Life changes making me sad...UPDATED!

[CDSTapisRouge]

I don't even know what I want to write. I don't know what advice I am looking for or responses I am expecting from this post, I am lost, lonely, sad and thought who better to share this with than the WONDERFUL family at the DIS!

I just feel like I am existing right now, not living and that is so NOT my personality, so it is really bringing me down. My husband and I welcomed our son to the family a year ago...that was the best thing that has ever happened, he is my love, my joy, I truly LOVE being his mom. We decided that we would move closer to family so that he would have that growing up and I am NOT adjusting well. We moved from Orlando to Texas and things are really not living up to my expectations. Our house was delayed due to a little building snafu, so instead of being ready in February, it will be May. So we had to move in with my mom. I appreciate the hospitality, but it is really hard to have 3 adults, 1 infant and 5 dogs (yes 5...she has 3 and I have 2) trying to co-exist in one house. All of my personal belongings (minus clothes) are still in Florida, so I have none of my personal comforts here with me yet. I worked for Disney for 11 years and Cirque du Soleil for 4 years and just can't find anything in Texas that lives up to my standards, I always loved my job, but now I feel like I am working just to pay the bills. The purpose of moving was so that we could be closer to family and also because my mom can watch my son while I work...problem is that the job I have gave me mid day hours, so I only get to see my son for about an hour a day, I am up and out just as he is getting up and he is in bed before I get home.

So I have left all my friends, the job I loved, my house, my things, everything that made up the components of my life and here I am. Hubby listens, but he doesn't talk much. He is content here, got a GREAT job and gets LOTS of time to see our son. I am trying to make the best of the situation but I am so miserable that I feel like I am bringing my mom down (cause we moved here for her and she feels guilty that I am not happy), snappy to my husband (cause I am upset and feel like he is not supporting my feelings) and I just want to cry everynight, alone in the dark so that I am not making everyone around me upset.

I know things will get better, I just don't have anyone to talk to here that understands that I am having seperation anxiety from my former life.

Thanks for listening... The Dis is my link to what I know best... It makes me happy to come here to friends.

 

[Goofyluver]

CDS...you didn't ask for any advice, but I can offer some comfort I hope! You have just had a major life change, more than one actually. Of course that is going to take some time to adjust to. You left your home, your job, your life, and you have no "home" to go to, and a job that is not fulfilling you. Your life is not settled, so you can't expect yourself to feel settled. Give it some time. Once you get into your own house and your own space, things will improve. You'll have a place to relax in, you'll have a space of your own. Living in such cramped quarters is never easy, especially when you have none of your things. Give the job time, once you get settled, maybe you will be able to enjoy it more. As for the time spent without your son, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. You can only make the most of the time you do spend together. Surround yourself with the people that you love and that love you. Give it time and I'm sure things will get better.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

CDS.....I agree with the previous poster. You have made a major change for you and for your family. I am thinking here right now you do not have your comfort things around you to make you feel happier in a new surrounding.....

You are sort of in "limbo" with the house not being completed and you are in crowded surroundings which is probably not comfortable for anyone. Try to hang on till May when you can move into your own house and have your items around you....and have the privacy you deserve.

Let's think about the positives here, your DH has a good job and is happy, the baby gets to see your Mom and she sounds like she is supportive to you.. May is only a few months away.

As far as you feeling upset, I cannot think of any woman who would not be upset leaving their friends and a job that they loved....so what you are feeling is quite normal. Also, not seeing the baby enough would not make me happy either. Hopefully the job will improve, but I am a great believer in if you are not happy doing your job, you need to find one you are happy at. Also, maybe you could say to DH....right now I am not happy with things the way they are, but I am giving myself some time here. Put a date on it....like if I am still unhappy with our living conditions, even after the new house, and my job, we will have to revisit our decision. You are a team and to keep the marriage healthy, both need to be relatively happy with their decisions..

In the meantime, hugs to you...hang in there, and post here whenever you need a hug or some understanding. Moms are resilient so I would not worry about yours too much, she is thrilled with her grandchild being there for her to love and spoil.

 

[safetymom]

I think about you daily. I know it has to be very hard for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Christine]

Awww...you poor thing!! ANYONE would be upset if they were in your shoes.

You've had a baby, a major move, you've gone from a GREAT job to a not-so-great job, your house is delayed, and your living in cramped quarters. This is all very stressful.

I know, you're probably saying "Well, why is my husband okay with it?"

Well, I don't think men bear the burden of these things like women do--especially new moms.

Hang in there--things are looking up. I'm thinking you will feel a whole lot better when you get in your new house.

 

[CDSTapisRouge]

Thanks so much for the support, I knew the DIS family would have hugs to share. They have put the drywall in at the house, so at least it looks like a house now. Hopefully they can fly through the rest of the process.

As for the job. Today was one of those days... I seriously almost left my name tag on the counter and left at lunch time. I was just sitting there thinking "what am I doing"... I cried in the bathroom, re-grouped my thoughts and went back to work.

I know it will get better, I am just at rock bottom with all this right now. It frustrates me to no end, but I am very happy that I have my family here, cause that is what matters most afterall!

Thanks again everyone... I Love the Diser's

 

[N&B'smom]

Would it be possible for you to find another job perhaps? I know you said you didn't find anything remotely like what you were doing in Florida. But could you maybe look into finding something you wouldn't obviusly dislike so much? That might make things a bit easier plus maybe then you could get different hours so you can spend time with your little one.

Hope things start looking up really soon!!!

Shelby

 

[CDSTapisRouge]

Would it be possible for you to find another job perhaps? I know you said you didn't find anything remotely like what you were doing in Florida. But could you maybe look into finding something you wouldn't obviusly dislike so much? That might make things a bit easier plus maybe then you could get different hours so you can spend time with your little one.

Shockingly that is what my mom told me today. I thought she was going to give me the whole it's only been a few days, give it time, things will blah blah... but she didn't she said if you are not happy there, look for something that will make you happy. The thing is after 11 years at Disney, does anything compare? I know I can't truly "compare" because nothing will live up to that Disney standard, but... I don't even know where to begin in finding something that would make me happy. I worked at WL, OKW and Y&B (among MANY other places) in my Disney career so I decided that was my marketable skill. My new job is at a hotel front desk. At Disney check in takes some time because there is so much to verify, answer, etc. so you get time to chit chat and get to know people. At this hotel, check in is 2 minutes (if that) here's your room # the elevators are over there...BYE! I just don't think I am challenged enough. Maybe I need to go out on a limb and look for something I have never done, something that might interest me but I have never tried before, rather than having my past experiences to compare to.

As for staying in Texas, hubby and I promised my family (my sister and her hubby live her too, with my nephew) that we would give it 4 year. If we are still not satisfied when my son is ready to go to school we are going to move on. Being here just really helps out right now because we don't need daycare. And I always had my family around me growing up, so I really want that for my son.

Anyway, off to bed, the little man is sleeping so I can get to bed early tonight, maybe a good night sleep will help as well.

 

[auntie]

I understand that you want your son to grow up around family. That's great..and admirable. That being said..you are miserable. How is that benifiting your child. He has an unhappy mom...who hardly see's him. So you are giving him an extended family..while missing him and the job your love. You and your husband are his family. Everyone else..well, that's great..and if you have it that's nice..but the most important people in his life should be mom and dad. All I'm saying is this..right now..you are in a crazy situation. With so many people and pets in a house without any of your personal belongings and no sense of a home of your own. Once you do get your house situation settled...see how you feel after a bit. It just worries me that your are willing to give the situation 4 years before you would change it. If it doesn't work..hey..it doesn't work..and you know what your little boy will be happier with a mom who is happy. The security of family nearby is one thing..but if YOU are happy and able to provide for him back in Orlando..or wherever that may be..don't torture yourself, because you are trying recreate something you had as a child for your son. You had a happy childhood..that's what you want your son to have. It won't matter whether there are 4 or 40 people a part of that. It won't matter if they are blood related to him..or "aunts" and "uncles" who are close friends. I have some of those..and I can't remember who is a blood relative and who isn't. I'm thinking that maybe you are just a bit down in the dumps right now..and things are still so unsettled for you. However...after a time..once you are in your own home..and maybe changed jobs...re-evaluate the situation. I just wouldn't want to see you give four years to something you are miserable with. Those are also important years for your child..and having a happy mom is crucial to the entire family.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I worked for Disney for 11 years and Cirque du Soleil for 4 years and just can't find anything in Texas that lives up to my standards, I always loved my job, but now I feel like I am working just to pay the bills.

after 11 years at Disney, does anything compare? I know I can't truly "compare" because nothing will live up to that Disney standard, but... I don't even know where to begin in finding something that would make me happy. I worked at WL, OKW and Y&B (among MANY other places) in my Disney career so I decided that was my marketable skill. My new job is at a hotel front desk. At Disney check in takes some time because there is so much to verify, answer, etc. so you get time to chit chat and get to know people. At this hotel, check in is 2 minutes (if that) here's your room # the elevators are over there...BYE!

First, a Remember, your current living situation is just temporary, so try to think about how nice it will be to move into a brand new house. :

I agree, it's going to be challenging to find something that compares to the jobs you've held in the past. But maybe that's the key - don't compare them. We all know there's nothing that can compare to Disney. Here are two thoughts: 1) do you have a large city nearby and could you go to work at the nicest hotel there? Maybe see how you could do something fun there like Concierge or event planner? Or 2) maybe try something altogether different.

I've found at different stages of my life it's exciting to move on to new phases but it's also sad sometimes to leave a previous stage behind. It can actually compare to a grieving process, so recognize it for what is and work through the feelings like you would any other loss, and don't forget to give it time. You have a lot on your plate right now, so take one day at a time and try to make positive changes as you go. Remember to do nice things for yourself every day, too, just because.

Best of luck. I'm glad you could find a little slice of Disney here on the Dis.

 

[CDSTapisRouge]

I am very excited about the house, so I am looking forward to that. I go over there everyday just to see what they might have done the night before. It is just frustrating that it is not ready on time (long story short, the house did not fit on the original lot...something they might have thought about before they started building....so we had to start over).

The security of family nearby is one thing..but if YOU are happy and able to provide for him back in Orlando..or wherever that may be..don't torture yourself, because you are trying recreate something you had as a child for your son.

I understand what you are saying, the problem is that we could not afford to live in Florida anymore. When we had our son I had to go seasonal with Disney and part time with Cirque, while my husband worked full time, in order to care for him. We had daycare a few days a week that we overlapped, but my mom had to pay for that because we could not afford it. Moving was the best option for the family because hubby and I could both work full time while my mom watches our son. We went back and forth a few times about the move trying to make sure it was the best decision for all before we did it. I know that this is a great opportunity and will work out well once everything falls into place. I think I am just frustrated with the fact that the perfect plan isn't working out so perfectly.

It can actually compare to a grieving process, so recognize it for what is and work through the feelings like you would any other loss, and don't forget to give it time

I never thought of it that way. I was really excited about moving, I was really the one that pushed for the move. I think that my expectations have just not been met because the house is not ready, the job is not what I wanted and everything is new so I need to find the places to go hang out that make me happy.

Anyway... I quit the job (it was at a 4 star hotel in Ft Worth)... and today I start over! I CAN DO ANYTHING! I am gonna go find something that will make me happy! Thanks everyone for all the support!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs to you.. if you were miserable in that job, you will find another one and land on your feet.. I just know it and the reason I know it is I watched my daughter go through something like this......not too long ago and she is absolutely thrilled with her new job.. challenging, everything she would want to do she now has....but it took a while to get there... hang in there, you are doing great, you made the right decision for you and you will do it again..

Hugs..

 

[Goofyluver]

Just thought I would pop back into this thread and saw you quit you job! Good for you making changes to make yourself happier. Not enough people do this! I wish you good luck and I truly hope that things get better for you.

 

[travellady]

Glad to hear you had the guts to quit your job! Sometimes we forget that we're in charge of our destiny, rather than a job controlling our destiny. It must be a relief. And realize, if you got a job before, you know you're marketable and can get a job again. A better one.

 

[geetey]

It's my first time over on this board, but I wanted to post and give you a . Moving is SO hard. No town seems to measure up to where you used to live. We seem to move every 5-7 years and you would think I would remember that.

Funny story - we moved to StL 2 years ago and we all still miss the town in TN that we left, but I can distinctly remember sitting at a stoplight in that small TN town and CRYING because it was ONE McDonald's town. I remember thinking.... what kind of hick town is this that it only has ONE McDonalds in the entire place?!?!

Of course now I can laugh about it but what a silly way to measure a town! I was just sad and missing home. Now here I sit, thinking so fondly of that town.

So, as the others said, give it time. I am sure you will start feeling better. Especially when your new house is ready!

 

[CDSTapisRouge]

Funny story - we moved to StL 2 years ago and we all still miss the town in TN that we left, but I can distinctly remember sitting at a stoplight in that small TN town and CRYING because it was ONE McDonald's town. I remember thinking.... what kind of hick town is this that it only has ONE McDonalds in the entire place?!?!

That is so funny. Not only because of the point you were making but because hubby and I WANT to live in that small little TN hick town I now have this vision in my head of myself sitting at that traffic light crying! We were tossing up going to TN instead of Texas but opted for Texas because financially it made sense to be closer to family...

Thanks for making me smile Off for another day of Job searching!

 

[jann1033]

after reading your account, and certainly not minimizing how you feel but i think sometime or other most have been there/someplace similar...just what i hope is an encouraging account of what happened to my youngest daughter this yr

in the past 8 months...broke up with boyfriend of 4 yrs( he cheated), sister going through worst episode of clinical depression has ever had( suicidal), lost her support group of friends due to some things that had happened, my health problems escalated, she was constantly barraged by depressed sister and her husband with their problems, sister's husband filed for divorce and now hates our whole family....then she lost her job of 7 yrs she was devastated as literally her whole world had fallen apart. she usually is very bouncy, vivacious and it took it's toll but she got some counseling and has gotten a new job that at first looked like it was not as good but she'll make $10,000 more this year working 80 hrs less a month, is appreciated etc...moral of story sometimes it's true it's darkest before dawn

hope everything works out well for you and you'll land on your feet, it might just take a little time...however , if you can afford it sometimes it helps to talk to a professional therapist...i think it kept my youngest sane, i really do.

 

[CDSTapisRouge]

Wow Jann, I am sorry for all your family has gone through, sounds like some tough times are being had by all. I am glad that your youngest has been able to pull through what seems to have been a pretty rough time. I wish your family well in getting through the other things you are currently enduring. I agree about the therapy, it is good to have an outlet.

So, I wanted to write an update to my original post. I am still in a funk because I am in a new area with no friends and my house is not ready... BUT today was AWESOME! I was offered a job at the pre-school that my nephew goes to (I was a pre-school teacher 12 years ago...so going back to my roots). The pre-school is literally right across the main road from the housing development that my new house will be in (and only 5 miles from my moms where I am staying right now) so... ZERO commute which makes me SO happy. They offered me full time in the infants class, which is great, since I have an infant, I know what to expect (I taught 2 and 3 year olds previously). I start on Monday Then hubby convinced me that even though it is not Disney, working at Six Flags 2 days a week might be fun, so the two of us went and got jobs there to work only when they need us. We are committed to 2 days a month but gave availablity for Sat and Sun every week so we will see how much they work us. The position is a floater, so I could be running a ride, working in merchandise or working in Guest Relations, whatever they need on the paticular day. I know Six Flags doesn't hold a candle to Disney, but hey, I still think it will be fun. Also it is only for the season, so if I don't like it, it is not like I am committed to it forever.

And then, I get home from running errands and my mom tells me that my real estate agent from Florida called (our house in Orlando is still for sale) and they have someone that is interested in buying the house, they just want to negotiate the price a little which is fine with me... I also put some furniture up for sale and 6 people contacted me in the last 2 days wanting it...

So I guess I hit rock bottom a few days ago and we are on our way back up the roller coaster lift hill. I have been in such a good mood today. Like I said, I am still sad about the move, but things are looking up!

Thank you ALL for your support, stories and well wishes. The DIS family is THE BEST!

 

[Goofyluver]

I'm glad things are looking up for you...told ya'! Give it time girl and things will always get better!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Sounds like things are looking up.. I am so happy for you and you do sound better. Keep up the good work, you are taking charge and that is a good thing. Hugs.