Meeting the parents of DD's boyfriend tomorrow

[Pea-n-Me]

DD’s first boyfriend’s mom texted me to ask if she could com over to discuss their dating. I knew her casually and we are both nurses. Man, did that discussion turn clinical! We haven’t met her current boyfriend’s parents yet. I did get to be pretty good friends with her last boyfriend’s mother, we hit it off really well; met in her yard first time DD had to drop something off.

We met DS’s girlfriend’s family when they came to one of his games, then another. And the dad stopped over our house one day when he was nearby and his daughter was here. Nice people.

 

[Tinijocaro]

OP here. I think it went well. I had the charcuterie tray and some melon, along with fresh bread and garlic spread. I set the food up on the kitchen island.

They arrived, brought bottle of wine and card game with them. I offered them drinks. We stood around in the kitchen exchanging pleasantries. Thankfully, DD's BF said "so are we gonna eat". lol. Turns out, they're not shy about eating. They dug in and made history of the food offerings in pretty short order. Luckily, when hubby and I were shopping, I told him we should get twice what we think we need because we don't want to run out. So I refilled the trays (twice!) over the course of the evening.

We went to the dinning room to eat. Pretty soon, played one of our games, followed by their card game.

We exchanged stories. They are talkers too, so that made it easier.

In the end, they were here for quite a while. Got here at about 6:30, didn't leave until after midnight. They stayed longer than I anticipated. They ate and drank more than I anticipated (but I had enough stuff). We got along well, the kids were relaxed and it turned out to be a nice evening.

2 things I would do differently if I could, both are things that hopefully didn't matter to them, 1. we served on paper plates, should have used dishes. 2. we used solo cups for drinks. I don't have nice wine glasses and what not, I used to but have been broken through the years and I never cared enough to replace. We normally host family or very close life long friends who really don't care about these things and probably contributed to the broken wine glasses, lol. Anyway, I hope they didn't silently judge us. I don't think they did, but who really knows.

Today, hubby said he wants to have them over in the fall for chili.

I for one, would not have cared what the food and drinks were served on, as long as there is good food and drinks on/in them! May I ask what games you played?

 

[mjkacmom]

I have yet to meet my older step-daughter's BF's parents. They have been together a few months now. I like him, he seems like a great guy, I am sure we would get along fine. I have met with my other step-daughter's BF's mother and step-father numerous times. They seem pretty cool.

I wouldn’t even think about meeting the parents if they were only dating a few months. The only reason I met some of the HS SO’s was formal and prom pictures, otherwise I’d never have met them, even after 2+ years. To me, a formal meeting for the sake of meeting means a potential engagement.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Sounds like a good time was had by all.
looking for unbreakable drinking glasses for the next time?
These might just be the thing:

https://www.crateandbarrel.com/stacking-aqua-acrylic-wine-glass/s555985
They have them in a few colors and are currently $4.00 each. Bought them earlier this summer for our camping trip for 3 bucks@ piece so keep your eyes open for a sale.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP it sounds like things went well. I’m sure they came expecting dinner (we eat around 7), but a cheese plate is one of my favorite dinners, so much so that if it’s an appetizer, I’m too full to eat dinner.

 

[cabanafrau]

Like I said, everybody sees this differently, I guess. It would shame me to think a host though I was judging them. It's a blessing to be invited in and really one of the times when "it's the thought that counts". I've coached tons of young women over the years to not be bound by their insecurities, especially in this "pintrest" day and age. Inviting people in, no matter what you offer them, is an important part of community. Honestly, I don't think I know anybody who would react the way that you suggested.

And FWIW, I wasn't snarking at @AnnaS - I was trying to find out if it was just hyperbole or a little joke here or something she actually says.

It's kind of interesting to me that the other poster mentioned Martha Stewart in her comment, and you chalk things like this up to Pinterest. A few weeks back we saw a show on HGTV with Martha Stewart talking about her gardens and my daughters were both here and started discussing about how "extra" Martha was making everything. I told them that's how she always makes everything and why I always felt she actually probably discouraged more hostessing than she inspired in her quest to be seen as the entertaining guru. I remember when she was at her peak in popularity it seemed like a lot of events suddenly became much more fraught with anxiety and a lot of casual entertaining either fizzled out altogether or became suddenly much more for show.

I do try and make an effort when I invite people, but for me that means being focused on trying to make sure they're comfortable and are likely to enjoy what I'm serving because I try to plan according to what I know they like. For those who are close enough to be drop in unannounced visitors from time to time, they already know coming in, you get what you get, and depending on what they're walking into that might mean they maybe grab themselves something to drink if we're mid project or help me throw together some appetizers or a meal on the fly.

 

[rigs32]

When you first posted, I was thinking that your food offerings weren't going to be enough for something that started after dinner time if people were drinking. At 6:30, I would also have been expecting a full meal. Especially with their son saying "let's eat" as everyone was chatting.

My SO invited people over a few months ago (before covid) without checking the fridge/pantry. I went to the store to get food because I didn't want to be the host that didn't have anything to share. We randomly had people over for an outside gathering two weeks ago and I set out every heavy app and snacking item in my house to make sure I had food available. Shrimp, frozen pizzas, crackers w/ hummus, pickles, popcorn, and apple slices may not make a cohesive offering, but it kept everyone fed. It was also humorous for others as the night went on to see what I brought out next.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I must be weird. My DD25 has been dating someone for 2 years, and we haven't met him yet. Forget about his parents! But, I think there are a couple things going on--one is, DD lives 800 miles away. The other is, I don't think she wants us to think the relationship is more serious than it is.

FTR, OP, I fall in the camp of, "if I'm going to someone's house at 6:30 pm, I would be expecting dinner". I think you did fine, and dinner wouldn't have to be fancy or anything, but that hour suggests a full meal. But, live and learn--it sounds like all had a good time. That's what's really important.

 

[pookybean]

When you first posted, I was thinking that your food offerings weren't going to be enough for something that started after dinner time if people were drinking. At 6:30, I would also have been expecting a full meal. Especially with their son saying "let's eat" as everyone was chatting.

My SO invited people over a few months ago (before covid) without checking the fridge/pantry. I went to the store to get food because I didn't want to be the host that didn't have anything to share. We randomly had people over for an outside gathering two weeks ago and I set out every heavy app and snacking item in my house to make sure I had food available. Shrimp, frozen pizzas, crackers w/ hummus, pickles, popcorn, and apple slices may not make a cohesive offering, but it kept everyone fed. It was also humorous for others as the night went on to see what I brought out next.

I am super picky and i love gatherings like that best, then there is always something everyone likes!

 

[ronandannette]

OP it sounds like things went well. I’m sure they came expecting dinner (we eat around 7), but a cheese plate is one of my favorite dinners, so much so that if it’s an appetizer, I’m too full to eat dinner.

I didn't pick up on it but yeah, if the invitation is for anywhere between 5:30 and 7:30, I'm expecting dinner. It sounds like everybody got enough to eat though - if they hadn't I'd imagine they would have left before midnight.

It's kind of interesting to me that the other poster mentioned Martha Stewart in her comment, and you chalk things like this up to Pinterest. A few weeks back we saw a show on HGTV with Martha Stewart talking about her gardens and my daughters were both here and started discussing about how "extra" Martha was making everything. I told them that's how she always makes everything and why I always felt she actually probably discouraged more hostessing than she inspired in her quest to be seen as the entertaining guru. I remember when she was at her peak in popularity it seemed like a lot of events suddenly became much more fraught with anxiety and a lot of casual entertaining either fizzled out altogether or became suddenly much more for show.

I do try and make an effort when I invite people, but for me that means being focused on trying to make sure they're comfortable and are likely to enjoy what I'm serving because I try to plan according to what I know they like. For those who are close enough to be drop in unannounced visitors from time to time, they already know coming in, you get what you get, and depending on what they're walking into that might mean they maybe grab themselves something to drink if we're mid project or help me throw together some appetizers or a meal on the fly.

I think 20 years ago when the Food Network and HGTV were new, they were quite inspiring and a good source of ideas and information. Now though, when you factor in Pintrest and every sort of real-time social media, there's a whole 'nother level of pressure some people feel to meet a standard that's probably not even real to begin with.

A good example is how much harder (and exponentially more expensive) it was to plan and execute DS's daughter's wedding in 2018 than it was to put on her younger sister's wedding 18 years earlier. There was just no end to all the ideas she had and the things that have simply become "must have". Back in the day it was a fancy dress, some beautiful flowers, a nice venue and done.

 

[momz]

wow, I'm disappointed that I dissapointed you. lol

I chose charcuterie tray because I can put so much variety on there. Meats, cheeses, veggies, bread, nuts, crackers. I had many varieties of everything. I don't know what people like, so I thought a variety would have something for everyone.

I couldn't decide what to make if serving entree, Having never met these people before.

I guess i was way off with my planning.

I really hope I didn't dissapoint my guests. they ate it. The complimented some of it as well. but, that doesn't necessarily mean they were happy with it I suppose.

Well, they were polite, we had laughs. I enjoyed the evening.

 

[mjkacmom]

I must be weird. My DD25 has been dating someone for 2 years, and we haven't met him yet. Forget about his parents! But, I think there are a couple things going on--one is, DD lives 800 miles away. The other is, I don't think she wants us to think the relationship is more serious than it is.

FTR, OP, I fall in the camp of, "if I'm going to someone's house at 6:30 pm, I would be expecting dinner". I think you did fine, and dinner wouldn't have to be fancy or anything, but that hour suggests a full meal. But, live and learn--it sounds like all had a good time. That's what's really important.

Dd17’s last relationship of 6 months recently ended, I still haven’t met him. He’s in her grade, I’ve seen him on our lawn during this COVID thing, couldn’t pick him out of a line up.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Dd17’s last relationship of 6 months recently ended, I still haven’t met him. He’s in her grade, I’ve seen him on our lawn during this COVID thing, couldn’t pick him out of a line up.

Glad to know it's not just me! My DD does send pictures of the two of them--at their ages, they attend a lot of weddings, so it's generally the two of them, dressed nice. They seem very compatible, and I wouldn't be surprised if they eventually got married, but my DD has a specific 5-year plan before that happens. Which is fine--when you're 25. I don't like to bug her--she tends to act like I'm dying for grandchildren, which I'm not. I mean--she's 25, I would take them, but my youngest just started HS, so I'm not exactly feeling like an empty-nester.

 

[mjkacmom]

Glad to know it's not just me! My DD does send pictures of the two of them--at their ages, they attend a lot of weddings, so it's generally the two of them, dressed nice. They seem very compatible, and I wouldn't be surprised if they eventually got married, but my DD has a specific 5-year plan before that happens. Which is fine--when you're 25. I don't like to bug her--she tends to act like I'm dying for grandchildren, which I'm not. I mean--she's 25, I would take them, but my youngest just started HS, so I'm not exactly feeling like an empty-nester.

All of my kids started having regular SO’s around 14/15, and some relationships have lasted over 2+ years. I think dd24 just hit the 3 year mark. They don’t bother to have them meet me until at least 6 months in, I usually don’t even know about them until at least 3 months.

 

[mumto3girls]

wow, I'm disappointed that I dissapointed you. lol

I chose charcuterie tray because I can put so much variety on there. Meats, cheeses, veggies, bread, nuts, crackers. I had many varieties of everything. I don't know what people like, so I thought a variety would have something for everyone.

I couldn't decide what to make if serving entree, Having never met these people before.

I guess i was way off with my planning.

I really hope I didn't dissapoint my guests. they ate it. The complimented some of it as well. but, that doesn't necessarily mean they were happy with it I suppose.

Well, they were polite, we had laughs. I enjoyed the evening.

Your food sounds great to me. Most of my favorite foods fall into the appetizer category. Even though I am not really picky, I would much rather snack on an assortment of appetizer/finger foods than sit down to a full meal that I may or may not enjoy. And when you don’t know people and what they like/any dietary restrictions, it seems like a nice way to make sure there was something for everyone.

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

wow, I'm disappointed that I dissapointed you. lol

I chose charcuterie tray because I can put so much variety on there. Meats, cheeses, veggies, bread, nuts, crackers. I had many varieties of everything. I don't know what people like, so I thought a variety would have something for everyone.

I couldn't decide what to make if serving entree, Having never met these people before.

I guess i was way off with my planning.

I really hope I didn't dissapoint my guests. they ate it. The complimented some of it as well. but, that doesn't necessarily mean they were happy with it I suppose.

Well, they were polite, we had laughs. I enjoyed the evening.

I think what you did is great for this sort of occasion where you likely don't know the guests' food likes and dislikes. It sounds like your spread was more of a larger "make your own sandwiches/meal" kind of thing rather than just a "tiny squares of lunchmeat on individual toothpicks" appetizer tray. Personally, DH and I would much prefer what you had to a formal entree style dinner as I'm vegetarian and he's picky. With a charcuterie tray though, we can both find something we will like and not have to choke down something we don't like (or have an embarrassing "I'm sorry but I can't eat this- no, really, I'm not hungry" moment) for the sake of politeness.

I also noted that you hit all 5 food groups in your offerings (counting the melon you mentioned in a previous post)... It sounds pretty perfect to me.

Also, don't feel bad about the disposable plates and cups. That's something else that I would personally appreciate as a guest. I feel bad knowing that someone has to wash a bunch of dishes after I leave their house. And I'm a klutz so breakable, awkwardly shaped wine glasses give me anxiety. I never know how to hold it correctly and feel like I'm going to crush it from squeezing it so tightly out of paranoia that I'm going to drop it and spill blood red liquid all over the (always) white carpet of whoever's house.

Don't second guess yourself. You did well.

 

[Poohlove]

I have never felt like I needed to have a formal meeting with the parents of my kids’ dating partners. My son dated a girl for about 2 years and I never met her parents. I always invited them to barbecues and that type of thing, through her, but the never came. In hindsight it’s just as well!! My daughter dated a guy for almost two years and I met his mom a few times, she came for prom pictures and we ran into her in the mall but I never met his dad.

If a wedding were actively being planned or some other major life event was taking place I would want to have a line of communication for sure.

 

[ronandannette]

wow, I'm disappointed that I dissapointed you. lol

I chose charcuterie tray because I can put so much variety on there. Meats, cheeses, veggies, bread, nuts, crackers. I had many varieties of everything. I don't know what people like, so I thought a variety would have something for everyone.

I couldn't decide what to make if serving entree, Having never met these people before.

I guess i was way off with my planning.

I really hope I didn't dissapoint my guests. they ate it. The complimented some of it as well. but, that doesn't necessarily mean they were happy with it I suppose.

Well, they were polite, we had laughs. I enjoyed the evening.

If you're talking to me, you didn't disappoint me (sort of a weird thing to say ) and it doesn't seem like you disappointed your guests either. Like I said, if there was anything about it that didn't suit them, they probably wouldn't have stayed so long! It sounds like a good time was had by all. What else matters?