Major Problem (kinda long)

[powellrj]

I understand how upset you are. Been there, done that. Can I give you at little advice?

Stop writing about how proud you are of him and how much you miss him. I know with DS he said it would just make him feel worse. Instead, write chatty little gossipy letters. I would talk about work, the neighbors, ball scores, just really stupid things to keep his mind off how miserable he is. It WILL be over soon.

Funny story, when DS got out of basic, he was NEVER going back to Missouri. EVER. It was hell on earth, why would anyone want to go there. You could pay him a million dollars and he would never go back. When he left Iraq, he got to pick from a list of places to return to. Guess where he picked. Missouri. The same place he SWORE he would never return to.

I also wouldn't worry too much that he isn't writing you. If he is anything like my DS, writing isn't his strong point. When he was able to make phone calls, thats when we heard from him.

 

[crazyme5kids]

I feel your pain OP. My son just enlisted in the army. He will leave for boot camp in Jan. and I am keeping my fingers crossed he gets the job he chose.

As a mother I am worried. I admit it is not what I wanted him to do in life. In fact I cried all the way to the recruiters office, cried walking into the office, cried off and on in the office, and them broke down crying on the way out the door. All my crying aside, I will support his decision just as I would support my other children in their career decisions and I am very, very proud of him despit my feelings about joining the military.

So, what advice can people give me to help "both" of us get ready for his departure to boot camp?

 

[Jennasis]

I have the utmost respect for our military, my best friends family have all served. I even believe they should get higher pay then PD FD and Teachers.

That being said I don't care what was going on I wouldn't want my kids to serve and luckily my oldest has a hearing issue and wouldn't make it in HUGE relief for me. My girls I don't think would even consider it but if they did I would not be supportive at all, it is a rough life to live even after you get out of bootcamp.

If your son wants out and wants to come home I would absolutley support that no questions asked. It really isn't for everyone and it is better to get out IMHO before you get to heavily involced.

I don't have any ideas of the repercussions of that but if my kid was that unhappy I would be driving right now to get them. JMHO.

Really? He's not in summer camp.


Anywho, was curious about this so I googled. http://www.ehow.com/how_5019810_drop-out-marine-boot-camp.html

I had a cousin who thrived in basic (Navy) but then he completely lost it during the next phase (whatever that is called). He went AWOL (stayed out at a bar after curfew), got in trouble several times and eventually tried to claim and old injury from his youth was troubling him.

Got a dishonorable discharge for his shenanigans. Truthfully, his life SUCKS now.

 

[indimom]

Wow, times change. When DH was in boot camp in 1991 (Marines), they were recited what to write in their letter home to parents. Yep, recited. You didn't write a personal letter, it was a form letter in their own handwriting. They must haved eased up in the last 20 years.
OP, I wouldn't worry too much. He will do what he wants and live the life he makes for himself. You can't help him forever. (Trust me, my parents still try to "help" me and my sisters, but we're going to do what we're going to do.) And whether he stays in the military or gets out, what he does with his life after that is up to him. It's not as black and white/all or nothing as some make it out to be.
I agree with another poster, I would try to send fun and witty letters about what's going on back home. Avoid any drama or "emotional" letters, if you know what I mean. Give him something to look forward to with your letters, rather than something that will make him think about how unhappy he is.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger (and I promise they are not killing him).

 

[doxdogy]

Might ruin his career in the military (LOL, that's fairly obvious), but ruin his entire future? Seems doubtful.

Depends on what goes onto his DD214. If he is giving a certain RE (rentry) code, he could conceivably rejoin the military at a later date. Also depends on the sentence that is used for discharge. If he is discharged for personality disorder or failure to adapt, it will follow him his entire life and that could have an effect on his future.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I am a spouse (DH is retired from the Navy) and a mom (4 sons) and I have some warm advice: stay out of the decision process. He is a man who needs to handle this situation himself.

 

[GeorgeG]

Our society today does little to prepare young people for any kind of discipline. Discipline is important in all walks of life, not just the military. For the most part, the military provides the discipline most lack prior to joining... for the most part.

My grandson is a Sgt. in the Marines and tells me joining was the best thing he ever did. I agree. However, I'm not sure the Marines makes tough men out of all boys these days. A few weeks ago my grandson chewed out one of his men for coming into work all messed up. The "Marine" called his mommy, who called the base SgtMajor, who called my grandson and suggested he run all butt-chewing by him first.

Still, the military will usually make responsible adults out of most.

 

[njcarita]

when my husband was 18 he joined the military to get away from his home life ( poor...alcholic parents etc)........ he was miserable.... he got himself kicked out.... and recieved an honorable discharged since he was still in boot camp.......didn't ruin his life.... it just wasn't for him....

 

[Anne MN]

Unless he does something really really stupid, he will just get to stay at basic training for longer. If he get's hurt serious enough, he will get pulled from training, put in the "recovery" unit until he wil fit to train, then he will start all over from day 1.
like everyone else said quickest way out of basic is to get thru it. it is 9 weeks. what most people don't realize is that basic is totally different from "the real army" rules and training are very different. after you complete basic and move onto AIT(at least in the army) you get more of your freedoms back. when you get to your first unit- things are "almost normal"

 

[PUZZLDY5]

I understand how upset you are. Been there, done that. Can I give you at little advice?

Stop writing about how proud you are of him and how much you miss him. I know with DS he said it would just make him feel worse. Instead, write chatty little gossipy letters. I would talk about work, the neighbors, ball scores, just really stupid things to keep his mind off how miserable he is. It WILL be over soon.

Funny story, when DS got out of basic, he was NEVER going back to Missouri. EVER. It was hell on earth, why would anyone want to go there. You could pay him a million dollars and he would never go back. When he left Iraq, he got to pick from a list of places to return to. Guess where he picked. Missouri. The same place he SWORE he would never return to.

I also wouldn't worry too much that he isn't writing you. If he is anything like my DS, writing isn't his strong point. When he was able to make phone calls, thats when we heard from him.

That's where my son is. Ft Leonard Wood to be exact. I appreciate all the advice. As a mom it's hard to watch your kid be so unhappy and not be able to do anything about it. He joined the army because he wanted to. Nobody made him. Cutting him loose is hard.

 

[PatsMom]

There is no doubt that boot camp sucks. But thousands have made it through and it is most likely that the OP's son will as well. It is definitely an experience that you won't get any place else.

Cooperate and graduate was the motto when I went through it. Sounds like the OP's son is not cooperating and by doing that is making things worse on himself. And if he thinks mama is right there to pick up the pieces, then he doesn't have that much incentive to push through.

I cannot imagine riding to the rescue of my adult child in military basic training. Enlisting is an adult decision and they must follow through and act in an adult manner. I know it was the first "real adult" thing that I did and I have no regrets.

 

[eh24fan]

OP, he will be fine. He really will. Boot camp isn't supposed to be fun and if he was writing home that he loved it, that would be odd.

I dated 2 guys through their boot camps ( I know how weird that sounds!) One was Army and he was at Ft. Sill in Oklahoma. He hated it and it was sucky because there were guys in his group (unit? Idunno) that weren't cooperating, which meant everyone was punished. That's no good for anyone. The other was Coast Guard and while he didn't like it either, it was easier because the guys in his group were just determined to get through it.

 

[goofyernmost]

You have to remember that I am older than dirt. When I was in basic training the draft still existed. I had enlisted because I was just out of college and knew that one way or the other I would be called up. (Vietnam and all). It was hard, humiliating, tiring, dreadful, unhappy, demeaning, physically challenging to the point of insanity and just plain god awful. As much as I hated it, the thought of "quitting" never even crossed my mind.

If you think it is hard on parents now...just imagine what it was like then. Your son (or daughter) is going off to war. The difference between then and now is that there was no way out. If you didn't enlist you would be drafted. No real acceptable way to avoid it without giving up an awful lot.

Today, at 62 years old, I can look back at that time of my life and know that of all the challenges, and mountains that I have climbed in my life, that was the experience that has left me with the most "positive" mental and physical accomplishments that I have ever had. I have used that hardship over and over during my life and it has left me with things put in prospective. Life contained so much less drama because I knew real adversity, real hardship and real life and death. I wouldn't trade out that experience for anything. It has made me who I am today and given me the strength to know that if I set my mind to it...I can do anything I want too. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. In this case, this is absolute truth.

 

[livie1205]

He joined he should follow through....my dh was a wild teen but he joined the army when he was 18 and it was the best thing he ever did...it showed him how to be a man,he only stayed a few years but when he got out he went to the police acad. which is tough also and built his first home at 22 yrs old without any help from anyone and does not know what paying a bill late means!I think without the military some people out there would be lost of in jail but instead made something of themselves....I would never encourage one of my kids to just drop out, they are not there to have fun,they are learning how to serve our country and stay alive.

 

[robinb]

Depends on what goes onto his DD214. If he is giving a certain RE (rentry) code, he could conceivably rejoin the military at a later date. Also depends on the sentence that is used for discharge. If he is discharged for personality disorder or failure to adapt, it will follow him his entire life and that could have an effect on his future.

While it may in fact may be found if searched for I wonder how many employers do the leg work looking for military record if the applicant leaves that part out (yes, lies on the application).

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think you've gotten some excellent advice and firsthand experiences.

Your son went in a boy, but he'll come out a man. The process in between isn't easy, nor should it be. Let him see his obligations through. Remember that millions have gone through this before him and done ok. He will, too. Let him follow through with the choices he made. Good or bad, they were his choices and he'll learn a whole lot more from seeing them through than giving up or dropping out.

 

[GeorgeG]

I find it disturbing that some posters are more concerned about how to get out of a commitment than how to fulfill that commitment.

 

[Ceila]

I find it disturbing that some posters are more concerned about how to get out of a commitment than how to fulfill that commitment.

I agree, especially since it seems that it's due to their personal dislike of the military instead of a genuine wish to try to help the OP.

 

[ZachnElli]

While it may in fact may be found if searched for I wonder how many employers do the leg work looking for military record if the applicant leaves that part out (yes, lies on the application).

My dh's current employer did. He is 43 years old and it was the first one who did (new employer). We even adopted our son and they didn't ask for his military record, but this employer did! He did have a disciplinary action on there that he had to explain, weird since he was 18 at the time, he was like I am so not like the cocky teenager I was back then! LOL!

 

[superdiz]

My brother did the same thing when he went to boot camp. He was quite large and out of shape when he left and had a really hard time making the pushup and timed run requirements they had, so he was denied leave the first time he was up for it. He cried to my mom in letters. But once he got through it, he did fine. I would believe the recruiter in this instance. I would be willing to bet the majority go through that.