LOOKIN for advice not criticism please

[tammyandtommy]

OK so my daughter is 12, almost 13. I know that we ruined her eating habits. When we had our son he outgrew eating hot dogs and such by this age. My daugher on the other hand only eats chicken, pasta with no sauce, refuses wheat pasta because it doesnt look right. So I know we have a huge battle on our hands. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to intorduce new foods? We tried the whole, if you try one bite and dont like it fine you can have something else, it hasnt worked, she would rather starve. We tried not making anything different for her for over a year, if she doesnt like our dinner options she has to make something for herself, she did, then all of a sudden she started complaining she doesnt want just canned food or PB and J but yet she refuses to try even simple things like cheese tortolini. Im at my wits end! Im sure her salt intake is too high not just from the processed foods but from her salt habit! Im worried about her! Do I keep forcing her to try foods, do I let her "win" this battle and just let her eat what she wants and hope she grows out of it? Someone, anyone? My family and friends tell me that she is ridiculous and I need to fix it!

 

[C.Ann]

OK so my daughter is 12, almost 13. I know that we ruined her eating habits. When we had our son he outgrew eating hot dogs and such by this age. My daugher on the other hand only eats chicken, pasta with no sauce, refuses wheat pasta because it doesnt look right. So I know we have a huge battle on our hands. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to intorduce new foods? We tried the whole, if you try one bite and dont like it fine you can have something else, it hasnt worked, she would rather starve. We tried not making anything different for her for over a year, if she doesnt like our dinner options she has to make something for herself, she did, then all of a sudden she started complaining she doesnt want just canned food or PB and J but yet she refuses to try even simple things like cheese tortolini. Im at my wits end! Im sure her salt intake is too high not just from the processed foods but from her salt habit! Im worried about her! Do I keep forcing her to try foods, do I let her "win" this battle and just let her eat what she wants and hope she grows out of it? Someone, anyone? My family and friends tell me that she is ridiculous and I need to fix it!

First question, what does she expect you to make instead? With that info, maybe we can go from there..

At "almost 13" she's way beyond the "trying one bite stage".. Barring any medical/sensory issues, you're going to have to be a little more firm with her..
What are you cooking for the rest of the family?

 

[JVelasquez]

What about having one of her friends for dinner who likes something your daughter refuses to try? Sometimes when kids see their peers doing something they will be willing to try it too. Or you could try a bribe like $ or something. Did you ask her doctor about any suggestions?

 

[Magic Mom]

OK so my daughter is 12, almost 13. I know that we ruined her eating habits. When we had our son he outgrew eating hot dogs and such by this age. My daugher on the other hand only eats chicken, pasta with no sauce, refuses wheat pasta because it doesnt look right. So I know we have a huge battle on our hands. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to intorduce new foods? We tried the whole, if you try one bite and dont like it fine you can have something else, it hasnt worked, she would rather starve. We tried not making anything different for her for over a year, if she doesnt like our dinner options she has to make something for herself, she did, then all of a sudden she started complaining she doesnt want just canned food or PB and J but yet she refuses to try even simple things like cheese tortolini. Im at my wits end! Im sure her salt intake is too high not just from the processed foods but from her salt habit! Im worried about her! Do I keep forcing her to try foods, do I let her "win" this battle and just let her eat what she wants and hope she grows out of it? Someone, anyone? My family and friends tell me that she is ridiculous and I need to fix it!

I don't know if it would work, but this is what I would do. Sit her down, tell her you refuse to let her eat her current diet, and you need her help to change. Go to the library and book store and let her choose a few cookbooks and decide what food she would be willing to eat ( and even help you cook.) Give her some ownership. Go slow, a few new choices a week. Keep a scrapbook/cookbook of the foods she likes. Let her help choose the menus everyweek.

 

[dakcp2001]

Your the parent, put your foot down. Your question is that of a parent of a toddler, she is not a baby. Stop catering to her special requests or it will never end(imagine her on a date later in life). Does she ever eat with friends? Do you think she might like to try something new if she helps cook or prepare it? Take her to a nutritionist and put your foot down.

 

[Mommy2cody]

Double post sorry

 

[grafxgirl]

We had trouble with our son for a short time. We told him if he didn't want what was on his plate then he could leave the table, and come back to eat it later if he got hungry. I thought he would starve himself because he is stubborn. I said something to the pediatrician and he said no way would that happen. When he gets hungry, he will eat. My parents told me the same thing. They raised 4 of us and we're all still alive.

 

[Mommy2cody]

My son is 9 almost 10. He was a GREAT eater as a baby/toddler. Would eat anything he was given. Then he hit 3 and wouldn't eat anything. NOTHING. Even things he always liked before. It was bad. We too did everything we could think of to get him to eat. Finally I gave up and stuck with he had to take 1 bite for every age he was and then after that he could make himself a sandwhich or a bowl of cereal. I was just DONE with the fighting and fussing at dinner time. We stuck with that and just didn't make a big deal over it. We didn't budge on the rules. We did this for about 4 loooong years. Then all the sudden he started eating more dinners and when we went out he would ask to try what my husband and I were eating. It has gotten a LOT better. He eats much much more. He still is iffy if it looks or smell funny. I hope you figure something out. It's tough.

PS. I was always one that swore I would never have a picky eater. My sister is 21 and STILL only eats a handful of things.

 

[Jennasis]

Tread carefully. Making an issue of food can be a very slippery slope. My sisters, both of whom had eating disorders (one bulemic, the other bulemic/anorexic...enough to be hospitalized for several weeks at a specialized clinic) will tell you that losing control over what they could choose to eat or not eat was devastating.

My parents "Putting their foot down" over food not only did not work, but it nearly destroyed both of my sisters.

 

[redlight]

Choose your battles. I agree you should make sure that she's not eating too much salt and that she should have a balanced diet, but if she truly doesn't want certain food items, don't force them on her.

 

[Minnie]

No criticism here - every single child is different and IMO there are more important things to take a stand on then what your DD eats as long as it's not junk (cookies and candy) etc all the time.

As she is almost 13 and is fixing simple things for herself I would recommend to teach her how to cook the pasta she likes - some is even microwavable if you don't have space in your kitchen for her to do this. That way you are not being a short order cook but DD is able to eat healthier - salt and processed food for a year is concerning.

Also make sure she is taking a multivitamin to ensure she is receiving the nutrition she is missing.

I'd try to ignore those relatives. Your DD.... your decisions

 

[Minnie]

Your the parent, put your foot down. Your question is that of a parent of a toddler, she is not a baby. Stop catering to her special requests or it will never end(imagine her on a date later in life). Does she ever eat with friends? Do you think she might like to try something new if she helps cook or prepare it? Take her to a nutritionist and put your foot down.

This is a 13 year-old that IMO should have choice in what she chooses to eat as long as mom is not a short order cook. There will be more important issues in the future.

 

[TheDisneyGirl]

12/13 is a tough age for us women.
The best advice I can give is talking to her, maybe even with a health care professional present, about the disadvantages her body has just eating a select food, and widening the variety to other foods that are healthy for her heart, brain and everything else. If she has any 'vanity' issues about her skin, body image or such you can also use that to your advantage in the conversation, stressing how important different foods are to keep us healthy not only inside but outside.
Also, suggest she take the reigns food shopping, so she can feel like she is participating in making the grown up choices. She should be old enough to understand that and make the decisions to eat better food a little easier.

Good luck! This is going to be a tough journey. Keep us posted!

 

[worm761]

Tread carefully. Making an issue of food can be a very slippery slope. My sisters, both of whom had eating disorders (one bulemic, the other bulemic/anorexic...enough to be hospitalized for several weeks at a specialized clinic) will tell you that losing control over what they could choose to eat or not eat was devastating.

My parents "Putting their foot down" over food not only did not work, but it nearly destroyed both of my sisters.

I will second this. It is a dangerous and slippery slope and you are heading into the teen years.

I agree with the PP that says to give her some ownership. Have her help make the meals. Let her help plan the menu. If you want to teach her nutrition here: http://www.facs.pppst.com/foodpyramid.htm might be a good start. It is a little young but gets the point across and is free. Encourage her to eat more foods but please don't force it.
I am a picky eater. I am a former VERY picky eater. I am proud to just be picky. Recipes can be a good thing but I still look at recipes and if I don't like one ingredient (or thing I won't like one) then I won't make it. I have many very simple recipes if you want to expand her menu. I would be willing to email them if you PM me your email. My DS has Asperger's (a form of autism) and is an very picky eater. Most of what he will eat, most kids will eat.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I've heard this called the "white diet" and it's not healthy. Can to take her to the doctor have blood work done to see if she is having any issues. Also, maybe talk to a nutritionist. I think it's important you stress you want her to be healthy, and not talk about weight.

I like the PP suggestion of sitting her down and talking to her. Go to the library or order some new cookbooks, let her pick out some meals, and make her help prepare them.

A cookbook I like is Jessica Seinfield's Deceptively Delicious. You "hide" veggies and fruits in normal food. She has some great tips.

Good luck.

 

[Acklander]

DS11 is exactly the same way - there are very few things he will eat. I think it's because he has a very sensitive smell, so things taste stronger to him, and he sometimes gets weird about texture (i.e. he will drink pineapple juice, but can't eat pineapple).
For the most part, I try to work with what he'll eat (rice, cereal, egg whites, PBJ's, plain pasta, apples, garlic bread and he'll drink the V-8 fruit drinks and a multi viti). This past year he's tried a few new things, and for the most part hasn't liked them however I thank him for giving it a try and don't force it beyond that, because I don't want him to give up on trying something new. I think about the only thing we added to his diet this past year is the pasta, which he will sometimes eat with olive oil/garlic stirred in. It's frustrating, however, it is what it is. I know DH has an uncle who is an incredibly fussy eater - always has been - and he survived to an elderly age on a limited diet so I guess it's not the end of the world. Hang in there.

 

[RitaE]

Is it possible to sign her up for cooking classes and get her involved in meal planning?

 

[Kimberly]

I was an extremely picky eater growing up. The best way to go about this, is to make something, and eat it with her. She may think otherwise...

If not, just keep up your persistence as a parent. That's really all you can do. Best of luck!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am a picky eater who has had an eating disorder in the past.

Please don't force anything. You can sit down with her and let her know that she needs to eat healthier. I'd put my foot down on the salt intake and leave everything else aside.

I would give her control but within reason. Show her how to read the side of a box and see what the sodium levels are. Compare to what you are supposed to eat. Educate her. Let her know that she shouldn't continue to eat poorly and like a toddler. I LOVE the idea of showing her what her peers eat. Make it fun and not some looming chore. Invite her into the kitchen to make something she likes. Ask her if she would like something else with it, on top of it, etc. Jelly beans on rice?

I'd also continue with the try it once theme. I've actually found some things I liked that way, but in no way force her to eat anything. But, there is no way I'd ever eat asparagus again. No matter what.

 

[Pembo]

Ds is now 14...a year ago he ate very little and was very picky, now I can't feed him enough food and he's eating things I haven't seen him touch since he was a toddler. Give it time...she'll eat.