Major Problem (kinda long)

[DebbieB]

While failure in the miltary does not always mean failure in civilian life, the inability to adjust to certain disciplines can carry over into life in general. Gas chamber drills may sound more like unnecessary torture or punishment, it is actually very necessary training and takes place in a controlled environment. Everyone who has been in the military over the last 90 years has gone through it. While it's not a pleasant experience, it is essential to learning how to deal with the real thing. The same goes for the rest of the training.

I doubt any of us enjoyed potty training, but it certainly made life better for us once we were trained.

To be honest, I doubt my brother would have made it in the military and that drill probably proved it. He was never able to take discipline at home or in school. He didn't listen to my parents, he didn't listen to his teachers. I can't imagine him taking orders from his commanders that he didn't like. He was 18 and didn't know what to do with himself, so he went in the army. I really don't remember how he came to that decision. The point I was trying to make is 25 years later he can barely stand on his own 2 feet, he never had a plan to develop himself. So if the military isn't for OP's son, he needs to find something that is, not just let time slip away barely getting by.

 

[doxdogy]

Believe it or not there are companies that still do thorough background checks on potential employees. I worked for the security department of a major corporation and one of my jobs was to process background checks on either potential employees or a an employee that was converting from temporary to permanent employee.

Your son made a commitment to the military and while it stinks now, he needs to follow through on his commitment.

While it may in fact may be found if searched for I wonder how many employers do the leg work looking for military record if the applicant leaves that part out (yes, lies on the application).

 

[My sister's princess]

DH is currently overseas serving. He tells me all the time how much he loves the letters that are my daily life, chit chat, and yes even the gossip of our circle of friends. He also loves getting cards, they are fun, don't have to be serious, and colorful.

He said his favorite letters when he was in basic were from his mom, they were the same type that I write to him (I listened lol and copied her style ) He still has them all.


I hope you and his girlfriend are getting together, if you two get along at all it might be really great. I honestly do not know how I would be surviving this deployment without DH's parents. Being around others who care about your soldier as much as you do, and miss him the same way makes it all seem a little better.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I just googled it because I was curious as well:

http://www.armystudyguide.com/conte...ining_prep_articles/to-the-gas-chambers.shtml

Wow! Thank you for posting this (and the site). I am going to show it to my son. The more he knows going in, the better he'll do.

 

[ols386]

You are taken into a building where tear gas is set off so you can see what it's like both with and without wearing your gas mask. The exposure is relatively brief (that's all it takes) and it teaches you how to properly use your mask and that it is a good thing to have and wear. Rookie firefighters go through a similar drill, but with wood and hay burning in a "smoke house" as part of training in the use of air packs. These drills allow you to learn in a controlled environment so you're prepared when the real need arises in an uncontrolled environment.

Thanks!!

 

[ols386]

I just googled it because I was curious as well:

http://www.armystudyguide.com/conte...ining_prep_articles/to-the-gas-chambers.shtml

Thanks for looking that up!

 

[jsmith]

My husband has been in the army for 31 years-and im a sustainment trainer (contractor) for digital battlefield command systems.
BCT is not supposed to be fun-its more fun now than it was 30 years ago-or even 10-but its still not fun. The point is to teach young men to be stronger and deal with adversity-its what they have to do in combat. The girlfriend needs to butt out-having her tell him how much she misses him-its not helping-unless she can encourage him to man up and hang in there-she needs to chill. He can't "quit" -it doesnt work like that-if he asks to drop on request he will be run thru some phyc evals and then chaptered out of the army for what is called "failure to adapt" basically meaning he couldnt cut it as a soldier. Its not a dishonarable discharge-but will come up one any back ground check in the future-basically it says that he cant handle stress-and it can impact his ability to get a job.
To the mom who said she would be on her way to pick him up-REALLY? REALLY? He's a grown man-mommy comming to save him would be pretty humiliating.
OP-he made and adult decision when he signed the contract-now he needs to be an adult and fulfill it-if the army is really a bad decision for him-after two years he can go out ot the IRR for the rest of his contract-but he needs to give it a chance-he might find out he likes it given time.

 

[dairyou]

I understand what OP is saying. I would probably feel the same way. I'd hate to see any of my children suffer.

On the other hand he signed up for it. I assumed he knew it would not be a cake walk.

Want to wish you luck OP. Stay strong. I know your heart must ache for your son.

Deb

 

[shortbun]

Might ruin his career in the military (LOL, that's fairly obvious), but ruin his entire future? Seems doubtful.

Yeah, this and... why in the world would you believe anything a recruiter says unless you have a personal relationship with them? These days recruiters are really desperate to add bodies to our military organizations. Being in the military is a job. If it's not a job your son wants to continue, why would you think his life would be ruined? This seems reactionary to me and as someone who's done hiring in the past, it would never have created a negative opinion for me if I saw he'd dropped out of boot camp. Any company that is so 'gung ho' is suspect and could be descriminatory in other ways as well. Seems that he doesn't feel he can trust you for help so has stopped communicating with you. You may have ruined your relationship with your son.

 

[kellyg403]

While it may in fact may be found if searched for I wonder how many employers do the leg work looking for military record if the applicant leaves that part out (yes, lies on the application).

If he applies for any job that is with the government, they are required to get a copy of the dd214. That code could make or break a great job that is somehow connected or is part of the government. While it may not make it so that he 'never' gets a job anywhere, a government connected job depends a lot on that code.

Kelly

 

[Acklander]

If he applies for any job that is with the government, they are required to get a copy of the dd214. That code could make or break a great job that is somehow connected or is part of the government. While it may not make it so that he 'never' gets a job anywhere, a government connected job depends a lot on that code.

Kelly

I knew someone who didn't make it through basic training. He's been working the past 15 years as a firefighter, so he was able to get a government job.
Once you get to basic training it becomes obvious that there are some people who just aren't cut out for military service. There's no shame in that. They're just given some type of general discharge.
We have an all volunteer army now. Imagine how tough it would be to get recruits if once you arrived at basic training, and found out it truly wasn't a good fit, that you would be banished for life with dead end jobs making minimum wage??? Who would take a chance like that and even bother signing up?
OP, yes, everybody grumbles during basic training. I did, and everyone else in my basic training class did, so don't worry about the letters that come home. His drill instructors know the difference between those who are just complaining and those who aren't "soldier material". Trust in the system and let your son deal with it. Either way, it will all work out in the end.

 

[Nancyg56]

Might ruin his career in the military (LOL, that's fairly obvious), but ruin his entire future? Seems doubtful.

It may not ruin his life but the manner in which he quits may add a negative impact to it. My DH nephew enlisted in the Marine Corps. It was a disaster, he hated taking direction from anyone. He was able to get a discharge without dishonor. I do nto remember the proper term for that discharge but basically it was the Corps adn he deciding they were nto made for each other. Frankly, the Marines did not want him anymore than he wanted them. The discharge did impact several of his job applications.

While it may in fact may be found if searched for I wonder how many employers do the leg work looking for military record if the applicant leaves that part out (yes, lies on the application).

I imagine more and more are adding this to their background check.

OP- the military is nto for everyone but there are so many success stories. My nephews are both Marines. One embraced BC, hated it but really wanted to succeed right from teh start. His brother was a handfull in school and was on a path that was nto good. He said that when he got into BC he was hanging with recruits who were the same adn it was not going well for him. He decided that he was going to make or break it on his own, not because he was making poor choices. He graduated BC as a Squadron Leader and just this month got out of the USMC. His entire demeanor has changed from that 18 YO kid.

I agree with the PP's who suggest that you change your letters from "support" and encouragement to chatty and uplifting stories about how things are going. Perhaps without even meaning to, the letters have served to make him more homesick.

 

[lil mermaid]

What? The gas chamber drill? It's a necessary part of becoming a soldier. Would you rather your loved one not have the training and then be in a situation where he needed to get his gas mask on or possibly die.
If he wasn't taught to that under extreme pressures than he would end up panicking and not succeeding, endangering himself and possibly those around him.

It's a job. People learn all kinds of things for their jobs.

Firefighters run into burning building to save people. They learn that by running into burning buildings. It's no different.

Besides, it's not that bad. BTDT

I suspect she would rather have others' loved ones do it instead, and let her loved ones reap the benefits.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I imagine more and more are adding this to their background check.

I agree, especially seeing that potential employers are now checking things like Facebook as well. In and of itself the military discharge might not be too damning. But piece it together with other sketchy details and that person very well might have an employability problem.

 

[Disney Doll]

Might ruin his career in the military (LOL, that's fairly obvious), but ruin his entire future? Seems doubtful.

It's quite a stain on one's resume to be "kicked out" of the military...

 

[jsmith]

These days recruiters are really desperate to add bodies to our military organizations.

NOT-in fact-they are turning people away-this ongoing Economic situation has made getting into both the Navy and the Air Force quiet difficult-and even the Army and the Marines are getting pretty selective. Yes recruiters do sometimes bend the truth to get people to sign-but in this case he had no reason to be untruthful.

 

[Explodo]

You really called his Recruiter?

Wow...

 

[kellyg403]

I knew someone who didn't make it through basic training. He's been working the past 15 years as a firefighter, so he was able to get a government job.
Once you get to basic training it becomes obvious that there are some people who just aren't cut out for military service. There's no shame in that. They're just given some type of general discharge.
We have an all volunteer army now. Imagine how tough it would be to get recruits if once you arrived at basic training, and found out it truly wasn't a good fit, that you would be banished for life with dead end jobs making minimum wage??? Who would take a chance like that and even bother signing up?
OP, yes, everybody grumbles during basic training. I did, and everyone else in my basic training class did, so don't worry about the letters that come home. His drill instructors know the difference between those who are just complaining and those who aren't "soldier material". Trust in the system and let your son deal with it. Either way, it will all work out in the end.

I can only say what I know from working with HR for the Federal Govt. Because there is a priority with vets/gov't jobs we were trained on the dd214 and the codes. The discharge itself may be honorable but the code may reflect that they are ineligible to even join the military again without jumping through hoops and hoops or if at all. But, again, the private sector probably does not check those codes, as there are several. I don't think the OP's son would get the 'unable to conform to military life' code which is the one I am referring to. He could be chaptered out on a medical but the bad news is he may have to stay a few cycles to get even that.

OP, I hope tht your son is able to get through basic and find out its not so bad on the others side. I don't think he will be relegated to dead end jobs at all but he needs to really speak with someone and find out his options. Its the best for him to handle things as an adult who has made a decision they really didn't think would go like this. I would think he could have time with the chaplain as a way to start?

As others have said, basic is tough regardless. It could be a homesickness issue or totally did not think that life in basic would be like this. Either way, I hope that it works out in the end!

Kelly

 

[PUZZLDY5]

OP here...

I want to thank everyones support. I do not in any way think I have done anything to "ruin" my relationship with my son.

He has never been a discipline issue in the past and I don't think he is being one now. He has walwys been very laid back and kind of quiet. So I don't think he is purposely ticking someone off.

I do think however that he is more concerned with what his girlfriend is doing here at home than keeping his head on straight so to speak. (just to clarify, she isn't doing anything immoral that I'm aware of)

I know he is in a rough place right now. I also know that is he gets some sort of Dishonorable discharge that can have terrible consequences on his future. I do not want my child to struggle through life or at least the begining of it. Granted a failure to adapt may not ruin his life but it will make starting out a whole lot more difficult.

 

[sbell111]

i am a spouse (dh is retired from the navy) and a mom (4 sons) and i have some warm advice: Stay out of the decision process. He is a man who needs to handle this situation himself.

+1