates to be considered a good team mate. The OP daughter should focus on doing the right thing ON the court, and who cares about the other stuff. Great athletes rise above the other distractions.

I agree with the bolded part however as a parent, this is that hard part teaching a teenage girl that. Somehow the drama seems to be stronger at times

 

[Trish Bessette]

WOW everyone thank you so much for your input

Update from yesterday's practice. The coach talked to the girls and said she understands there was some sort of conspiracy against one of the players (my DD) to NOT vote for her for captain. So, as a result of that, there will not be any captains, instead I will rotate them each game.

 

[Jennasis]

WOW everyone thank you so much for your input

Update from yesterday's practice. The coach talked to the girls and said she understands there was some sort of conspiracy against one of the players (my DD) to NOT vote for her for captain. So, as a result of that, there will not be any captains, instead I will rotate them each game.

Wow. That coach is DUMB. Maybe she could just paint a big target or scarlet letter on your daughter? Seriously. She should have kept her mouth shut and just made the change as she saw fit.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am questioning this coach. First, she has 8th grade kids vote for a captain, then she tells a parent of a player that no one voted for her dd, and then she tells the team that she knows there was a pact not to vote for a particular girl, so they're not having a captain. Weird.

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am questioning this coach. First, she has 8th grade kids vote for a captain, then she tells a parent of a player that no one voted for her dd, and then she tells the team that she knows there was a pact not to vote for a particular girl, so they're not having a captain. Weird.

EXACTLY It's a losing battle for my dauther all the way around - the girls on the team as well as the coach

 

[allison443]

I am questioning this coach. First, she has 8th grade kids vote for a captain, then she tells a parent of a player that no one voted for her dd, and then she tells the team that she knows there was a pact not to vote for a particular girl, so they're not having a captain. Weird.

I agree, this seems a very strange way to handle things...I'm wondering if the coach is a parent of another girl on the team?

 

[Trish Bessette]

I agree, this seems a very strange way to handle things...I'm wondering if the coach is a parent of another girl on the team?

No she is not a parent of another girl.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Update from yesterday's practice. The coach talked to the girls and said she understands there was some sort of conspiracy against one of the players (my DD) to NOT vote for her for captain. So, as a result of that, there will not be any captains, instead I will rotate them each game.

Hmm. Well since she did a vote in the first place, I think it would have been better to have a revote, this time using set criteria for captain and with all the cards on the table.

This whole "voting" thing, I think, is pretty much a popularity contest at this age. And maybe it should have been done a different way initially. But...

Since some of the girls "fessed up" (apparently feeling badly about it) and even your own DD didn't know she could vote for herself, it might have been nice to give them the opportunity to do the right thing (even if it meant your DD still wasn't voted in).

 

[golfgal]

Wonder why she didn't make captain???

That is what we said when we found out too .

 

[Jen414]

I coached a cheering team for 10 years, although it was at the high school level. I realize that that age level can be a little bit more mature, but here's how I handled captains. Anyone that wanted to "run" for captain could. They had to give a speech telling what qualities they possessed that would make them good captains. You did not have to be a certain year. After they all gave their speeches, each member of the team got 3 votes, including me and the JV coach. Some years I had all seniors as captains, some years it was juniors, and some years it was a combination. I once had a girl who could've been a captaion as a freshman, she was such a phenomenal leader. I think a big thing that needs to come into consideration is what is the role of the captain(s) on this team? Is it just a title? For me, one of the things the captains did was act as a liason between me and the athletic director and principal since I work in an elementary school and we practiced at the middle school.

I agree with a pp who said that the coach has really messed up. As a coach, you have to stick with what you say. If she said the team would vote on captains for the season, she should've stuck with that. She NEVER should've revealed to anyone how many votes each girl received. I had years when it was my one vote who pushed a girl over the edge to captain. I never told a sole. Is this a young coach?