Made CPS report/ update 47

[minkydog]

She called me back and was in an annoyed mood, a big contrast to her crying outbursts yesterday. She is back to her “it doesn’t matter” attitude and is annoyed at me for trying to get her to call ASAP.

I honestly don’t know why I bother.

she still hasn’t called. She says she’s been busy with chores. I guess she doesn’t realize that if she leaves she doesn’t need to worry about unfinished housework.

It seems to me that she is just making excuses to not call, so fine.
I no longer feel bad about making that report. If she won’t protect herself and her baby, I’ll try to help protect that poor little defenseless baby.
UGH!

Thank you everyone for your support.

And to those who were wondering, yes I was referencing Julius Caesar.

This is very typical behavior of a battered woman. Battering can be physical, but it can also be emotional and verbal. A word of advice: YOu can be upset all you want, but until her life becomes painful enought TO HER, she won't seek help. You have done all you could. Its okay for you to set limits when she calls to complain about how terrible her life is. Just tell her it upsets you and if she's not doing something to change things that you can't help. Then change the subject.

Do not become more involved in helping someone else than they are themselves. And right now, she doesn't seem very interested in changing the status quo. She has all the phone numbers, she can call 911 if things get bad. You cannot fight this battle for her. At some point she's going to have to leave ON HER OWN or she will continue to allow herself to be abused until she's dead. And that's the way it is.

 

[momrek06]

This is very typical behavior of a battered woman. Battering can be physical, but it can also be emotional and verbal. A word of advice: YOu can be upset all you want, but until her life becomes painful enought TO HER, she won't seek help. You have done all you could. Its okay for you to set limits when she calls to complain about how terrible her life is. Just tell her it upsets you and if she's not doing something to change things that you can't help. Then change the subject.

Do not become more involved in helping someone else than they are themselves. And right now, she doesn't seem very interested in changing the status quo. She has all the phone numbers, she can call 911 if things get bad. You cannot fight this battle for her. At some point she's going to have to leave ON HER OWN or she will continue to allow herself to be abused until she's dead. And that's the way it is.

Great post, minkydog!

OP, I think this post sums it all up. You are a very good, caring friend BUT there is only so much you can possibly do. It is truly a very sad situation.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, it is true that the OP cannot help someone (another adult) who cannot help themselves. But, the child is a different story.

If this young woman is not capable of removing her child from this abusive situation, that is not 'fit parenthood'.

OP, I would have been recording those phone calls and documenting everything. Without nothing more than 'suspicions' and the word of a supposed friend, CPS might not be as willing to take strong and decisive action. I hope you have provided, or can provide, specific dates, quotes, recordings of phone conversations/messages, etc... If your concerns were simply relayed to CPS thru the other agency... At this time, I would consider contacting DCS myself, directly, and presenting them with all information and concerns that you have.

Unless there is beer in that baby bottle and/or bruises on the child when CPS knocks on the door, there may not be enough evidence to to anything. And, I certainly do not expect these people to do anything but deny-deny-deny, make excuses, and cover their tracks.

 

[manning]

You know the old saying "You can lead a horse to water, but can't make them drink it."

That is where you are at now. You led her to water, now it is up to her to drink it.

You have done what you could.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

OP, I would have been recording those phone calls and documenting everything. Without nothing more than 'suspicions' and the word of a supposed friend, CPS might not be as willing to take strong and decisive action. I hope you have provided, or can provide, specific dates, quotes, recordings of phone conversations/messages, etc... If your concerns were simply relayed to CPS thru the other agency... At this time, I would consider contacting DPS myself, directly, and presenting them with all information and concerns that you have.

Unless there is beer in that baby bottle and/or bruises on the child when CPS knocks on the door, there may not be enough evidence to to anything. And, I certainly do not expect these people to do anything but deny-deny-deny, make excuses, and cover their tracks.

Recording would depend on the laws in their state. A family so hell bent on abuse--likely has the cojones to get an attorney to take care of the matter if it is a state the requires permission of both parties to be recorded. IOW--if that is the case and the woman does not consent to a recording, the recording is legally useless. Regardless of what it says.

But honestly, as a friend and concerning this child--I would document document document document and report as needed.

Yes--the family will indeed lie about it, including this poor woman who likely will do so out of protectiong. But eventually, it will lead to something that will lead to a POSITIVE OUTCOME.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, about recording, that may be true in a criminal court of law.

But, this is DCS... The objective here is to get them to understand that this is, indeed, an endangered child.

I am quite sure that DCS would never begin any criminal proceedings unless they had collected far more evidence than the OP's information.

I am just advising the OP that unless she is able to convince them that this child is indeed endangered, DCS is liable to knock on the door, ask a few questions, and then just walk away.

 

[et_tu_brute]

I want to thanks everyone for your support.
I have a slight update.

A couple of weeks ago, a van pulled up unexpectedly at her house. Three women got out and talked to her for over 4 hours then came back to speak to her husband and parents (for another 4 hours).

They offered her a space in a women’s shelter, but she refused. She explained to me that if she were to go to the shelter, she would have to depend on herself and she’s never had to do that before. Instead, she opted to stay where she is.

Now the good news

Since she decided to stay put, the social workers made her sign an agreement. She has to attend weekly counseling sessions. An occupational/speech therapist (she wasn’t clear on which) will be coming over weekly to work with her son who has been deemed “at risk”. A nutritionist is going to help her learn how to feed her son, and a parenting specialist is going to help her interact/fix her attachment issues with her son.

At her first counseling meeting she was diagnosed as having Post Partum Psychosis. She was put on medication. For the first time in a long time, she has hope for the future and believes she deserves better than this.

There are a bunch of changes happening at her house. As she explained, things are better because now, her husband and parents realize she can fight back. (the people gave her a number to call if anything happens and she meets with the people multiple times a week) So, she’s going to use that to her advantage and work harder to get her life back in order.

She does plan on leaving, but instead of looking at the shelter, she is working on getting into a local program which helps women in similar situations get a job/job training. She can then try to be put onto a waiting list for subsidized housing.

I still think that my friend’s parents and husband should have been made to go to family counseling, but this is a great start.

I always hear about the horrible CPS cases where families are destroyed, so I wanted to share that this time, it may have saved a family.

 

[luvsJack]

That is great! Sounds like she is really trying to make some good choices. Good for her and good for you for calling!!

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

CPS really does work hard to keep kids with their parents as much as possible. I'm glad it is working out for her. HOpefully this will be what she needs.

 

[mamajoan]

It sounds like your friend has been put in "intact family" program at DCFS. If she tows the line, until they release her from services everything will be fine. If she DOES not follow thru with the service plan then DCFS will take her to court and file charges.

I hope she is able to follow thru for herself and her child. DCFS has tons of great programs to assist people... people just need to use the services.
Your support is wonderful and an invaluable tool to her success. Best wishes for a happier future for her!

 

[Tracy Savage]

You did the right thing. I wish I had the guts to step up sometimes. Sleep well tonight.