Let your daughter spend night with friend...only Dad home?

[DanceswithDisney]

I shared a photo from date night tonight with my SO and made a comment that our daughter was spending the night with her friend "jane". Two mutual friends of both us and "jane"'s parents sent me FB messages this evening asking if I knew the mom was out of town and only the dad was home. I told them both we did. One commented back "I just wanted you to know. Better safe than sorry..."

It made me wonder why this bothers some people. We know the family really well and we do not view the dad in any ways suspect. I was really taken aback by such an attitude. I want to respond "safe from what?"

 

[kimblebee]

Wouldn't bother me either. Do the parents who contacted you have sons? If they do, I feel sorry for them.

 

[disney world dreamer]

if i knew the family well enough to trust the father i'd have no issue.

and as far as the mutual friends go i would have asked if they are aware of any incidents involving the father. and if they said no i'd say then keep your comments to yourself.

 

[sonnyjane]

How old are the girls? The only benefit of the doubt I could give is if they meant it in a "the mom is strict, the dad may let them get away with anything" sense.

 

[powellrj]

I guess I was pretty easy going. When DD was in middle school, her best friends parents were divorced and on the weekends that her dad had her, he would always invite DD over so his DD would have someone to keep her company.

 

[cluvsdisney]

"Better safe than sorry" what's that supposed to mean? That this father would do something to the girls? How would they feel if people were talking that way about their husbands?

 

[E&Cmom]

Wow! That is sad. Grewing up, my friend's mom passed away when we were around 11, I contnued to sleep over at her house well into our teens even though no mom was there. My parents were friends with her parents but there was never a question of me staying there after her mom died.

 

[BellsFam]

It depends on the friend... Some of our friends, no issues, others, prob not.

But the other friends could have meant that there's only one parent watching, does the other girl get into trouble, walk all over dad, etc.?

 

[elphaba91]

Wow. My sister has a friend whose parents are divorced and she's been to many sleepovers at the dad's house. I also had a couple of friends whose mothers had died and while I was never invited for a sleepover I know my mother wouldn't have had an issue with it.

Then again, I did have a friend who wasn't allowed to stay the night at my sleepover party (with a large group of girls) because she might be raped. I don't have a brother and haven't seen my father since I was 6. As we built our house I can say with 100% certainty that the only man who has ever spent the night there is my cat!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I would be bothered by the mutual friends who are insinuating that men are likely to be predators and should not be left in charge of children---not at all bothered by just dad being there while my daughter spent the night with close friends.

 

[bbak30]

If I knew the family, it wouldn't bother me a bit. And if my child is going spend the night somewhere, I know the family.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

So, if the father is a danger, what difference would it make if mom is home? I still wouldn't send my kid there, even if a whole police force were there.

And if dad's not a danger, then mom being out of town doesn't change things. Dads don't suddenly become hormone crazed monsters when the spouse is away.

I wonder what they'd say if the other kid had 2 dads and one was away. Or 2 moms and one was away. Any worries about mom on girl crimes? Or are they specifically accusing this poor dad of being a danger simply because he's male?

 

[Allison]

The low view some women have of dads is disturbing.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Would they not their son spend the night at a friend's house if only the friend's mom was home? Geesh, people are prejudiced against men!

 

[Christine]

I guess they feel the men are all disgusting predators with only their wives to keep them in line. These are not women I could be more than a passing acquaintance with.

 

[NMAmy]

Then again, I did have a friend who wasn't allowed to stay the night at my sleepover party (with a large group of girls) because she might be raped.

DD had a friend like that. There was a new girl at school who dd invited to her 10th birthday sleepover. I was a Girl Scout troop leader and all the girls but the new girl were in the troop so all the other moms were merrily ditching their kids and running out for Saturday night plans. The new girl's mother had told her she could only stay until 9:00 which was fine--I didn't grill her about why. The girl called her mom during the party to ask if she could stay. The mom asked to talk to me and then proceeded to grill me, "Is your husband home or will any males be in the house?" No, I was divorced at the time. "Do you have any sons or will there be any teenage boys there at all?" Umm, nope, dd is an only child and I don't actually know any teenage boys. I was getting annoyed with her as I saw where this questioning was headed and said, "Listen, you're obviously not comfortable with your dd staying here so it would probably be best if you just picked her up." She did let her stay but since she was married herself and had a couple of sons, it made me wonder if she worried as much about the male members of her own family as she did about everyone else's.

Of course, she annoyed me again later by calling as room mother to ask if dd could bring in 6 cupcakes. I asked if I could just send a couple of dozen since I'd make them and I didn't really want all the extras. That's when she told me snottily, "Well, I figured since you don't stay home with your kids that you wouldn't have time to bake." I mean, I worked but I was with dd the rest of the time so I had no idea where that came from!

OP--I really don't get this whole attitude that every male is a predator.

 

[JaxDad]

As a single dad who hosts sleepovers with my DD9's friends, your posts have been very reassuring. I was a little sad and apprehensive when I first saw the title and opened the thread.

Thank you!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Again???
Yes. I would allow it. As the daughter of a single father for some years I'm glad my friends' parents didn't assume that because he has male parts he must have been a child molester. So annoying.
But wait around. People will show up and think you're crazy for even considering it.

 

[Minnesota!]

The last post like this was sad I have boys, but just as I would let them go to a sleepover at a house where only the mom was there, I would let girls go to a sleepover where only a dad was present.

Having male gentalia does not immediately make someone a rapist or incapable of properly supervising children.

 

[Govols1997]

As wife to an amazing dad and mom to an awesome son, this makes me sad.