Meeting the parents of DD's boyfriend tomorrow

[AnnaS]

You actually say this out loud to people you're just meeting for the first time? I'm not sure how I'd react (or what reaction would be expected) if a hostess said that.

Yes & No - most of the time it's people I know for a while but have not had them over at the house. At that point, we are more or less friends/good friends. It's all in good fun during the conversation to make people feel more comfortable. There are people I know who go out trying to impress people so much - doing things, saying things that is not who they are in their every day life - if that makes any sense - even the in-laws - by the time they came at the house - the kids had been going out for years. Had conversations on the phone, text. Saw each other at wakes. When the kids got serious & engaged, we met "officially" at a restaurant with siblings too - we welcomed each other in the family. So not total strangers/first time. But even the company coming is sometimes trying to impress their host. Just breaks the ice a bit. We are not that formal here anyway.

Peace & Have a nice day

 

[tzolkin]

You actually say this out loud to people you're just meeting for the first time? I'm not sure how I'd react (or what reaction would be expected) if a hostess said that.

I have met lots of people who have said something along these lines. What part of it seems shocking or weird to you?

To me, it says “we are just being our normal casual selves, so please be at ease”. I would assume the expected reaction is for the guests to be relieved and to feel more comfortable.

 

[jbcheerchick93]

This is exciting! I hope you have a great time

I don't know how old your child is but it does feel more serious as time goes on - I remember being nervous about if my parents and my ex bf's parents would meet and how it would go (very different backgrounds and religions). If they like to play games and you have a few options, maybe you can ask them (through the kids) to bring one of the games they like to introduce to people? That way if it's a totally different type of game than what you usually play, they have an opportunity to bring something to "share" with you, too.

Good luck!

 

[ronandannette]

I have met lots of people who have said something along these lines. What part of it seems shocking or weird to you?

To me, it says “we are just being our normal casual selves, so please be at ease”. I would assume the expected reaction is for the guests to be relieved and to feel more comfortable.

Well, I guess everybody takes things a little differently. To me it sounds defensive and self-deprecating, as if the host/ess is expecting the guests to come in ready to judge.

Hospitality is really important to me and we do a ton of entertaining (the last 5 months notwithstanding). I'm always just really excited to see the people and give them a fun evening or a good meal (or whatever). I do my best to make things nice (to the standards that I'm capable of) and I put a lot of effort into it because I want them to feel honored and welcome in our home. It would break my heart to think they were expecting a certain standard or critical of what they were being offered. When we're invited out I'm feel the same way - I don't care what they do or what they give me, I'm just happy to have been invited and it wouldn't occur to me to be critical of them.

 

[StephMK]

We met one set of our daughter's future inlaws ahead of time and the others at the wedding. We are very different but it still went fine. The kids share similar values and we all adore both kids so we share the important stuff.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, I guess everybody takes things a little differently. To me it sounds defensive and self-deprecating, as if the host/ess is expecting the guests to come in ready to judge.

Hospitality is really important to me and we do a ton of entertaining (the last 5 months notwithstanding). I'm always just really excited to see the people and give them a fun evening or a good meal (or whatever). I do my best to make things nice (to the standards that I'm capable of) and I put a lot of effort into it because I want them to feel honored and welcome in our home. It would break my heart to think they were expecting a certain standard or critical of what they were being offered. When we're invited out I'm feel the same way - I don't care what they do or what they give me, I'm just happy to have been invited and it wouldn't occur to me to be critical of them.

But if you go though a lot of effort because you want them to feel honored and welcomed, then I’d think you might not feel so welcomed if your host just opened a bag of chips and a container of onion dip. I think the AP was saying that she wants to let her guests know they are welcomed even if she doesn’t put a lot of effort into it, that she’s more of a relaxed host.

 

[LiteBrite]

When my DD was a teenager, her boyfriend's family wanted to have dinner out at an IHOP, with their whole family and the 3 of us (DD is our only child). We did that and it was fine - the boyfriend had several outgoing siblings so the young people carried the conversation and it was lively and fun.

However, a while later the boyfriend's mother decided she wanted to have a lunch with me, DD, and the boyfriend, just the four of us, to "talk about them dating". I wasn't quite sure what exactly she wanted to talk about, and being an introvert I wasn't really looking forward to it. She also chose a restaurant that was her favorite, but that I actually really hated, so that was kind of a bummer.

The day of the lunch I had a raging migraine, but decided to power through anyway (that was probably a bad decision). I can't remember much about the conversation, but I do remember feeling completely miserable the whole time. The mom was also a shy person and I think she was expecting me to carry the conversation, which is hard for me at the best of times and especially not that day. It was just super awkward.

DD is an adult now and married to someone else, whose parents I already knew, so I never had to have another meeting like that, I'm happy to report, lol!

 

[ronandannette]

But if you go though a lot of effort because you want them to feel honored and welcomed, then I’d think you might not feel so welcomed if your host just opened a bag of chips and a container of onion dip. I think the AP was saying that she wants to let her guests know they are welcomed even if she doesn’t put a lot of effort into it, that she’s more of a relaxed host.

Like I said, everybody sees this differently, I guess. It would shame me to think a host though I was judging them. It's a blessing to be invited in and really one of the times when "it's the thought that counts". I've coached tons of young women over the years to not be bound by their insecurities, especially in this "pintrest" day and age. Inviting people in, no matter what you offer them, is an important part of community. Honestly, I don't think I know anybody who would react the way that you suggested.

And FWIW, I wasn't snarking at @AnnaS - I was trying to find out if it was just hyperbole or a little joke here or something she actually says.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

DD met her boyfriend in college but he actually lives in our hometown. After about a year, the kids decided that it was time for the parents to meet. Apparently both sets of parents had been asking about each other. The dads were really eager to meet because they’d both played football in college and wanted to swap stories. So the kids chose a restaurant and told the parents when and where. The 6 (2 sets of parents plus the couple) of us had such a great time together that we decided to do it again! A few months later the 4 of us along with 2 other couples (the sons of all the other couples were fraternity brothers), got together at a sports bar to watch a school basketball game. Our team lost, but we all had fun! While there, we all talked about going to the Spring football game and tailgating together. All of us made hotel reservations but the game got cancelled due to Covid. We’ve not been out with them since although we want to have them over for drinks and munchies on our deck. It’s just been hard to find a date that works but everyone since most of my summer has been taken up with recovering from double knee replacement.

 

[Bama Mom]

My oldest son is married to a wonderful lady. We actually have been friends with her mom since the kids were 4 and her step dad even longer (before our son was born). So obviously we never had that nervous metting with them since the kids had been friends forever. Now meeting my son in law's parents were a bit different. I wasn't nervous but I actually met his mom before my husband did. Then we met his dad just a a quickie meeting at a different time (his parents are divorced). We never had a time we had to entertain them to get to know them.

 

[ramee]

Like I said, everybody sees this differently, I guess. It would shame me to think a host though I was judging them. It's a blessing to be invited in and really one of the times when "it's the thought that counts". I've coached tons of young women over the years to not be bound by their insecurities, especially in this "pintrest" day and age. Inviting people in, no matter what you offer them, is an important part of community. Honestly, I don't think I know anybody who would react the way that you suggested.

And FWIW, I wasn't snarking at @AnnaS - I was trying to find out if it was just hyperbole or a little joke here or something she actually says.

Maybe it was the pop culture reference of singling someone out that seemed odd. She should try next time “I’m no Betty Crocker” or “I’m no mr. clean.” and see if it feels right. It’s just so specific.

I see what you’re saying, though. It does set up a certain expectation either way. It could immediately put guests at ease. Or put them on edge to expect a shoe to drop. “Just how relaxed are these people?”

But mostly I suspect guests wouldn't read into it too much.

 

[AnnaS]

Very hard to read/understand/get ones thoughts/meaning on texts, posts.....we all hear, understand/get it differently.

I guess I did not explain/get my thoughts/expression across the way it was meant......

That's okay. I don't need to break up my sentences, analyze, or keep trying to write down what "I meant/did not mean".

Peace. Enjoy your day. Stay safe.

 

[Southernmiss]

I get what the poster was trying to say. Our household is casual.

If I am having people over, I do put in effort to make good food and make things nice.

But I don't put on a 'state' dinner. It's usually serve yourself from a buffet. Maybe on China, maybe on paper plates depending on the occasion.

Maybe I ordered a curbside pickup from a favorite local place.

I do think our guests feel relaxed and know that I did put in effort to welcome them and make them feel at home

 

[tnmt]

Well, how did it go?

 

[momz]

OP here. I think it went well. I had the charcuterie tray and some melon, along with fresh bread and garlic spread. I set the food up on the kitchen island.

They arrived, brought bottle of wine and card game with them. I offered them drinks. We stood around in the kitchen exchanging pleasantries. Thankfully, DD's BF said "so are we gonna eat". lol. Turns out, they're not shy about eating. They dug in and made history of the food offerings in pretty short order. Luckily, when hubby and I were shopping, I told him we should get twice what we think we need because we don't want to run out. So I refilled the trays (twice!) over the course of the evening.

We went to the dinning room to eat. Pretty soon, played one of our games, followed by their card game.

We exchanged stories. They are talkers too, so that made it easier.

In the end, they were here for quite a while. Got here at about 6:30, didn't leave until after midnight. They stayed longer than I anticipated. They ate and drank more than I anticipated (but I had enough stuff). We got along well, the kids were relaxed and it turned out to be a nice evening.

2 things I would do differently if I could, both are things that hopefully didn't matter to them, 1. we served on paper plates, should have used dishes. 2. we used solo cups for drinks. I don't have nice wine glasses and what not, I used to but have been broken through the years and I never cared enough to replace. We normally host family or very close life long friends who really don't care about these things and probably contributed to the broken wine glasses, lol. Anyway, I hope they didn't silently judge us. I don't think they did, but who really knows.

Today, hubby said he wants to have them over in the fall for chili.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

Sounds like they were expecting a full dinner. I probably would have been too at 6:30. That is probably why they ate so much.
You can buy plastic or glass stemless wine cups. That way it's nicer than solo cups but still not too fancy.

 

[ronandannette]

...2 things I would do differently if I could, both are things that hopefully didn't matter to them, 1. we served on paper plates, should have used dishes. 2. we used solo cups for drinks. I don't have nice wine glasses and what not, I used to but have been broken through the years and I never cared enough to replace. We normally host family or very close life long friends who really don't care about these things and probably contributed to the broken wine glasses, lol. Anyway, I hope they didn't silently judge us. I don't think they did, but who really knows.

Today, hubby said he wants to have them over in the fall for chili.

Sounds really nice! Just assume they had as good a time as you did (and were equally nervous about the evening) and don't give it another thought! I predict they will return the invitation sometime soon.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

You actually say this out loud to people you're just meeting for the first time? I'm not sure how I'd react (or what reaction would be expected) if a hostess said that.

You’re going to want to sit down for this.

The last time someone was coming to my house that I was meeting for the first time, I texted her in advance to say “You’re welcome to come by, but don’t expect me to put on a bra for you.”

True story.

Annette? Annette? Are you still there?

 

[ronandannette]

You’re going to want to sit down for this.

The last time someone was coming to my house that I was meeting for the first time, I texted her in advance to say “You’re welcome to come by, but don’t expect me to put on a bra for you.”

True story.

Annette? Annette? Are you still there?

.
.
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[Kathryn Merteuil]

I have yet to meet my older step-daughter's BF's parents. They have been together a few months now. I like him, he seems like a great guy, I am sure we would get along fine. I have met with my other step-daughter's BF's mother and step-father numerous times. They seem pretty cool.