Mail Order Brides

[DVCJEN]

Anyone have any experience with this? My Uncle (divorced in his late 50's) announced last weekend that he is bringing his future wife here from the Phillipines on a fiancee visa. He went last month to visit her. Needless to say our family was surprised. Anyone have any experience with this? Do these arraingements work out? Are these mail order/ internet "agencies" legitimate?

 

[OhMari]

I work for a church and a 74 yr old guy brought his philippine wife here. They got married last June. She was sitting in Hong Kong with her 3 kids and then moved here last January. They had to wait 6 months before they could get married. I see them sitting in church, so I guess she hasn't left him yet.

This guy is a Vietnam Vet, who flew planes. He used to fly planes to Central America in the late 60's early 70's and he actually found someone lost in the jungle down there. I have no idea what he used to transport, but I have heard rumor's that he smuggled people out of Mexico and Central America to the U.S.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I worked with a guy who is now one mail-order bride #2. The first walked out on him as soon as she was a citizen.

 

[bimshire]

I had an employee who was really pissed off when his wife cleaned out the joint accounts during a divorce. He decided a mail order bride would be the best bet the next time around. So a few years later he married a very pretty Filipino. Things were still going great with them when I left the company.

 

[tkd lisa]

Used to work with a guy who had a mail order bride. They were married for at least 10 years. Only thing I thought was kind of strange was that her family expected him to sponsor other family members. Actually, I'm not sure if sponsor is the right word, but they expected him to help them come over to the states.

My college roommate's brother married an internet type mail order bride from the former USSR. I know she was very worried about it, but again, they've been married at least 5 years now.

I think some will work out, but overall, without knowing the person, and the tremendous power difference (you've got to assume to mail order ee really is in a bad position to be willing to throw away everything they know to come to someone they know nothing about), it's probably not going to lead to many long term relationships.

 

[Holly]

I know two men who have married "mail order brides". One brought his Filipino wife home 9 years ago and they happily married with a young son. The second man married a Russian bride a little over a year ago and they are already having problems (he is 54 and she is 30).

 

[CathrynRose]

I worked with a guy who is now one mail-order bride #2. The first walked out on him as soon as she was a citizen.

Yuck (why cant I find a GAGGING little face??!?!?) - I dont know ... Ive seen a few "Dateline" shows on this, and to me, it always seemed like Dirty Old Men, looking for a young prize form another country - whom wouldnt say no. Creeped me out...

Here in Chicago - Late night...they run an infomercial, with....of all things...

....Russian Brides... in Bikini's - in front of historic Russian Buildings. Oh, why am I exaggerating??? SOME of the Bikini clad women, had fur coats on over their lovely bikini's!

 

[kaabost]

It just goes to show how desperate these poor women are in their native countries. We are lucky to live where we do!!!!!!!!! I agree that it always seems to be dirty old men who want a hot beauty that can become their slave. If that's a better life, I can't imagine what these women endure in their own cultures.

 

[questioner]

Other than a sexual attraction on the man's part- what could they have in common?

 

[ducklite]

Not mail order, but I know three couples who had arranged marriages. All are of Asian Indian descent, and all met their spouse for the first time the morning of their wedding, where they were given ten minutes to talk privately before the ceremony.

In all honesty, all three have exceptionally strong marriages and have been together for 6, 12, and 16 years. All have at least two children, one has four, including a set of twins! In one the wife rules teh roost, another I think they are pretty even, and the last he "wears the pants", although he is very, very, very respectful of his wife.

Anne

 

[DVCJEN]

His bride to be is a year younger than his youngest son. ( He has 4 grown sons) I can't help but feel that this is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Lyn5]

Just my thoughts, but each situation is different. Where I live, there is a significant Filipino culture and other posters have made great points. Of course, there are stories where the "bride" has moved to the US, with or without her children, and then cleaned out the "groom" finanically. Then, there are those that have a wonderful and happy marraige. There was a woman who worked with me last year that was a "bride". She was in her mid 20s and I thought she was beautiful, in a normal way...not a bikini model type, and she seemed to truely love her husband. He treated her really nice and they were trying to have children. I think he treated her better than some other men treat their wives. Not just in these marraiges, but in general, at least what I have been exposed to, a lot of times someone does come over to the US and then tries to move their family over too and/or they send back money.

My DH's grandfather is Asian and he did not seem to find the right woman here. So, his family back in their homeland arranged a marriage for him with a woman in their village and she moved to Hawaii. They were married for 20+ years and had 6 children when she passed away in her 40s. DH's Grandfather is now in his 90s and still misses her. My DFIL says a prayer each morning and night at her small shrine in their house.

So, I think it is like any other courtship...sometimes good and sometimes bad.

 

[Sparx]

I can't stand the thought of it. A movie is supposed to come on Lifetime on Monday night about Human Trafficking. I plan to watch it, It is supposed to be very informative on the subject.

 

[BelleBoo&AmisMum]

I got a mail order husband......

Ok, not really, but I have friends convinced he married me for the green card

Two of his friends married Japanese women, they were brought over here and we almost never see the wives, it's a little odd.

 

[Lyn5]

I can't stand the thought of it. A movie is supposed to come on Lifetime on Monday night about Human Trafficking. I plan to watch it, It is supposed to be very informative on the subject.

I think there is a big difference in young woman being forced into something and a consenting arranged marriage. I agree that those "slave" type situations are horrible. But, if both people want in and are honest I think it is no different than the traditional arranged marriage in other cultures. I liken it to adoption. If someone where to steal or sell or harm a child that would be wrong. But, if a child has no home and there is a loving family that wants to adopt the child, a mutual benefit, I think it is o.k. Of course, my first cousin is adopted and as I stated, my DH grandparents were arranged so I am biased.

 

[barkley]

i have a cousin who is reportedly shopping for mail order bride number 2. number one died after many years of supporting (financialy, emotionaly and physicaly) a sick, abusive deadbeat (my cuz).

i feel sorry for #2, he will play her/her family the same way. beg/borrow/steal enuf to do an oppulant wedding in her country and appear seemingly wealthy, get her here and use her as a means of support.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Many of these mail order brides are scams - they tell you everything you want to hear, send you sexy picture, call you on the phone daily, get you to send money to bring them over, then something "happens" and they couldn't get on their flight, and their stuck in limbo and need more money....someone I know has a friend who just dealt with this.

 

[OhMari]

Many of these mail order brides are scams - they tell you everything you want to hear, send you sexy picture, call you on the phone daily, get you to send money to bring them over, then something "happens" and they couldn't get on their flight, and their stuck in limbo and need more money....someone I know has a friend who just dealt with this.

OMG, my husband just came home and told me how one of his workers, was corresponding with a young girl from Russia. Pictures were sent over the internet, phone calls started. She claimed she was a pediatrician. Her father called him and she called him. It was arranged that she was coming here, then he got a phone call that she needed a ton of money and if she loves her he would send his money. He finally understood it was a scam.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

OMG, my husband just came home and told me how one of his workers, was corresponding with a young girl from Russia. Pictures were sent over the internet, phone calls started. She claimed she was a pediatrician. Her father called him and she called him. It was arranged that she was coming here, then he got a phone call that she needed a ton of money and if she loves her he would send his money. He finally understood it was a scam.

Yep - Russia is the place where my friend's friend got scammed - he lost 2 grand before he figured it out.

 

[Lyn5]

OMG, my husband just came home and told me how one of his workers, was corresponding with a young girl from Russia. Pictures were sent over the internet, phone calls started. She claimed she was a pediatrician. Her father called him and she called him. It was arranged that she was coming here, then he got a phone call that she needed a ton of money and if she loves her he would send his money. He finally understood it was a scam.

That is a sad scam to play on someone. Dishonest actions are not something I would support...maybe my experiences were the minority? I hope the OP's uncle ends up in a favorable situation and does his homework.