Ladies (or men i guess) would you be upset??

[DMickey28]

My Fiance has been sick for a while now. Nothing too bad, head cold chest cold and such. He hasn't been sleeping well at all and keeping me awake at night. Yesterday and the day before was the worst of it.....

I have been taking care of him, getting him juice because he won't drink enough on his own, getting his medicine. Trying to make anything he would like to eat because I know he is feeling yucky. I went to the grocery store yesterday and he insisteed on coming with me. He picked out a card and i bought it with the groceries. When we came home I had to go back out for a second and he left me the card at the top of the stairs to see when I got home. It was a really sweet card and he wrote very nice things in it. We are waiting for a fairly large expense check from his company to reimburse our own money we used to pay his work related bills... the check is late. He was planning on buying my actual engagement ring with the money but couldn't do it in time for v-day. Still no check... he feels bad, I know and it's not that big a deal. He keep saying yesterday how lucky he was and how he promised he would make it up to me and how sweet i was and stuff. Yesterday he was in his office all day playing online poker (not real money) and talking with his best friend. I made a special mint chocolate chip pie and decorated saying I love you, cooked something that he requested and had a small candle light dinner for him... i know he didn't feel well that was fine, iwant him to feel better. When we were out we rented a few movies.. I watched one last night.

Flash forward to today.. he finally is able to sleep and sleeps until 1pm. Gets up does the computer thing and watches golf all afternoon. we make plans to watch the movie we rented to see together after dinner. I make dinner and he is saying how great it was and how great a cook i am and goes back into the computer. He is feeling better today, tired but not coughing and his head is better. He keeps saying he will be upstairs where my computer is and the tv soon, he's talking to his friend and playing poker....

comes upstairs, no movie. I tell him it's downstairs. He doesn't get it, ask do you even want to watch the movie... no not really. CHanges the channel up here a few times, I am no the computer... goes back down playing poker and talking to friend agian...

I feel bad, I express that I wish he wanted to watch the movie with me tonight, he get's angry at me... like I am asking too much...

What do you think?

Sorry so long, If you made it through thanks, if not i feel better typing it out!

 

[Pop Daddy]

Im sorry I have to do this to you but Long Post

 

[floridaminnie]

AFter everything you've done for him while he was sick, he could get his butt off the computer and sit and watch whatever movie you want to watch. That isn't too much to ask of him!

 

[Dan Murphy]

I think he is just getting you ready for marriage.

 

[floridaminnie]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
I think he is just getting you ready for marriage.

So does that mean she has to quick him in his rear Dan? No wonder I'm not married.

 

[Serena]

Yes, I would be upset.
But, you asked him if he wanted to see it, he said "no". Asking him to want to see the movie does seem unfair to me.

Did you ask him to come and watch the movie with you?

I've got a question for you though, did you do all that stuff to get something back, or did you do that stuff because you wanted to?

 

[tiggersmom2]

Please think long and hard about marrying this man. I was blessed with a husband that thinks the WORLD of me. He does so many things to make me feel special, your man doesn't seem to do that. I'm sorry if I am being presumptiuous (sp?) I just think all men should treat you like a queen , especially on V Day

 

[AZKathy]

Originally posted by Dan Murphy
I think he is just getting you ready for marriage.

<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_101.gif' border=0></a> So true! So true!

This is what you need to do tonight:<a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/10/10_1_104.gif' border=0></a> Set him straight! You did a lot for him, he needs to stop being so selfish and spend some quality time with you. Shame on him! You may want think twice about that ring....... <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_205.gif' border=0></a>

 

[Pin Wizard]

That's exactly what I thought...it's like being married. Thanks for the reminder!!!

 

[Dan Murphy]

Do remember though, women are from Venus, men are from Mars, we both think differently, lasting partnerships are formed from continual compromise.

 

[TigrLvsPooh]

Sounds like a typical night with my dh! LOL

Seriously though, he needs to get his butt off the computer and show you some love. You've got to break those bad habits of his NOW because things just get worse after you get married. I'm guessing you guys live together, which is fine, but don't play the maid or you'll be stuck like that forever.

 

[catsrule]

You should've called my DH, he would've watched the movie with you.

 

[DMickey28]

Thanks for the responses. I never thought a thread of mine would get so many responses so quickly, usually they die! Thanks agian.

Yes we do live together. No I don't do things to get anything back from him. I want him to feel better and I want to see him smile. I just want him to do the same back. He does, just not as much as I wish, and that's probally because I read too many romance novels.

This situation is very difficult right now. We just moved to IN from MA and we don't know anyone. He works out of the house and I don't work yet. I ahve been looking for a job. That means 24/7 of togetherness. Yikes... anyone would have challenges to that.

I admitt that a lot of the "prob" is me, I don't do anything. To say, I don't have a lot of hobbies. I like to read that DIS and regular books... I don't have outside interestes. So that results in me spending the day "waiting" for him to be finished with work and then expect him to spend time with me.... well, he has other things to do as well. I shouldn't get angry at that.... but I do. He realizes that he doesn't do a well enough job showing me appreciation, but I want to make him happy that I will sacrafice for him, when that's not right. I am unsure how to rid myself of that and be more "selfish" because when I do things are better. I can't expect him to read my mind right?

He is very stubborn, and very hard to show emotions. He tells me he loves me all the time and stuff, but he doesn't deal well with conflict or "discussions". He gets very hard headed and we end up fighting because I am the same and then we have a great discussion and things work out...

I just got frustrated because I wanted to watch a movie with him and he was playing poker.... When we lived in MA we lived together and I worked and things were so much better. He would cook and we would watch tv at night more together and do things... we spend all weekend together at any rate now. I think it's because I have nothing else to do all my expectations for entertainment fall on him... what do you think?

You guys are the best. Did I tell you how special I feel that I actually got so many responses so quickly??

 

[Dan Murphy]

Originally posted by DMickey28
.....Did I tell you how special I feel that I actually got so many responses so quickly??

People do care here, DMickey28.

 

[catsrule]

My DH is a couch tater, do you have a big screen tv? Just bought him an upgraded receiver for the satellite, he hasn't left the couch.

 

[FreshTressa]

Aww, I'm sorry!! I'd be mad too, but what do ya do?? Sounds like most men I know!

 

[TigrLvsPooh]

A good friend of mine is building a house in Fishers. That's a nice area. Sounds like you need to get out and make some friends, do some things for yourself. There's more to life than pleasing your man, and once he sees you out and about he'll become more interested in what you are doing. Join a gym, find a job, join a book club, whatever floats your boat.

 

[TigrLvsPooh]

Oh, I just had to add that my dh moved here to Indiana from Boston about 7 years ago. He went through a tough adjustment, it's a different lifestyle out here. He still longs for seafood and sea breezes.

 

[Lisa F]

I think the key is communication. When I first started dating the man who is now my husband, we had this long conversation about that. Of course I was doing the typical passive aggressive manipulation to get what I wanted because that's what I was used to doing... you know, "handling" my man. He said to me "you know, I would do ANYTHING for you, all you have to do is ASK. I can't give it to you if I don't know you WANT it." And you know what? He's been true to his word. If I am kind of sly and sneaky and hope he gets the hint, I am invariably disappointed. If I come out and tell him what I want, he does the best he can to give it to me.

So it's not like those romance novels where the incredibly perceptive man gives the woman everything she wants before she even knows she wants it. But honestly, we communicate so well without "playing games" that we very rarely fight. I'm convinced that most people argue because they don't understand what the other is saying.

If I had been in your situation, DH would have been frustrated with me for not just saying "yes, I want to watch this movie and spend a little time with you." I don't think in his mind he was choosing between you and his friends. In his mind he was choosing between hsi friends and essentially doing nothing since you were noncommital about watching the movie. Be more straightforward about what you watn and he will probably want to give it to you!

Lisa

 

[Micca]

I think that's good advice from LisaF. BTW, it wasn't a chick-flick was it?