MASSIVE PRO-WAR RALLIES HELD IN PRIVATE, WHITE HOUSE SAYS
Fleischer: Millions of Warmongers Marched Secretly Over Weekend
Countering the weekends televised images of massive antiwar rallies around the world, the White House today said that millions of people attended super-secret pro-war rallies over the weekend as well.
White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer stunned the press corps with news of the massive pro-war rallies, which had gone completely undetected by all of the major news media.
Because of the current orange alert level, these citizens wisely staged their gigantic pro-war rallies in secure, undisclosed locations, often sealed off by duct tape and plastic sheeting, Mr. Fleischer said.
As a result, they didnt get nearly the attention that those smelly hippies in Paris got, he added.
Facing skepticism about the size and scope of the clandestine pro-war rallies, Secretary of State Colin Powell offered proof of the super-secret gatherings by playing a barely audible audio tape of two female warmongers purportedly talking to each other at one of the massive events.
According to the narration provided by Mr. Powell, one of the women on the tape seems to say to the other, Lets go to war in Iraq.
But analysis by voice experts later revealed that the actual quote was, Lets go for more Rolling Rock, and that the two women were not random protesters at all but were actually First Daughters Barb and Jenna Bush.
Mr. Fleischer later offered this clarification: Barb and Jenna are in favor of going to war in Iraq. They are also in favor of going for more Rolling Rock. Those two positions are not mutually exclusive, and represent the views of the vast majority of Americans.
****BOROWITZ REPORT****
Fleischer: Millions of Warmongers Marched Secretly Over Weekend
Countering the weekends televised images of massive antiwar rallies around the world, the White House today said that millions of people attended super-secret pro-war rallies over the weekend as well.
White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer stunned the press corps with news of the massive pro-war rallies, which had gone completely undetected by all of the major news media.
Because of the current orange alert level, these citizens wisely staged their gigantic pro-war rallies in secure, undisclosed locations, often sealed off by duct tape and plastic sheeting, Mr. Fleischer said.
As a result, they didnt get nearly the attention that those smelly hippies in Paris got, he added.
Facing skepticism about the size and scope of the clandestine pro-war rallies, Secretary of State Colin Powell offered proof of the super-secret gatherings by playing a barely audible audio tape of two female warmongers purportedly talking to each other at one of the massive events.
According to the narration provided by Mr. Powell, one of the women on the tape seems to say to the other, Lets go to war in Iraq.
But analysis by voice experts later revealed that the actual quote was, Lets go for more Rolling Rock, and that the two women were not random protesters at all but were actually First Daughters Barb and Jenna Bush.
Mr. Fleischer later offered this clarification: Barb and Jenna are in favor of going to war in Iraq. They are also in favor of going for more Rolling Rock. Those two positions are not mutually exclusive, and represent the views of the vast majority of Americans.
****BOROWITZ REPORT****
