Looking for opinions on this...

[sdjen]

Just wondering what other would think of this. I have a new co-worker from another country. She has been in this country for 15 plus years but still has a noticeable accent. The first time I met her in person - not right away but several hours later at a lunch - while trying to make small talk. I said something like -"I hope you dont mind but I would love to know where you are from. You have a beautiful accent." She was very offended by this.

Do you think that was inappropriate? I used to have a Wisconsin/Minnesota accent and was made fun of but you just laugh it off. I most definitely was not making fun of her, just trying to make conversation and learn a little bit more about her and her background.

in fact, she later said this in an interview:

My advice is that one should never lead with a question about another person’s accent. Instead—get to know the person a bit first and establish trust. When you point out another person’s accent—you are immediately pointing out a difference, and that can create discomfort. It is better to try to connect with someone on your similarities and common interests rather than honing in on differences.

Do you agree or disagree? i totally agree with trying to connect with things you have in common but I would never be offended if someone asked me about my accent, etc... I felt bad that I offended her but I honestly think she is being overly sensitive about this.

Just curious...

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Better than complaining that you can't understand half of what she says.

Seriously, though, I dunno.

 

[Stitchfans]

I personally would not have a problem with someone asking where I was from due to an accent. As a matter if fact I have been asked that quite a few times since I moved from a suburb of Chicago to Southern Illinois. I've been told I have a Chicago accent.

Not sure why anyone would get upset? It is not IMO too personal of a question.

 

[christiane]

I have an accent & never mind when people ask me where I am from. I just tell them! I think your co-worker is too sensitive.

I am also guilty of asking other people where they where born. I think that's a perfectly acceptable question in casual conversation.

 

[mommasita]

It sounds overly sensitive to me. Then again, we are all sensitive about certain things.

I am told I have a French accent, but don't think I do. I just chuckle.

 

[diznygirl]

I don't think you did anything wrong. You complimented her on her beautiful accent - how can she be offended? And how does she know that it stands out as a difference between you two? Maybe you have a close friend or relative from that same area and it gives you lovely memories to hear her speak. It could end up being a connection once you know.

 

[MainStreetMomma]

I vote for "overly sensitive". The way you presented it was in no way discriminatory or rude, and she overreacted. Sounds like she has a personal issue with this.

People have asked me where I'm from before, and even made jokes about my accent to my face. It's just not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

 

[Robinrs]

Strange reaction. I'm from NY and used to ask people all the time where they were from. My ex still laughs when he tells people the first thing I asked him when we met was "where're you FROM?" He was from Brazil and I just hadn't heard that accent before. I usually can tell by one's accent where they're from after one sentence!

Here in Atlanta people ask me ALL THE TIME. I've never found it insulting, in fact it's a conversation starter. I think she's being overly sensitive and it may stem from something else.

Where IS she from?

 

[mamamary]

My kids always make fun of my Brooklyn accent.

 

[jjarman]

I am another who thinks she is overly sensitive. Now if she had just moved here and was not used to how Americans are, I might could understand. But she has had 15 years to get used to us. I have a southern accent and get compliments all the time. I love it.

 

[Agri]

My vote is for overly sensitive. To me, that's like saying you should wait to get to know a person before you compliment them on their shoes and ask where they got them from.

Perhaps she's self-conscious because she's from a country that's predominantly Muslim or something?

I think her reasoning is a bit silly, too. I've complimented people on their accent before and sometimes they've been from countries I've visited. So that 'difference' turned out to be something we did sort of have in common - we'd both experienced their homeland first-hand.

I think she's equally guilty of being offensive. It's offensive to assume that a question about a perceived difference couldn't result in further discovery of shared interests.

It kind of reminds me of the time I complimented a kid on his eyes (they were two different colors) and he told his dad we were making fun of him. When I told his dad that all I (and my group of friends) had said was positive things, he accused me of lying and that I better stop bullying his son. (My friend noticed his eyes and told him that she thought they were neat. Kid said quit picking on me and me and my other friend told him that she was complimenting him and that we agreed with her that he had nice eyes and then left him alone!) Many a time I wondered if the kid ever had friends with his and his parents' attitude.

 

[tlbwriter]

This might be a cultural thing. When I took a Spanish course in college, the instructor (who was Columbian) told us it was extremely rude to mention somebody's accent. Honestly, I've never heard that before or since.

 

[Hoodie]

Overly sensitive.

And how can someone "get to know" her without asking where she's from?

 

[dngnb8]

My mother is from Germany. She came to this country when she was 21 via marriage. To this day, people ask her,

How long have you been in this country?

Its not that youre rude, its just they get the same question over and over and over and it can get tiresome.

 

[sdjen]

OP here - glad to know most of you agree with me. I totally was not trying to offend in any way!

She is from an African country so maybe it is a cultural thing? She speaks really good english but you can still tell that it isnt her "first" language.

 

[Robinrs]

This might be a cultural thing. When I took a Spanish course in college, the instructor (who was Columbian) told us it was extremely rude to mention somebody's accent. Honestly, I've never heard that before or since.

Maybe to her. I've known Cubans, Puerto Ricans and South and Pan Americans who took pride in their accents. If it's cultural it's not a latin thing, it's a personal thing.

 

[Mermaid02]

Sounds like she was looking for a reason to be offended to me.

 

[elainesj]

I think she's being overly sensitive. Then again, she may have had bad experiences with discrimination. I'm Chinese from Malaysia and have lived in Canada for 12 years now. I actually love being asked about my accent as it gives me a chance to talk about my homeland. I don't have much of an accent anymore, but I'm sure it's noticeable and sometimes when I get excited people have no clue what I'm saying.

That said, I've been in several situations where I know I deal with some discrimination based on where I'm from. There are many times I don't mention my last name or make my ethnicity obvious. That said, I've been very sucessful thus far, even in work where my ethnicity/background could be a drawback. So not something I treat as a big deal. I obviously LOOK different so most people know I wasn't born and raised in Canada.

Still, the bulk of my friends are white Caucasians and I rarely come across much in the way of obvious racial discrimination. Just in a few subtle ways. e.g. people will buy way more flowers for charity from 2 young white girls than old me selling my heart out. I've actually seen and documented this LOL!

 

[NMAmy]

DH is British and has lived here for almost 30 years and still gets asked about his accent all the time. He likes to tell people he's from Oklahoma which is where he lived when he first moved here. He's just joking though, he's not offended.

I work with a lot of people from different countries including Ghana, Zimbabwe, South Africa, and the Congo. They're all quite pleased to talk about the countries they grew up in.

I think this person is being oversensitive.

 

[palavra]

OP here - glad to know most of you agree with me. I totally was not trying to offend in any way!

She is from an African country so maybe it is a cultural thing? She speaks really good english but you can still tell that it isnt her "first" language.

I've lived in one African country and found her attitude about accents to be quite common. So, I don't think she is being overly sensitive. In her original culture it is offensive to discuss accents. Of course, the OP couldn't know that. But how many of us expect people from other lands to understand our cultural mores?