OP -- I can relate to what you are saying. The MK is just so popular now. It does sound totally insane to reserve rides weeks in advance. And you would think (I think it's reasonable) that you could just show up and not be at such a huge disadvantage. And it is a big cost commitment. I am glad there are so many other things that you enjoy in Orlando. And I agree that other experiences there can be done and done enjoyably with little to no planning.
We haven't given up totally on Disney, but I am, for example, changing my behavior and when I go. And I know I'm doing a ton of planning, for example, for my two Disney days on my next trip. Yes -- I'm doing other things in Orlando too and won't have to plan as much for those. Due to wanting to do Disney, though (1) instead of my normal spring break visit, I am going at a possibly colder and less popular time (mid January -- just before MLK day). It looks like with this less popular time even without much planning lines are way more tolerable. I usually just buy my ticket at the gate, but am buying tickets in advance and will book fast passes (if any good ones that work with a touring plan I'm doing with
www.touringplans.com are available). And I'll even take a look in advance for those a little after that 30 day mark -- insane, but I'm going to do it. And my decision of when to go is very much based on doing a detailed touring plan on
www.touringplans.com to see what their predications look like for me if I don't get any fastpasses. We're for example at the MK going to do the Keys to the Kingdom tour first, so we'll be at the disadvantage of just starting our touring plan at 1 p.m. Spring Break just looked awful for that (crowd level 8). Mid January (crowd level 2), though, looked just fine.
Anyway, I'm sorry your trip was less than magical. Crowds and popularity do just take the joy out of a lot of things for me too. For me -- Yellowstone in August was too popular -- what was I thinking. The same was true of Niagra Falls for Labor Day. And Christmas week in Orlando and even before Christmas sold out parties just have been a bit much (not planning any near term repeat visits then or to the parties). Even doing the early bird thing and beating the crowds (while helpful) wasn't enough. And the older I get the less tolerance I seem to have for crowds. For me, I am changing when I vacation and where I vacation to make things more to my liking. (The upswing in the economy is for the most part a good thing. But there definitely seem to be more people out there with money to spend making things I like more crowded and meaning I have to change my behavior a bit to have as good a time as I had before.)