Keeping Husband On Budget?

[AKL_Megs]

We are buying a house, and I really want October to start us both on a nice budget that will go forward with us as we become homeowners.

The last straw was DH's September credit card statement that came in the mail yesterday. While it wasn't THAT bad, I can see now that we are going to NEED to be budget concious, and JUST how wasteful he tends to be. On top of all other expenses we have, he spent about $300 on crap. Stuff like fast food, other useless purchases, and the clencher... $75 to make a cornhole game for the backyard of the house we have yet to even close on!!! (All I can see are the 1,000,001 things we could have bought for the house with $75 RIGHT NOW, and he can't even play this game until summer rolls around again! )

So, with that said, I need advice on how to stick to a budget. I also need advice on how to get him to stick to his $150 a month "crap" budget... we both have one, $150 to buy with what we want (like clothes, shoes, luxury items). While this $150 a person works into our budget, his usual $300 a month on crap won't fly anymore. I've tried simply talking with him, but this month was worse than months in the past.

So, advice?

 

[DVC Sadie]

The best suggestion I can give is to have you sit down with your dh (once again) and have a talk in regards to your finances. Try not to be angry when you have this talk with him.

If he is not on the same page with you then maybe you can ask what he thinks would be a reasonable amount for him to spend per month on "crap". Maybe he feels that 150.00 per month is not enough and would like a little more.

The number one thing to remember is to try to compromise. Some couples never seem to manage to get on the same page which can be very frustrating.

 

[dfchelbay]

Perhaps DH needs to leave the credit card at home and take his $150.00 per month in cash and when it's gone...it's gone. No more money for the month. Then, maybe he'll be a bit more selective and more budget conscience with his purchases. If it helps him better, maybe take half his cash every two weeks, or a weekly sum. Whatever helps him make his $150.00 cash last the entire month.

 

[sylvenmaid]

I give my dh's allowance on a weekly basis. He finds it easier for him not to spend all of his money too soon. I agree that you should sit down with him and camly explain to him that by overspending is taking money away from getting a new house. He might not realize it or how much it upsets you. Granted he's not a child and a grown man, but as a couple you also need to be on the same page to attain the same goals. You will accomplish much more by working together as a team. Good luck.

 

[wdwfan16]

Who decided that he was getting $150/month? I don't know what a "cornhole" game is but he may have gotten a good deal since it is a summer item and summer is just over.

You need to be careful to not treat him like a kid and you are the mom who controls the money.

I remember your thread about your expensive towels and the guest were using them. I am just wondering if you maybe a little too controlling.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

We are buying a house, and I really want October to start us both on a nice budget that will go forward with us as we become homeowners.

The last straw was DH's September credit card statement that came in the mail yesterday. While it wasn't THAT bad, I can see now that we are going to NEED to be budget concious, and JUST how wasteful he tends to be. On top of all other expenses we have, he spent about $300 on crap. Stuff like fast food, other useless purchases, and the clencher... $75 to make a cornhole game for the backyard of the house we have yet to even close on!!! (All I can see are the 1,000,001 things we could have bought for the house with $75 RIGHT NOW, and he can't even play this game until summer rolls around again! )

So, with that said, I need advice on how to stick to a budget. I also need advice on how to get him to stick to his $150 a month "crap" budget... we both have one, $150 to buy with what we want (like clothes, shoes, luxury items). While this $150 a person works into our budget, his usual $300 a month on crap won't fly anymore. I've tried simply talking with him, but this month was worse than months in the past.

So, advice?

Your DH may not consider his purchases to be "crap", "wasteful" or "useless". He may not even consider all of the items that he purchased with that $300 to be a part of "his" spending money. You say that the $150/month is for clothing, shoes and luxury items but just what constitutes a "luxury" item? Is there a separate budget for dining out and fast food?

If you go to Kohl's and buy pretty towels for the powder room, does that come out of "your" spending money even though everyone in the home can appreciate how it improves the look of the bath? If he purchase a cordless screwdriver does it come out of "his" spending money even though it is used to install window hardware for the house? And should one spouse have to sacrifice part of their clothing budget for the month in order to purchase either of those items?

Maybe the two of you need to sit down again and make further revisions to the budget. I don't think that he sees things the same way that you do and your frustration may be confusing to him. It's very difficult to be on the same page with someone when you're not even reading the same book.

 

[AKL_Megs]

Your DH may not consider his purchases to be "crap", "wasteful" or "useless". He may not even consider all of the items that he purchased with that $300 to be a part of "his" spending money. You say that the $150/month is for clothing, shoes and luxury items but just what constitutes a "luxury" item? Is there a separate budget for dining out and fast food?

If you go to Kohl's and buy pretty towels for the powder room, does that come out of "your" spending money even though everyone in the home can appreciate how it improves the look of the bath? If he purchase a cordless screwdriver does it come out of "his" spending money even though it is used to install window hardware for the house? And should one spouse have to sacrifice part of their clothing budget for the month in order to purchase either of those items?

Maybe the two of you need to sit down again and make further revisions to the budget. I don't think that he sees things the same way that you do and your frustration may be confusing to him. It's very difficult to be on the same page with someone when you're not even reading the same book.

You make a good point.

And our beautiful towels and a cordless drill wouldn't count as the "crap" that our crap money is used towards. I guess technically, his cornhole game project (he is building it) does count towards his "crap", although perhaps I should cut him some slack. Same thing with a book I bought myself yesterday...

See, sometimes it is good to ask here and see things through the eyes of others.

And you would all be happy to know that I had guests over Friday, and they ALL used my hand towels!!!

 

[spare+a_pair]

I can appreciate this from your side - my DH, as much as I love him - has NO sense of what he spends. We have settled on an "allowance" each month that we use for "blow money" we each get the same amount in cash. Once it's gone, it's gone until next payday.

I had to do this with DH becasue he used the debit card for gas - in one day he blew $250 - that was extra money that we didn't have. He is just not aware, and does not care to be aware of his spending when using plastic - be it a CC or a debit card.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My co-worker doesn't let her husband have a credit card or ATM card. She cashes their paychecks and gives him a certain amount of money each week. Luckily, he goes along with it!

My husband and I always agree on how to spend money - we're both cheapskates!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I can appreciate this from your side - my DH, as much as I love him - has NO sense of what he spends. We have settled on an "allowance" each month that we use for "blow money" we each get the same amount in cash. Once it's gone, it's gone until next payday.

I had to do this with DH becasue he used the debit card for gas - in one day he blew $250 - that was extra money that we didn't have. He is just not aware, and does not care to be aware of his spending when using plastic - be it a CC or a debit card.

This is exactly how my DH is. He likes to spend on TOP of his "allowance", and then gets mad when at the end of the month, I get mad when he spends MORE money on other stuff. I can't take his CC's away... he works for our money too and he is a grown man, but now we have a whole new set of priorities.

 

[edk35]

What is a cornhole game?

 

[AKL_Megs]

What is a cornhole game?

Cornhole... also called Corn Toss... is like redneck horseshoes.

My DH played it at a police officer union event and fell in love. It is all he has talked about for weeks, and now he is building his own.

The goal... to throw a beanbag made with corn feed into the hole.

 

[dawson5]

I got my hubby one (cornhole game) for Christmas two years ago. Black Friday, I think it was $15 or $20 at Menard's before 1pm. He couldn't make one for that cheap. Also Menard's tends to have teams for your area (Bears, Lions, Colts, etc.).

Good luck, my hubby won't give up his debit card but does keep himself on a short leash. Sometimes he goes over, usually something for work that he gets reimbursed for at the end of the month.

 

[carj]

We do best sticking to a budget when we get cash out for the week. We have several different spending categories.

Groceries- Use debit card, stick within a specified range of spending

Gas- Use debit card, gas prices are what they are and we both have to drive. This is actually fairly easy to budget as we get gas about once a week, each

Weekly spending money for each of us- We each get the same amount to do with as we please. I get the cash out on Sunday night from the ATM. This is what we use for eating out or other purchases.

Weekend Spending money-We are usually together as a family so I get money from the ATM on Friday afternoons and that has to last through dinner on Sunday night. We go to the movies and eat out on the weekends so this category is pretty high. It helps rein in our spending to have the money in cash and watch it disappear.

Kids-We have a certain amount budgeted per week but I am going to have to increase that. This week we have school pictures and I am signing up DD for art classes. I have not found the best way to do this yet. Last week in an effort to stay on track, I spent almost all of my weekly money on the kids. Something tells me that we need to make some adjustments in this area.

The rest of the money goes to bills and savings. These are paid directly through our bank or debit card. Unexpected expenses like doctor visits or things that are not monthly like car registrations are just taken out of the regular budget when I pay bills twice a month. My DH and I both are paid monthly. It is nice that he gets paid at the end of the month and I get paid at the beginning of the month.

Cash makes you more accountable to YOURSELF and your spouse. It really helps me to see the money disappear when I spend it!

 

[mrsklamc]

You said 'we' have a whole new set of priorities but it sounds like *he* doesn't and you do. Or, he doesn't understand what your new shared goals require.

Did you make your new budget together?

As an aside to other posters, 'cornhole' makes me cringe every time I hear it because I moved to Indiana, the middle of 'cornhole' country, and where I'm from originally, 'cornhole' means something else entirely.

 

[AKL_Megs]

You said 'we' have a whole new set of priorities but it sounds like *he* doesn't and you do. Or, he doesn't understand what your new shared goals require.

Did you make your new budget together?

As an aside to other posters, 'cornhole' makes me cringe every time I hear it because I moved to Indiana, the middle of 'cornhole' country, and where I'm from originally, 'cornhole' means something else entirely.

Yeah, I thought the same thing! We will call it "Corn Toss"!

And yes, WE did come up with the budget, but he has a hard time with the limitations.

 

[Jennabeth]

This is exactly how my DH is. He likes to spend on TOP of his "allowance", and then gets mad when at the end of the month, I get mad when he spends MORE money on other stuff. I can't take his CC's away... he works for our money too and he is a grown man, but now we have a whole new set of priorities.

You can take away his CC if he's misusing it. He may be a grown man, but he's not acting like one. My DH and I both get blow money (wayyyyyy less than you) and when it's gone, it's gone. We both work hard for our money and would love to just spend what we make, but we are adults and needs come before wants (children put wants before needs). Give him his money in cash, cash hurts to spend and you can actually see when is is gone.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

DH was nervous when I asked him to go to cash for his "lunch" money. The way his job is he really has no choice but to eat out every day and it was driving me crazy trying to keep track of how much to budget for him because he would use his debit card and take out $3 here for a drink, $2 here for a sandwich . He thought he would blow right through the cash, but it's actually worked out that he pays more attention because he knows it has to last him and he's even managed to spend less some days so he can treat himself to a more expensive lunch on another day (Subway, we're big spenders, lol).

And I've even worked it into my grocery budget, when I do my shopping I pull out his cash when I pay with my debit card.

 

[RitaE]

You can take away his CC if he's misusing it. He may be a grown man, but he's not acting like one. My DH and I both get blow money (wayyyyyy less than you) and when it's gone, it's gone. We both work hard for our money and would love to just spend what we make, but we are adults and needs come before wants (children put wants before needs). Give him his money in cash, cash hurts to spend and you can actually see when is is gone.

You know, semantics are really important in marital communication and there is a very good reason that financial disagreements are the number one cause of divorce.

Agreement is the key. Ask a husband to commit to a trial period of no credit cards and then listen to his opinions on the matter and find a compromise. Say "I'd like for you to take your spending money out in cash for two weeks so we can see what it is like. If it's terrible, we'll drop it."

It sounds so much better than "Dave Ramsey says you're a spoiled child. I'm going to give you your allowance this week and take your credit card away and by the way, I think the crap you buy is stupid."

 

[Jennabeth]

You know, semantics are really important in marital communication and there is a very good reason that financial disagreements are the number one cause of divorce.

Agreement is the key. Ask a husband to commit to a trial period of no credit cards and then listen to his opinions on the matter and find a compromise. Say "I'd like for you to take your spending money out in cash for two weeks so we can see what it is like. If it's terrible, we'll drop it."

It sounds so much better than "Dave Ramsey says you're a spoiled child. I'm going to give you your allowance this week and take your credit card away and by the way, I think the crap you buy is stupid."

You are right, I guess I shouldn't have said you can (and should) TAKE away his CC, you should convince him that using his credit card isn't a good idea and make him want to use cash

My problem was easier to solve, we couldn't pay it off every month and when I showed DH how much his CC purchases were costing us in interest he "saw the light." Good luck OP, this is really hard and your budget will change so much when you close on that house. It was where we went off track and now 8 years (and two kids) later we are finally back on track.