Kid's Birthday Party and No Gift Request

[C.Ann]

At the very least, the host should have put the gifts in an unused room, not leave them out. She could have thanked the guests, said they weren't necessary, and had her child open the gifts later.

Please tell me they didn't allow the child to open the gifts at the party...

You should NOT feel bad for complying with the request for no gifts.

I have to go with this.. The people who chose to ignore the request on the invitation were rude - and the hostess was rude by leaving the gifts out in the open for others to see when she had specifically stated no gifts..

OP should not feel bad - the other adults involved should..

 

[mtemm]

we only encountered this once so far and the mom requested in lieu of gifts, if you are so inclined, to bring a book to donate to the local library (at least I think it was the library, if I remember correctly). that way people still brought stuff and didn't feel weird showing up without anything, but at the same time there wasn't a surplus of stuff.

 

[Mermaid02]

Parents--If your young child (ages 4-5 or so) gets a birthday party invitation that indicates "no gifts," do you go with that, or do you bring a gift anyway?

I followed that instruction this past weekend, but when we got to the party, there was a table piled high with gifts and I was a little embarrassed. I know the parents in this case put a no gift indication on the invitation because their kids have plenty and what they really want is to have a party (same thing with my kid--gifts from grandparents are enough; what he wants is to have his friends come over and have cake and decorations). It was not because some people invited might not be able to afford a gift.

What do you think?

I'd bring her a kitten....... just kidding.

No- I wouldn't have brought a gift either.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think I agree with this more as the kids get older, but so far the gifts have not been opened during the party at any party we've been to (these kids are at most turning 5).

We have never been to a party where the birthday child opens their gifts in front of people! The places usually pack them into big bags as the people come in and you take them out to your car.

 

[MegaDisney]

If I receive an invitation that says "No gifts please", I don't bring a gift. Why would I?

The party is not about me.

I also want the host to know that I have reading and comprehension skills. That's just me.

Sorry- I don't get it. If the request is "No gifts" then I assume there is a reason for it. And I happily oblige.

 

[disneyjunkie]

If I receive an invitation that says "No gifts please", I don't bring a gift. Why would I?

The party is not about me.

I also want the host to know that I have reading and comprehension skills. That's just me.

Sorry- I don't get it. If the request is "No gifts" then I assume there is a reason for it. And I happily oblige.

Maybe it's just a matter of what you are used to. I would not go to a birthday party, dinner, BBQ... empty handed. I always ask the host what I can bring. 9 times out of 10 she/he says nothing. I always take something from a bakery or bottle of wine.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

If I receive an invitation that says "No gifts please", I don't bring a gift. Why would I?

The party is not about me.

I also want the host to know that I have reading and comprehension skills. That's just me.

Sorry- I don't get it. If the request is "No gifts" then I assume there is a reason for it. And I happily oblige.

I totally agree!

If someone wants to invite me or my child to a party and request that we not bring a gift, I would comply with their request. There could be any number of reasons why they don't want party guests to bring gifts. Perhaps the child already has way too many things they don't play with. Perhaps they have a small home and simply cannot fit another thing in it. Perhaps they want their child to learn that it's nice to have fun with their friends without always having to receive gifts. Whatever the parent is trying to accomplish with a "no gift" request, it's certainly not up to me to judge or decide their rule should be broken just to make myself feel better.

 

[MegaDisney]

Maybe it's just a matter of what you are used to. I would not go to a birthday party, dinner, BBQ... empty handed. I always ask the host what I can bring. 9 times out of 10 she/he says nothing. I always take something from a bakery or bottle of wine.

OK...I get you there. For an adults party, I agree- we always bring a bottle of wine. But I was responding to the situation the OP described- a child's birthday party where "No gifts" were specified. If I receive an invitation like that, we don't bring a gift. For me, I think it's rude to bring a gift when the invitation specifically says "Please don't do this!!!".

If we received an invite to a housewarming or an adults birthday party that said "No gifts", then we would not bring a gift. Not even a bottle of wine.

 

[zoemurr]

but these threads always drive me nuts.

We have "no gift" parties 'cause more stuff and waste drives me crazy. If we have 12 kids over then he might get 2 things he really wanted. They all get opened, and then ruined for re-gifting or whatever, and he doesn't want to get rid of them even though they are not things he is interested in. Waste of $, space, and causes me stress.

He knows he will get what is on his list from family members and is fine with that. Our deal is if you have a big party (10-12 kids) you are not getting friend presents 'cause I can't handle it. If you want 2-3 for a small get together then fine. They have always chosen the big party.

We write "no gifts please, but a homemade card would be nice." That way the giver gets to do something special, and we take a few minutes from the party to look at the cards. We also ask for donations to Ronald McDonald House. Many people are very generous, and RMH makes a big deal when we drop stuff off. My kids are very proud. They are 9/11 now and we have done it since they were 3/5.

I am not being unfair, and my kids don't miss it. We plan big, fun, elaborate at home parties. No one should "feel bad" for my child who has everything under the sun already, and is learning that birthdays are about fun and friends, not about getting stuff. When his best friend had a birthday we gave him 3 coupons for play dates at our house and said, "unlimited junk food and no clean up necessary." The mom was thrilled.

When parents RSVP I just say, "did you see the no-gifts part?" We've had probably 10 parties this way and it hasn't been a problem. Some of our friends have thought it was great and do it as well. I hate spending time/$ on a birthday gift when I have no idea if it will be used or not, but of course I do if that is the other family's tradition.

So.. I think the families that did bring gifts were the ones being rude.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agree with you PP. It is to the point I don't even want family buying them Christmas gifts.

My family spends money on stuff that my dd's won't use. It seems so wasteful.

I keep saying gift cards to Borders or ITUNES. That is it. They have everything else, in fact they need to get RID of stuff. However last yr., they were like we don't want to do that and they buy stuff that is never used.

My next step is to pack up my 19yodd's room for moving out. She has TOO MUCH STUFF!!!

 

[mickeylove2]

My sis has 1 party at the end of every summer for all 6 of her kids, to celebrate, she always says no gifts. What she puts on the invite is no gifts but if you would like to contribute to a fun day fund please feel free to drop some change or a dollar into the kids' jug on the counter. They have a 5 gallon water jug that they decorated and use it to collect money in, then they chose a trip to go on or something fun to do (build a bear, WDW, the zoo, etc) and when they have enough saved they cash it in and go. It works for them and their close friends and family.

 

[justhat]

We've gone to lots of no gift parties and I don't bring a gift. It would be rude to the host to not respect their wishes.

My son celebrated his 4th birthday before we moved out of state this summer and since the moving truck was coming the day after his party, I made it a no gift event. Also the idea was to have a party so he could have fun with his friends one last time before moving away (and my older daughter as well, as I let her invite her best friends too), not to collect gifts. His birthday was about 2 weeks after we'd be in our new home, but before he started school, so I knew he wouldn't be able to celebrate his birthday here this year so that was the best plan.

I would say about 40% of the people still brought gifts, which was fine with me, but totally unnecessary and I didn't feel any ill will towards those who followed the request.

 

[marcyinPA]

I know a family at the preschool I teach at who do "no gift" childrens parties. They do this because they want their children to experience the joy of celebrating with their friends, not the material aspect of the gift. I really admire them!

What they did when their children were in our preschool was to ask that the guest donate a new book to our children's library at the church (where the preschool is). The library committee put a book plate inside the book honoring the birthday child, and it stated who donated the book.

Personally, I think this is a GREAT idea....it teaches children to give, and that celebrating and enjoying one another is not always about getting something in return.

 

[famofsix]

I don't think it is rude to bring a gift for a birthday boy or birthday girl ever.

I think the idea of "no gifts" is an idea with some merit but it's a bit controlling to expect guests not to give a gift.

If the card says "no gifts, please" we bring a card and a gift card. This way the birthday child can decide to get a gift or get a gift and donate it to charity. This way the birthday child chooses what to do with the gift card.

Because, really, it should be all about the birthday child on his/her birthday.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Because, really, it should be all about the birthday child on his/her birthday.

If you truly believe that, then you would honor their wishes. My dd does not want gifts. It is sad to her that people buy her toys, dolls, perfumes that she will give away or never use.

She is not into makeup, lotions, dolls, scents, jewelry, etc and yet my family yr after yr would buy her crap like that.

How is that honoring a kid? No, that is about you feeling like you "did your part" and my dd goes away thinking another gift I won't enjoy.

Here is my dd's list. Webkinz or gift cards to Borders or Target and that is it.

Does she respectfully take the gifts and put on a good act to show appreciation? You bet. She is very skilled at it now.

 

[famofsix]

Mystery Machine if I knew it was the birthday child's wish and she was older and made the request for no gifts, sure. But most of the time it's not the kids making the request. Any older kids have usually asked for something like a donation to an animal shelter or charity...that I gladly do if I know it was the birthday kid's idea.

I would give a gift card not "stuff" and she could choose to do something nice for someone else if she wanted too with the gift card (likely target btw )...that's I how I "do my part"

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

Id get a craft store coupon (the 40-50% off ones) and at least get something small just in case others did bring gifts. I do think its a nice idea because birthday are not just about gifts