late afternoon b'day party ~ do I need to serve dinner?

[MomNeedsVacay]

if my DD were going to a cake/icecream party instead of a Pizza party, I'd definitely bring a less expensive gift .... TOTALLY JOKING
Parents don't judge as much as we think they do.... I agree to maybe put out some chips and goldfish, but other than that, feel no obligation....

 

[aspcamhreditor2]

IMO ... greedy parents & greedy kids have come to expect WAAAYYY to much at parties. Whatever the "host" offers is fine. NO ONE should JUDGE, period, end of sentence IMO.

Frankly, if I am serving any type of "meal" with a party, I specify that on the invitations. If my kid is going to a b-day party and I have any questions ... like, "hmmm, that's an odd time, I wonder if there's dinner?" ... well, honestly, I take the responsiblity to ASK. I would NEVER assume anything.

Since this is a "planned" activitity at a location or w/ an organization that does "specific" type parties and NOT just something at someone's house ... AND being a veteran of these kinds of parties w/ a 5 & 8 yr. old ... I would never just assume dinner was included. Dinner often isn't at places like that.

Finally.... am wondering ... are my family the ONLY night owls in the world? Regular dinner time for us is 6:30-7. With warmer weather & longer days, it can be even later. We would think eating at 5 or 5:30 was abnormal ... to us!

Everyone should remember ... everyone has their own lives and no one way is right or wrong.

We're doing back-to-back b-day parties for our girls on June 2 ...which is 1/2 way between their b-days. Our reason is two-fold. 1) ALL of our family is out of town so it allows some of them to come up & join in the fun for BOTH girls. Also, we're doing a big carnival theme and going to a lot of trouble w/ some noticeable expense (like renting a moonjump for 24 hours).

One party is 1-3. The other is 3-5. No specific meal is offered ... although some might consider 1 to be lunch time and 5 to be dinner time. Since it's a fair/carnival, we will offer THAT type of food at a "concession stand" ... hotdogs, snow cones, popcorn, lemonade, cotton candy. Because of those offerings ...Guess what? We are NOT doing cake. Oh, the horror! Am sure someone will complain. And guess what ... they won't be invited again .. simple as that.

After the "kids" parties wrap up, we are doing dinner for the family and some neighbors. SOOOO their invitations note that specifically.

As far as weird meal times, loading kids with sugar at off times, etc. It's childhood. It's also a b-day party ... I think most parents know their kid is going to load up on crap and may be "off" in terms of hunger, meal times, etc. It's about moderation. Let the kids enjoy the b-day parties and be a responsible parent offering regular healthy meals the rest of the time. You don't go to b-day parties every day! Honestly ... cake & ice cream for one or two "meals" in a year is part of growing up.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just wanted to point out that it doesn't matter when you eat dinner, most people (at least where I live) when they get invited to a party assume a meal of some sort will be there. Yeah I know shouldn't assume, but personally I think you should feed people unless you are inviting them over for cake and coffee which isn't the case here. No I don't need you to feed my kid but I admit I would find it strange if nothing was served but cake. I also don't care if my kids eat junk at a party. As far as kids not eating, then I guess I must know all weird people because all the kids eat at the partied here and there are rarely any plates of food thrown out. We even feed the parents. It also doesn't matter what time the party is. We serve food. You have to do what you feel is best for you, but if your own dh and dd think you should get a few pizzas that should tell you something. JMHO.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

A little OT, but last year, dd was invited to the birthday party of a girl in her class. It was from 2:00-4:00pm. The thought of anything other than cake and ice cream never entered my mind, based on the time of day.

Well, when I came to pick her up at 4:00, they had all kinds of appetizers and asked the parents to stay, and tried to get everyone to eat (a lot). It was very nice of them, but very unexpected, so most parents had to say no and take their kids and leave, because they didn't know about it ahead of time, and had other places they had to be.

Driving home, I asked dd what they did at the party. Her response included that they'd had pizza for lunch, and later cake and ice cream.

Lunch at 2:00, then cake and ice cream, then appetizers at 4:00? That was a new one for me. How many people eat that much food in the span of two hours?

It was nice of them, but no reason to go overboard like that, IMO.

 

[cepmom]

maybe it's a regional thing, but I've been to parties where only cake was served....it's not that out of the ordinary. In fact when I was kid, unless the party was sleepover, there was usually only cake and snacks served. Birthday parties are out of control these days. Nobody ever has friends over for games and cake anymore?

 

[Independent]

3:45 - 5:45

That is dinner time. Especially on Sunday, I know many families that eat between 4:30 pm and 6 pm. By the time they get back to their homes it will easily be 6 or close to it/close after it. I think you should provide either pizza or hotdogs. You can wrap the hotdogs in tinfoil like they do at the ballpark. Kids like that and I have seen that at parties. Skip the ice cream and give them a cupcake or piece of cake, that way you are avoiding more sugar. I actually think it is not right to not serve some sort of dinner when it is clearly a dinner hour. If the party was from 2 to say 4 then maybe you could get away with not, but not at those hours. Sorry to disagree with many on here, but I agree with your husband. Good luck and have fun.

It also depends on the customs in your area. Around here, any party that covers the 12:00 hour or the 5-6 time frame, absolutely serves food. People wouldn't dream of not serving pizza or hot dogs over the dinner hour. BUT, that is the customs around my neck of the woods.

If we went to a party that ended at 5:45, I would expect that you fed my children something before you gave them cake. I wouldn't be upset, but probably a bit perturbed if I got my children back at 6:00, full on cake and ice-cream and then not willing to eat their dinner.

In our area, cake and icecream alone is reserved for parties between 1 and 4. In fact, even during those hours, there is usually pizza before the cake and ice cream. I can't remember the last party my kids went to that didn't have food, no matter what the time frame was

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

It also depends on the customs in your area. Around here, any party that covers the 12:00 hour or the 5-6 time frame, absolutely serves food. People wouldn't dream of not serving pizza or hot dogs over the dinner hour. BUT, that is the customs around my neck of the woods.

If we went to a party that ended at 5:45, I would expect that you fed my children something before you gave them cake. I wouldn't be upset, but probably a bit perturbed if I got my children back at 6:00, full on cake and ice-cream and then not willing to eat their dinner.

In our area, cake and icecream alone is only for parties between 1 and 4.

wow...is there an actual memo that goes out to everyone in your town????

 

[Mrs.Toad]

maybe it's a regional thing, but I've been to parties where only cake was served....it's not that out of the ordinary. In fact when I was kid, unless the party was sleepover, there was usually only cake and snacks served. Birthday parties are out of control these days. Nobody ever has friends over for games and cake anymore?

Yea, that's how it is around here. Most parties do not include a meal unless it's a sleepover, starts at 11:30 or 12:00 for lunch, or at Chuck E. Cheese's, where pizza is always included.

Though some might think we're out of control around here too, as very few kids have parties at home. Most people have them at places like Build-a-Bear, the bowling alley, swimming pool, gymnastics club, etc, and spend way too much money on those stupid goody bags!

 

[disneymom3]

1. So, you still think it is a good idea to stuff kids with cake and ice cream and candy one hour before supper?????

2. Many eat dinner at 5:00 - 5:30 YOUR dinner hour is not what you need to go by, it is just common guidelines... To most, 4:00 - 6:00 is considered family mealtime.


I still have to wonder why you are having such a problem with offering some type of food????

Edited to add after seeing your post just come in... Given the cake and ice cream... Fruit is just another non-filling high sugar offering.

If you are locked into the 5:00 timeframe, serve food.

Geez--I am clearly a bad mom. Here I have always thought that fruit was a good snack. Huh. Who knew?

OP--you are just fine with your plan. Now with my third child I have gone to just cake and ice cream and state it on the invitation just as you did. Never had a problem. Nor would I be offended in the least if my kids were invited to a party, as they have been, where there was just cake. Growing up I don't remember a single birthday other than sleepovers where we ate more than cake and ice cream. I started with the oldest giving lunch too but then got sick of wasting all that money on food that the kids didn't eat. Heck, half the time they don't eat the cake either, but I don't care. It cost me 98c plus the eggs and $2 for the frosting. Yep, I am even one of those crazy moms who does a homemade bday cake! Oh, the horror!

 

[LotsOfQuestions]

Not only should you feed the children, (we prefer goat cheese and caviar pizzas)

but....

Margaritas, beer and wine should be available for the adults.



Anything less than that should be considered rude and appalling.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Here I have always thought that fruit was a good snack. Huh. Who knew?

Wow, another personal attack...

Of course fruit is a good snack. The whole point is that, for many people, 5:00 is not 'snack-time' it is almost supper time.

And, yes, most fruits are high in sugar, when you consider that this is being offered with cake and ice-cream, not pizza or peanut butter sandwiches, etc...

Nobody here is saying that they would be completely offended when not served food at a party. Nobody is saying that they expect a nice 3 or 4 course meal. What is being said is that at that particular hour, they would consider it more appropriate to offer food.

If you disagree, then fine... but that is no reason to make personal attacks.

It just seems like the OP is making all kinds of excuses and has some ulterior reason why she will not be offering food.

 

[hlbtimes2]

maybe it's a regional thing, but I've been to parties where only cake was served....it's not that out of the ordinary. In fact when I was kid, unless the party was sleepover, there was usually only cake and snacks served. Birthday parties are out of control these days. Nobody ever has friends over for games and cake anymore?

I dont think its out of the ordinary. However, I do think its a "time" thing. My sons last party was specifically planned so no one would expect a meal. I had it from 2-4pm. After lunch and before dinner. Had I started at 1 or ended at 5 I would have left compelled to offer a meal.

 

[Independent]

wow...is there an actual memo that goes out to everyone in your town????

Absolutely. It is actually in the bylaws of the town.

Please. What I was trying to get at is that some customs are regional. We have seen that here on the boards when discussing different wedding customs. Some regions think the money dance is tacky, some believe it is wonderful.

It is the same for birthday parties. There are regional customs. In our "circle", food is always served. Usually it is pizza. The kids take a bite, go play, come back for another bite, go play, etc.

The OP should go with what is customarily done for parties in her area and her circle of friends. If cake and ice cream is the norm - go for it. If food is normally served, then parents might expect it.

Having been to more birthday parties in the past 10 years than I want to remember, I can't remember one without food. So, in OUR region, food is the norm. Parents come to expect it. We may be all Stepford wives, but we all do it.

But it is completely possible that in other areas, parents would be surprised to see food at a party.

OP - do what you are comfortable with. It IS your party.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

this is off topic... but in line with birthday parties:

Does anyone open birthday gifts at the actual party???? When I was a little girl, we ALWAYS opened birthday gifts...it was kind of the "end of the party" activity. My DD has gone to 5 b-day parties in the past 6 months and NO ONE opens their birthday gifts. Is this a regional thing in the mid-atlantic/Washington, DC area? Is this a nationwide afront to gift opening??? Does anyone know why this is the new practice??? THoughts?

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Absolutely. It is actually in the bylaws of the town.

Please. What I was trying to get at is that some customs are regional. We have seen that here on the boards when discussing different wedding customs. Some regions think the money dance is tacky, some believe it is wonderful.

It is the same for birthday parties. There are regional customs. In our "circle", food is always served. Usually it is pizza. The kids take a bite, go play, come back for another bite, go play, etc.

The OP should go with what is customarily done for parties in her area and her circle of friends. If cake and ice cream is the norm - go for it. If food is normally served, then parents might expect it.

Having been to more birthday parties in the past 10 years than I want to remember, I can't remember one without food. So, in OUR region, food is the norm. Parents come to expect it. We may be all Stepford wives, but we all do it.

But it is completely possible that in other areas, parents would be surprised to see food at a party.

OP - do what you are comfortable with. It IS your party.

I'm sorry.... I couldn't resist.... I now digress

 

[disneymom3]

Wow, another personal attack...

Of course fruit is a good snack. The whole point is that, for many people, 5:00 is not 'snack-time' it is almost supper time.

And, yes, most fruits are high in sugar, when you consider that this is being offered with cake and ice-cream, not pizza or peanut butter sandwiches, etc...

Nobody here is saying that they would be completely offended when not served food at a party. Nobody is saying that they expect a nice 3 or 4 course meal. What is being said is that at that particular hour, they would consider it more appropriate to offer food.

If you disagree, then fine... but that is no reason to make personal attacks.

It just seems like the OP is making all kinds of excuses and has some ulterior reason why she will not be offering food.

I am sorry you took that as a personal attack. I don't see it that way, but if you need to let a moderator decide I am fine with that. As for the rest of my post, I was specifically addressing the OP and she seemed worried therefore my point was that I didn't think parents of the kids would be offended as I have never experienced that myself. No attacking involved--sharing of my opinion to support the OP.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Note to self...bribe kid with money so as to avoid birthday parties.


Also, I wonder if I have I have traveled to stepford in this thread...here we do this, here we do that...

 

[disneymom3]

this is off topic... but in line with birthday parties:

Does anyone open birthday gifts at the actual party???? When I was a little girl, we ALWAYS opened birthday gifts...it was kind of the "end of the party" activity. My DD has gone to 5 b-day parties in the past 6 months and NO ONE opens their birthday gifts. Is this a regional thing in the mid-atlantic/Washington, DC area? Is this a nationwide afront to gift opening??? Does anyone know why this is the new practice??? THoughts?

We open at the party as do all the kids friends whose parties we have gone too. My kids would be really bummed if they couldn't see their friend open the gift they chose for them.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

wow...is there an actual memo that goes out to everyone in your town????

yup and they photocopy it and send it my neighborhood.

I agree 100% with what Independent said

 

[Wishing on a star]

Stepford wives..

And, about opening the presents. Yes, presents are usually always opened at birthday parties here. However, there is kind of a 'catch'. It goes along with the kids having too much fun 'playing' to eat. Same goes for the presents!

I had a small "Monster Truck Jam' party for my DS last birthday. Just a handful of boys. We had set up a really cool Monster Truck Arena, with my son's extensive collection of trucks. Yep, you guessed it. The boys were having too much fun playing Monster Jam to eat a whole lot. And, when it came time for the first guests to leave, we realized that we had forgetten to open the presents yet!!!