Make-a-Wish aftershocks & planning

[twinklebug]

Hi all...

I need some friendly advice on how to deal with a very good friend's situation. She has been saying for months how she'd love to return to disney and have our families go together. She's even told me that if I do the planning she'll go. This is great as our families mesh perfectly. I'm so excited over the prospect of sharing a vacation with them.

The help I need comes in how to approach the Disney vacation as the last tw times her family has gone it was with a large family group. The first time was two years ago as part of her niece's make-a-wish vacation. Last fall she returned with the family, minus the niece .

I'm trying to figure out HOW to make a trip a fun, new experience without her, and her children returning to sad memories as they so often do when we start talking vacation talk...

any ideas?

 

[roseprincess]

I'm not sure how to answer your question, about your friend being sad talking about going to WDW? Your friend should be very fortunate she even gets to go to WDW once a year or even every other yr!

I hope you don't mind me asking, but did Make-A -Wish pay for her to go with her neice on her neice's MAW trip? If they did pay for your friend's trip, she is extremely lucky!!!!!!! MAW only pays for the immediate family of the wish child to go on the trip. My dd had her Wish granted last yr and we (dd,ds, dh, and I) went on her MAW trip. this is the first time my kids have ever been to WDW. This is the second time to WDW for my dh and I. We feel very blessed we even got to go to WDW on a MAW trip last yr! It will probably be years
until my family and I get to go back to WDW again.

Is your friend paying for her own trip, as well as paying for her dh, dkids trip?


Rosemarie

 

[roseprincess]

twinklebug,
I re-read your post a few times. I'm trying to understand your post.
You had stated in your post that your friend went to WDW 2 yrs. ago with her neice on a MAW trip , then went again last year without her neice.
Did her neice pass away? I'm sorry to hear that if that is the case.
Maybe you can clarify your post a little more?


Rosemarie

 

[twinklebug]

twinklebug,
Did her neice pass away? I'm sorry to hear that if that is the case.
Maybe you can clarify your post a little more?
Rosemarie

Thanks for the reply.

Yes, my GF's niece passed away shortly after their MAW trip to Disney. It had been rescheduled several times due to the child's health. Only the parents and siblings had recieved the Disney trip the foundation, my GF's family paid for the trip themselves as the niece had requested that everyone in the family go. They fought for the money. GF was very close to the child, she's a teacher and the niece loved writing poetry so the two had become inseperable, always chatting on the phone when they couldn't be together.

Last fall the immediate family was invited back to Disney in memory of their daughter's passing, no air or room was provided, simply a private gathering - I'm not sure what was entailed. Extended family was invited and My GF choose to attend with her chidren. The family rented a house offsite and treked to the parks everyday. She recounts the trip as being simply "OK", but looks foward to a day when she and her kids can totally get lost in the Disney experience.

Perhaps planing a trip with her this soon is wrong. I'd feel guilty though if I forged ahead with our plans for a visit without considering what it would take to create a new, positive, experince for her.

Some ideas I had were:
"Camping" in the Disney Cabins and
Horseback riding, campfire, etc that go along with it
Perhaps even having a flower float for the memory of her niece

I was hoping for more ideas within the parks. I liked the illuminations cruise idea.

 

[gigi1313]

i think you are very thoughtful to be so concerned about your friend and her loss and making disney a happy place for her again when so much sadness is there for her...

there are a few new things this year, so that should help... focus on the positive and help her to stay positive... select some fun events (like you mentioned) and some new memories... i would whole-heartedly suggest HDDR if she has not been... if she has maybe Spirit of Aloha... stay at a different hotel... completely different (if she stayed offsite, stay on... if she stayed monorail, stay epcot area, etc)... if they did a lot of princess meals, go for the meals w/the mouse and duck :: etc... just help her to make new memories... while you can never replace the old, you can certainly layer on top of them some great new ones...

 

[cruiseonmagic]

Perhaps planing a trip with her this soon is wrong. I'd feel guilty though if I forged ahead with our plans for a visit without considering what it would take to create a new, positive, experince for her.

Some ideas I had were:
"Camping" in the Disney Cabins and
Horseback riding, campfire, etc that go along with it
Perhaps even having a flower float for the memory of her niece

:

My dad really enjoyed his trips to WDW, but died before our first Magic cruise. Our extended family(16 of us) came down for the 4 day park, 3 day cruise. There was some talk about how he would have liked this or that, but in general, we just needed to get away.

The flower float is a nice gesture, but it sounds to me like your GF just wants a "fun trip" not a memorial service. Plan your vacation with your family in mind--except your family has a few more people this time Talk to WDW florists just in case, and keep that as a back up plan. Let her be the one to bring up her niece if she wants to--if not, I'd leave it alone.

"Creating a new, positive experience for her" will be easier than you think. Plan your vacation, come on down, and let us do our thing--we're pretty darn good at it

 

[eeyore45]

I'm one who also agrees, make new memories, stay onsite, do character meals (not sure I'd do HDDR!! *grin) but Ohana's, and something (OK not done any but Chef Mickey's and Liberty Tree Tavern gets great reviews) I've read on the disability thread they do something at GKTW for those that have passed, I know they keep things positive for those guests coming for their wish trips also... I just thought I'd mention...

I also have lost a very close friend, and it does take time to hold those memories dear at times they are painful, but keep them close. Have you ever read John Edwards books? He did a show on Crossing Over, that eases my pain. No one wants their loved one forgotten, if that is the case with your friends family on their niece, maybe make a stop at Epcot to make something perm. there?

I would encourage you to continue talking to your friend, it would be comforting to know you care, tell her that you dont want to cause her more pain, but ask her what you can do to help her thru this?

 

[MidgeD79]

Last June (04) we went to WDW for the first time after my son Michael died(8/03). It was very difficult,but our family enjoyed ourselves. My older kids were very sensitive to my moods and when I said I didn't want to go to the Indiana Jones Show(Michaels favorite) nobody questioned it except 6 year-old DS and the older kids took him to the side and explained. I did not anticipate this reaction to this ride, it just slammed into me when I walked by. Try to be aware of body and facial language and unexpected tears. Allow the family to talk about her even if you may feel uncomfortable. It's hard to look at vacation pictures without Michael in them. Your friend won't ever "get over it". I miss Michael very much.

 

[bjakmom]

What a wonderful friend you are ! If your friend has let you know that she would like to return to WDW with your family then I would trust her intuition that her family is ready to make the trip. The last several trips I have made with my family and my sisters family have also been in the wake of a tragic death in our family - as 'bitter-sweet' as some of our experiences have been, our trips have been very healing for us and the time away was certainly needed and appreciated - nothing like WDW to take you out of your 'world' and bring you into theirs (IMHO).

I agree to try and plan a 'different' experience than she would have shared with her family - my sis and I used to stay at FW cabins when our big kids were younger and we loved it there - gave us a sense of "getting away from the hubbub" of the parks at the end of the day. If each family could have their own cabin (if hubbies are going) that would be great and give everyone lots of space - we went without our DHs and loved sitting up at night talking after the kids went to bed in 'their' room. If you can't get an Illuminations cruise, try Wishes - there are so many wonderful things to try and , with the 50th this year, there will be several new attractions and shows to do. I would suggest you schedule plenty of 'down' time - remembering that grieving people are usually quite tired and overwhelmed for a couple of years after such a loss - have fun planning !