long distance relationships

[bubie2.5]

Hi, I'm currently in a LDR. We met online 14 months ago, talked everyday but it wasn't till march 22 that we said_how we really feel about each other._ I'm 30 and he's 40, so as you can see, it has taken a lot of though for us to be where we are now. We want to be together but he lives in Europe, he's planning to visit me in two months, this is 100% new for me AND for him.

So, if you are, or have been in a LDR, could you share your story? We need advise and info on how to make this work.

 

[ducklite]

My DH and I started in a LDR. We had met many years earlier through work (his company did business with mine) but didn't really know each other. We ran into each other six or so years later at a concert, we were living three hours apart, and at the time my job required 300 days a year of travel.

This was before e-mail, cell phones with free long distance, etc.! The phone bills were through the roof!!!

We dated long distance for about three years before I quit my job and moved to the city he lived in. Two years after that we moved to NJ, and his first job here was constant travel for weeks at a time! It all worked out in the end though.

Sometimes I think it was easier when we didn't see each other all the time LOL!

I think one of the hurdles you're going to have is immigration laws. You are in different countries on different continents, and if you both really see this working in the long run, you'll need to contact an attorney to see about where you'd both be able to reside together. That should be done asap, as it can take years to get things like this settled.

Anne

 

[katerkat]

Good luck! I really didn't enjoy my LDR. DH and I spent pretty much our entire engagement in an LDR, which was awful, because whenever I did get to see him, we had to do wedding stuff. Plus he couldn't have a cell phone (military college) so phone calls were rare, and my hours were really weird, so we rarely got to IM, so we lived off emails. It sucked.

But, we established our relationship long before going LDR, which I think makes a difference. It was easier to talk to each other because we knew each other (like, I could be sarcastic and he would know, not an easy thing to do in email!) - but it was also worse because we were used to being around each other!

 

[mickeyboat]

DH and I spent four years apart during our LDR. We had been together in high school for one year and I moved. We kept in touch for one year and then went our separate ways. After graduation, we saw each other again and picked up where we left off, but it was a LDR - for four years. We were engaged after two years of our LDR and married after the other two.

It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. BUT we had a foundation before we committed to the LDR. AND we had a lot to learn about one another when we did start seeing each other all the time. There was a long period of adjustment.

Here we are, now married 12 years with 2 beautiful DD's. I fondly remember all the letters we wrote to one another, I wish we would say those kinds of things to each other now (I hope the kids never find those ).

Good luck to you. I hope it works out.

Denae

 

[piglet too]

My husband and I too were in a LDR. We met during college, but our schools were close to 300 miles apart. Then when we were out of school he lived over 150 miles away. We have now been together for 11 years and will be married for 10 in August. We spent as much time on the phone as we could and wrote letters too. It does take work, but I feel it is totally worth it if you love each other. Good luck with everything!

 

[CheshireVal]

I was in a situation very similar to yours. I met my boyfriend online almost 2 years ago. We both wrote for Epinions.com and emailed each other about our reviews, which progressed into IM chats and then phone calls. He lived halfway across the world in Australia! Another hurdle was the age difference-- he's 7 years younger than I am which was hard for me to deal with for a long time, but I eventually realized that the stigma attached to it shouldn't make me throw away a potentially rewarding relationship. Besides, dating younger men is all the rage in Hollywood these days.

Anyway, we visited each other a few times, had a great time together, and he just moved here to be with me last month!! He's 23 and has a year of college left (he had been taking a few years off of school) so he was easily able to get a student visa to come study here. We're just going to see how it goes actually living in the same place, then we'll take it from there.

So... if you like someone don't let the obstacles become too daunting. Life's too short not to give it a chance!

Good luck!

 

[CourtasanSatine]

DBF and I are in one right now since we live a hour and a half apart.We met at a college function and we survive by late phone calls(blame his cell phone plan),emails,and late night IM's but we get to be together as often as possible.Just hang onto every visit and every email,I cherish each moment DBF and I are together since it makes the time between visits easier to bear.But I wish I could be with him right now(he's been keeping me up to date on a nasty family crisis).I know everything we've gone through has only made our love stronger

 

[bubie2.5]

Thanks for giving me hope!!! Keep those stories coming!!!

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Right now my boyfriend and I live 45 minutes apart and we see each other every single weekend and once during the week.

This summer we will truly be in a LDR when I return home to Massachusetts and he stays in Indiana...We will be 20 hours away

We don't really know how we are going to handle it since neither of us wants to talk about it but he is flying out to see me and i will fly out to see him and then we will talk every single day.
It makes me sad just thinking about it

 

[MosMom]

I met my husband online nearly 10 years ago. We really disliked each other when we first "met". I was friends with some of his buddies and I would call up there and chat with them. One night he took over the phone and we started chatting. After that, we would chat regularly and just fell for each other. The LDR was very tough and after 8 months of serious dating (and 3 visits) I moved up there. We got married a month later. I think we both just knew that we had met our lifemates. We've been married for 8 years in October and still going strong. We have 2 gorgeous kiddos and we can't imagine life without each other.

LDR's can work but it is tough. On the flip side, a friend of mine is dating a man who lives in DC and they break up often because the stress of a LDR is really getting to them. The relationship has been going on for 3 years and neither one of them has made a move towards each other.

It is tough, but if he is "the one", you guys will make it work.

 

[Jolie C]

I was in a long distance relationship for awhile and I don't regret "waiting" for the guy (attending USMA at West Point). I married him!

 

[SyracuseWolvrine]

I met my gf online through a message board (not this one) that we both post on. We started chatting on IM just over a year ago, and after about a week, we exchanged phone numbers, and I called her. We kept chatting through the summer, with more phone calls as time went by. We both started to realize we had pretty strong feelings for each other. We've been talking every day pretty much since September, usually for at least an hour on the phone (cell phones with free long distance are VERY nice). I finally went to visit her earlier this month. So far, it's working out reasonably well, and we've talked about moving closer once we both graduate from college.

 

[TigerBear]

So you haven't actually met in person yet? I would wait for that until you decide about your future. How long do you plan on keeping it long distance?

My guy lives an hour away and I think that is way too far. We typically are together three nights a week.

 

[faithinkarma]

Another success story here. We met online in 2001...lived 8 hours apart, in different countries, until last summer when we got married.

yes, the LDR part was extremely difficult. But know what? We appreciate every single moment now.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by TigerBear
So you haven't actually met in person yet? I would wait for that until you decide about your future. How long do you plan on keeping it long distance?

I have to agree with this statement. Until you meet face to face, i'd wait to plan the future. I think it's great that you got to know the person first, however there is something to be said about seeing a person first.

I do wish you good luck. I hate being skepcital, but i've heard stories about how people lie about their age, looks, marital status, etc if they live so far away.

 

[faithinkarma]

I hate being skepcital, but i've heard stories about how people lie about their age, looks, marital status, etc if they live so far away.

Have to agree with that one. I bet we could have a whole thread of interesting stories.

I did not realize they had not yet met. Who knows? Maybe meeting won't change things at all, but it is a very risky proposition to bet your happiness on. There are just so man indefinable qualities that can only be judged face to face.

Please know that we are on yur side and rooting for this to work.

 

[bubie2.5]

Hi Hills and Faith. I'm not worried about that. My brother met him on january when he went there for a business trip... he sort of wanted to check "crazy virtual guy" (as he called him) out. I guess is a big brother kind of thing.

Thanks for the encouragement. We're taking things slowly, analizing every step before we take it.

BTW: according to my brother, he passed with flying colors.

 

[faithinkarma]

That is very encouraging that your brother gave him the thumbs up.

But I was thinking of those indefinable things that attract or repel us to another. You really can't know about those until you have spent some time together.

I am not trying to dapen your enthusiasm. I just want to be sure you see it from every angle.

 

[faithinkarma]

and by the way, almost everyone in my family ( except my adult children ) thought I was completely nuts falling for someone I had met online. And when I announced I was leaving the country........oh my ! The confrontations ! I think they were almost ready to have an intervention, because surely I had lost my mind.

But I knew, probably the way you know, so I went ahead and did it anyway. And now every single member of my family will vouch that this wonderful man I met in such a questionable manner is the best thing that ever happened to me.

So when things get rough....borrow my motto " feel the fear and do it anyway "

 

[CourtasanSatine]

If it helps my DBF's dad and his roomates gave me the thumbs up(but in our case they knew me from DBf's stories early on).We'll be together 2 years come August