I try really hard to stay away from this board....I do , I really do, but every once in a while a thread shows on the main board that just makes me pop in to give my opinion, even though I have been married almost as long as some of you have been alive. Even though it may seem that people married almost 15 years may not know anything....really, it seems to us that we have been married 15 minutes and we really do know how you are feeling, because we remember being there ourselves, and even though you don't believe us, our only solace is knowing that in 15 very short years, you will will know what we we were talking about....
Anyway, for what it is worth....which if you are anyhting like I was when I was young and planning my wedding is NOTHING.............
I have a hyphenated first name. I could not give up my middle name, because it was hyphenated to my first name. I too, did not handle change well, and felt like I was having an identity crisis with changing my last name (the name of my father whom I dearly love, and yes I was going to be the last in our line with this name) and change it to the same last name as my Monster-in-Law (I could not even imagine). Anyway, long story short...I went with 4 names. Hyphenated first name, kept my maiden name as my middle, and took my husbands last name (because , well, it would have been a kick in the pants to him if I didn't)........for a while, professionally, I continued to use 4 names.....no one really cared (because, let me tell, no one, but yourself, really does) one day an older coworker took me aside and said 4 names was getting old.......who did I want to show alliegence to as my family? What? They are all my family!!!!!!!! "Yes, Yes, she said, they are all your family, and no name can change that...but when you have kids, and name your child, what last name will they have?" "My husbands last name of course" I said. "Well, when your husband, and your children have the same last name, are you going to want to be identified as part of their family, or still part of your mother and fathers family?" LIGHTBULB!!!!!!!!!!! I got it at that moment. Just as my mother had loved my father enough to take his name, I loved my husband enough to take his. It didn't matter that it had been his families name up to that point, it was now OUR name. I took a little maturing on my part to get it.
As it was, I never felt that it was necessary to change my name legally, and legally I still have 4 names (if you count the hyphenated one as 2 names). But from then on, I referred to myself as "Hypehated first name, husbands last name" And I now realize, it was a maturing thing on my part to do so. I can not imagine having a different last name as my children, or a different last name as my mother when I was growing up (if she had chosen to do this). Hyphenating the last names of the parents is ridiculaous in my point of view for children because it doesn't make any sense, what if they marry someone with a hyphenated last name? Are they supposed to hypehanate all 4 names? What will their children do ? 8? At some point, we need to show allegiance to our IMMEDIATE family. My husband and children are mine.
If you have a problem settling into this, I fully understand...there is nothing wrong with 4 names.....go ahead and do it.... but understand that at some point you will need to decide which name to use fully...and when that time comes...you will probably feel silly that it was even an issue in the first place.
At this point in my life......I am so identified with my husbands last name, I don't really even remember using my fathers last name. I remember in the first year of marriage it was SOOOOOOO WEIRDDD to write my husbands last name as mine...it did not feel like me,,so I guess it was a good thing that I transitioned slowly... But now...I am my children's mother and my husbands wife, and still very much myself. It is the way it should be.
, that way we will both be giving up our original surnames and settling on a surname we are both happy with. This may sound drastic to some, but I'm beginning to think it's the only solution to make us both happy
Sounds a lot like the boat that I'm in right now!!! 
I did...sad huh? 
