Kids birthday party - would this be okay?

[sdjen]

Question for all of you out there -

My daughter will be turning five next month. I am considering doing a movie birthday party for her. There is a small, locally owned historic movie theater in our town. For one price, I can have as many kids as I want for the party. (it is a flat fee whether there are 5 kids or 50). I will probably invite her whole preschool class and some other friends so could have 25-30 kids there.

What I would like to do is put on the invitation something like no gifts please - but we will accept donations for the Humane Society. She really does not need any new toys - especially that many - but will still get gifts from her dad, grandparents, etc... so it isnt like she will not get anything

Would you think it was okay if you got an invitation that said something like that? I know it isnt the best to mention gifts but I really dont expect them to bring anything either.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[mefordis]

I would not mention gifts at all. I have read (and believe myself) that mentioning gifts is poor etiquette. Besides, people will bring them anyway.

Question for all of you out there -

My daughter will be turning five next month. I am considering doing a movie birthday party for her. There is a small, locally owned historic movie theater in our town. For one price, I can have as many kids as I want for the party. (it is a flat fee whether there are 5 kids or 50). I will probably invite her whole preschool class and some other friends so could have 25-30 kids there.

What I would like to do is put on the invitation something like no gifts please - but we will accept donations for the Humane Society. She really does not need any new toys - especially that many - but will still get gifts from her dad, grandparents, etc... so it isnt like she will not get anything

Would you think it was okay if you got an invitation that said something like that? I know it isnt the best to mention gifts but I really dont expect them to bring anything either.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[descovy]

Hmm... admittedly I always feel a litlle "ishy" about be told "no gifts" It's almost the same feeling I get when I hear "cash only." Whether or not it's rational, I just can't help how I feel... so just take that for what it is

What about just agreeing to donate the gifts to Ronald Mc Donald house, a Women & Children's shelter, etc...?

Something tells me either way gifts will show up. Like people bring humane society donation and a gift too "just in case they're the only one who doesn't bring a gift."

 

[kwelch10377]

I would not mention gifts at all. I have read (and believe myself) that mentioning gifts is poor etiquette. Besides, people will bring them anyway.

I agree.

Maybe take this as an opportunity to get rid of some older toys that your daughter doesn't play with anymore instead and donate them. Then you will have room for some new items.

 

[golfgal]

Sorry, but at 5, why would you do this to her? So what if she doesn't need any more toys. This would be a good time to teach HER about charity. After the party go through old toys with her and have her pick out some to donate. Kids at this age get more excited to see their friend open the present they got for them then they do the party.

 

[Cinderella94]

Sorry, but at 5, why would you do this to her? So what if she doesn't need any more toys. This would be a good time to teach HER about charity. After the party go through old toys with her and have her pick out some to donate. Kids at this age get more excited to see their friend open the present they got for them then they do the party.

 

[rie'smom]

Hmm... admittedly I always feel a litlle "ishy" about be told "no gifts" It's almost the same feeling I get when I hear "cash only." Whether or not it's rational, I just can't help how I feel... so just take that for what it is

What about just agreeing to donate the gifts to Ronald Mc Donald house, a Women & Children's shelter, etc...?

Something tells me either way gifts will show up. Like people bring humane society donation and a gift too "just in case they're the only one who doesn't bring a gift."

I would have her choose some gifts for herself and if she wants to choose some for the shelter.

 

[loganpaulsmom]

I have gone to alot of parties recently that said " no gifts please".. but they were for 40 year olds not 5 year olds..
I wouldn't put that on the invite, although I don't think that it is bad etiquette..
My son turns 5 this week and it is extremely hard having a birthday so close to Christmas because as you probably can imagine, he gets so many.. But, ever since was about 2, his father and I would tell him go into your playroom and put aside toys that you no longer play with and that you would like to give to the "less fortunate" although since he has been able to talk he calls them " the less fortunates".. At least 3 times a year he makes a huge pile and we call a local charity and they will come pick up the stuff.. he is very proud of this.. You may tell your daughter that she can keep her favorite 2 or 3 things and the rest you can bring to a charity.

 

[anniemae]

I personally would not put that on the invite. No matter what, people will show up with gifts and those who did not bring something for your child to "open" will feel bad.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

You just can't win either way, so you should do what you feel is right. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that and think it's a great idea.

The etiquette police will be by to handcuff me shortly. I'm already on their watch list

 

[DisneyScraps]

I agree with the poster that said that the kids love watching the birthday child opening their gifts. We had a birthday party recently for myDD and even at 10 those kids still got so excited. I would talk to her about it first and agree that she is only going to keep a few things and will be donating them to kids that don't have toys of their own.

Lisa

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I loved the idea a PP had of donating the gifts to a local women's and Children's shelter. I'm sure that they don't get a lot of new toys, so that would be great.

OP, I'm sure the party will be great My DD was invited to a party like that and it was great...the kids all sat up front and the parents in the back. It was great because at that age they don't always sit still for the whole movie, but it's not a big deal because they aren't interrupting a whole theatre full of paying customers. It was a MUCH more relaxing way to see a movie in a theatre with little ones (these kids were mostly 3 and 4)

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

You just can't win either way, so you should do what you feel is right. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that and think it's a great idea.

The etiquette police will be by to handcuff me shortly. I'm already on their watch list

I'm right there with you!

 

[aprilgail2]

I agree with the poster that said that the kids love watching the birthday child opening their gifts. We had a birthday party recently for myDD and even at 10 those kids still got so excited. I would talk to her about it first and agree that she is only going to keep a few things and will be donating them to kids that don't have toys of their own.

Lisa

Around here kids do not open their gifts at the party- the places take them as the kids come in, bag them up and you bring them out to your car. There is no time built into parties to open gifts.
For my daughter 8th birthday she decided that she had enough barbie dolls, paper dolls and everything else people always gave for gifts and had a party and since her birthday is so close to Christmas she wanted to donate her gifts to a toy drive for sick and needy kids. She still got gifts to keep from family, neighbors and her best friends but the rest she donated- she got 2 big bags to donate- she had her picture in the school newspaper holding up the bags she was donating and she was very proud of herself!

 

[kwelch10377]

You just can't win either way, so you should do what you feel is right. Personally, I see nothing wrong with that and think it's a great idea.

The etiquette police will be by to handcuff me shortly. I'm already on their watch list

Haha....the only reason I say don't include that is that may times people end up bringing a gift anyway and then the people who actually respect what was on the invitation feel awkward.

 

[RachelEllen]

I think you have to divide this into two questions:

1) No gifts - Although technically poor etiquette, I think most people find this one forgiveable. When I see it for kids birthday parties, I usually see it for one and two year olds (where the "party" is mostly for the parents anyhow), but I could understand if I realized you were throwing a really large, parent included, party for your five year old.

2) Please give to charity - This is the part that I think is less ok. Ok, you don't want gifts, but to tell people to bring donations to specific charity, that's a little off-putting. It's like requesting a specific gift. It's pretty much like requesting cash (even though, of course, the cash isn't going to you!) And, there's not charity I can think of that at least someone won't have a problem donating to.

 

[sdjen]

OP here. Thanks to everyone who provided feedback - even those who didnt agree with me You have given me a lot to think about. Just so you know, the humane society was actually her idea. We adopted a puppy from there and she talks about the other puppies and kitties we had to leave behind all the time.

I got to thinking that the main reason I was thinking about doing this was the sheer volume of presents. If her whole class came (which probably wouldnt happen but could) plus family, there could be over 25 kids. I was just thinking how long it would take to open that many gifts.

But, i love the idea of donating gifts to a charity instead of asking for donations. I hadnt thought of that. I am sure there is a place around here that would appreciate some toys.

In reading all of your responses, i think I am just going to limit the party to the girls in her class and some daycare friends and cousins. THat should keep the party a little more managable without the huge number of kids.

I know it is hard to teach a 5 year old about charity but I promise I am trying. We did an angel tree gift at Christmas and I think she understood that. ANd we have some neighbors who we help out sometimes too. I realize we are really lucky and blessed and I want her to realize that also. So, i do think she would be okay with donating some toys.

Thanks everyone!

 

[AndreaDM]

We went to a 5 year olds party last year and the invitation said something like we have been so blessed so if you would like to bring a canned food donation for xyz food pantry we volunteer at, that would be appreciated. I though it was wonderful and not in bad taste at all. I also don't think the 5 year old was scarred from lack of toys since her thank you cards were a picture of her next to a huge stack of canned food with her giving the thumbs up.

My daughter will be 8 on Thursday and just had a sleepover this weekend. However I didn't mention her birthday on the invites and only her bff brought a small gift. We are taking her to Atlanta this weekend, if we can get there, ha! So, her birthday is well celebrated without an onslaught of toys she absolutely doesnt need.

 

[KellyWasHere]

I think it's a great idea and would love to receive (and send out!) an invite like this. Just as a warning though, it's very likely that some people will still bring gifts.

My experience, my husband and I had a very small wedding, just immediately family at the church and lunch with them afterwards. I had a wedding shower beforehand and received many wonderful presents. A month after the wedding my husband and I had an open house at our house to celebrate our wedding with our friends. We provided all the food/refreshments and clearly specified no gifts on the invitation. Well, of course, some people still brought gifts and gave them to us in front of those who didn't. I think it made the people who didn't feel pretty bad. I wish it wasn't like this, and that people would respect the wishes of those hosting the party.

 

[AndreaDM]

I forgot to add that at the party we went to, no one other than grandparents and aunts and uncles brought gifts and these were put up to open later. I think since everyone brought a bag of food items, no one had that "showing up empty-handed" feeling. We were all still contributing in a way.