Kinda in a funk here...

[minkydog]

Our family experienced a horrifying rollover wreck about 14 days ago and DH & I are really having a hard time with this. DH has severe heart/lung problems and all this stress is just about making him sick. Talking to the insurance adjusters several times a day, each and every day. Trying to get the payoffs through so we can get another vehicle. Heck, just trying to find a vehicle is stressful. and then there's the whole question of buying a new camper(we were towing at the time.)

Camping is very important to us. We started with a tent and have moved up to travel trailers for the last several years. We love being outdoors and it's the last great family activity that our family can do together. Today DH says he's thinking about not getting another camper. The payoff for the SUV and trailer are enough to buy another SUV outright, no financing. We don't finance toys like campers, so if all the money goes into the car there won't be any money for a camper. We still have a tent and all the gear so potentially we *could* continue tenting. It's just hard to tent camp with Christian and DH, though. I fear that we would just not do it.

On the one hand, we could buy a lot of hotel rooms and cabins for the price of a small camper. On the other hand, we hate hotels and we love the camping lifestyle. On the other hand, it would be nice to not have a car note. On the other hand, I really want to get a used camper so we can continue doing things we love to do.

It could be that DH is just overwhelmed. Both of us are having near constant flashbacks. Neither of us is sleeping well. Tonight he was almost crying and finally admitted that he's afraid to tow anything. Totally understandable. He was driving when the rig rolled. He got so upset tonight about what to fix for dinner(really? dinner?) that I just sent him to bed for a few hours so he could get some relief. I'm really worried about him. We went to see a counselor on Monday to try and process some of this. I think having to rehash it every day for 2 weeks is really messing with us, especially with DH. I just wish this whole thing could be over. That we could get our money, get a new car, replace our trailer and get back to normal. I'm afraid it will never be normal again.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Just sending you a . Sorry you are all dealing with this post traumatic stress. Hoping things will improve soon. Blessings always.

 

[mrsv98]

there isn't much I can say but have faith things will get better with time...

 

[tigercat]

tigercat

 

[Hillbeans]

I am really sorry to hear how this is affecting everyone, and it's completely understandable. I will send you along some good thoughts - you're such a strong person with everything you've been through I know you can make it through this.

 

[minkydog]

thank you all. I know in my heart that this too shall pass. It's just kinda painful, you know? I dread going to bed at night,because I know I'm just going to toss and turn and wake up thinking about that roll. I have to work in the morning, so I think I'll try to scare up some Xanax or something. I hate to take medication for it, but I have to sleep so I can work!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I'm so sorry! I read about your accident after it happened and it sounded so scary. I'm glad all of you came out of it relatively unscathed and I'm sure it's still hard to deal with the memory of it. I hope you get everything worked out with the car and trailer soon so you can get back to normal. You're a wonderful family and I always love your posts about Christian!

 

[manning]

Have you thought of renting a travel trailer? This may be the way to go until you can afford a new one. I would rent one at least once to get him to tow it. He may need to do this to get his confidence back.

 

[bumbershoot]

Car accidents are so hard. I had a single car accident while driving in sleet...I didn't know what sleet was...thought it was just "hard rain", which of course it is, but I didn't realize it was dangerous. Was trying to make it to an aerobics class (which of course was canceled but I didn't know that). Drove around this curve that went down, and started spinning. The barest bit of luck and chance kept me from spinning off the road into a river (it had been raining for days and the river was as full as I'd seen it).

I thought I was OK later. I coudln't drive b/c the car needed to be fixed, I think. About a month later, my friend drove me to a theater to see Point of No Return. Suddenly there was the scene when the "cleaner" character was going down the mountain and Fonda's character pulls the e-brake and they started spinning....I slammed back in my seat and just barely made it through the rest of the movie. Got to the bathrooms and burst into hysterical tears...

So at least you guys are dealing with it *now*, instead of stuffing it down...you could look at it in that way, maybe it would help?

 

[dislaney]

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I'm so sorry. Just get through this tiime, no need to worry about buying a camper right away. It will settle back down and then you can start to think about whether or not to do that. I was the driver in an accident several years ago that could have killed my whole family, we were lucky and all okay. I haven't driven since and I understand why your husband is so upset. The what could have been is almost as bad as if it did happen. You are being a good wife, just be there for him and maybe in the near future the camper will be back on the table.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

I'm so sorry this has been so rough for you. Is there any way you could just go camping where there are cabins this year? Feelings and fears are bound to change in a year.

Lots of

 

[dis-happy]

My best friend died in a rollover accident; it traumatized me for years and I wasn't even present. Glad you are all okay and wishing you well as you deal with everything. Hugs.

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

I am so sorry to hear about your accident. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with and reliving the accident is just horrible. I think you might both be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I had (well still have) PTSD after having an accident where I hit two pedestrians. I would be driving along any road and all of the sudden I would flashback to the accident and see them coming up onto the hood of my car. It's so scary.

You both may want to go talk to somebody, even if it is your family doctor. I did and it did really help me with the issues I was dealing with at the time.

Best wishes to you and here's another hug

 

[luvthatduke]

I've been following your ordeal since you first posted.
I pray for you & your family every time I see your name.

Minkydog, one thing I would do is treat this like grief,
i.e. do not make any lasting, serious decisions that do
not have to be made immediately.

Muddle through all the calls, and yes the aftermath is
very stressful! Don't think you & DH are weak because
of how hard it is just to do the mundane things (dinner, etc.).

If you must purchase a car right away, try to focus
only on that - but if you do NOT have to get one right now
then put the money in the bank until you & DH feel better,
and have benefited from counseling and time - even if you're
only able to put it off a week or so that may help.
I think that the farther you get from the date of the accident,
the more clearly you both will be able to make decisions.

God bless you!

 

[iwrbnd]

My son rolled his car right around the time I read about your accident. I feel like I have PTSD and I wasn't even in the car! I had trouble eating and sleeping and fighting all the "what ifs" that my mind kept flooding me with. There were 3 other kids in the car and when the parents said (they were trying to be nice) "Don't worry, we aren't going to sue" I just got sick to my stomach. My son wasn't drinking/texting or anything (maybe going a little too fast) It was an accident that made me realize we can get sued over anything. Now when kids are over playing (neighborhood kids seem to live at my house) I see them all as little liabilities! I hate that I'm viewing the world as a potential accident or lawsuit but I can't help it! I've also been down since all this happened. So, I understand how you and your husband are feeling! It's stressful in so many ways. I've had trouble concentrating and just want to go to bed like your husband. I don't have any words of wisdom except to say I am going through some of the same things. Just wanted to send some !

 

[Sparx]

Is it possible that your husband is having post-traumatic stress?

 

[a1tinkfans]

Our family experienced a horrifying rollover wreck about 14 days ago and DH & I are really having a hard time with this. DH has severe heart/lung problems and all this stress is just about making him sick. Talking to the insurance adjusters several times a day, each and every day. Trying to get the payoffs through so we can get another vehicle. Heck, just trying to find a vehicle is stressful. and then there's the whole question of buying a new camper(we were towing at the time.)

Camping is very important to us. We started with a tent and have moved up to travel trailers for the last several years. We love being outdoors and it's the last great family activity that our family can do together. Today DH says he's thinking about not getting another camper. The payoff for the SUV and trailer are enough to buy another SUV outright, no financing. We don't finance toys like campers, so if all the money goes into the car there won't be any money for a camper. We still have a tent and all the gear so potentially we *could* continue tenting. It's just hard to tent camp with Christian and DH, though. I fear that we would just not do it.

On the one hand, we could buy a lot of hotel rooms and cabins for the price of a small camper. On the other hand, we hate hotels and we love the camping lifestyle. On the other hand, it would be nice to not have a car note. On the other hand, I really want to get a used camper so we can continue doing things we love to do.

It could be that DH is just overwhelmed. Both of us are having near constant flashbacks. Neither of us is sleeping well. Tonight he was almost crying and finally admitted that he's afraid to tow anything. Totally understandable. He was driving when the rig rolled. He got so upset tonight about what to fix for dinner(really? dinner?) that I just sent him to bed for a few hours so he could get some relief. I'm really worried about him. We went to see a counselor on Monday to try and process some of this. I think having to rehash it every day for 2 weeks is really messing with us, especially with DH. I just wish this whole thing could be over. That we could get our money, get a new car, replace our trailer and get back to normal. I'm afraid it will never be normal again.

I'm sorry to hear about your accident. An accident like this can be very disturbing longer than you thought. Its important that he (and you) BOTH feel "ok" emotionally to deal with all the added stress of figuring out what to do next. I am not sure why there is so much back and forth with your carrier, if you are going first party claim, they should be doing the work FOR you, its what you pay for. If you feel overwhelmed, please reach out to the agent that sold you that policy, let them deal with the daily grind of it while you guys heal.
I am glad that despite this very scary accident, you are both "HERE" to talk about it
I want to wish you all the best of luck, please see that your dh is getting the help he needs as depression/anxiety can do a real number on a person....and that can be avoided with medical attention!
I am convinced that "this to shall pass" and you guys will be trailing along in no time!

 

[Kit'smommy]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to give you a .

Glad you and DH were not injured...

 

[minkydog]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. Who knew there were so many people DISing all night Things are better today. Both of us actually slept last night and that helped a lot. DH napped off and on all day and is calm tonight. We received word today about the settlements for the SUV, the trailer, and the contents (including Christian's $3500 wheelchair which got bent!) The settlements are fair and we are satisfied. I think we've found a car, another Ford Expedition 2006. We loved our other one(the one that wrecked) and at least we know it's sturdy! The jury is out on the camper, but I have made sure that DH knows that we won't proceed if he is not comfortable. I don't want to press him on it. Everybody heals in their own time.

I am so sorry to hear about your accident. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with and reliving the accident is just horrible. I think you might both be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I had (well still have) PTSD after having an accident where I hit two pedestrians. I would be driving along any road and all of the sudden I would flashback to the accident and see them coming up onto the hood of my car. It's so scary.

You both may want to go talk to somebody, even if it is your family doctor. I did and it did really help me with the issues I was dealing with at the time.

Best wishes to you and here's another hug

I think so too. I have PTSD related to childhood trauma and somehow this accident has gotten all twisted up in that. The counselor we saw on Monday made an astute observation--she said that when there is unresolved past trauma, new traumas will exacerbate the symptoms. DH went with me and we had a good sesson together. I'll keep my eye on him. We may need to go another time or two.

I've been following your ordeal since you first posted.
I pray for you & your family every time I see your name.


God bless you!

Thank you so much. You brought tears to my eyes.

My son rolled his car right around the time I read about your accident. I feel like I have PTSD and I wasn't even in the car! I had trouble eating and sleeping and fighting all the "what ifs" that my mind kept flooding me with. There were 3 other kids in the car and when the parents said (they were trying to be nice) "Don't worry, we aren't going to sue" I just got sick to my stomach. My son wasn't drinking/texting or anything (maybe going a little too fast) It was an accident that made me realize we can get sued over anything. Now when kids are over playing (neighborhood kids seem to live at my house) I see them all as little liabilities! I hate that I'm viewing the world as a potential accident or lawsuit but I can't help it! I've also been down since all this happened. So, I understand how you and your husband are feeling! It's stressful in so many ways. I've had trouble concentrating and just want to go to bed like your husband. I don't have any words of wisdom except to say I am going through some of the same things. Just wanted to send some !

I know just what you mean. We had my DD17s boyfriend in the car with us. Thank God he had not a mark on him! But still, just having to call that boy's mother from the side of the road was awful. I can't even imagine how she felt. They have assured us that they will not sue, and frankly that was the least of my worries at the time. But I know what you mean about the liability. It really makes you think twice when you have other people's kids around you.

I'm sorry to hear about your accident. An accident like this can be very disturbing longer than you thought. I want to wish you all the best of luck, please see that your dh is getting the help he needs as depression/anxiety can do a real number on a person....and that can be avoided with medical attention!
I am convinced that "this to shall pass" and you guys will be trailing along in no time!

Thank you. It is kind of shocking how something like this can take over your life. We are continuing to talk about it from time to time, betweent the 2 of us. DH has an anxiety disorder anyway, due to his illness. It's usually in pretty good control, but this situation has just unbalanced everything.I'm trying to be gentle with him and supportive. DD17 doesn't want to talk about it or hear about it. SHe is some deep water. But she has thrown herself back into her dance and has even painted a few pictures this week, so I think that's how she's working out her feelings. I'm keeping an eye on everyone, though.