Marriage Vows ~ No Obey

[bdcp]

DH and I got married in 1981 and I had obey left out of the ceremony. Now, I understand what it really means, but it just rubbed me the wrong way. DH had no problem with it at the time. I think he regrets it now.

But I think a few of you need to look up the biblical/marital meaning of the word. It's not exactly what some think.

 

[RitaE]

The word obey never even came up. I actually don't have a problem with it -as long as both people say it. I do know we both made the exact same vow.

When obey was part of the vows, did only the wife make that promise?

Here you go. Traditional Vows from the Book of Common Prayer:

The original wedding vows, as printed in The Book of Common Prayer, are:

Groom: I,____, take thee,_____, to my lawful wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to my lawful wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.

I recently attended a wedding at a very conservative fundamentalist church and the service was very much a "Submit unto your husband as he submits unto God" sort. I'm not sure if obey was in there but I bet it was. My husband was shooting me these "Don't you dare make a scene" looks. Like I'd do that.

 

[Planogirl]

If I'd heard the word "obey" I'm afraid that I would have said no. Uhuh, not gonna happen.

 

[robinb]

I was supposed to have a shortened version of the marriage ceremony, but our rabbi forgot and did the longer one with stuff in it that we didn't want. I was OK with it because he wasn't 100% there mentally. His son had been in a car accident a couple of days earlier. I was just happy that his son was OK and he still officiated our wedding.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

My father, the minister, started marrying people around 1950. As far as I am aware, he has never used the word "obey". He said he just didn't like it.

 

[The_Alice]

We did "to Love, Honor, & Cherish, till death do us part." Married in the Catholic church though, and I don't think "obey" is in the vows.

 

[Buckalew11]

I said "obey". We did discuss it with the minister before the ceremony. I remember him saying many people leave it out and said it was up to me. I chose to say it, I really had no problem with it.

My BIL videoed my wedding for me. Nothing fancy, just videoed it. In the video, I say "obey" and then I giggle. It was not on purpose, it just happened.

24 years later, I have no regrets in saying it. DH is a very easy man to be married to. It is doubtful I would have said it in my vows had I married any of the other guys I was in relationships with.