married people a question for you...

[binny]

I just met someone from a small town I lived in that knows my ex BF. She knows he's still there. Ive been thinking about him a lot lately ( just because this is when I would be going to that town and I always think about him and everything that happened there this time of year) NOT in a romantic sense. We dated for a summer but decided we'd be better friends, he was a really good friend... thats the part of our relationship that I miss, not the other stuff. He was my last BF before I met dh and dh knows all about him. He also that we would never be anything but friends because thats just not us anymore.

Anyway, the dilema is, would you pass on any mesages with this new friend? this is a REALLY small town so I know she will see him.


I would tell dh everything too, he allready knows that Ive met this new friend ( a female BTW). I tell him everything anyway.
I am perfectly happy with dh. we share everything.


Let me just stress that I do*NOT* want any sort of relationship with ex other than to see how he's doing. Hes had some rough times in his life and Id like to know if he got through them ok.

Do I dare though?

 

[nativetxn]

I wouldn't pass any messages but that's what would be best for <i>me</i>. What do you think would be best for <i>you</i>?

 

[TiggerPiglet]

I guess you might want to ask yourself what if this was an ex of your DH, would you have a problem with your DH seeing an ex-girlfriend that he was still friendly with?
If you really feel this won't hurt your DH, then I would say fine, go see how your ex is doing, but if you think your DH would be hurt in the least bit way, I would not do it, JMHO.

 

[DonnaS]

I would. I'd probably keep it simple and just tell her to say hi if she sees him and that you hope he is doing well, etc.

 

[Michelle]

I would have absolutely no problem if my husband did this nor would he care if I did the same! Heck, people see old boy/girlfriends at high school reunions all the time.

As long as you're honest with your husband about the contact I see absolutely no reason not to pass a message along to say hi and to see how he's doing.

 

[Brer_Papa]

My immediate thought was if it's a <b>REALLY</b> small town, your new freind is going to find out how everything has been in the Ex's life...and...

if she does see him, i would suspect she would say she knew you and further i suspect she would tell him how you are doing.......so, i wonder if a messgae is needed....

Sadly, some people might misinterpret an innocent inquiry and while I have no doubts about the love/trust between you and your DH...the tongues may start wagging in Smalltown USA....

IMHO.....

 

[binny]

Theres no way I would see him, even if he werent a thousand miles away. At least not without dh. Like I said thats not my intention at all.

He was actually the one who encouraged me to marry dh lol.


Im just not sure how I feel about it. Part of me says since my intentions are pure it shouldnt be a problem at all but part of me also says its still an ex no matter how we left it, and it would still be, well, weird.

 

[Luv2Roam]

Let it go. That's the past and you have a new life that's more important.
Even what sounds simple can stir up a lot of hard feelings and trouble.

 

[TiggerPiglet]

Binny I feel so bad for you. You seem so torn over this. Maybe you should just let it go like Luv2Roam said.

 

[Serena]

Binny, I would keep it simple. Tell your friend to tell him "hi" for you if she sees him, and that "you hope things are going well for him".
It could be final at that point, or not.

I think everyone is curious about how the ex's are doing. My pyscho bf in highschool was in an accident that made the papers about 10-15 years ago. He survived the accident but I didn't know anything else. I thought about sending a card, but from our history, I didn't think it would be a good idea reconnecting on any level.

goodluck in whatever you decide.

 

[bsnyder]

I agree with Michelle, but then again, that's just what's right for me and my DH.

binny, it might be wierd at first, but if you were friends, I think that would pass.

I see my ex boyfriend all the time....he lives about 5 houses away, we belong to the same small church, and his wife hosts our weekly women's bible study at their house. Oh, and he built our house too, so DH has gotten to know him quite well.

Good luck Binny, with whatever you decide.

 

[Princess_Aurora]

I think as long as y'all left it "just friends" then there's no problem with sending a message to him. Just a quick, "Hi. How are you? What's new?" would work.

I have an ex that is my very best friend in the world. We also decided that as a couple we didn't work too well but as friends we were great together. DH doesn't have any problem with it because he knows that we're just friends. I talk to him and see him all the time. The three of us would even hang out together. He's married now though so now the four of us hang out together. His wife was a little jealous of me for a little while (you know, because I've known him longer and we have that connection that only best friends have) but she came to understand why we weren't a couple and realized that we were really only friends and it would never be anything more. Now each of us has two kids and we get together a lot so our kids can play together.

So from my experience, I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

 

[BWVDenise]

I would pay money to know how my ex is doing! I wonder often. But we didn't part as "just friends," so I wouldn't dare start a communication that could be misunderstood.... however, your situation sounds safe enough!

 

[binny]

Thank you everyone for your support!

I appreciate the kind words. This is a real dilema for me and I decided that I will ask dh tonight and go with whatever he feels comfortable with.


I wouldnt do anything to jeapordize my relationship with dh. Not even for a friend.

Thanks again everyone I really do appreciate the support!

 

[katerkat]

I don't know -- if you're confused about it... Maybe it's not right.

DH has two ex's -- one whom I would never want him to talk to again, and another that came to our wedding. I really like his high school girlfriend -- she's very sweet. And heck, she has good taste in men! They dated for a year and then broke up when they went to college, as friends. As for the other one.... Well, this is a family board. If he ever got the urge to contact her, I'd whack him over the head until the urge passed.

 

[scarlett873]

i can totally understand your dilemma binny!!

for years, i wondered what my old BF was up to...but then again, we had a strange relationship when we were teenagers. he actually ended up living with us and my parents became his legal guardians...so, i actually lived with my boyfriend in high school!! things ended badly for us and we never really had a good clean break from each other...for years i wondered what had happened to him and how he was...but i was always too chicken to contact him, fearing the same things that you are dealing with now...i was afraid of misinterpretation and opening a door that would be difficult to close.

well, in my situation, i was right...i knew what would happen...

and it did!! we are now happily married...

but just because it was right for us, doesn't mean that it's right for everyone else...

i agree with the other posters who said just leave it at "hey..how's it going?"...

good luck with your decision!!

 

[Trinity721]

From my experience, I don't see anything really wrong with it either as long as you and your husband are secure enough to know that it's just friendly chatter. And as long as yoIf you husband knows everything and he trusts you, and as long as you're being honest then I think it's perfectly ok for you to say 'hello and I hope you are doing well'

My DH and I have been together for over 6 years, and married for nearly 2. We both have exes from before we started dating, both of which were significant emotional relationships. My ex, I heard, still talks about me... after 7 years he still talks about me! We still talk occasionally, and DH is ok with that. It's just friendly, what have you been up to kind of talk. DH doesn't really talk to his ex anymore, but you know what's funny? I do! Yes, me and his ex GF are friends more or less, and in fact I'm inviting her to DD's birthday party in July. I know, it's weird... but it works for us and everyone is on good terms with everyone. And it sort of helps that DH and I are crazy in love with each other and trust each other

 

[binny]

well I talked with dh about it last night and he said " honey I love you for considering my feelings so much but I really dont mind. I know you dont have those kind of feelings for him anymore, so go ahead."

So I guess Ill pass on a message and see how he's doing.

Thanks again everyone for being gentle I guess IL was just making too much out of this.