kids and invites.....wwyd?

[npmommie]

what do you do when your kids invite certain kids over for something,( a small holiday party) and one of the moms wants to bring along another mom and her kids .........
and your kids don't want to invite these other kids?
how do you gracefully not invite the others, when someone has asked you to invite them like that?
or do you just invite them anyway even though your kids don't want to?

 

[powellrj]

I would tell her I am sorry she can't come on that day, I didn't realize she had other plans and could we make plans another day.

The only way I could ever see that situation happening is if someone was coming from out of town or if I already had plans with someone else. Any other reason would be rude beyond belief.

 

[bwatlas]

As poster said above, I would apologize that you didn't realize they had plans, but Bobby wanted to play with Billy and have their own day together, so let Billy and Tommy have their time today, and we can make another play date for Bobby and Billy to have their time.
I had similar situations when my DD was younger, and basically that was the wording I used.
I could never imagine doing it myself, inviting another friend where DD was invited only. i would have turned the invite down in beginning, or invited them all to my house for me to host get together, not have thought nothing of brining extra people to someplace I was invited to. Then again, that's just me, there are a lot of people out there I don't understand what their thinking is.

 

[thegrimdwarf]

I don't think you're the one who needs to worry about gracefully declining uninvited guests. Simply tell the other mom that your plans don't include the other people. No apologies - she's the one who being very rude.

 

[Scurvy]

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid that won't be possible."

The perfect all purpose phrase for situations like that. No other explanation needed. However, if you do want to explain further, "I'm afraid we're limited in the number of guests we can accomodate, and my child had to choose his guest list very carefully. I'm sure you understand."

I agree with other posters that it's very rude to try to invite someone to another person's party. There may be times (between very close friends) when it's less objectionable, but in general it really isn't appropriate at all.

 

[tlbwriter]

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid that won't be possible."

Agreed. Do not give reasons, because that gives them something to argue against (and anyone crass enough to ask you to invite someone else is crass enough to argue with you about it). Just say something like "Oh, I'm sorry, we just can't do that."

 

[npmommie]

oh thank you! i was beginning to think i was the only one who thought it rude of the mom to ask to invite someone else.
i posted this on another moms board and everyone said i should "tell my kid to suck it up and invite the other kids".
that kids don't make the rules adults do and i should invite the others because it would be rude of ME not to.

because i do know this other mom, i feel like this will cause hurt feelings, and i am sure my friend that is invited will not come now.
i feel bad for my dd, because she wanted certain kids to come, and now i am sure it will not work out that way because of this invite situation.

the thing is a little halloween party.......my dd wanted her friends to come over for trick or treating then a get together at our house after.
this is really giving me knots in my belly

 

[piratemamaof3]

It's an awkward situation to be in.It was unfair of them to put you in this situation. I don't like to say no when put on the spot but you have your reasons why you didn't invite that other person (sounds like you know them). They don't need to know what they are though.

Like an above poster said "sorry it won't be possible" if you want to say more tell them that you had planned for just X poeple and are not able to make changes at this time.

 

[tlbwriter]

the thing is a little halloween party.......my dd wanted her friends to come over for trick or treating then a get together at our house after.
this is really giving me knots in my belly

So it sounds like it was something like "Oh, we'd like to come to your party, but we always go TOT with Minnie and her family. Would you mind inviting them?" If that's the case, then yes, they probably won't come, and I can see why they wouldn't want to abandon their friends. But it was still rude of them to ask you to invite someone else.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

oh thank you! i was beginning to think i was the only one who thought it rude of the mom to ask to invite someone else.
i posted this on another moms board and everyone said i should "tell my kid to suck it up and invite the other kids".
that kids don't make the rules adults do and i should invite the others because it would be rude of ME not to.

because i do know this other mom, i feel like this will cause hurt feelings, and i am sure my friend that is invited will not come now.
i feel bad for my dd, because she wanted certain kids to come, and now i am sure it will not work out that way because of this invite situation.

the thing is a little halloween party.......my dd wanted her friends to come over for trick or treating then a get together at our house after.
this is really giving me knots in my belly

I can see where you might be concerned. I think the fact that its going out trick or treating..thats a bit different than just a party.

If this other friend always goes trick or treating with another child...then I can see where the question came from. Probably wasn't well thought out to ask you..maybe just a reactionary "oh jill always goes trick or treating with jane, can she come too?" Just curious, Is there something about these other kids that would cause you to be adverse to having them there? Or maybe say..Well there is a limited amount of kids for the party but maybe they could meet up with us for trick or treating. Do they not want them trick or treating either?

 

[Stitchfans]

I don't think you're the one who needs to worry about gracefully declining uninvited guests. Simply tell the other mom that your plans don't include the other people. No apologies - she's the one who being very rude.

Exactly.