Looking For Control Freaks & Worry Warts too (Part 2)

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Thought y’all might enjoy this. True story.


OK, let me start by saying I really wish we had pictures to go with this but sadly we forgot our camera this weekend. We decided to take Ally to the beach Sunday cause she’s been missing SC lately – I’m sure it’s PMS, but who knows.

So when I was getting my hair cut on Saturday I made the mistake of asking my stylist if she could recommend a local beach. Now she’s a great gal who gives a great cut (yeah, I’m growing it out so she literally only cut the length off the back - $40 please, thank you very much!) but she’s, how can I say this, er, um, for lack of a better term, white trash. I don’t think I’d ask her to recommend anywhere for a romantic anniversary dinner, cause I’ve already been to Golden Corral, but again, she’s a good girl, just a little rough around the edges. But back when Ally had lice, she is the one who discovered it – oh, horror of horrors – and she was sweet as can be about it, giving me the low down on how to treat it, etc. I also found out that lice are a HUGE problem in Florida! Yippee!

So my dear, sweet, trashy stylist recommended Vilano Beach to us. I told Jeff about it and we decided to give it a try. Now Ashley told me to go to St Augustine beach, and we’ve been there before and liked it, but we wanted something “new.” So off we go on Sunday morning to have lunch at Harry’s in St Augstine – we had a gift card from Christmas so we were all set! After lunch, we drove to the beach, just south of St Augustine. We parked our car, grabbed our 76 bags of crap from the car, and trudged down the beach to find our perfect spot.

Spread out the blanket, set up the chairs, put towels on the chairs, lathered up with 76 layers of sunscreen, got the paddles and balls to play, pulled out our books, and settled in to read while Ally frolicked in the surf. Now the first thing we noticed upon entering the beach was how “rocky” this beach is. Most Atlantic front beaches are this way, but this was unusually rough, then got a little softer down by the water. No problem though, we’re only here for the afternoon, and we’ve got books to read. And Ally could care less if we were on the black sand beaches of Hawaii – surf is surf and body surfing rocks!

Well, as soon as we opened our books, Jeff turns to me and whispers, “have you noticed anything… odd about this beach?” Well, it turns out that it’s not so odd in Florida, especially Jacksonville. People here are quite “comfortable” with their bodies. Especially 350 lb women in string bikinis. I’m not kidding. Or skinny women who are 350 years old in string bikinis, same difference! I’m not sure if Wal-Mart does not sell mirrors down here? Nah, these folks weren’t Wal-Mart connoisseurs, they were double coupon clippers for the flea market. I’m talking about marts that actually sell fleas!!! Y’all do not understand what I’m saying!!!

One of our first encounters was with Buddy. Right after we sat down, we hear, “Buddy, ya git yer tail back down heah!” We look to our left and see two men whose age probably totaled about 150 (or maybe they were only 29 years old each, but being the hooligans they were they just LOOKED like they were heading toward the light!). Oh, and total teeth between the two? 6. Max. So we look off to our right and we see Buddy, a big black dog, kinda like Bucky, but not as classy, if ya know what I mean. Cause Bucky is one classy mutt! Well, anyway, Buddy is chasing seagulls. Nope. He’s actually chasing the shadows of seagulls! And he’s gotta be about ¼ mile down the beach by now. Stupid seagull. So Elmer, or Abner, or whatever Billy Bob’s name is, goes chasing him down the beach, swim trunks falling off, butt crack hanging out. Nice.

Jeff and I can’t say a word. We’re just now realizing that Elmer/Abner/Billy Bob has a lot of friends on this beach. Everywhere. We felt like Biff and Muffy compared to all the Billy Bobs and Ethels around us. Words cannot describe this afternoon. But Ally is still frolicking, all is well. Jeff and I did not read a single page in the exactly 1 hour, 37 minutes, and 52 seconds we were there. We couldn’t take our eyes off the dinner theater that we were watching. Seriously.

So Billy Bob comes back with Buddy. Now keep in mind that Billy Bob is with his friend, we’ll call him Abner. At no point in the 1 hr, 37 minutes, 52 seconds we were there did we NOT see Billy Bob’s butt crack, OR see him with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. And this includes when Billy Bob and Abner carried Buddy into the ocean to see if he could swim. Yup, Buddy can swim, but he kept getting tired, so Abner would hold him up in the water. Then finally bring him out for a break, and off Buddy would go chasing seagulls, and off Billy Bob went, butt crack and all, chasing Buddy down the beach.

Right after Ally was born I joked that I would one day wear a bikini again. So Jeff, being the sarcastic husband he is, bought me a string bikini that year for Christmas. Yeah, it’s really dusty right now. But I swear I’m going back to Vilano Beach one more time. To wear my bikini. BEFORE I lose weight. I will be stylin. And maybe I’ll strike up a conversation with Billy Bob and Abner. Or Buddy. He’s probably more intelligent.

Just another glimpe into our "glamorous" lives. To be continued….
 
WOW! I though people watching at the state fair was fun. This place might rival that.
 
HI Girls! Sorry I haven't posted - I have been so busy, and I keep falling asleep while reading your posts - not that its boring! :rotfl:
 
Okay, don't know why, but I wasn't finished, and the previous post went through on its own. :confused3

Kara, I will have to go back and read your story - I am on the run today.

Debbie, I'm glad you are doing better with the masque. I have another suggestion I just heard about - I'll call you tomorrow!

Laura, hope you get a little time for you with all your social directing!

Renee - thanks for the reply!

Baby B! I think you need a vacation! :faint:

Hi everyone else! I'm not sure what some of this is about, so I'll not comment for now - I may be back tonight - I am leaving the house in about
5 min, and I won't be back until 10pm tonight - I am booked back to back all day and evening!

2 days!!!!! :cool1:
 

well, it cant get worse. LOL sprained wrist, bee sting, sinus infection and pink eye only 4 days to go

So sorry for your troubles! Hang in there!

Hi Girls!
Laura hope everyone has fun!
Kara..Wow! That's all I can say!:rotfl2:

Hi Tammie! Can NOT believe you are leaving so soon!!!
 
Tessa..you too. Sorry the sickness is hitting your house! We DO have tonsillitis here. Seems like that and strep are one in the same. All terrible! I hope for quick recoveries!
 
I think instead of writing TRs and PTRs I'm gonna write a FLR (Florida Life Report)!!! :rotfl2: Cause there's always something happening down here!

Where were we? Ah yes, shortly before 5pm on Monday, I took Bucky outside so I could go pick up Ally at Summer Camp. Bucky was out doing what dogs tend to do and off in the distance, just outside of our yard, I see movement. No not the movement that Bucky was making – get your minds off that! Remember our backyard?
Backyard.jpg


We’ll call it a visual aid for today’s presentation.

He was right near the door ready to come in, so I calmly opened the door for him, before he saw the same thing I saw. In he came, right about the time Mr NoShoulders turned left and headed right for the screened porch. With me standing there. Paralyzed. OK, I need to do something, right?
3.gif

So I did what any rational woman would do.

I ran inside and grabbed the phone and called my husband.
3.gif
It went something like this.

Kara: Uh, Jeff? We have a visitor?
Jeff: Really? Who?
Kara: Um, he’s in our backyard. Well, at least I think it’s a he, but I guess it could be a she.
Jeff: Kara, what is it?
Kara: I see my first Mr NoShoulders and he’s looking right at me.
Jeff: WHAT????? *&%@* %&*@# &$%@*#!!!
Kara: <holding phone away from ear> I think I can get him. Should I just use a shovel?
Jeff: *&%&* *@#$% &%$@*!!!!!
Kara: Seriously, Jeff, it’s real skinny, about 18” long. Oh, look, he just raised his head to look at me! <makes cutesy baby noises>
Jeff: GET IN THE HOUSE!!!!
Kara: Jeff, it’s outside, I’m in the porch, and seriously, Oh, wait, here’s a golf club. I’m gonna go kill it.
Jeff: KARA, NOOOOOOOO!
Kara: Yeah, I’m not gonna get too close. Maybe if it were your driver. Can you stop at Home Depot tonight and get a hoe?
Jeff: We have a hoe – in the garage.
Kara: We do NOT have a hoe, all we have is a shovel.
Jeff: It’s a hoe.
Kara: That’s rude. I thought it was a nice girl. <laughing>
Jeff: KARA!!!! GET RID OF IT BEFORE I GET HOME!!!!
Kara: Oh, wait, I think you hurt his feelings, he’s turning away.
Jeff: Is it gone?
Kara: Not yet, but he’s heading back toward the woods. Wait. Holy *&%$!!!!!! That thing is not 18” it’s more like 3 FEET!
Jeff: Seriously, I am sweating and shaking right now. Is it gone?
Kara: Almost. Wow, is that still the snake coming out of the grass??? OK, it’s not really 3 feet, it’s at least 3 ½ feet or 4 feet!!!! Cool!
Jeff: I’m hanging up. Be careful.

That was right at 5:00, and Jeff has about a 45 minute drive home. He didn’t show up until 6:15. Apparently the girls in his office had to calm him down before he could leave!!!

So I cruise up to the clubhouse to get Ally, and I ask one of the guys running the summer program, What is the best way to kill a snake?

He tells me, if it’s black, leave it alone, and after my exchange, feeling like Harry Potter using Parseltongue, I think I can comfortably live with the black Mr NoShoulders. See? I’m multicultural, living side by side with my brothers. Word.

But, I’m told, if it’s brown, or striped, do NOT attempt to get near it. Just let it go. Yup, come to find out the brown ones are rattlesnakes, and the striped ones are coral snakes. Both found in the neighborhood. Both highly poisonous. I may need that good girl/hoe after all!

Now, before you go, let me just tell you, contrary to popular belief (well, MY belief), snakes don’t make a lot of noise. They don’t holler out, “You who! Here I come!” Nor do they sound like a freight train coming into the yard. That would be a tornado. Snakes do not sound like tornadoes. Seriously. They are vewy vewy quiet. Shhhh.

So to sneak up on Mr NoShoulders, I would need to use stealth, wit, and charisma. Okay, maybe the charisma part wouldn’t do much – hewwo, Mr NoShoulders, here I come to chop off your widdle head – but I have the stealth down. That must come from living in a town with a Naval air base, or maybe it comes from fear of the unknown.

But there I stood yesterday on the back porch, tank top, shorts, and fluffy winter snow boots! Hey, they were the only boots I had, and I needed something to keep the creature from slithering over my foot!

And it’s not the first time I’ve pulled out the winter snow boots in Florida. A couple of weeks ago I was doing battle with a skink, snake on legs, that got IN the back porch. I heard the doorbell ring, ran to answer it, and there stands my neighbor to pick up his daughter who had been playing with Ally. He takes one look at me, says, “Nice boots. Is Eva here?” I realized then how ridiculous I looked.

But I got the skink out of the porch, and I’ve learned I can speak Parseltongue, both very important skills to have in the great state of Florida.

Stay tuned for Bucky and Fred: A love story. :love: To be continued….

Kara's FLR!!!!!
 
Are you insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:
Back away from the snake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:scared1:
 
Oh, don't worry - I've already got the next chapter written! It gets better every day! ;) G - L - A - M - O - R - O - U - S !!! Yep, that's my life! :rolleyes1

Sad part is, it's all TRUE!!!!
 
when ever I need a good chuckle I know I can count on Kara.

It's actually hot today. beth was at her summer camp today and got sick 2x's. So now she is watching Camp Rock. She was grounded from the TV for 3 weeks (Tim really has a hard time doleing out the punishment-either it isn't enough or it is too much) I bent the rules because she was such a good trooper at camp today. I hate doing that but it makes it easier for her to rest.

Hopefully she will feel better before soccer at 7 pm so we are on a wait and see basis. Gotta love 'em
 
So today at camp someone came in from the Jennings State Forest - you know, brought some stuffed animals, skulls, things like that. So I go to pick up Ally, and Ranger Bob, or whatever his name was, is still there, teaching them the difference between deer tracks and wild boar tracks. Just in case we get lost in the woods we can determine what has eaten our breadcrumbs? Anyway.... one of the guys that runs camp comes over to tell me that Ally is "freakin hilarious." Hmmmm, wonder what she did?

So you know that Florida is very environmentally friendly, save the manatees, conserve water, and all that stuff. Ranger Bob asks the kids what to do if they see a bear in their backyard (assuming he's going to explain to them what to do to get away?) and my child yells out, " SHOOT IT!!!!! in her best South Carolina southern drawl. Ranger Bob goes on to teach them how to get aaway from a bear. Next question. What do you do if there's an alligator in your backyard? Again my child, drawling KILL IT! But I'm sure it came out "keeeeel eet!"Funny thing is, we don't own a gun, have never been hunting, so I don't know where she gets this. Outta the mouths of babes, huh?
 
So today at camp someone came in from the Jennings State Forest - you know, brought some stuffed animals, skulls, things like that. So I go to pick up Ally, and Ranger Bob, or whatever his name was, is still there, teaching them the difference between deer tracks and wild boar tracks. Just in case we get lost in the woods we can determine what has eaten our breadcrumbs? Anyway.... one of the guys that runs camp comes over to tell me that Ally is "freakin hilarious." Hmmmm, wonder what she did?

So you know that Florida is very environmentally friendly, save the manatees, conserve water, and all that stuff. Ranger Bob asks the kids what to do if they see a bear in their backyard (assuming he's going to explain to them what to do to get away?) and my child yells out, " SHOOT IT!!!!! in her best South Carolina southern drawl. Ranger Bob goes on to teach them how to get aaway from a bear. Next question. What do you do if there's an alligator in your backyard? Again my child, drawling KILL IT! But I'm sure it came out "keeeeel eet!"Funny thing is, we don't own a gun, have never been hunting, so I don't know where she gets this. Outta the mouths of babes, huh?

:rotfl2: Kara -- you're killing me. :rotfl2: :rotfl: Seriously, I'm in my office, laughing so hard that my boss stuck his head to see what was so funny. Now, how do I explain why :confused:
 
So today at camp someone came in from the Jennings State Forest - you know, brought some stuffed animals, skulls, things like that. So I go to pick up Ally, and Ranger Bob, or whatever his name was, is still there, teaching them the difference between deer tracks and wild boar tracks. Just in case we get lost in the woods we can determine what has eaten our breadcrumbs? Anyway.... one of the guys that runs camp comes over to tell me that Ally is "freakin hilarious." Hmmmm, wonder what she did?

So you know that Florida is very environmentally friendly, save the manatees, conserve water, and all that stuff. Ranger Bob asks the kids what to do if they see a bear in their backyard (assuming he's going to explain to them what to do to get away?) and my child yells out, " SHOOT IT!!!!! in her best South Carolina southern drawl. Ranger Bob goes on to teach them how to get aaway from a bear. Next question. What do you do if there's an alligator in your backyard? Again my child, drawling KILL IT! But I'm sure it came out "keeeeel eet!"Funny thing is, we don't own a gun, have never been hunting, so I don't know where she gets this. Outta the mouths of babes, huh?


Oh I know where she gets it MOM!


Hi Keahi!
 
Kara- Really I cannot believe you have all of those slimey yuckies in your back yard. EWWW

We have a beach like that here it is called Hampton beach. During the Winter it is where all of the " I live in a hotel" people live. They started a free dental van out there because the ER I use to work at would get the " My tooth hurts I need drugs" and the Summer just continues the fun.

We have had a yucky week here. Finances are getting tougher and I am looking into a part time job. Back to an ER dealing with YUCK. The ambulance company I work for is scrambling to fill time for Full timers and us per diem's are out of luck. Oh Well.
 
Sorry for your troubles Jillian. I hear ya! I am hoping to come up with something too. Good luck on your end!!!!! I'll be thinking of ya.
 
Hoping something comes up for Jillian. Wish you were in MN I have a great data entry opportunity that can be done from home. Do you know where all of your rebate forms go--that company is based in MN. They hire out contractor to enter the data. You get paid by the piece. Look to see if there is anything like that out your way

Okay you guys are my life line. I just was notified that a level 3 sex offender will be moving less than an a 1/4 mile away. He attacked an older woman at a homeless shelter they both were living in. Tim says at least it wasn't a kid (like that is supposed to make me feel better) I am paralyzed with fear. I have committed his image to memory. How do I move on. I just got okay with Beth playing in the front yard. I hate to think that she can't ride her bike without me on her 24/7. Like I mentioned before our neighborhood is really quiet and you really have to try to get back where we are. help! I am loosing my mind on this one.....
 
Sorry for your troubles Jillian. I hear ya! I am hoping to come up with something too. Good luck on your end!!!!! I'll be thinking of ya.
Thanks I will find something.
Hoping something comes up for Jillian. Wish you were in MN I have a great data entry opportunity that can be done from home. Do you know where all of your rebate forms go--that company is based in MN. They hire out contractor to enter the data. You get paid by the piece. Look to see if there is anything like that out your way

Okay you guys are my life line. I just was notified that a level 3 sex offender will be moving less than an a 1/4 mile away. He attacked an older woman at a homeless shelter they both were living in. Tim says at least it wasn't a kid (like that is supposed to make me feel better) I am paralyzed with fear. I have committed his image to memory. How do I move on. I just got okay with Beth playing in the front yard. I hate to think that she can't ride her bike without me on her 24/7. Like I mentioned before our neighborhood is really quiet and you really have to try to get back where we are. help! I am loosing my mind on this one.....

Oh My goodness I would be making Mike move or I would be putting in an alarm right away. Call your local police department and see what type of offender he is. Alot of them cannot live within so many miles to a school or children.

I live next to 2 police officers and they watch out for me when Mike is at work overnight. It scares me to death to be alone with the baby.

Good Luck
 
Hiya -

I would not worry so much - at least you know about him, and his offence was to an adult. It is still an unfortunate fact that MOST child abuse happens within the home environment by someone known to the child. In this country the figure is something ridiculous like 98%. Yet it is that 2% that stops us letting the kids walk to the park by themselves.....

An update on the tonsillitis - we now find DD5 is allergic to Penicillin!!!! like her mum.... second dose resulted in a rash head to toe, puking, cramps....:sick: her body just did not like it, so she's now on a different medication and back to the doc again today for a check up. A sleepless night all round.

Kara - love the life in Florida stuff - you do know we over here have quite a few stereotypical views of you lot over there :rolleyes1- you know skinny + tanned from the west coast, cowboys of lower intelligence from Texas, everyone from the deep south plays the banjo, from the mid west you have a white picket fence and a lot of gingham check material, east coast you have hard nosed business types and for some reason lots and lots of taxi drivers in the cities, and pilgrim father types (and Angela Lansbury of course) in the small coastal towns...and up till now - really old wrinklies in Florida..... maybe I have to add trailer trash in there somewhere..... so I've probably insulted everyone now!!! Meant in the best possible way with lots of affection of course....

Would be interesting to hear what British stereotypes are out there.... do we all drink tea and eat cucumber sandwiches with the queen??

Tessa
 
:wave2: Hi everyone.

Just a quick hello. I'm so wiped out. They changed my meds, did another xray and said my sinus cavity looks 95% better, but still bad enough to need one more round of antibiotics. :mad: This is the 4TH one in a row for crying out loud! So here I go on a sulfer one :headache: I hung with the clindomycine for the full 10 days, so I had hoped that would be that. We switched back to Musinex D too. I got strict instructions to come back asap if anything kicks back up - but I just have to call in for a report in 3 weeks and hopefully they will call this case "better".

Side effect is my body is REALLY tired. DH got the good ole snip snip Friday and is crying to me about it. I hate to say it, but after 2 kids and a C-Section, all I want to do is tell him to get over it! ::yes::

I'll catch up when I can. Mia is napping, Nicolas is watching TV and I think that sofa looks mighty good to me right now!

I told Jim that I had to sit ON my stitches, so I didn't want to hear it!

Oh gosh we're all going through it again.... newbies probably don't know "the curse of this thread..." - everyone goes through the back/nasal/ill kid/sad kids/ ill dog/ill mum etc at the same time... even on opposite sides of the ocean....

DD5 now has tonsillitis - don't know if that is what you call it over there????? Tonsils swollen to fill the back of her throat nearly, white spots all over them, temperature peaking at 41 deg.... :sick:Doctors today - actually managed to get an appointment after going through nurse triage on the phone... used to just ring and they'd say doc can see you at x o'clock or next day, whatever. Now there's 10 layers and doc can still see you at x o'clock - progress eh?

Lots of tlc needed anyhow... at least I work at the same school at lunchtimes so they just let me stay home with her, no problems. Of course she is worried as it is her school trip to the seaside next week and her birthday the week after, and her friends birthday that week too , and, and, and,...... she actually croaked that she wanted to go to school today!!!!

It just seems to be one thing after another at the moment ... I think it's those post Florida blues.. now it's raining too -so I have to drag a sick child to the bus stop and wait for the bus in the rain to get to the doctors... might wear the Busch Gardens ponchos to inject some light into the proceedings..... they are definitely very yellow!!

Oh, and TV shows - the greatest UK export Hugh Laurie - so HOUSE!!! ::yes::::yes::::yes::mm and always had a soft spot for James Woods - so Shark comes second... not keen on reality TV though, or TV soaps - last time I watched a US soap it was Bobby coming out of the shower in Dallas - thought it was a big cheat so stopped watching them....

I need to shut up and go take an ill child to the doc.. in the rain.... on the bus....in bright yellow ponchos:goodvibes...


Tessa

Hey! No curse here! :rotfl: Except a little boy stepped on my toes and broke my toenail today - I was bleeding all over my sandal, and it's really sore! It will be really fun walking around at DL now!

Tessa! Tea with the Queen? :lmao: I have had some English friends, so I realized everyone is not like that, but you probably know alot more about us than we do you "Brits." I think the word proper comes to mind - you know, proper manners, quiet, reserved, no sense of humor - very fair skin. How am I doing? ;)

Kara - your snake! :faint: And your beach neighbors - Welcome to my life! :rotfl2: I typed this post already then lost it, so I won't do the details again, but when we moved back here, we were sitting at a stop light, and some interesting folks were crossing the street in front of us....I told Jim, "see there's the example of why I didn't want to move here!" :rotfl:

Laura - please be careful - sometimes those people's problems turn more violent over time! :worried:

Okay, gotta go back to sleep! ONE DAY! :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :woohoo:
 
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