Kid's Birthday Party etiquette question

[sk!mom]

My DD9 gets invited to a lot of birthday parties. Today she was invited to two for the same time. She accepted the first invitation as soon as it was received so she then had to decline the other. This situation has come up 3 times in the last couple of months.

I always want to deliver a gift to the child who's party she didn't attend but today I'm wondering what others do. I'm spending quite a lot on birthday gifts already so I wonder if I'm going beyond good reason to give gifts when she doesn't go to the party.

If it matters- neither of the girls today was a close friend or relative. For a really close friend or relative we would always give a gift. She has several really close friends whose Mom's call in the planning stages to be sure that they pick a free date and we do the same with them because they would all be very disappointed to miss each other's parties.

I would love opinions.

 

[mommytotwo]

We usually give gifts even though we don't attend the party. But this year, because of my husband being out of work and having a baby coming, we need to watch what we spend our money on, so we did not give one gift based on certain decisions. If it is a close friend or family member that we always exchange gifts with, then we would defintly give a gift.
But, all of these gifts do add up to alot.

 

[transparant]

I don't think it's necessary to drop a gift off. With 6 kids I run into this all the time. In fact - when other kids can't show up to my kids birthday's, they don't drop a gift off either. What my kids do is make a computer card for them and send it or give it to them the next time they see them.

 

[sk!mom]

I don't think it's necessary to drop a gift off. With 6 kids I run into this all the time. In fact - when other kids can't show up to my kids birthday's, they don't drop a gift off either. What my kids do is make a computer card for them and send it or give it to them the next time they see them.

You are exactly right. In nine years of parties for DD, I can only think of one time when some one brought a gift by and it was a close friend.

Heck I'd be thrilled if people would just RSVP to DD's parties.

 

[Beth76]

I don't send a gift if my child's not attending. I probably would for a close friend or relative.

 

[aprilgail2]

The only time I send a gift to a party that my child is not attending is if I accepted the invitation and then last minute my daughter could not attend. Last year that happened 3 times and each time I stopped by the party and dropped a gift off. She was very sick last year and 3 times she ened up with strep or very high fevers when she was supposed to be at parties and I did not want to infect the whole party.

 

[skiwee1]

We always send a gift whether we attend the party or not. Edited to add that everyone that we invite to DD's parties send gifts whether they come or not. Maybe this is a regional thing.

 

[aprilgail2]

We always send a gift whether we attend the party or not. Edited to add that everyone that we invite to DD's parties send gifts whether they come or not. Maybe this is a regional thing.

We have never gotte n a gift from someone that didn't come to the party...other than like my daughter where they said they were coming and last minute got sick and had the gift already, then they usually drop it off...but if they decline the invited they never send a gift.

 

[Melrosgirl]

I would only give a gift if you accept and then later can't attend the party (due to illness or something).

 

[lemondog]

IMO, you are not obligated to give a gift if you do not attend the party. However, if it's a close friend or cousin then of course we give one anyway.

 

[beattyfamily]

Around here we do not give gifts to classmates whose parties we don't attend.

Of course, I would still give a gift to a family member even if I do not see them for their birthday. It's just different.

 

[CEDmom]

It's really nice of you to give a gift even if your DD doesn't go to a party but it's completely unnecessary IMO. My close friends and I do the same thing as you when scheduling parties and for those children we do give a gift even if we can't make the party. For other children (classmates etc.) we don't get a gift if DD can't make the party.

Edited at add:

A few times DD got sick and couldn't make a party so I'd drop the gift off and the mom would give me a goody bag and balloon for DD. That always helped ease the blow of missing the fun.

 

[lulugirl]

For those who can easily afford it I think it's a nice gesture to give a gift even if you are not attending the party.
That said, I don't see any obligation to do so.

 

[Mom21]

No help for you. I was just sitting here wishing dd would get invited to a party. Here it is January, and she hasn't been invited to a party yet. I am sure with 37 kids in the class, someone has had a party. SIGH.

 

[grlpwrd]

Around here lots of people have given my kids a birthday gift if they can't attend, but for us if we don't attend we either give a gift or at least a card.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

We have never given a gift to a child whose party we replied "no" to, nor have we received one. If we/they replied "yes", then had to cancel out at the last minute, yes by then, the gift is already bought and wrapped, and the child taken into consideration for activities, goody bags, etc, so we have given or received the gift in that circumstance.

I would never expect a gift from someone who couldn't make it to the party. In fact, I always think dd gets too much for her bdays, between us, other relatives and bday party gifts -- I'd rather not receive even more!

 

[AnaheimGirl]

Mom21,

 

[skiwee1]

We have never given a gift to a child whose party we replied "no" to, nor have we received one. If we/they replied "yes", then had to cancel out at the last minute, yes by then, the gift is already bought and wrapped, and the child taken into consideration for activities, goody bags, etc, so we have given or received the gift in that circumstance.

I would never expect a gift from someone who couldn't make it to the party. In fact, I always think dd gets too much for her bdays, between us, other relatives and bday party gifts -- I'd rather not receive even more!

I don't think anyone here has said they expect a gift if someone doesn't attend. For some reason that is just what seems to happen here. I always get a gift even if we don't go. I don't think there is a right or wrong way. Just a way of what is done in your area.

 

[Lil_Tink]

I've only done that if I was really sick or its like my best friend.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I don't think anyone here has said they expect a gift if someone doesn't attend. For some reason that is just what seems to happen here. I always get a gift even if we don't go. I don't think there is a right or wrong way. Just a way of what is done in your area.

I didn't say anyone did. I was just making a comment related to my next comment, where I said I personally would rather my kids didn't get gifts from kids who didn't come. I agree, neither is right or wrong, it must be a regional thing.