Marrieds choosing not to have kids

[kennancat]

I'm confused...what would the purpose of that be? Maybe I'm just having a blonde moment.

No real purpose - I'm just having a bitter moment Mostly a social experiment to see if anyone would actually feel the need to question this hypothetical couple's choices in the same way that they seem to feel the need to question ours.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

My DH and I celebrated our 24th anniversary today. The kids were very happy. One coughed up a fur ball, 2 got in a cat fight, and the other one dragged his rump on the rug. We are very happy 'parents'

Happy anniversary! It's nice to meet another "older" (gotta put that in quotation marks, since I don't actually FEEL older) childfree person! Our anniversary was August 2nd (11 years married, 21 years together). We've had 5 kids (4 canine, one feline; the feline has trained all 4 of our canines)!

 

[Hixski]

My DH and I celebrated our 24th anniversary today. The kids were very happy. One coughed up a fur ball, 2 got in a cat fight, and the other one dragged his rump on the rug. We are very happy 'parents'

Happy anniversary! It's nice to meet another "older" (gotta put that in quotation marks, since I don't actually FEEL older) childfree person! Our anniversary was August 2nd (11 years married, 21 years together). We've had 5 kids (4 canine, one feline; the feline has trained all 4 of our canines)!

Happy Anniversary Pumbaa!!!

PrincessKitty: I am another "old" lady that does not feel my age. Well, maybe except in my dang athletes knees. DH and I have been together since we were 21 and 22. 26 years together and going on 22 married. We are going to celebrate 22 on the DCL Magic in September.

I just took a picture of my old man (dog) tonight. The temperature was 99 here today and since he is 10 he was a little tired of playing out in the heat. He let us put his toy on him and just looked at us. Silly dog didn't even move. I will always be the dog lady, DH is just not a cat person.

 

[ChisJo]

I just took a picture of my old man (dog) tonight. The temperature was 99 here today and since he is 10 he was a little tired of playing out in the heat. He let us put his toy on him and just looked at us. Silly dog didn't even move. I will always be the dog lady, DH is just not a cat person.

AWWWW!!! Love the picture....it was a balming 100 degrees here the other day and the cat was so hot, she was panting!! Wish I would have gotten a pic of that....DH hates cats too, but we live in a condo, so I am not comfortable with a dog here until we have a house with a yard. But, sometimes the cat acts like a dog, so we are literally getting the best of both worlds!

 

[aclov]

Hixski - that's how my dogs just lay around on their side especially when it's so HOT! The floor is cooler for them, and when they come in from outside it's like they just wipe out. Their so funny.

You have a very cute "old man" DH and I are both dog people. We like cats, actually we're animal lovers in general, but we just prefer dogs.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

No real purpose - I'm just having a bitter moment Mostly a social experiment to see if anyone would actually feel the need to question this hypothetical couple's choices in the same way that they seem to feel the need to question ours.

Bitter about what? People on this thread chose to not have kids and, if they're happy with that decision, what's there to be bitter about?

 

[momomonster]

Bitter about what? People on this thread chose to not have kids and, if they're happy with that decision, what's there to be bitter about?

Being bitter is something we childfree get accused of quite often by the childed. She was being sarcastic.

In actuality, we tend to be extremely contented folks, for the most part, as we live our lives according to our choosing and didn't blindly follow the "life script".

Just thought I'd take this opportunity to de-lurk. Hi everybody!

 

[aclov]

I have a friend who is a SAHM with 3 kids and feels that everyone should have the cookie cutter life she has. If someone does not want children, they're considered "selfish" or if someone like myself hasn't been able to have children she feels sorry for them. DH and I had his 4-year great nephew this weekend who is a handful. Yesterday, I was telling her about our weekend and she asked me if I enjoyed having him. I told her that while I loved him, I was ready to send him home by Sunday It was like she was expecting me to say that I was so sad that I didn't have my own child or something I've gone through my heartaches and pain, and I have my moments so I don't need anyone to rub it in.

 

[inkkognito]

So when do people finally stop asking that magic question: When are you going to have kids? I am soon to be 43 and I still get it, although sometimes it has been reworded to: Are you going to have kids?

I have three cats, two horses, and a bird, and that is more than enough for me and DH. Also, ironically, I do a lot of work with kids/families (I am a doctor of psychology). Between the animals, the work, and a passel of nephews and nieces, I feel no need to procreate. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a mini-me, but then I think of the responsibility/commitment and know that I am just not willing to give that, which would not be fair to a child. I have three jobs and a very full social life...maybe it sounds selfish, but I am not willing to change that. But I'm hoping that at some point the questions will cease...maybe when I hit 50?!

 

[jennynoel]

So when do people finally stop asking that magic question: When are you going to have kids? I am soon to be 43 and I still get it, although sometimes it has been reworded to: Are you going to have kids?

We're 25 and 27 and just starting to get the questions, although not from our families yet, thankfully.

I'm not completely ruling out having kids, I think I'm too young for that. When I think about all the things I want to do with my life, having kids just doesn't really rank, though.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Hixski,
Awwww....I love your white-faced dog!

I remember that you're around my age (a few years younger, but who's counting? ). I love saying I'm 50!

Inkkognito, nobody asks me if I'm going to have children now, but I can't remember when it stopped--probably mid-40s. DH and I were married when I was 40 (we've been together since I was 29) and his sister gave us a jokey congrats card that said on the cover "Congratulations on your marriage!" and inside, "So when are you going to have kids?"

aclov, welcome to the childfree thread. I think many childless-not-by-choice folks actually have a lot in common with us childfree types. I'm sorry you haven't been able to conceive yet. I agree that some people with children seem to need to justify their lives by telling us how much we are missing. But I've also had several women tell me they love their children, but wouldn't make the choice to have them if they could do it all over. We each have to decide for ourselves, and perhaps there would be less abuse/neglect of children in the world if having children was not the default.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Oh, yeah, and I'm trying to remember when people stopped saying, "You'll change your mind." I think it was when I was about 35ish.

 

[inkkognito]

The funny thing is, my DH was firmly convinced I would change my mind someday! I got married at 28 and was very solid in my decision, but it took him quite a few years of marriage before he finally believed me. He thought that hearing my biological clock would change my mind somewhere in my 30s.

 

[ChisJo]

The funny thing is, my DH was firmly convinced I would change my mind someday! I got married at 28 and was very solid in my decision, but it took him quite a few years of marriage before he finally believed me. He thought that hearing my biological clock would change my mind somewhere in my 30s.

My BF is scared of the same thing...he is 8 years older than me and truly is in a place in his life where he can't imagine being a dad. We live in an adults only condo. I'm almost 30...he's 38. I am a very busy person and really can't imagine trying to fit in a couple of bundles of joy - ever! I have so many ambitions and desires, and the thought of having kids literally feels like the dreams are being crushed. My biological clock could go off, and probably very soon, but I have never felt the need for myself to be a parent. My parents have given up trying to convince me...but we still get it quite a bit from others. I get really upset when people ask...or when I feel like I have to justify my decision - do they have to justify theirs just because they want/have children? Anyways, I'll step off that soap box now.

 

[PrincessKitty1]

The funny thing is, my DH was firmly convinced I would change my mind someday! I got married at 28 and was very solid in my decision, but it took him quite a few years of marriage before he finally believed me. He thought that hearing my biological clock would change my mind somewhere in my 30s.

Well, just in case I really WAS gonna change my mind, I never had my tubes tied. But I didn't change my mind.

 

[kennancat]

Bitter about what? People on this thread chose to not have kids and, if they're happy with that decision, what's there to be bitter about?

It's not being bitter about the life choice, it's being bitter about having to deal with people's responses to your life choice, and I doubt that sentiment is confined to the childfree. Ask any mother of four who's pregnant with her fifth kid if she feels bitter about all the stupid comments people make to her - "don't you know what causes that", "aren't you done yet", "are they really all yours"? Same goes for the parents of only children - "one kid isn't a real family", "only children will be spoiled", "he/she will be lonely without a sibling". It's tiring to have people view your decision as something strange that needs to be publicly questioned, regardless of what the decision is.

 

[ObsessedwiththeMouse]

It's not being bitter about the life choice, it's being bitter about having to deal with people's responses to your life choice, and I doubt that sentiment is confined to the childfree. Ask any mother of four who's pregnant with her fifth kid if she feels bitter about all the stupid comments people make to her - "don't you know what causes that", "aren't you done yet", "are they really all yours"? Same goes for the parents of only children - "one kid isn't a real family", "only children will be spoiled", "he/she will be lonely without a sibling". It's tiring to have people view your decision as something strange that needs to be publicly questioned, regardless of what the decision is.

Ahh...I totally get what you're saying...But like you said, "people" can do that with ANY situation.

When I had my daugther at 20 years old, I heard alot of comments, also...(obviously the OPPOSITE of what you're hearing).

Thanks for explaining to the confused over here.

 

[kennancat]

Ahh...I totally get what you're saying...But like you said, "people" can do that with ANY situation.

Exactly - and that's why you'll see threads where those parents get to vent about having to deal with that. This is our thread for venting

 

[kennancat]

So when do people finally stop asking that magic question: When are you going to have kids? I am soon to be 43 and I still get it, although sometimes it has been reworded to: Are you going to have kids?

Welcome Barb! Don't these people understand that having kids would seriously cut into your cruising schedule? Can't go on the cruise after a certain month, have to wait until the kid's six weeks old to take him/her aboard, have to get Flounders reservations so you can eat at Palo, etc.

Off topic, but I love your web site - thanks so much for putting it together. It's such a fantastic resource!

 

[kennancat]

Just thought I'd take this opportunity to de-lurk. Hi everybody!

Hi MoMo! Love the explanation of your username in the title of your post!