Little girls and the importance of being skinny

[makaylee]

Originally posted by slo

The mother you are speaking about in your thread may have done the same thing if the child if really really skinny and other kids are making fun of her for that. Her mother may have done the same as me to help build her childs self esteem to be proud of who she is.

I don't know if this is the case - I'm just playing devils advocate. All I am saying....is sometimes there may be more to the story.

I am definatly not going to say you are wrong because like you said, you never know the real story. But this girl is just of average size, she is not too short or very skinny. I would say she's just average. There could be some other reason, but I can't see this being one of them.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

It makes me happy to see everyone in this thread so concerned about their daughters getting the wrong impression regarding average weight. You are all very good parents.

When I was younger, my younger sister was toothpick thin. She was very scrawny, as was my brother. Neither could put on any weight no matter how hard they tried. I was thin, too, but not scrawny...however, from the comments my mother used to make comparing me to them, you'd think I was a beached whale.

When I was in 6th grade, I proudly modeled my new swimsuit to my grandma. My mother remarked, "She's a bit hippy, isn't she?" And not in the flower child way. Well, let me tell you, I've since looked back on photos of me at that time, in that blue swimsuit and I was skinny. Not just average, but skinny. However, thanks to mom, I always thought because I wasn't on some desperate diet to GAIN weight like my siblings, that I was fat. This has continued to this very day...I kill myself exercising and try not to eat fattening foods (will not do Atkins, or South Beach...too scared of what they do to kidneys).

The point is, you are SO impressionable when you are young. It doesn't even matter what you see in the mirror. My mother and I have since talked about things she used to say or do and she honestly doesn't remember half of it (she apologized anyway). But I'll never forget!

 

[DemonLlama]

I think body perception filters down. Mom always complains about needing to lose weights and Daughter doesn't see anything wrong with mom and begins to think that perhaps she, too, while looking fine, may secretly be overweight. Girls will look at one body part: hips, or waist, or thighs, and compare to all the other girls in her class. If hers aren't the slimmest, or the most muscular, or the tannest, or whatever it is that makes it "best" then the concern over "perfection" grows. My DD is 8 and I can see this happening.

Growths spurts at this age also tend to start with some weight gain and end in height. Girls who try to starve themselves to lose the weight are also inhibiting their ability to grow normally.

More than diet, which should be no more than understanding and choosing reasonable servings and healthy choices, exercise is the best way to help any child who seems to be heavy: get out and get moving: race mom, or brother, or dad on the track in the evenings. Ride bikes together. Go swimming and have races. Play soccer, or take gymnastics. OK, I'll get off my soap box!

 

[aprincessmom]

The media is smothering to young lives.

I disagree with this. Yes, the media plays out this skinny is better spin but the moms and dads are responsible for continuing this message.

think body perception filters down. Mom always complains about needing to lose weights and Daughter doesn't see anything wrong with mom and begins to think that perhaps she, too, while looking fine, may secretly be overweight.

EXACTLY!

 

[Disney Ella]

I find I really have to watch what I say about myself, particularly around one of my DDs. I was complaining about needing to lose some weight to DH and DD heard and would ask me every night if she was fat, which she certainly isn't.

 

[s&k'smom]

Oh man we could debate this forever. I think alot has to do with parents and helping there kids eat right. When we were kids my mom never let us bring candy or sweets to school. We walked to school and had fruit and ham and cheese or PB sandwiches. It just seemed simpler then. Now some kids are not just having baby fat which most grow out of but are obese at such a young age. I don't ever remember seeing very overweight kids in school I'm going back about 20 years. It is amazing to see the changes in children these days. It's funny I was watching VH! and they were talking about celebrity diets. Now they were pointing out some stars who were gorgeous. And all they could say was that once they became skinner they were better looking. What kind of message is that.

 

[tkd lisa]

This is more of a problem than we realize, and at a much younger age. When DD was in the hospital with her medicine allergy, she was on the pediatric (12 and under) psych unit. There were 4 girls (out of 12 total children and 6 girls) on that unit who were there for anorexia. The youngest was just barely 10! There are special treatment centers around the country which have sprung up because of this since most eating disorders aren't treated until the teen years. It can be a body image thing, but sometimes it's a control thing. The girl thinks that she may not be able to do everything that she wants to do, but she can decide what she will eat.

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

My daughter is 9. When she was younger she was very thin. Last year her body started to change and she got less skinny. She has noticed the change and she sometimes comments that she "is fat." It breaks my heart. She is so far from "fat" but it concerns her. I am trying to lose weight myself, but I try to downplay it in the house. When she says that she wants to lose weight I tell her that she sould focus on being healthy -- eating healthy food and staying active and that is what's important.

 

[HauntedMansionGeek]

I'd like to know why so many people think everyone should be the same size? What's up with that???

Peoples feet come in different sizes, why not their bodies? I don't get the obsession at all, especially when someone who's already slender complains about being "fat"......sheesh...

 

[Pixie_Dust]

I was naturally slim and never acted like it was better than any other shape. Nevertheless I got a lot of jealousy and hostility from others about it. The world would be a better place if people were happy with their own shape and left other people alone about it!

 

[Ronda93]

There was a good article in the Wall Street Journal last winter about the impact fathers can have on their daughter's body image. Things like how they talk about women - what they say to their daughters.

Someone mentioned growth spurts starting with a weight gain. Pointing out her new paunch against a backdrop of comments about cheerleaders on Sunday afternoons and the fat woman crossing the street can be toxic.

The earlier "hippy" comment was familiar. I always thought I had fine hair from a comment my mother made when I was six. My stylist told me a few years ago it's unbelievably thick... that stuck with me for 30 years.

 

[DisneyJules]

I think times have really changed. I don't think I ever thought anything of my weight until grade 10 when I started taking ballet again, though I was always slender but had a lot of chubby "baby fat" throughout junior high, I wasn't a string bean. I look at my half sister now who is 8 years old and I see how obsessed she is about her clothes, her hair, the way she looks. When I was a kid, aslong as I was comfy, that's all that mattered.

 

[s&k'smom]

Anybody see Entertainment Tonight last night. Over the last two nights they interviewed plus size actresses. Why do people have such I hate to say but hatred for plus size people. Dr. Phil did a show about it last year and it's was amazing how people talked to plus size people. My mother would smack me if I don't that rude to people.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Originally posted by Ronda93
The earlier "hippy" comment was familiar. I always thought I had fine hair from a comment my mother made when I was six. My stylist told me a few years ago it's unbelievably thick... that stuck with me for 30 years.

Tell me about it. You know, until I was in college, I actually thought my sister was the ideal of beauty...based solely on my mother's comments...."She could be a model...she has such great features" blah, blah, blah. Never a word about me. Ever. It wasn't until my mid-twenties when people gingerly pointed out to me they didn't see why I was always raving about her that I realized that she, while very pretty, is not the standard of beauty.

I'll never forget when I got my first boyfriend, my sister was very jealous (she was 14 at the time). She complained to my mother who told her not to tell me, but she thought my sister had much nicer features than I did. Well, what do you think she did? She went running to me and told me.

This stuff hangs with you, let me tell you. I am over thirty and still mull plastic surgery sometimes (not seriously).

 

[makaylee]

Originally posted by theSurlyMermaid



I'll never forget when I got my first boyfriend, my sister was very jealous (she was 14 at the time). She complained to my mother who told her not to tell me, but she thought my sister had much nicer features than I did. Well, what do you think she did? She went running to me and told me.

This stuff hangs with you, let me tell you. I am over thirty and still mull plastic surgery sometimes (not seriously).

You poor thing, that must have been awful for you to hear.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Yes, it was. It really, really was. And no matter what she says today, I can't shake the feeling that what she said then was the unbridled truth of how she feels.

If I ever have daughters, let me tell you each of them will be told how beautiful they are....they will NEVER be compared for any reason, and they will be treated with the utmost respect as individuals.

I know my mother feels very bad about what she said then, but it was a huge, huge parenting error on her part.

 

[makaylee]

I totaly agree! One good thing came out of it though, you'll be a wonderful mother.

 

[Nancy]

As a Mom with 3 daughters this worries me. I am doing WW, but my girls know that i am very overweight and started to have some major health problems. That scared me enough to start to lose this weight. They are 15, 14 and 11. All are fine weight wise...but of course the 2 older ones feel they are fat (5'6...128 and 5' 3...120) They are dancers....they are active, they have muscles. I try and try to tell them that weight is just a number..it depends on how they feel and are they healthy....which they are.

We have been eating healthier at home since I started WW. they have become more conscience of what they are eating.

I blame the media for alot of these problems now. they show a picture of a star who gained a few pounds and talk about her being fat. When Renee Zellw.....(whatever it's spelled like) gained weight for her movie they made it sound like a disease...she actually was a normal weight and looked good and healthy. The magazines obsess on the stars dieting and getting so thin and they obsess on the ones that are "chunky"....this is such a bad message we are sending to our daughters.

 

[theSurlyMermaid]

Nancy, I agree....when Renee Zellweger gained all the weight for Bridget Jones...she actually looked normal and beautiful! Then when she became scarily thin for Chicago, I could barely stand to look at her, it was so scary. Same with Kate Winslet. This is what is considered a chubby person in Hollywood??? Give me a BREAK.

However, what you are doing is right....focusing on eating healthy and being at a healthy weight. Your daughters are going to make comments like that based on just being young women in today's society. You are providing a good example and what's more you are there for support. Good for you.

And good for your daughters for staying active!!! Niether one of them is even in the same zip code as fat!!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
Hey, I did kindergarten in '49.

LOLOL!

Who said way back in 1982? You're a mere child! LOLOLOL! You make a lot of us feel old, whipper snapper! LOL!