Kid Birthday Party Gift $$

[SEA333]

Just curious - with three kids, it seems like there is a birthday party invitation coming home every other week. This gets expensive! We used to be able to get away with a $10 or so gift for kids when it was "the whole class is invited" when they were little and didn't really know the kid well, but now that they are older and the invite lists are getting more personal, it feels weird buying a generic-type gift for the birthday kid who typically tends to be someone who we know well and spends a lot of time at our house etc. DH and I also coach football and cheerleading, so a lot of our kids' friends also happen to be players on our teams.

My questions: (I'm mainly interested in the 8-year old to teen range, but anyone feel free to chime in!)

1. On average, how many birthday parties is your kid invited to per year?
2. Do you decline invites for "whole-class" parties after a certain age, or pick and choose based on certain criteria (how good of a friend they are with your kid, how much you see them, whether you would invite them to your kids's party, etc)?
3. How much do you spend on a kid you, or your kid, knows well vs. an acquaintance?
4. At what age did you start limiting, or did you notice, guest lists started going from "whole class" to certain friends?
5. Did that change how/what kind of gift you chose?
6. Any other thoughts?

Thanks!

 

[angierae]

Honestly, my daughter never got invited to "whole class" parties, and I'm incredibly thankful. I usually spent about $10-15 if it was a kid she didn't know well, or $20-25 if it was one of her close friends.

 

[HM]

What I did was buy a few things when they were on sale and kept a shelf for birthday party presents. Things that my children received and didn't want also went on the shelf. Then when an invitation came and my child could attend, we'd just go to the shelf and choose something for him/her. Most things cost less than $10, but would have cost more full price. Made it very easy.

 

[aprilchem]

I have three kids - ages 5, 7, and 9. They're in K, 2nd, and 3rd grades.

1. On average, how many birthday parties is your kid invited to per year? Since they've been in school, I'd say each kid gets invited to 2-3 birthday parties per year. Before that (when they were in daycare) it was probably 10-15 per kid, per year.

2. Do you decline invites for "whole-class" parties after a certain age, or pick and choose based on certain criteria (how good of a friend they are with your kid, how much you see them, whether you would invite them to your kids's party, etc)? In my area nobody does whole-class parties once they start kindergarten.

3. How much do you spend on a kid you, or your kid, knows well vs. an acquaintance? Since nobody does whole-class parties we never really get invited to any "acquaintance" parties. I'd say we spend $10-$20 on parties for good friends.

4. At what age did you start limiting, or did you notice, guest lists started going from "whole class" to certain friends? Kindergarten. We don't personally do parties for our kids (they each got one when they turned 4), but that's when friends-only parties started.

5. Did that change how/what kind of gift you chose? Absolutely! When the kids were in daycare we got invited to TONS of parties. We did not accept every invite (with three kids I have to preserve our family time) but when we did, I limited gifts to no more than $10.

6. Any other thoughts?

 

[SEA333]

Honestly, my daughter never got invited to "whole class" parties, and I'm incredibly thankful. I usually spent about $10-15 if it was a kid she didn't know well, or $20-25 if it was one of her close friends.

Not sure how old your DD is, but the "rule" in our school, and for most of my peers' children's schools now is that either the whole class, or all the girls/all the boys have to be invited if the birthday child wants to pass out invites at school. Otherwise, invites have to mailed or dropped off at home. When the kids were little and families didn't know each other well yet, it was easier to have a "whole class/boy/girl/" party, which would typically be between 8-20 children.

For us, this typically stopped by about 2nd-3rd grade when the kids started have preferences in terms of friends, and could make their own guest list - and we knew where their friends lived, so we could bypass the classroom distribution.

 

[cariann77]

My school age girls are 8 & 9.

I've started to notice a decline in whole class invites at about 3rd grade, but we've gotten a couple and I don't feel bad turning them down. I ask my daughter how good of friends she is with them and then decide from there. For someone that they are not that great of friends with I do about $15. For close friends, $20-$25, but I try to keep it about $20.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

Whole class parties ended at about 2nd grade at DS school. I let him decide whether he wants to attend any party he is invited to attend. We typically spend $20-25 on birthday party gifts.

 

[puffkin]

In daycare/preschool it was probably about 1 party a month. We typically went and kept the gift in the $15/range.

Once in school, its probably about 2-3 a year now. When he brings home the invitation, I usually ask him if he wants to go or not. If he does go, we do a $15 gift. But we do turn down plenty now.

My oldest is in 3rd grade now and the parties where only a few best friends being invited seems to be the majority now or a day trip type of thing with that kids family and one or two friends. For those type parties, we usually do $20-$25 or if it is a close family friend/relative. DS2 is still on the daycare party circuit.

I usually have a "go to" gift each year...usually something that is an As Seen on TV type item. I get them at Bed Bath and Beyond and keep a few on hand. They are usually super popular with the kids.

 

[angierae]

Not sure how old your DD is, but the "rule" in our school, and for most of my peers' children's schools now is that either the whole class, or all the girls/all the boys have to be invited if the birthday child wants to pass out invites at school. Otherwise, invites have to mailed or dropped off at home. When the kids were little and families didn't know each other well yet, it was easier to have a "whole class/boy/girl/" party, which would typically be between 8-20 children.

For us, this typically stopped by about 2nd-3rd grade when the kids started have preferences in terms of friends, and could make their own guest list - and we knew where their friends lived, so we could bypass the classroom distribution.

DD is 20, so things have probably changed. When she was in elementary she usually would ask her friends for phone numbers, and then I'd call and invite them by talking to the parents. As they got older, she would take invites into school and receive invites at school and I don't ever recall it being a problem. The school didn't have anything to do with it, tho - it usually happened at recess or while they were waiting to get into the building/at breakfast/whatever.

 

[Pesky]

Just curious - with three kids, it seems like there is a birthday party invitation coming home every other week. This gets expensive! We used to be able to get away with a $10 or so gift for kids when it was "the whole class is invited" when they were little and didn't really know the kid well, but now that they are older and the invite lists are getting more personal, it feels weird buying a generic-type gift for the birthday kid who typically tends to be someone who we know well and spends a lot of time at our house etc. DH and I also coach football and cheerleading, so a lot of our kids' friends also happen to be players on our teams.

My questions: (I'm mainly interested in the 8-year old to teen range, but anyone feel free to chime in!)

1. On average, how many birthday parties is your kid invited to per year?
2. Do you decline invites for "whole-class" parties after a certain age, or pick and choose based on certain criteria (how good of a friend they are with your kid, how much you see them, whether you would invite them to your kids's party, etc)?
3. How much do you spend on a kid you, or your kid, knows well vs. an acquaintance?
4. At what age did you start limiting, or did you notice, guest lists started going from "whole class" to certain friends?
5. Did that change how/what kind of gift you chose?
6. Any other thoughts?

Thanks!

My kids are a little younger but DD is close to 8 so I'll chime in anyway.
1. Too many! okay, seriously, DD probably gets invited to at least 14-15 and attends at least a dozen. Probably more but trying to be conservative. DS has more than that but he is little Mr. Popular.
2. I let the kids pick and often they will decline for kids they don't know very well or don't play with or just plain don't like. DD will also decline if she doesn't like the bday party place or theme. Like a boy in her class invited the whole class but it was someone she didn't play with much, know well, AND it was a video game birthday which didn't appeal to her so we declined.
3. BFF kind of kid -- $25-30. Kid my kid knows fairly well and plays with but not BFF status -- $15-20. Kid my kid just knows but more of a friendly acquaintance -- $10-15.
4. I do that now. But it's easy because my kids have summer bdays so tough to keep track of everyone anyway. I talk to my kids about what they want -- lot of friends or a few friends, etc., and how that impacts what kind of party they can have and we go from there.
5. Not really. I kept the amount spent to be the same.
6. I think you spend what you can afford. I find craft ones, games or science things to be often times cheaper and fun.

 

[msmama]

My son is about to turn 7 and in first grade.

1. This year has been probably the least amount of invites though spring is usually the busiest time for bdays.
2. Unless we have other plans, we go.
3. I try to get things on sale so I get a gift worth about $20 but try to spend $10-$15.
4. Girls seemed to have moved from whole class to just girls. Boys often seem to have whole class still.

My son wants a whole class party for his birthday in April.

 

[moniqueand2]

Hi, I have a 9 year old in 4th grade and a 13 year old in 7th grade

1. On average, how many birthday parties is your kid invited to per year?

About 4-5 parties per year.

2. Do you decline invites for "whole-class" parties after a certain age, or pick and choose based on certain criteria (how good of a friend they are with your kid, how much you see them, whether you would invite them to your kids's party, etc)?

I would never decline a "whole-class" party or use any other criteria other than my child did not have the ability to attend due to a scheduling conflict (baseball, soccer, other party already scheduled, a vacation planned, for example). My philosophy is to attend if at all possible.

3. How much do you spend on a kid you, or your kid, knows well vs. an acquaintance?

Maybe $20.00 if we do not know the kid very well and around $25.00 if we do. When my 13 year old is invited it's usually a little more than $25.00 spent. Stuff is just more expensive as they get older.

4. At what age did you start limiting, or did you notice, guest lists started going from "whole class" to certain friends?

Whole class parties seem to have been the exception for us. And seemed to end overall around the 2nd grade.

5. Did that change how/what kind of gift you chose?

Not really.

6. Any other thoughts?

I pretty much stopped holding birthday parties for my kids after 2nd grade and spending the money saved from the actual party on special gifts and more vacationing. But I am always happy when they are invited to someone's party.

 

[DreamIsaWish]

Given that the boys like to have parties with laser tag or sports, we've still seen some "all boys in the grade" parties continuing. I mean, playing soccer with 4 kids sounds kind of pointless. But the number of parties definitely decreased. In 4th grade, we've only had two or three parties (although I know a bunch of boys have March birthdays so we'll see if more invites come soon).

Anyway, I always have a gift stash (Target after Christmas is my favorite, but I also stashed Black Friday items in the past, things like Lego or good board games). My daughter is in preschool so not many parties yet, but I found Goldie Blox sets for $2.50 each late last year at Michael's (worth about $25 each) so I bought something like 15 or 20 sets to be my go-to gift for a while.

 

[texasroni75]

... I usually spent about $10-15 if it was a kid she didn't know well, or $20-25 if it was one of her close friends.

This. When I was working and we had more $$ to spare, I'd spend closer to $40 on close-friend gifts. But now that I'm a SAHM and our budget is tighter, we are more selective about how many parties the kids attend, and how much we spend on the gifts. Being savvy shoppers, though, we can find some pretty nice gifts for the above amounts!

 

[Alexle2007]

I don't think we have had any whole class birthday parties in elementary school for DS7 who is in the 3rd grade. The amount of kids has varied depending on the location and activity. 1st grade was a Lego party at our house, so more kids, 2nd grade was a laser tag party so less kids and this year we are taking 5 of his friends to Medieval Times and then having a sleepover so even less kids. I typically spend about $20-25. Although he does have 2 friends who are like sisters who has known since he was 6 months old and they get even nicer presents. But their parents are very generous to DS also.

Our school does not allow the kids to bring invitations into school for them to be distributed. We are given a list of all of the kids in the grade and the addresses and phone numbers, if parents want them distributed, at the beginning of the school year so the invitations get mailed. That probably helps limit the limit the invite the whole class concept.

 

[dpswift]

Just a few thoughts. My older kids are in their 20s. I would give $20 gifts however many that we received were in the 10 to 15 dollar range. It is more important to get a gift the child will like than the price. In elementary school the amount spent means more to the parents.

As far as turning down invitations to save money. It is the shy insecure child that will get turned down that needs the party the most.

I had 2 things happen with my older DD (very popular) that I would like to share. For her kindergarten party she invited her class and 3 other girls. I quized DD as to how she knew them. One mother called and very rudely told me her daughter did not know DD and would not be attending. I told her that they played together on the playground after lunch every day. She still would not let her daughter attend. The girls are still extremely close however I cannnot get past her mothers attitude.

Part way through the summer between kindergarten and first grade she was invited to a party for a girl I knew of but had never heard DD mention. I asked DD if she wanted to go. She did. The 2 were inseparable for years.

DS 13 went to a party 2 weeks ago. I asked him a good amount to give and he said $20 is the usual amount for his friends.

 

[Tiffylv]

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