Man VS Wife

[WeLuvDiz]

I have been in a dispute with my wife for quite some time and I'm losing. I figure with my Dis friends you can help me(either way). I am the only one who is employed in my household. I live in Northeastern PA and job wages really stink around hear to begin with. I work a full time, approx 80-85 hrs per week so a second job for me is out of the question. My wife has not worked since 1989 when she was expecting our first child(now almost 21). Then my son came along in 1992(now 18 yrs). She insists that she comes from a backround where her mother didn't work, her grandmother didn't work etc. I'ts been sooooo long arguing this point that it is now moot. Now, as I said my children,21 & 18 both live at home and neither has a job nor have they. I want them to work, not only for their own benifit but to help me out a little with "room and board". My wife totally disagrees with this. I did it when I worked and I feel so should they. My kids have no problem with this but my DW does. I am struggling so bad, a few months behind in all my bills including rend due to me being out of work for a few months due to brain sergury. Am I wrong for wanting my kids to work and help out or is this just "my" problem. Please let me know so I can show my wife this and then maybe she'll see thwt we are not the only one with kids that help out. I'm sorry this is sooooooo long. Thanks again,
Mike

 

[shortbun]

Your kids should work. They should have had jobs a few years ago. I have no problem with a woman staying home and saving the household money by budgeting, cooking and so forth to avoid extra expense but kids need to have a work ethic to make it in life.

 

[Freyja]

Your kids should work and so should your wife. By no means, is it fair that the pressure of providing for all of them should lie on you alone. I loved staying at home with my kids when they were really small and while we could afford it. I then started working part time, which was wonderful. However, we can´t afford that anymore and therefore I work full time, just as my husband.

 

[Dee77]

I think they should all be working. In this day and age, it's nearly impossible for most families to have a single income and a stay at home Mom able to do that for the children's entire education. My Mom was able to stay home with us until I (the youngest) went to elementary school, would I have liked to do the same, absolutely! Instead, I went back to work when DD was 12 weeks old. In order to have more time with her while she is young, I changed jobs and work overnights to have that time with her. It's all a compromise and sacrifice to do what is best for my family. I was also brought up by two very hard working parents that showed me and my brothers that a strong work ethic is key and where there is a challenge, the family "works" through it. I don't think it is fair for you, while you are recuperating from what sounds like a major operation, to still have ALL of the financial burden on your shoulders. Get well soon and I hope that your family can come to a collective agreement that will benefit all of you in the end.

 

[aprilgail2]

the kids should work now and your wife should have been working years ago!! The days of her staying home like a princess should be over and she should be out there making money and helping out the family!!!

 

[fireman17]

Your kids should both be working and handing over some money to you and your wife. My parents did the same with me although I wasn't expected to hand over money after I had my first job seeing I was only making minimum wage.
When better money came I was "asked" by my father for room and board along with my sister who lived at home as well.
My mom at this point in her life stayed at home but I remember growing up she worked at night cleaning offices which helped a little.

 

[Princesspunkin]

Your kids should work. It teaches them responsibility, money management, and how to take care of a household. I got my first job at age 16 and my mom made me give her $50 dollars out of every paycheck for my "bills". When I went to college she gave me the money back. While Iwas in college because I was use to paying "bills" Iwas able to manage my money better than most of my peers. And since you have young men, tell them no woman wants a man who do not work. They will be able to do more things with the friends if they have their own money and not depending on you.

I hope everything works out for you.

Dawn

 

[Art 1]

Your kid should work, in fact they should maybe move out.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I'm just curious, are your children students? That might make a difference for some people in their answer. From my perspective, though, it shouldn't keep them from getting a part-time job and pitching in. Like Princesspunkin, my parents had me hand over a set amount each week from my paycheck once I got out of high school and put it aside.

As for your wife, well, I think she is being very short-sighted and fool hardy. It sounds as though you already have been having some health issues. How is she going to get by if something permanent goes wrong with your health? I have always strongly advocated a woman being able to rely on herself financially because life doesn't always go as planned, whether it be due to divorce, or illness / disability, or the passing of a spouse. She should be working to share the load with you, but also for her OWN sake to make sure the family has an income and benefits no matter what curve ball comes along. I am afraid many of us from our generation had mothers that stayed at home, but times do change. Whether she likes it or not, a lot of women go out into the workforce today. She certainly would not be the first.

 

[MushyMushy]

If your wife wants to be able to allow your kids to live in your home rent free, then she needs to get her butt to work to provide that! If you were living comfortably off your salary without you having to kill yourself working 80 hours a week, my answer would be far different.

I do agree that the kids should at least be doing something part time and help contribute something to take the load off of you. If not towards rent, then at least food, cell phones, cable or whatever else they're using regularly.

I'm sorry you're so stressed about this.

 

[RF536]

I think they should all be working, there is no need for your wife to stay home anymore. It does sound like the extra income from her working is needed so she should work to help support the household.

As for you kids working and contributing to the household. If they are not students, then yes they should be working and contributing to the household. Now if either or both of them are students, they should still be working, but using that money to pay for their education.

Once I graduated from high school, the agreement with my parents was I could live with them rent free as long as I was going to school. My parents paid for 1/2 of my 1st 4 years of college and the rest was up to me to pay. I carried a full course load and worked 30+ hrs. a week.

 

[WL Fan]

The kids should either be working full time, or taking out student loans and going to school AND working. I'd seriously be considering booting them out if they didn't start contributing something.

Your wife should be working too.

You're doing too much.

What in the world do the three of them do all day long?

 

[MIGrandma]

DH and I have been married 34 years. I worked part-time for about 20 of those years. I was a SAHM when our children were young, then went back to work. I am currently unemployed (after 12 years at the same job), since about a year and a half ago. I had originally planned on getting another job, but DH and I talked it over and he said as long as the bills got paid he didn't care if I decided to stay home. I enjoy being home full time as I get a lot more done around the house, cook more often, bake, etc. And he does enjoy that. But. If we were behind on our bills I would get another job.

I feel your wife should get a job to help you out, and your adult children should have jobs by now too and if they choose to still live in your house they should be paying something for their room and board.

If you are working 80-85 hours a week and still not making enough to pay the bills, they should be working to help pay those bills too.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[livie1205]

If there is money trouble they should all work, I stay home with the kids because my dh provides well for us but when my youngest goes to school I will most likely get a part time job for extra money to save.It would cost us MORE now for me to work...we live out the outside of town and gas alone would kill us not to mention daycare for my young one so that would take my whole paycheck.I am not working just to be working with nothing being saved.

 

[eliza61]

Your kids should work. It teaches them responsibility, money management, and how to take care of a household. I got my first job at age 16 and my mom made me give her $50 dollars out of every paycheck for my "bills". When I went to college she gave me the mon

Dawn

Good to hear Dawn,
My son who just finished up his freshman year in college is just practicing some of these skills. We tried to teach all our kids good money habits but nothing hits it home like doing it with a paycheck of your own.

OP,
I wrestled with some of your wifes issues also. My oldest son, flunked a writing class in school totally due to goofing off. My dh is making him pay for retaking the class out of his own money. I felt so guilty about this at first, as we planned and saved for his college tuition but my husband feels he needs to learn an important lesson.

Stick to your guns, now is the time for young adults to learn how the decesions and habits they instill now will pay off in the long run.

 

[Carl Fredricksen]

Your kids should work and so should your wife. By no means, is it fair that the pressure of providing for all of them should lie on you alone. I loved staying at home with my kids when they were really small and while we could afford it. I then started working part time, which was wonderful. However, we can´t afford that anymore and therefore I work full time, just as my husband.

Agree with this. The kids are getting no responsibility training for real life here, and any cash the Mrs. can bring in should go straight to retirement savings, IMO. Not only should the kids be working, they should be paying rent while they are in your house, and helping to cover food expenses as well. Not that the cash is important, but preparing them for life outside your house is.

You may have to put your foot down on this one, but it will payoff huge for everyone in the family IMO.

 

[NMAmy]

All three of them should be working and contributing--especially if the family is in trouble financially. I just couldn't stay home and expect my husband to work that many hours and struggle to support the family on his own.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I have been in a dispute with my wife for quite some time and I'm losing. I figure with my Dis friends you can help me(either way). I am the only one who is employed in my household. I live in Northeastern PA and job wages really stink around hear to begin with. I work a full time, approx 80-85 hrs per week so a second job for me is out of the question. My wife has not worked since 1989 when she was expecting our first child(now almost 21). Then my son came along in 1992(now 18 yrs). She insists that she comes from a backround where her mother didn't work, her grandmother didn't work etc. I'ts been sooooo long arguing this point that it is now moot. Now, as I said my children,21 & 18 both live at home and neither has a job nor have they. I want them to work, not only for their own benifit but to help me out a little with "room and board". My wife totally disagrees with this. I did it when I worked and I feel so should they. My kids have no problem with this but my DW does. I am struggling so bad, a few months behind in all my bills including rend due to me being out of work for a few months due to brain sergury. Am I wrong for wanting my kids to work and help out or is this just "my" problem. Please let me know so I can show my wife this and then maybe she'll see thwt we are not the only one with kids that help out. I'm sorry this is sooooooo long. Thanks again,
Mike

Wow.

Your "family" is not much of a "family". I am so sorry that you live with such horrible, selfish people.

I can't tell you what you should do but I do know you should do something to make a change in your life. You are not "living" you are a slave to ungrateful people.

 

[jrmasm]

One adult should not support 3 other adults. That's just wrong.

 

[PatsGirl]

Sounds pretty unanimous here so let's just say I agree It's the first time I've actually seen so many posters agree on a subject. I'd print out three copies and leave them for the kids and wife with a note that things WILL be changing! Good luck, it sounds like it sucks to be you